MsGlobalwonder:
loool. You are getting emotional here. I see three things here: the act, the location and the timing.
The Act: i'll try to be as disinterested as possible, leaving my values and beliefs aside. She is dating and perhaps having sex with someone. Technically she is fornicating and not adultery. Everyone have sex. Sex is banal now. She is not cheating on anyone even if she decides it party or some crazy orgies she wants! No one has any right to question anyone's morality even if the person feels pious.

The timing:death terminates every contracts and agreements between a husband and a wife culturally and even in most religion. Widow(er) decides the duration of mourning mostly due to the impact their late spouse have in their life. Some (even men) decide not to marry again because of the kind of bond they shared and they are so sure their late spouse is irreplaceable. Good. Great. Commendable.... But it should not be a yardstick for others. So for someone that waited 6months and now dating someone (or maybe some people) ,there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; that's if we are not sentimental and all emotional about it!
Location: most people are saying it should not he in her matrimonial home. I say what does it matter? It's also her home!! It's also her bed! Eni to ti ku ti ku! The dead can't lay on the bed, only the living can. The children should mind their business. If they are adults, and are not comfortable with the reality and goings-on; they can get their own apartment. It's not like u caught them having sex in the living room. You barged into her private room. You have no right whatsoever to chastise your mum! She is in her house! The house her and her late husband owned! If they are underage, they should learn manners not to barge into someone's room. Face their studies and their lives as their darling mum is facing hers.

Thank you

cococandy:



Okay then. So I'm asking you specifically if 6 months isn't good.

How long do you think is good.
7 months, a year, 2yrs?
After how long will the presence of another man in that house not cause raised eyebrows?
Just your honest opinion.

Morally wrong? She's not cheating on the husband. so there's no business with morals in this case.

Just etiquette.

it appears I'm learning something new on here today .


But personally I don't think I can get over losing the person I love ever. But 6 months to me is nog only too early but evil


I'll say maybe 2 years or even more. And no matter what it's a total lack of respect to the late man to bring another man to his house.



You say morals is out of it but common sense should tell her it is wrong. If I know someone who does that to her late husband I'll cut ties with her. She's evil

bukatyne:


Marriage contract is till death do them part.

Once a partner is dead, the living party is as free as a bird to do as them deem fit.

wow I'm really upset at this comment of yours



So what's love then? Just 6 months and the love you have for him will poof and disappear?


And bringing the man to the man's house? If anybody tried that with any of my relatives ilk find the man and deal with him, maybe kill him but I'll definitely deal with him

You're talking about someone you love.
They weren't in love so shift the love go one side.
And even if they were in love, people love differently so I don't think it's okay to judge her by your own views of love. Anyway opinions differ so I'll respect your opinion on that. I.e 6 months is too short to move on.

About the house thing, I was looking for a specific response. The one you gave seemed vague. If say she moved on after 3yrs, would it then be okay to bring another man in? Or would it NEVER be okay? Remember the house is hers too.
And by the man's death now belongs to her alone instead of both of them. So say she wanted to move on after mourning him 'properly' for 2yrs should she sell her house because her late husband lived there with her so no other man can?

Would you also cut ties with a man who's bringing other women into his home 6months after his wife's death because he's evil? I'm just asking this one because I want to be sure I'm not debating with someone already biased based on gender cos it's usually a waste of time.

But I'm more interested in your response for the bolded question.

xtervaganza:
it appears I'm learning something new on here today .
But personally I don't think I can get over losing the person I love ever. But 6 months to me is nog only too early but evil
I'll say maybe 2 years or even more. And no matter what it's a total lack of respect to the late man to bring another man to his house.
You say morals is out of it but common sense should tell her it is wrong. If I know someone who does that to her late husband I'll cut ties with her. She's evil

These guys possessive sha. Even in death

Acidosis:


Just answer this question:

Would you allow your unmarried daughter have sex with a guy in your house?

