₦airaland Forum

ThreeGEEKS:
Even life gives you problem but have you considered committing suicide? I think not, my point is that there's problems everywhere, so marriage should not be seen as a safe haven. Even if you decide not to marry, it would not make life easier because life will still give you problems till the last.

BeastOfNoNation:
Hello Nairalanders!!

Recently, I realized that the idea of marriage doesn't excite me AT ALL. This realization came about when I was talking to my older cousin who's sister just recently got engaged. I was very happy to hear the news and we were all celebrating for her and wishing her good things. So while I was hugging her, she looked at me and said "Ejirooo! Very soon we'll be celebrating your own engagement ooo!" So we started laughing and she went to talk to the other cousins and aunties. It now occured to me that she was right. One day I will kuku marry. And the thought of that seriously scares me.

You see, I've had relationships before and I've met some of the nicest Naija guys on the face of the planet BUT I've never imagined myself being married to any of them. I've never even experienced real attraction to any of them

Ironically, I've imagined myself being a mother (I'm very nurturing and maternal by nature) and I think it's part of the problem. I would like to adopt children in the future and I haven't met any Nigerian guy who is okay with that idea. Please let me clarify, I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN CHILDREN but I also want to adopt some so that I can give them a better life. I know that being a single mother carries a stigma in Nigerian society but I like the idea of it personally. Lots of fathers are not even directly involved in the rearing of their child anyway.

My second issue with marriage is the multiple problems that can arise. Domestic abuse, Infidelity, Divorce, etc. It seems like everyday one person is having issues with their marriage and it's making me believe that this marriage thing isn't worth the pain. I don't like wahala in my life. I'm also afraid of those guys that control their women's lives and dominate in every aspect. I understand a male being masculine but I don't want to be regarded as a lesser human being to him. It seems like some guys can't differentiate between a wife and a slave

My third issue is that I just don't really understand the need for marriage. I'm pretty self dependent and I can't imagine living with a man let alone marrying one and taking care of him for the rest of my life. While dating, me and my ex just did our own thing. We both had jobs so I didn't need money (plus I have a father if I really need anything ). Marriage title won't add any benefit to my life so what is the use? When I used to go to my last church, the Pastor will be shaking and shouting and praying that the women in church will find husband. The women will now be jumping and fainting and rolling on the ground. I used to stand there and just look at them because I didn't understand. Is It because of Mrs. title or diamond wedding ring? Monogamous marriage doesn't even seem to work in Africa from what I've seen

I'm definitely going to marry just so that my mother will not shout but it will have to be somebody that does his own thing and isn't looking for the conventional wife. It just seems very inconvenient though.

So my questions are:

1) What is the actual use of Marriage?

2) Do any other females feel this way? (I specifically ask females because I have met males who feel this way but if you are male you can answer too )

3) Is marriage for everybody?

Please respond! thank you!

rose54321:
Your name "beast of no nation", that movie was wow.

Now to the topic:
As humans we need , at some point in life, companionship. Studies have proven that only those with strong companionship and relationships are truly happy in their old age.

At this point in your life, all this marriage talk might sound like hullabaloo, but trust me that time will come when you yourself will crave to be loved by someone, crave to wake up beside someone, carve for that closeness, not one you can get from friends, an adopted child, or even your biological child, one you can only get from a companion.

Y'all don't have to be married, marriage is over rated, but at least in a strong and committed relationship.

BeastOfNoNation:
I was very suicidal at one point in time but I got help from my church leaders and now I'm doing quite well. I understand that life is not easy. Nothing is easy. But I don't see why I will willingly seek out problems. like you said, marriage is not a safe haven, so what is the use?

BeastOfNoNation:
Maybe o! If SOMEHOW that happens, I'll come back and tell you people that I've changed my mind.

Yeah you're right, I'm just doing my thing until it becomes a problem with my mother

aiir2303:
different strokes for different folks. if you feel this way its all good cause the last time i checked as adults you can have a stance (which include not wanting to get married) and make sure no one is goon prevail on you to get married. what i know is for every action(s) there are consequences. Being married has consequences and remaining to stay unmarried has its own.so the question is can you take stand the consequences and be ok with it? if yes you are good to go

ThreeGEEKS:
Then don't go into it, it just ain't for you. Steve Jobs said "don't start a business unless there is a wrong that you want to make right". In my translation I believe that he meant don't do anything you know you can't be passionate about. Good luck, good night.

BeastOfNoNation:
Then why did you comment

ivyy:
I'm pretty sure your mum will be against your decision

IamLEGEND1:
because ur attention seeking thread showed up on my phone screen.

obiorathesubtle:
Lol. My bad.. We haven't drawn the circle of trust yet..


Btw.. I'm obiora.

BeastOfNoNation:
I was very suicidal at one point in time but I got help from my church leaders and now I'm doing quite well. I understand that life is not easy. Nothing is easy. But I don't see why I will willingly seek out problems. like you said, marriage is not a safe haven, so what is the use?

BeastOfNoNation:
Are you mentally okay or do you not know how Nairaland works? You can ignore a post and move on

IamLEGEND1:
No even try vex me now.

