kevinberry:
verbal abusers are cowards who only have mouth when it comes to men.. I don't know about other people,but if you should abuse me,I will attack you,if verbal abuse is not an offensive,then the word and abusive words should better be scrapped from the dictionary

An men don't verbally abuse their wives too? When a solider abuses you beat him or els you are a big coward .

No one will go to jail for verbal abuse but you will be jailed for physical assault . That's th law so deal

Toks2008:


I seriously pity you because it is apparent that you are far from being educated...please always read first before commenting and stop constituting nuisance.

it will be too hard for kids to understand the things of aged peeps. So many kids in here can't understand your points..thumbs up for you cos you've got points to prove.any of the above can provoke a man. I don't pray for shits to happen but as quiet as I can be,I'm not sure of what I'll do to my wife if she's found cheating...

dicefrost:



I don't support domestic violence, but the same way we expect a man to keep his anger in check, shouldn't a woman keep her mouth in check? If she has zero control over her tongue, do we then expect the man to have absolute control over his temper?

Is a woman's lack of mouth control the cause of domestic violence in most cases?

tonquendo4u:
Just pray to continue meeting good women.Dont judge others until you've BN in their shoes.What do u do when ur wife tears d original documents to d only landed property u toiled ur ass to possess?Guy some women can act like possessed people.i don't support domestic violence but I don't judge them till I hear from both parties.Wicked women are deadlier that wicked meb

You are right my brother, you see all these small small boiz that have not been involved with crazy women are the ones saying " no matter what never hit a woman" if woman frustrate your life reach one level dem no go tell you before you beat am. Woman go destroy your car wey u sufer buy, go destroy vital documents and you go tell me make i no beat am, men Bleep that slogan. Me wey i always say no matter what i wont beat a woman my ex gf after all her troubles i was pushed to the wall when she tore my original car papers, i used my belt on her.

cekhoe:
I agree with 1 &.6,some women stupidly stay with abusive husbands,some after their families come to take them still return, some where aware of his nature during courtship but choose to ignore, if a man slaps you during courtship, forgive him,and provoke him some more,if he repeats it,run and don't look back, all men are not the same,some have short temper and can go into rage like loosed dog,such people have a demon in them waiting to be unleashed, and such are.those that can kill in the moment of anger,they destroy things when they are angry,men are physically stronger than women,under no circumstances should a man hit a woman, even if she provokes you,leave until you are calm

And the men should sing "one love" if the woman goes physical on them first ?
Sometimes the way some of you reason can only be compared to that of an IQ of a third world rodent.
Women and men should respect themselves .
It's akin to a country like Iran launching a military attack on any American interest - That's a declaration of war my friend.
If we agree that men can't beat women who crosses the line then we should outrightly hate every nation that has gone to war against a weaker people - the truth of the matter is , don't start the provocation of a stronger entity to a physical or to a high emotional side , they will bite back. This is human nature my friend.

noblegrex:
it will be too hard for kids to understand the things of aged peeps. So many kids in here can't understand your points..thumbs up for you cos you've got points to prove.any of the above can provoke a man. I don't pray for shits to happen but as quiet as I can be,I'm not sure of what I'll do to my wife if she's found cheating...

And if the husband is found cheating? Can she go ahead and poison him too? Just wait until women start killing men for cheating too. Let's see how many Nigerians will be left

kaziblake:
I totally disagree with no 3...A woman who goes out to work in order to feed you and the kids while you stay home doing nothing have every right to insult and even deny you sex.

Mecheww

Real men don't beat their wives

Gosh! My sister marriage is not meant to be a war front. Never continue to endure what you feel is a burden to you.

Anything to blame women is food for Toks.
Blame a woman for a man that can't control his anger if that will boost your Egg-shelled Ego.
So you want to tell me once you see a woman that has been battered by her husband, what comes to your mind is that she's the cause. Crap! Big time Crap! Many of these abusers have psycho issues.
I'll take you seriously when I see you do a post condemning domestic violence in its entirety and advising men on how to tame themselves.