Yes or No

you are talking morality! You see, I made a caveat at d beginning of my point! No sentiments. No personal values. Those "values" vary for induviduals, culture and beliefs. Premarital sex is a sin, according to my belief ( i'm a happy and proud Christian btw), does it stop people (even Christians) from having pre-marital sex?. Like you even said, "... my house" ; my house, my child, my rules". I call the shots! If he/she is out of my radar or responsibility then he/she is allowed to do whatever makes him happy. Even if it's against beliefs.

MsGlobalwonder:
you are talking morality! You see, I made a caveat at d beginning of my point! No sentiments. No personal values. Those "values" vary for induviduals, culture and beliefs. Premarital sex is a sin, according to my belief ( i'm a happy and proud Christian btw), does it stop people (even Christians) from having pre-marital sex?. Like you even said, "... my house" ; my house, my child, my rules". I call the shots! If he/she is out of my radar or responsibility then he/she is allowed to do whatever makes him happy. Even if it's against beliefs.

Without morality this thread is purposeless.

Without morality, the wife is free to shag any guy even if the husband is alive. Her life, her destiny.

cococandy:

6 months is a decent mourning period. So dating after that time isn't a bad thing.

But bringing different men into the house she shared with your late dad is in bad taste. I agree with that. And the huge deal is that it's not even one person. That's where I'm like

But if your concern is the time, I think people generally believe 6 months mourning period is okay. Some people even remarry just a year later. So they must have started seeing another person some months after the loss. Although most people would wait a bit longer in order not offend the sensibilities of their kids but if they choose not to, it's not a sin. You know.

Face it, even after 10yrs, you still won't like to see her with another person because the memory of your dad is and will always be fresh in
your mind.

But the poster said "less than six months".
Meaning she didn't observe the normal decent period of six months. Added to that is the sampling of men at will. Its hard not to deduce that her loyalty was in doubt even while the husband was alive.
If she had waited out the six months and kept to one man, it would have been okay.
A woman might be so devastated by the sudden death of her husband that she might need someone to comfort her soon after the mourning period otherwise she may go over the bar.

MsGlobalwonder:
you are talking morality! You see, I made a caveat at d beginning of my point! No sentiments. No personal values. Those "values" vary for induviduals, culture and beliefs. Premarital sex is a sin, according to my belief ( i'm a happy and proud Christian btw), does it stop people (even Christians) from having pre-marital sex?. Like you even said, "... my house" ; my house, my child, my rules". I call the shots! If he/she is out of my radar or responsibility then he/she is allowed to do whatever makes him happy. Even if it's against beliefs.

I want to ask a question and please answer me sincerely.

We all know that in the North,they do practice child marriage and they have every right to marry 4 wives as they want.

It is their beliefs,cultures and practices.Should we also not judge them and accept it as their way of life?

A man who isn't a christian should also be allowed to marry a second wife if he chooses to do so?

@liky liky vampires stay away.

Acidosis:



Without morality this thread is purposeless.

Without morality, the wife is free to shag any guy even if the husband is alive. Her life, her destiny.

no, she will be breaking her marital vows if she sleeps with another person aside her husband once he still breathes. It's not purposeless. We are saying she is not committing any "sin" technically because the contract she had with her husband automatically got terminated the day he died. She is now a widow. Meaning, she is single and can mingle if she wants to.

savanto:


@ OP,

You don't have to worry yourself to death because of your mum's inordinate love affair. Are you working? If yes, then you can afford to buy yourself some fun once in a while by bringing lovepeddlers to your house. Let them spend the weekend if possible, cook and wash for you at agreed fee. Let them know that your mum is just your aunty living with you.

Don't be surprised to notice that those men that come to shag your mum would want to taste your babes too. That would drive your mama crazy and her 16MB brain will reset to default. She will invite you for a heart to hear discussion.

