₦airaland Forum

You may be a trouphy wife, some men are like this

Cholls:
My brother Eddygourdo I give you a thumbs-up. but I will disagree based on the fact that their marriage is still young.

When you have husbands or likes, don’t distract yourself from your partner. Try enjoying it with him instead of living two separate lives, or just express it and be there sometimes to support him so that he can feel inclusive to your life. You should push him and encourage him.


For the most part I know you women would only have a problem with your husbands if his selfish about it. Why be in a relationship when you can’t live together and share differences so that you can appreciate or simply learn more from each other.

One thing that might also help is if the wife tried to show some interest in what her husband enjoys. Maybe from there he could come out of is shell.

Well she said they shared till he pulled away. There is obviously something bothering hin deeply and he isn't willing to share. Not pulling away would make her presence irritating to him. I think it's best she does to Get his attention and hopefully for him to speak out on his issues

People, please stop mentioning introverts everywhere, being an introvert is not a disease. I'm one, and my woman enjoys my company (vice versa.


That young man must have spent all his life earnings on wedding. He needs time to recuperate Nobody enjoys dolling cash away like a faulty ATM.

Most married ppl r room mates most of d times, learn to deal with dt it is nt nollywood. Jst give him space b4 he attacks u I dnt think dt shld b an issue. When he needs u he will come around u

x240:
I like to look at the Genesis of an issue.

WHEN they warn ladies to do it slowly and be frugal during weddings. They say na rubbish we dey talk. We all know that day is what most ladies look up to and want it to be the talk of the town but you also need to learn what happens during the lead up to that day may determine what would happen in the first few yeats of your marriage.

Which man won't go boning?

After putting him into debt. Remember those times he said you should reduce the guest list or go for a cheaper wedding gown and you turned it down. Or the times you never gave a damn about the cost of items and went for the most expensive. Now it is over and he is in deep shit.

I don't blame you but the results of the kind of debt we put new couples into because of an elaborate wedding and "let them know and see me" attitude only manifests when the curtains are drawn.


He has spent all his money on wedding and now can't pay for office rent just few months down the line. What would happen when the kids roll in?

Seriously, i don't know what you can do. Just pray the times change and turns more favorable or get busy and start bringing in some bucks to help lessen the pressure on him. He is also to blame, you know the status of your finances but caved into societal pressure now you are turning back the anger on her. Not good.

Bros,u make plenty sense walahii

Coupled with the fact that the husband is almost 40,business man dat knows that balancing the books is a necessity,such men wont av time for lovey lovey stuffs....

When the books are balanced he will come thru...how do i know?

A man dat bones always but smiles for intimacy is simply troubled inside.....if he doesn't wanna bother u with it den dont bother...adjust

The journey just started....time dey plenty for front

PresVA:
Op, you may have to find out if he's having any challenges which you ain't aware of. .. If no challenges, then maybe he isn't into you and probably got married out of pressure from parents. ..
Continue to initiate conversations, maybe suggest you go out together, play games, see movies together et al..anything that will help you two bond... I believe gradually, he'll come around. .


Ps: His attitude isn't normal, a newly wedded couple should still be all lovey-dovey biko and not this boring; nothing like giving space biko... .. I hope you achieve better results. ...All the best. .

x240 just gave the bitter pill
madam its about the benjamine nothing more nothing less,the man should just open up to his wife.

[quote author=Tekevwe post=44361637]I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used
When you were courting did you take your time to find out why it took him so long to take the plunge to get married? He didnt just stay that long without a reason. Try find out something so you could fix your marriage.

He is naturally a boner. He put up wit u wit a smiling b4 getting married because dahs bad market for him so don't be surprised. He is still d man u knew.

See from red carpet of Wives on strike.

Dis is a very bad idea to give!!!

EggovinMma:
Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice.

more

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

this is what happens when what you can only contribute is your yansh!

You are a liability and think the world revolve around you.

What have you contribute in this relationship! Just talking about you you and you some you etc you.

He change because he know you are a gold digger and a debtor. A person who all she think is me me and me. You married for money and now you are complaining

NAIJA WOMEN ARE liability to the highest level! I wonder why people still married them.

Come I'm not finish with you.

That imbec1le below me telling you that your husband have some psychological problem is a lier! You are the one suffering some psychological problem because you can't contribute to your marriage and now telling us you hate him you have a problem.

When you were choping his money you didn't read his action but just choping and opening leg like lizard.

See! You are the fault here! Go find somthing doing and stop all this your telemundo love! Why can't you show him that you are a woman and nothing move you and do what will please him but instead you are finding what will please you do you think sex is everything we men want in a woman?

So what do you want married folks to tell you

You go find his weak point and break him easily but this time don't be a liability but assent. Sit down and study your husband or one other small girl outside will study him for you and snatch him while you will be busy crying like a lizard. You are the one to solve your problem not we NAIRALAND or any married folks here cos them too have there own madness.

Do you think marriage is all about smiling and laughing

Do you know why divorce rate is higher than marriage rate? Because of people like you who only want fun and think everything is like flower and cake full with grapes!

You will see hell and know the smell of hell in your marriage if you don't sit up and start working towards it cos I see you have time writing your junk and seeking advise online! This is a dull move by you let me tell you.

Your marriage is not up to a year and you are here shouting!

Woman! You are not serious infact unseriousness is your middle name. If you dont want to work toward keeping your marriage in shape just carry your bags and DIVORCE, afterall you are not the only one who is unserious.

