fagbemiakintayo:
My marriage is 2yrs 15 days now... I can boldly beat ma chest and say I have 80% happy home, u can't have 100% happy home no matter who you are.

bukatyne:


Which one?

goodheart4God:
One of the greatest gifts a man or woman can have is to have a spouse that they would be able to work out their journey and make it work. When I was a teenager I used to read a lot of Christian marriage book and I was even counseling marriage couples on how to make my marriage work.

Fast forward to my time, I won't say I regret my decision of a choice of spouse but I would have made a better choice if I didn't allow love to override my sense of reasoning. I never wanted to have a home of cold treatment, malice, lack of communication, not being able to manage financial situations, etc. I always told myself my hubby and I will share finances 50-50 and I will always take care of myself while we use our savings for investment. I had always say he would be my friend and not my husband.

But all that didn't turn out. Cos I ended up with a man that took my simplicity and his love for him to ride me and abuse me emotionally. No plans for the future, extended family needs comes before mine cos iyawo can always take care of herself.

A man that doesn't believe in communication, keeps malice at any slight issue. Talks and shout at you. Doesn't believe that women have a say in homes. That a man can have as many female friends as he wants and still talks to ex girlfriends without regard to his wife feelings. If a wife talks to a male colleague too much it is an abomination. A man who says don't try to justify it because you are a woman.

Advise to the singles, don't ignore warning signs. If you guys don't share the same ideas, values and goals concerning marriage. Take a long walk and don't say age is no more by my side. It is better to marry at 40 and be happy that marry at 20s and be miserable.

All the same, there are still good moments but the core areas that means a lot to me is missing.

I REST MY CASE

TV01:

...maybe not ecstatic, but on balance I see it as a good thing - even if it only "balances" the deluge of "marriage gone wrong" stories we hear daily in this place.

How market ? We eagerly await you sharing your own "story" - with pics following and even a video sef.

"Not just sharing a story, but living a dream" - TV01.

Sagamite:


I dey o, bruv.

Market dey.

I made a new year resolution for 2016. My resolution is "I shall stay away from getting married in 2016".

KanwuliaJara:
Happy and married! Not happily-married!
Big DIFFERENCE!

Ginaz:
One day I'll be happily married but for the main time, my husband is searching for me. He'll find me soon. Can someone please give him a map? He's looking at the wrong places while I'm here waiting for him to come

Xsolutions:
ONLY MATURE post so far, not like the ones above who have only been married for 4 or 5 years. I think one should only take seriously the comment of those who have been married for 10 years and above...
God Bless Your Marriage more.Amen

placeofallure:



I am just returning from a ban so it matters little if I had to return. I didn't want to dignify your myopic comment with a response but on second thoughts.....

Now to the crux of the matter, the thread says if you're in a marriage.... not necessarily 10, 30 or 50 years. Even if it is a marriage that is 2 months old, they (the couple) must have exerted some energy into making it last for that long. So what do you mean by you're not taking some marriage seriously? I bet you're not even in a relationship let alone a marriage. Mtcheeeeee...........eeew!

sampsondeen:


Please help explain the difference.. I am a bit confused here

Freiden:
All I read here is, I av bn married for 5yrs/less. Abeg make una talk about marriage when your marriages are 12yrs/older. The 1st 5yrs of married na bed of roses...after 10yrs, the problems that love had bn quenching grows stronger.... By then na God go matter pass, love won't b enough.

Xsolutions:
Didn't read your Rant, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK...

placeofallure:


LIAR!!! I know you did!

placeofallure:


On the contrary, marriage right from the word go is not necessarily a bed of roses, not that it cannot be though. Immediately my marriage clocked one year and I got pregnant, then the problems started. I did surgery after surgery as if it was going out of fashion. I stayed off work at some point and became a regular guest at hospitals, so many complications outside my health issues that I don't want to bore the forum with. As expected, it drained our finances and emotions. The fact that I didn't die within those early years could only mean one thing- the mercy of God. Some marriages of 10 years or more never went through half of that. There was a time for 2 months I couldn't enter the kitchen or do any laundry, no maids, just my husband. Imagine that!!!