There are certain things you just can't do in the presence of your kids even if they seem to be the right thing to do.

so she should bring love peddlers to the house

Are you thinking at all? Someone is talking that she don't LIke the behavior of her mother and you are here telling that person to do the exact same thing as her mother

Can you use thesame AMOUNT of force to cancle another force
Stop behaving LIKE a GOAT for God's SAKE

simply put that your dad died as a result of your mother's infidelity

Her heart is hollow..she's got no conscience...........pray 4 her.....only Gods intervention will solve d prob.

edwife:


I want to ask a question and please answer me sincerely.

We all know that in the North,they do practice child marriage and they have every right to marry 4 wives as they want.

It is their beliefs,cultures and practices.Should we also not judge them and accept it as their way of life?

A man who isn't a christian should also be allowed to marry a second wife if he chooses to do so?

@liky liky vampires stay away.

Lool. I don't know what you want me to say. I am anti-polygamy! If my husband peradventure marries another wife and i'm aware then the contract we had hitherto gets terminated automatically. And if I really want to push it a Lil further, I will sue for bigamy; which is punishable by the Nigerian law ( the last time I checked). I'm saying all these because there were no prior agreement or some sort of "rule of thumb" that suggests I should expect more competitors /co-owners (choi, I can't share sha.. lol). This is totally different for an average Lady whose belief system supports polygamy. She might even go on twitter to "bless" the new couple-to-be #Yimu

MsGlobalwonder:
Lool. I don't know what you want me to say. I am anti-polygamy! If my husband peradventure marries another wife and i'm aware then the contract we had hitherto gets terminated automatically. And if I really want to push it a Lil further, I will sue for bigamy; which is punishable by the Nigerian law ( the last time I checked). I'm saying all these because there were no prior agreement or some sort of "rule of thumb" that suggests I should expect more competitors /co-owners (choi, I can't share sha.. lol). This is totally different for an average Lady whose belief system supports polygamy. She might even go on twitter to "bless" the new couple-to-be #Yimu

You didn't adress most of my questions but i get it.

So why yimu for a lady whose beliefs support polygamy?are you in anyway judging that she is pretending to be okay with it?

edwife:


You didn't adress most of my questions but i get it.

So why yimu for a lady whose beliefs support polygamy?are you in anyway judging that she is pretending to be okay with it?

oh, pardon me. You were asking me my opinion about child marriage and polygamy. I said belief system differs. And please "child bride" to the best of my knowledge is not recommended by any religion and culture, like I said to the best of my knowledge. That being said, I won't be a party to anything done under duress. A child is not matured enough to take life-changing decision as marriage, so I won't be a party to that.
And to answer you question. Lool, maalu kan un roju ni, obe o da lorun. Well, I can't be verbatim with the meaning; it simply means you give in to situations beyond your power and control. I'm sure no woman will willingly want to share her man. i'm certain .

dickoflife:
you are absolutely funny. You are after the feelings of a dead man and forget his live wife also has feelings both within her legs and without. Stop being a masochist. Most men aren't faithful. I am part of that group so stop critisizing women without cause.

the dead should be respected!

a man died....barely 6 months after his death, the wife is already out there servicing various men and defiling the matrimonial bed her husband once slept......about 400 years ago, the woman would have been led to the borders of the village & stoned to death by 12 able-bodied women.

SAMBARRY:
seconded

"thirded"

MsGlobalwonder:
oh, pardon me. You were asking me my opinion about child marriage and polygamy. I said belief system differs. And please "child bride" to the best of my knowledge is not recommended by any religion and culture, like I said to the best of my knowledge. That being said, I won't be a party to anything done under duress. A child is not matured enough to take life-changing decision as marriage, so I won't be a party to that.
And to answer you question. Lool, maalu kan un roju ni, obe o da lorun. Well, I can't be verbatim with the meaning; it simply means you give in to situations beyond your power and control. I'm sure no woman will willingly want to share her man. i'm certain .