Doubleagent008:
I am more of the school of thought that believe that the original saying was " don't lay your hands on a LADY". Some women practically beg for it. e.g getting physical with a man, locking up his shirt almost strangling him, slapping and kicking him and his only way of escape is to send one or two brain resetting slaps to the woman. So now u are going to blame him?
A lady should be a Lady and a man should be a Man by appreciating and respecting a lady.
I personally don't beat a lady never have I done that since I have come of age. I try to avoid the situation totally.
I Like what you have up there. Those screaming never beat a woman are just singing a popular mantra. I personally analyse every situation before I crucify a guy for beating a lady.

But sadly most women never look at it this way and this is why domestic violence keeps repeating itself

Mamatee07:
J

And many husbands will be killed by hanging or firing squad because they don't learn. Kill your wife an then you get killed.

PHD does not mean you are educated . So because the man say that against a woman that isn't alive to defend herself makes it true? Sh said all that to him then he went t buy both of them food and wanted to make love to her according to him. Does that make any sense to you?

I still dey laugh o.sorry o ,I didn't know she is your relative o but don't u prefer I say it the way I see it rather than pretend im.not an African man original.

Junior66:

if provocatn is nt a cause of domestic violence, den what is? Do you ever see happy people fighting? You dnt know provocatn leads to violence?

Provocation in marriages or relationship is inevitable...all couple need do is to look for a better way so settle differences and not resort to beating.

Even if u bought the woman is still not enough reason to beat her up cos it only shows how irresponsible u are.

Strahovski1:

*Pulls out dick and start masturbation on threaD*

U are a disgrace to that long thing between Ur legs

Toks2008:
[size=13pt]*A man who beats a woman is a beast and do not deserve to live with humans but with fellow beasts in the jungle...No matter how provoked you may be as a man,please never raise your hand to beat your wife.*
[/size]

It is no longer news that many women have lost their lives through domestic violence and the more we try to put the blames on the menfolk the more we will continue to blind our eyes to the fact that indeed,many women are the cause of the domestic violence we see today because they fail to understand some important aspects of how most men are naturally wired and below are 6 facts that point to this...


1.Negligence: Yes this is one fact many ladies will not deny because there is no accidental character and the signs of a violent man would have been there . It is quite amazing that many ladies get beaten up by a guy they are dating and this guy will still go ahead and become their hubby and i keep wondering what these ladies were thinking saying i do to a guy who beats you up. Many ladies usually believe such guys will change but the honest truth is that a guy who beats you up while dating you may kill you when he becomes your hubby.RUN.


2.Sophistication:Many people will wonder what this has to do with domestic violence but it has a whole lot to do with it. Sophistication is the bane of today's woman and the number one reason why many ladies find it hard to get a man to settle down with. Many ladies are too sophisticated to come to terms with the fact that they are married,they still want to live a life of a spinster while married and these set of ladies will not hesitate to tell their hubby the need for him to help out in the kitchen,the need for him to cook his food and even take care of the baby and subconsciously, these ladies gradually bruise the ego of the man who may continue to stomach these things until he gets pushed to the wall and reacts in a violent way. No matter how highly placed or sophisticated you may be as a lady,please understand that you are a wife and a mother and you must learn how to joggle these roles without turning your hubby into a domestic servant...if he decides to help out please let it be his decision.


3. Misguided utterance: This is a very common fact among the women folk and it is so sad that many ladies do not even realize they are guilty of this because they just might believe they are making sense not knowing that they are bruising the man's ego and killing him bit by bit mentally and emotionally. Misguided speech sometimes come in a very subtle way from the lady who may have no clue. For instance a lady footing the bills telling her hubby that "she can not go out all day and still come home to please him sexually" or "he can not satisfy you sexually", or funny words like "you should be thanking GOD for having me cos there are better guys out there" bla bla bla common.... A man is an egocentric person and any word that bruises his ego could bring out the beast in him.