I can see you have made your comments out of inexperience, maybe you'll have a rethink now.

TV01:

Hail Saga, HNY dude!

Now about marriage - Saga, you know you just have to. Stop avoiding the inevitable. How else wil you give the "SagaKids" the best possible start? How can you deny some women the fulfilment of her wildest dreams !

Join us jor...I'm sure with a few "minor" adjustments, you'll make the best Hubby and Dad. I need a challenge to my undisputed holding of both those titles !

Best
TV

Sagamite:


I still fulfil part of women's wildest dreams.

TV01:

...ah! Sagamite, you allow women free reign with your £200 limit credit card


TV

Sagamite:


Nonsense!

How will I give free reign to women with my favourite Sagamu Community Bank Platinum credit card?

You think I am that foolish and generous?

I look like a real man to you?

KFC is where I take all of them and I never spend more than £15.

madamL:
my marriage will be 25 years this march and we look forward to many more years of life together. the secret? first, there is no provision for divorce. partners for life, that's the slogan and bearing that in mind, we have to tough it out together to the very end. the most important thing is that i married a man who is patient and who rarely loses his temper. back in the days, i was temperamental and knew that so i picked a cool-headed fellow who ignored my tantrums in the early days; i have changed much though with time.
again, we used to be serious opposites, and it turned out that his weak points were my strong points so we took consolation in that when our desires and ways clashed. over time, we have ceased to be opposites, we have a middle ground in most things. then another secret is that we have a way of banding together to face any outsider which includes his relations and mine, we speak with one voice to all outsiders and settled the rest of the outstanding matters out of their sight. he encourages me a lot. he has twice chased me back to school for two masters degrees. he also agreed to take care of our very small kids then when i did a lot of junketing as a top journalist.
he is full of confidence and does not feel threatened by any height i want to attain, he is my loudest cheerleader.
i think the defining moment was when we had a big disagreement very early in the union and he called in my sister to judge the matter. i bluntly refused to talk and told him that it was entirely our biz; no one else has ever dared to act as judge in our matter since then.
i wonder the type of ndi oga some women marry that keep tormenting them and refusing to eat at every opportunity. if a man cannot be your good friend and lover, run away fast. we go do the anniversary party soon and i fit invite everybody, rice and stew very plenty.

Joel3:
An open debate with fact and what's happening around in the society

how about living together as boyfriend and girlfriend and then grow old and die? will a life not be completed or fulfilled? is it a must to tied the knot? you see when the registrar is been signed and the whole thing becomes legal biding in both religious or traditional acceptances of marriage in mate I think that is when a lot of things goes wrong.

don't give me the bullshiit that its for better for worst. many innocent victim are been blind folded into signing this shitt. and they will tell him or her to remain in it forever. I am an advocate for this shit to be destroyed. I know in 22nd century this thing called marriage institution will be destroyed
.

many single hide their true self and wait patiently for the scam called marriage to be signed first before true color is out. definitely not me except ofcource I have my own interests 200% otherwise no thanks and no deal

cc: lalasticlala, seun.


www.nairaland.com/2841821/convince-me-why-one-should

queenfav:
@realberry pls try to change your impression of marriage.You can have a wonderful marriage despite your all you have seen in your family.My parents are separated,I was raised by a single mum.My dad till date doesn't even have my number,cos he was never there for me.I owe my success today as a lawyer to my mother.I am sure you have not seen the worst of marriages.

As someone who was mediating on at least 3 divorce cases a day,I should not even be getting married with all. I have heard a lot of sad/negative stories to the point that nothing surprises me anymore.From a man who woke his wife up in d middle of the night,bathed her with acid simply because she bought a land.Abi is it a woman who was sleeping with her husband's younger cousin that was living with them?Yet,I still believe that marriage is a beautiful thing if you are well prepared and do it when its right for you.With God,financial and emotional maturity,there's nothing you can't survive.My mother always taught me never to judge a man based on my father,or what I see as a divorce attorney.