Well as much as i detest it but i read that it is part of their culture and in India girls are betrothed at birth.

i am certain that in a polygamous culture,women go in willingly knowing that they might not be the only wife of their husband.Woman are jealous even of their mother in law,so nothing new.They might not want to share if they are not used to it or it is something strange.

swaggerdgrt:
So d mum cudnt evn mourn ur dad for atleast five years nd her pussy has started itchin her nd hungry for dick dis early.nawa oohhh,hornestly ur mother is a disgrace to womanhood

she is not a disgrace. Infact, if not for anything; we are proud of her. She is not pretending to be what she is not. She should mourn for 5yrs? . That's wicked if you asked me. "..till death do us part", and 6months after death is not enough? I can bet that after that 5yrs; world people will still ask her to go face her grand children. She doesn't deserve to love,feel loved and be loved in return abi?

iwaeda:


The family can conclude she killed the man

iwaeda:
Less than six months after dad died, our mum started seeing someone else. I  knew their marriage hadn’t been great, but it saddened me that she could move on so quickly.
Sadly, he  was the first of many men. Most weekends, Mum would go out and bring someone back.  Her actions are out of order. Do you think she’s in her right mind?

She isnt herself. She is completely in another world carrying a burden she doesn't know how to dispose.

She is mentally and emotionally disoriented. What she needs now are: prayers and someone she could trust and rely on. Someone she can pour out her worries and pains. Someone she can confide in. But all thesep are far from her that's why she chose the alternate means which wont provide the solutions to her problems, instead it would even make matters worse.

There are many things to discuss but the means to let them out seems to be invisible.

cococandy:
You're talking about someone you love.
They weren't in love so shift the love go one side.
And even if they were in love, people love differently so I don't think it's okay to judge her by your own views of love. Anyway opinions differ so I'll respect your opinion on that. I.e 6 months is too short to move on.

About the house thing, I was looking for a specific response. The one you gave seemed vague. If say she moved on after 3yrs, would it then be okay to bring another man in? Or would it NEVER be okay? Remember the house is hers too.
And by the man's death now belongs to her alone instead of both of them. So say she wanted to move on after mourning him 'properly' for 2yrs should she sell her house because her late husband lived there with her so no other man can?

Would you also cut ties with a man who's bringing other women into his home 6months after his wife's death because he's evil? I'm just asking this one because I want to be sure I'm not debating with someone already biased based on gender cos it's usually a waste of time.

But I'm more interested in your response for the bolded question.

1st let me say you have asked intelligent questions. I had to read it like 3 times to come up with answer


As for the bolded; for me ooo personally, even if she decides to move on after 100 years I'll never be okay with her bringing a man into her hubby's house. A woman normally moves in with a man not the other way.



A man who moves into another man's sweat and house is a leech and deserves thorough tidying



And you said we should shift love aside? How about respect? Is that not important too? If she respects her late husband she would never do that.




And for the last question; it's tricky, you know why? 1st it's irresponsible for a man to bring in a woman to his house just 6 months after his wide died even after a year it's still stoopid in my opinion


According to the op, the woman brings different kind of men home. Now let's say the person in the story is a man, now tell me how a responsible man will bring different won home just 6 months after his woman died? I don't even care if they are the worst enemy while she was alive.



Back to why I said it's tricky, if let's say the man is still very young and he owns the house if he wants to remarry then fine but if the house belongs to the woman or they both own the house I think it's 500% wrong



Lastly, I'm not one the countless fools who think men are superior to women. We are equal, I have an uncle I stopped speaking with because he took in a 2nd wife, I also have a friend I'm not on speaking terms with because he beat his wife. I'm not an idiot

edwife:


Well as much as i detest it but i read that it is part of their culture and in India girls are betrothed at birth.

i am certain that in a polygamous culture,women go in willingly knowing that they might not be the only wife of their husband.Woman are jealous even of their mother in law,so nothing new.They might not want to share if they are not used to it or it is something strange.

in matters like this, I only have authority to speak about myself and what I believe in. But it's rather unfortunate if truly child-bride culture is still in existence in India. That is going 5centuries backward. Pathetic to say the least.