4.Infidelity:This account for many cases of domestic violence leading to death. Yes men cheat as well as ladies but as a lady please be extremely careful when it comes to sexual infidelity. Scientists have proved that the effect of hard drugs on human is the same effect a heart break gives. If you must cheat on your man or hubby please i advice you just break up with such first rather than staying in that affair and cheating because the resultant effect is always a dangerous one.


5.Use of abusive words:This is no doubt one reason why many gentle men have turned wife beaters.There are some women who can use their tongue to set a house on fire and you need to hear how some ladies speak to their spouses.
Many ladies are very erratic in speech and it is not all men that are gentle or can walk away as men are always advised.Please ladies,learn to bridle your tongues to avoid stories that touch...be submissive,be humble.be calm in your speech and avoid getting confrontational because men hate confrontations...remember...not every man is a gentle man so try to always. maintain a status quo.Understand when to keep quiet to avoid heated arguments which usually leads to violent reactions from the man.



6.Gullibility:Yes many ladies are very gullible when it comes to handling domestic violence.There are some guys who just make it a crazy habit beating up a lady at any slight opportunity even if the lady exhibits an angelic nature. If a man beats you once,assume its a mistake but if he tries it again,please don't go back to your parents or waste your time reporting him to family members..go to the police immediately to report him and let him be invited to write an undertaken never to touch you again while you also maintain a proper decorum but if his madness persists,please leave that marriage or relationship immediately whether you have a child for him or not...it is better to remain single and happy than to lose your life.Gullible ladies who have listened to funny advices from family members to remain in a violent marriage for whatever reason are not 6 feet below....Be reasonable.


Hope this makes sense.

@toks2008 please can you help us to dig in about the case in Ibadan about the woman who killed her husband

bakynes:

You are right my brother, you see all these small small boiz that have not been involved with crazy women are the ones saying " no matter what never hit a woman" if woman frustrate your life reach one level dem no go tell you before you beat am. Woman go destroy your car wey u sufer buy, go destroy vital documents and you go tell me make i no beat am, men Bleep that slogan. Me wey i always say no matter what i wont beat a woman my ex gf after all her troubles i was pushed to the wall when she tore my original car papers, i used my belt on her.

No one is saying some women are not troublesome. We are saying breakup with them or divorce them. What if while beating her with a belt you hit her on her head or she fell against the wall and died? You will forever be a murderer and killed yourself. Is that what you want? Many of those who killed their spouses never planed to but that's the thing about domestic abuse it's one day the beating will go wrong and then you've ruined your life

Mamatee07:


There is no such thing in law and will never be . It's up to you to control yourself when some says something offensive

If a solider insults you, won't you control yourself? You would only hit a woman that you are physically stronger than showing you are a coward .

Many husband also verbal abuse the wives doe that mean the woman can poison him if she can't beat him or get thugs to beat him?

Control is relative and differs from person to person, while some men may take abuses and insults from their wives or react without assaulting their wives others may certainly not.Thats a fact.

Law or no law, when people relate with their wife, they are not consious of the law, they act on impulse, their temperament, and control ability.

Women killing their husband for whatever reason through poison and other methods have occured in our society so it doesnt follow if women might act in the same manner.

I am never going to justify assault against any lady, no matter the reasons but we must understand the triggers of such animalistic behaviour from some men towards their partners.One of which like the Op pointed is careless, abusive and hurtful words.

Who are the real men and who are not the real men?

Pray to God to give you your own wife!

olaide92:
@toks2008 please can you help us to dig in about the case in Ibadan about the woman who killed her husband

She's also a beast and no one is defending her. She also killed him because he had a child outside. That's why were saying if everyone starts killing because of cheating how many Nigerian men will survive?