No just think am. u dey craze? we can't sit back and watch u pollute the web with stupid threads like this. In case u haven't heard:here on NL,we suffer fools gladly.

Pay attention oh ye dümb harlöt. I am legend,and I only make relevant sense.

SUPERPACK:
even if u dont want to marry pls do it for ur children u crave for, dont allow the society to brand them "BASTARDS" in future, because when they do they will have no option than to come after you.

BeastOfNoNation:
Yeah you're right. Every action has its consequences. I'm just imagining the reaction of my family members. girls are supposed to want to get married or we're called ashawo

Miggs:
You must be in your early or mid-twenties
You will surely change this your mindset
about marriage when you get older because no woman on earth wants to live alone in a three roomed apartment at the age of forty.
As for Miggs,he would rather die a thousand deaths before ever getting married.
I never have and never could stand women talk more of sharing thesame enclosed space with one for years

BeastOfNoNation:
That's my fear actually. I was even thinking I will marry just so my children aren't born out of wedlock and then divorce later.

BeastOfNoNation:
Will you shut up. Escaped mental patient who you be sef? I shouldn't think of insulting you? Why? Can you not take an insult? Ode Buruku. Pack your useless self and get out of this thread if you don't have work. Sense is just lacking in your life. If this thread doesn't concern you then find your way out. Fool

Miggs:
You must be in your early or mid-twenties
You will surely change this your mindset
about marriage when you get older because no woman on earth wants to live alone in a three roomed apartment at the age of forty.
As for Miggs,he would rather die a thousand deaths before ever getting married.
I never have and never could stand women talk more of sharing thesame enclosed space with one for years.
The link below tackles thesame issue:

www.nairaland.com/2899637/gamophobic

IamLEGEND1:

At this point,It's way too late & I'm way too tired to turn my attention towards cheap bawds.

So just go and sleep abeg.

SUPERPACK:
Thats the best option.

BeastOfNoNation:
Go and die abeg.

Ayomide93:
whao, this is awesome. The idea of cohabiting or just having a baby is all I ever wished for not some senseless marriage and some fantasies of love.

IamLEGEND1:
ladies first

free2ryhme:
This is the most senseless reasoning from a 23 year old.

Go face your studies and get a life before commenting on what you have no idea about. That's if you have any idea of what it means

BeastOfNoNation:
Hello Nairalanders!!

Recently, I realized that the idea of marriage doesn't excite me AT ALL. This realization came about when I was talking to my older cousin who's sister just recently got engaged. I was very happy to hear the news and we were all celebrating for her and wishing her good things. So while I was hugging her, she looked at me and said "Ejirooo! Very soon we'll be celebrating your own engagement ooo!" So we started laughing and she went to talk to the other cousins and aunties. It now occured to me that she was right. One day I will kuku marry. And the thought of that seriously scares me.

You see, I've had relationships before and I've met some of the nicest Naija guys on the face of the planet BUT I've never imagined myself being married to any of them. I've never even experienced real attraction to any of them

Ironically, I've imagined myself being a mother (I'm very nurturing and maternal by nature) and I think it's part of the problem. I would like to adopt children in the future and I haven't met any Nigerian guy who is okay with that idea. Please let me clarify, I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN CHILDREN but I also want to adopt some so that I can give them a better life. I know that being a single mother carries a stigma in Nigerian society but I like the idea of it personally. Lots of fathers are not even directly involved in the rearing of their child anyway.

My second issue with marriage is the multiple problems that can arise. Domestic abuse, Infidelity, Divorce, etc. It seems like everyday one person is having issues with their marriage and it's making me believe that this marriage thing isn't worth the pain. I don't like wahala in my life. I'm also afraid of those guys that control their women's lives and dominate in every aspect. I understand a male being masculine but I don't want to be regarded as a lesser human being to him. It seems like some guys can't differentiate between a wife and a slave

My third issue is that I just don't really understand the need for marriage. I'm pretty self dependent and I can't imagine living with a man let alone marrying one and taking care of him for the rest of my life. While dating, me and my ex just did our own thing. We both had jobs so I didn't need money (plus I have a father if I really need anything ). Marriage title won't add any benefit to my life so what is the use? When I used to go to my last church, the Pastor will be shaking and shouting and praying that the women in church will find husband. The women will now be jumping and fainting and rolling on the ground. I used to stand there and just look at them because I didn't understand. Is It because of Mrs. title or diamond wedding ring? Monogamous marriage doesn't even seem to work in Africa from what I've seen

I'm definitely going to marry just so that my mother will not shout but it will have to be somebody that does his own thing and isn't looking for the conventional wife. It just seems very inconvenient though.

So my questions are:

1) What is the actual use of Marriage?

2) Do any other females feel this way? (I specifically ask females because I have met males who feel this way but if you are male you can answer too )

3) Is marriage for everybody?

Please respond! thank you!

BeastOfNoNation:
Why are you insulting him now? it works very well for some people. As long as there is agreement, there's no issue.

free2ryhme:
Since you started your thesis with "since the idea of marriage does not excite you at all" then you don't need advise.

Do what your demons circulates in your head!