Its quite sad though!! But won't judge the woman. Nobody knows what she went through in that marriage,its obvious she didn't love the man. Dad died twenty years ago and my mum has refused to remarry, she keeps talking about how wonderful dad was and how she thinks she can't find a replacement. Its so easy to know a woman who truly loves her hubby and its can be shown thru the period of grieve and mourning. Having said that even if the woman was in a loveless and abusive marriage, I don't think it is right bringing multiple partners to her bedroom. Even if she never loved the hubby,she should at least show respect to the kids and consider their feelings! The deceased iis still their father and the memory of their lost loved one is still fresh. It is totally wrong and the kids would be resentful towards her... Nobody in OP's position will be happy..

Captainswag225:
lol so what kinda of love is dat? .....its like she wants erase her husband's memory from her mind

that is if there is any memory worth keeping at all.

AikayDaWrapper:
let the dead not disrupt the life of the living.

The man has died and 6 months is more than enough. I even think it's too much.

lmaoo @ too much! Haha no mind them hypocrites. Smh!

edwife:
When she contracts any infectious disease,she should also mind her business and not expect her children to help her in any way!

After all she is an adult and she can take care of herself.

I can't believe women are even defending promiscuity,tufiakwa!



[size=14pt][/size]

loool. This your advice is for ALL having sex with anyone that is not their legal partner. Mind you, you will be talking to almost 90% of Nigerians, maybe including the silly whining child that wrote this. You don't get it, she is now single and can MINGLE! How she decides to do it is totally her choice.

teamchocolate:
Ode! It's not an affair if your dad is late

thank you o. *sigh

Akhere1:
The truth matter is that your mother has being cheating your daddy before he dead that is wickedness of the highest other

"truth"? Were you her partner?

coogar:


the dead should be respected!

a man died....barely 6 months after his death, the wife is already out there servicing various men and defiling the matrimonial bed her husband once slept......about 400 years ago, the woman would have been led to the borders of the village & stoned to death by 12 able-bodied women.

I see but if na d woman die u won't see a bad thing in the man remarrying after 2 months.. Look let's face the fact, the dead is dead. Their memory is in our brains and minds, judge yourself and not others. If she wants to sleep around fine. So if it was your sister you would agree she be stoned to death? People and their standards of judging others lives. So if I am in the situation and I can't hold body for more than a month make I cut my dickk off abi?

MsGlobalwonder:
loool. This your advice is for ALL having sex with anyone that is not their legal partner. Mind you, you will be talking to almost 90% of Nigerians, maybe including the silly whining child that wrote this. You don't get it, she is now single and can MINGLE! How she decides to do it is totally her choice.

Because she is single,she can mingle therefore sleeping with any dick in the house she shares with her kids makes it right?

My standards and beliefs are against that.I will never support promiscuity be it man or woman.I think it is disgusting and classless.

Just like a 16 years old child can choose to do drugs and engage in prostitution because it is her choice.

cococandy:

It all depends my brother.
I know that personally for someone I loved, a few years won't be enough to mourn them.
I even say that as young as I am now, if something were to happen to my DH, I won't marry again. Doesn't mean I won't move on eventually. But I won't judge people based on my own standards.

OP said they didn't have a good marriage. Who knows if they are even his real parents abi the story is copy and paste. We dey here dey tear our dross.

Anyway a Bad marriage could mean a whole lot of things. Cheating, beatings, etc etc. In light of that, I think 6 months is a befitting respect period. If I was in a bad marriage and Couldn't leave because of reasons best known to me, the man dies, I would mourn like two weeks and moved on to the next bobo. (make dem sue me)

Talking about tradition, I've seen men marry 6 months after their wives died. When did they court the lady? Yet people come to their weddings and rejoice, wish them well and pray for them.
Now mommy is dating and the heavens want to fall. Somehow she must have killed the man according to majority of posters here. I wonder why I never hear that when a man's wife dies and he decides to move on so soon.

That's one skewed tradition. As are most anyway.

dear cococandy, I love you! No need for long story!!