I think the OP raised some salient points and made some mistakes too. If only people would see what he wrote and understand that there's some wisdom in it instead of cursing him front left and centre. We can't be talking of women denying their husbands sex because she's the breadwinner as an absolute scenario. There are many scenarios in which this incident could play out eg he's the lazy type and has refused to find work or he's hardworking but brings in less than what his wife does. Please let's stop generalizing because any woman's response to sex in these two scenarios may or may not be the same thing.

Strahovski1:


His first paragraph has been void with his 6 useless facts. Why is he giving shameless men reasons to beat their women? He is promoting domestic violence.

He has done nada...

Most Nigerians are simple-minded.

It is only an unserious person who would lay all the blames of domestic violence on the doorstep of the man.

You can go on deceiving yourselves...

Suigeneris93:


In case you haven't noticed its not only girls that didn't GET the op, guys didn't too.

BTW I didn't see anyplace where he stated directly that its about the conduct of women in every area of their life, he meant in a marital relationship. It seems you're the one who didn't GET it

fact is: provoke a man anywhere (marriage, relatnship, on the street, in de church, mosque, even in ur father's house) and see de resulting fight. If u dnt want none of the violence den avoid pressing those activatn buttons listed by de OP. Most men are fighters although i aint one odawise i would have beaten up my ex yesterevenin. Instead i spent the evenin angry and moody.Peace.

shout out to mama tee,pls forgive me o.


im neither a wife beater nor a wife killer.mine is just one strategically guided heavy slap on the cheek and I exempt a pregnant woman CU's the child must not suffer for the sins of the mother.

sabiguy:


So what about a man who goes out to work in order to feed you and the kids while you stay home doing nothing also have every right to insult, deny u sex and beat the crap out of you right??

You are a good example of r e t a r d e d n e s s and imbecility. The man wey go marry u don suffer. I rebuke your kind of Lady in my life. Amen

MAKE I FOLLOW YOU DO THE AMENNN..

Ishilove:

Actually I did. It is very offensive because no matter what, a man should not raise his hand on a woman because he is physically stronger than her. You started by saying a man who beats his wife is worse than a beast, then go on to enumerate how women bring violence upon themselves. That, Toks, is highly offensive. The six points you enumerated has voided your first paragraph.

And your comment about people who don't agree with you being mentally mediocre says a lot about your blatant misogyny

So you too?

Gosh, it beats me how folks get so engrossed with illusion that they boldly denounce the reality that stares them right in their faces.

The Op is talking about "WHAT IS" and "HOW TO AVOID IT" - in other words, how our women can avoid being the victims of domestic violence, and you are here talking about what "SHOULD NOT BE", really? It's just like telling fire that it SHOULD NOT burn a cook that puts her fingers to it. Does that not sound so unrealistic to you?

The OP made it clear that "NOT ALL MEN ARE GENTLE" (but some are, and can quietly walk away from provocation, but the violent ones won't).

He also made it clear that some gentle men (including those little NL uncommitted illusionists who're chanting that "real men don't lay hands on women" here on NL) can eventually be turned into violent beasts by their female spouses who routinely ignore the OP's 6 points.

It really bothers me that you consider this offensive.

bezimo:



Control is relative and differs from person to person, while some men may take abuses and insults from their wives or react without assaulting their wives others may certainly not.Thats a fact.

Law or no law, when people relate with their wife, they are not consious of the law, they act on impulse, their temperament, and control ability.

Women killing their husband for whatever reason through poison and other methods have occured in our society so it doesnt follow if women might act in the same manner.

I am never going to justify assault against any lady, no matter the reasons but we must understand the triggers of such animalistic behaviour from some men towards their partners.One of which like the Op pointed is careless, abusive and hurtful words.

And when Women kill their cheating husbands will OP say men are at fault for killings? It's ridiculous to blame the victim. At the end of the day it's up to you how to react to anything.