Today I am engaged to an amazing man that cares for me more than he cares for himself.Trust me when I say I am more than willing to spend the rest of my life with him.In the pastI, didn't want to ever get married,but my mum would tell me to reject it for myself!That I will have a happy marriage,and I started making a conscious effort to work at my relationship.There is no perfect relationship/marriage.The key is to apologize and laugh it off.understanding is very important too.Many get married,without trying to understand themselves to a point where they can cohabit peacefully.I have a very hot temper but he has figured out a way to calm me down,me too I have to bend in most cases and swallow my pride to apologize to him when we have issues.


Never for once has he raised his hand to hit me,or disrespect me.Not all men are physically abusive,there are still men who would never hit a woman!He doesn't have so much money,so I am not even with him for what he can do for me.I am with him because I love the way he loves me,and I have come to love him more than he loves me with each passing day.I see in him the accomplished man he would become in future.With me by his side,there's nothing he can't achieve because I am willing to support and encourage him in his dreams.Marriage based on deep love will always find a way to overcome challenges.Hold on and I am sure you will meet the one that will make you come and modify this post in a few months time.

As for those saying those who have been. married for less than 10 years should not talk about being happily married.I pity you!More than 50 percent of the divorce cases I handle happens between couples married for less than 5 years.Newly married couples have a lot of issues ranging from family interference,adjustments to the quirky habits and values of their partner.He may want the light on at night,while she doesn't sleep with lights on.Probably they were just seeing on weekends during courtship so one had to succumb to the will of the other.Things like that are the issues they face,for the immature ones it can lead to their divorce.That's where he/or she says their partner doesn't respect his/her opinion,simply because they couldn't find a way to resolve little issues.

The grudge of those small things head on to affect the big things.Before you know it they have drifted apart and calling up a lawyer to file for divorce on grounds of irreconcilable differences.So,for someone to have crossed that. 5 year mark means they are done with the adjustment stage in marriage,therefore more compatible and mature to handle challenges.

tearoses:


LOL @£200 credit limit

You are even trying
What happened to Favourite Chicken
or better still, those greasy burger vans at car boot sales
Thats 2 days out in one
. . . a £2.50 fake designer bag and a £1 burger

Wildest dreams indeed

Freiden:



My comment was based on the marriages around me. New couples always seem happy with themselves, when u see them outside, u would want to get married at that spot. Usually after the 1st 10yrs, the devil that has bn living with em, takes over....

goodheart4God:
One of the greatest gifts a man or woman can have is to have a spouse that they would be able to work out their journey and make it work. When I was a teenager I used to read a lot of Christian marriage book and I was even counseling marriage couples on how to make my marriage work.

Fast forward to my time, I won't say I regret my decision of a choice of spouse but I would have made a better choice if I didn't allow love to override my sense of reasoning. I never wanted to have a home of cold treatment, malice, lack of communication, not being able to manage financial situations, etc. I always told myself my hubby and I will share finances 50-50 and I will always take care of myself while we use our savings for investment. I had always say he would be my friend and not my husband.

But all that didn't turn out. Cos I ended up with a man that took my simplicity and his love for him to ride me and abuse me emotionally. No plans for the future, extended family needs comes before mine cos iyawo can always take care of herself.

A man that doesn't believe in communication, keeps malice at any slight issue. Talks and shout at you. Doesn't believe that women have a say in homes. That a man can have as many female friends as he wants and still talks to ex girlfriends without regard to his wife feelings. If a wife talks to a male colleague too much it is an abomination. A man who says don't try to justify it because you are a woman.

Advise to the singles, don't ignore warning signs. If you guys don't share the same ideas, values and goals concerning marriage. Take a long walk and don't say age is no more by my side. It is better to marry at 40 and be happy that marry at 20s and be miserable.

All the same, there are still good moments but the core areas that means a lot to me is missing.

I REST MY CASE