That WOMAN below me telling you to go to his family and ask how all this started, when you were dating did you take your time to study your husband? No! You were bussy eating his money and laughing!

take that woman advise below me and I bet you! You will see hell.

Tekevwe

I think your husband have some unresolved psychological issues.

Try doing the talking and asking the questions. You may receive a yes or no answers but do not let it dissuade you

Tell him about your day etc. Whether he is listening or not should not bother you. maintain a positive environment. You can do some negative shit too like crying audibly, of he asks, blame him. Ask him why he is frustrating you. Ask him if he wants a divorce etc etc.
Please do not turn this into a domestic abuse situation


Go to his family and ask how this all started. Ask his friends too

I think I know that type...... with time you will get used to his attitude ...keep showing him love at your end sha..... Then pray and hope with time, he will be better.

You could familiarise yourself with things he likes to talk about,politics, sports, business? That could give you two something to converse about.


Some men are just that way, introverts. Stop depending on him to be as lovey as he was during courtship, occupy yourself with other things.

Hope you have your own source of income, so that the pressure on him will reduce a bit. That could help too.

goingape:
this is what happens when what you can only contribute is your yansh!

You are a liability and think the world revolve around you.

What have you contribute in this relationship! Just talking about you you and you some you etc you.

He change because he know you are a gold digger and a debtor. A person who all she think is me me and me. You married for money and now you are complaining

NAIJA WOMEN ARE liability to the highest level! I wonder why people still married them.

Is everything okay with you.?

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

WELL SPOKEN. U VE JUST SPOKEN MY MIND

This man obviously doesn't love you, I don't know why people are just shouting give him space up and down.


Someone just got married and you people are taking of space, I really wonder what marriage means nowadays o.

obiaguna:
Is everything okay with you.?

ask yourself that question

OK na. It's on.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

It's normal but i have to say it's started a little too early. Every couple goes through it. This usually starts after 3 to 5 years of marriage. Don't bother him about it if there is no hint of infidelity involved. Just keep being a loving wife. It bothers us when our women don't talk too much but also take care of us. You also need a hobby or a job that will keep you engaged. Whenever he does something nice, be grateful and smile but don't get over excited. Keep the mystery alive. Keep yourself in shape, stay sexy for him to keep reminding him why he fell in love with you. Marriage is always a challenge, but it is all about how you manage it.

Honestly I feel for you Op,but since the marriage is still young just keep calm and don't allow the current situation weigh you down,Remember the vow for better for worst and this is not even near worst to compare to what so many married ladies are passing through.and Pray until something happen and I will also put you in my prayers always.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Tough love, my piece of advice. My sister the country keeps getting harder. Obviously its taking a toll on him & you cant even see it, You better find a way to assist your family financially instead of whining. Marriage ain't a bed of roses

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.


I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

The bolded made me laugh. Hmmmm......I never knew there were girls out there who has noticed the bolded. Most girls (especially nigerian ones) think playing hard-to-get, "suffering" a man who is toasting them, will make him love and cherish them when they finally accept to get married to him! That's a big lie. Most men would be bitter towards any girl who tries such with them trust me! Ladies learn o!

Now back to the main issue OP. When he came to marry you, did your father make him spend so much money

OP, are you working, if no, get your lazy ass out of the house and look for a job.

emmydeep:
0

he's probably gay

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Give him time, I'm begging you. Continue being a good wife. Take pleasure in God's word. Pray for him. When he wants to intimate and he's all smiling with you, don't deny him, but subtly make him know how sad and used you feel. If he's a good man good enough that you married him, he'll come around. Trust me.

just give him some good and serious BJ and he will love u more

try make some moves and see if he will be jealous

My take?




Early onset mid life crisis


Plus he's starting a family for the first time and is being probably overwhelmed or underwhelmed by considerations he didn't have to make before.

Marriage comes with challenges for different couples.

x240:
You must have been reading my text upside down.

I blamed everyone proportionately. I never spared anyone. I like to be a realist and talk based on facts and not just emotions or feelings.

I guess you skimmed through where she said she started seeing the obvious signs when he was having troubles settling his office rent. I am not in their family and can only judge based on little snippets of info you can gleam.
What does it connote for a man to not be able to pay his office rent just few months after his wedding?


You make it seem like it is a black and white issue. How many times has a man tried talking to the lady to listen and reduce the cost of wedding expenses but they turn it too a case of he is too stingy.

How many of you ladies here would agree to budget wedding?

How many would agree to a small wedding with just minute friends and families around?

How many times have ladies of guys not loving them enough because he doesnt want to spend on a frivolous wedding?

The guy is to blame for over spending his balance but its not that easy to just pull out of such when you have expended emotions, time and resources nurturing such a relationship only to just breakaway.

So run along if you can't constructively disagree with my post. Thanks.

@op This might not be the case in your example but you need to sit him down and talk about finding a way around whatever challenges he is facing. The way i see it. There seems to be fire on the mountain and all his lovely wife wants to do is "Gist about what is not". No wonder he pulls away and thinks "You don't just get it".

You still don't get it, do you? This is not a debt issue. You didn't read where the lady said he frowns at his siblings but smiles around her during courtship but things suddenly changed after the wedding? Please, read it again.

Tekevwe:
I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

Pray For Him, That's What A Good Woman Should Do.