That other bankers husband now will be killed and so will this guy because of their inability to control themselves and so will the woman who killed her husband. Anyone who can't control themselves deserves to end up in jail or get a death sentence
If you can control yourself with a solider, you can control yourself with your spouse. Get a divorce rather than ruin both your lives and your childrens

MondeLuv:
OP if your dad beats your mother always, how would you feel?

If Ur Sister in law perpetually push Ur brother to the "emotional wall" & he keeps playing dunce. Hw would U feel?




I initially thought of replying U in Ur own coin.




but I'm better than that

Mamatee07:
I

He doesn't have to help he around the house but sh must help him pay bill abi and even in som cases be the breadwinner? What then does he bring to the marriage!

Imagine you are a woman, you wake up earlier to cook and get kids ready for school and then head to work where you spend the same hours as your husband or even more. You get home home have to cook and tak care of kids while he sits his ass around doing nothing. Abeg which of those 2 is no the weaker sex?! Can anyone b happy with such? ? Yet that woman will pay half of the bi or even more

If you are married to a lazy man, quietly pack your load and leave. But if you choose to remain married and attempt to usurp his authority, he ll beat the crap out of you, and our twisted society will take his side. Its not a war you can win

Mamatee07:


And if the husband is found cheating? Can she go ahead and poison him too? Just wait until women start killing men for cheating too. Let's see how many Nigerians will be left

and women aint doin so? who are those ladies using acid on men everywhere?

dare2differ:
We shouldn't make domestic abuse a gender thing. It can also be financial, emotional, verbal and psychological. For every promise a man makes not to hit a woman, a woman must also make the same promise and vice versa. What about we encourage people not to control others with any means of coercion?

I see your point and that's a nice view. Domestic Abuse is really a bad stuff esp when it fulfills all criteria of Abuse e.g it's repetitive.
seriously some of us (the men) do mess up big time. A family friend was discussing with my mom the other day about what the husband does to her and I was ashamed of and for the man. this abuse was both emotional, Financial( if it is really a thing), and some level of phyisico-spiritual. Believe me the man was immature and "not man enough" in all the sense there is. but this woman did a good job on him in letting him display his folly for all to see. she did not set him up to score cheap points he was just on the express way to Fvck up land. If it was another woman, she would get physical, ranting, cursing and stuff like that and it will be worse. so you see what I mean, A Lady should be calm and display her elegant wisdom while a useless "man" sets himself up for downfall. even his own family members castigate him on how he treats the wife.
We all can do better that's all I know.
Like how you address issues. you didn't lose your reasoning in a sea of Emotions

Mamatee07:


No one is saying some women are not troublesome. We are saying breakup with them or divorce them. What if while beating her with a belt you hit her on her head or she fell against the wall and died? You will forever be a murderer and killed yourself. Is that what you want? Many of those who killed their spouses never planed to but that's the thing about domestic abuse it's one day the beating will go wrong and then you've ruined your life

I am not the one involved, I can never be involved because I would never do that, I believe there are other ways to address this issue without assault. So don't address your submissions as if its me that is involved.
However, you must be aware that not all men are gentle men and easy going who would want a divorce when unwanted behaviour is displayed by their wife, we know there are men who are not gentle and not easy going and these class of men may react by assaulting their partners when provoked by one of the triggers pointed by the Op.

herbie27:
Provocation in marriages or relationship is inevitable...all couple need do is to look for a better way so settle differences and not resort to beating.

Even if u bought the woman is still not enough reason to beat her up cos it only shows how irresponsible u are.

Agreed.

dicefrost:


If you are married to a lazy man, quietly pack your load and leave. But if you choose to remain married and attempt to usurp his authority, he ll beat the crap out of you, and our twisted society will take his side. Its not a war you can win

I'm not the type of woman any man can beat. I have solders on speed dial that will paralyse him for life. It's all those women that let coward wife beaters get away with it that are at fault. When they break his legs once in his life he will never lift a finger to another woman

Ishilove:
This is very offensive

I agree with U dear.



but looking beyond the "hate filled post", some points are actually true