₦airaland Forum

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Tekevwe:
I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

dBard:
A lot of u don't understand how much pressure comes with being married. Not a diss but the truth. Ur married now, n while Ur still in d euphoria of building a family, he suddenly has bills, responsibilities (esp familial) n work/career pressures to deal with and sometimes,it ain't easy to accommodate all that ...problem is, typical of we men, we don't communicate/cry as y'all would as such times n even appear withdrawn n that may leave u feeling 'unloved'.
U need to look outside yourself n reach out to him, through the walls YOU HAVE ALLOWED him build around himself...allowed 'cos, like it/not, u 2 r 1 now n each other's responsibility.
It's usually sexual, financial/another woman....take Ur pick, but it's obviously financial I.m.o... be as understanding as a mother here n you'll probably get a breakthrough.
I've been there, I know..
Cheers

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

hassymo5:
WAT IF IM HER HUSBAND READING ALL THESE POST

olalat:
Counselor, are u married? Cos i see u trying to push that woman out of her matrimony. Earlier comments had really addressed the issue. Ur own advice if followed will just gv d man excuses not to sleep at home again. The man may be under serious pressure, the woman should just act normal and give him littke space nd mk herself happy. He may misinterprete her actions pls. No perfect marriage. Stop giving married people advice as if they are boy to girl friends pls, else u just promote animosity in d house.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

emmydeep:
0

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

EggovinMma:
Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice.

PresVA:
Op, you may have to find out if he's having any challenges which you ain't aware of. .. If no challenges, then maybe he isn't into you and probably got married out of pressure from parents. ..
Continue to initiate conversations, maybe suggest you go out together, play games, see movies together et al..anything that will help you two bond... I believe gradually, he'll come around. .


Ps: His attitude isn't normal, a newly wedded couple should still be all lovey-dovey biko and not this boring; nothing like giving space biko... .. I hope you achieve better results. ...All the best. .

obowunmi:
You married the wrong man.

Start planning for divorce.

Ujoan:
So now it's her fault? ?
Did you miss the part where he said he was only pretending to be cheerful to get her to marry hin??

PresVA:
What a hasty conclusion ... did the op say they're in debt Even if he's in debt, did anyone force him to spend that much? Is he a kid?
People like you always find ways to blame women for everything. .. You're here making it seem like men easily bow to women's pressure or pleas...if they do, then why haven't all cheating men whose wives cry and beg everyday changed?

Mtcheeew, it's a woman's fault when you spend beyond your budget as if you're a kid and don't know when to say No.. or atleast go for a woman in your class...

x240:
I like to look at the Genesis of an issue.

WHEN they warn ladies to do it slowly and be frugal during weddings. They say na rubbish we dey talk. We all know that day is what most ladies look up to and want it to be the talk of the town but you also need to learn what happens during the lead up to that day may determine what would happen in the first few yeats of your marriage.

Which man won't go boning?

After putting him into debt. Remember those times he said you should reduce the guest list or go for a cheaper wedding gown and you turned it down. Or the times you never gave a damn about the cost of items and went for the most expensive. Now it is over and he is in deep shit.

I don't blame you but the results of the kind of debt we put new couples into because of an elaborate wedding and "let them know and see me" attitude only manifests when the curtains are drawn.


He has spent all his money on wedding and now can't pay for office rent just few months down the line. What would happen when the kids roll in?

Seriously, i don't know what you can do. Just pray the times change and turns more favorable or get busy and start bringing in some bucks to help lessen the pressure on him. He is also to blame, you know the status of your finances but caved into societal pressure now you are turning back the anger on her. Not good.
G

Eddygourdo:
before I respond and explain anything to you. Are you married?

Evina:
Those people typing "give your husband space" obviously aren't married and don't know what being married entails.

You have crossed over from being alone to becoming ONE with another!
You have crossed over from being selfish to being selfless!

This is a summary of what marriage entails.

This is the reason a person MUST attain emotional maturity before getting married.

Tekevwe dear, oniovo... I sympathise with you. Going by your post, your husband seems to be a recluse who is unable/unwilling to get past himself.

Is he spiritual?

Zambux:
Prayer changes everything, your marriage is still too ealu to be experiencing all these.

Eddygourdo:
before I respond and explain anything to you. Are you married?

olalat:
Counselor, are u married? Cos i see u trying to push that woman out of her matrimony. Earlier comments had really addressed the issue. Ur own advice if followed will just gv d man excuses not to sleep at home again. The man may be under serious pressure, the woman should just act normal and give him littke space nd mk herself happy. He may misinterprete her actions pls. No perfect marriage. Stop giving married people advice as if they are boy to girl friends pls, else u just promote animosity in d house.

EggovinMma:
Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice.