TV01:


bro' Leke is that you

Those - particularly Fem29 - who have pointed you to the future have done well here. As have those who have touched on, in so many words, your wifes need to "mature into, and feel more confident" in the union.

So I won't repeat any of that. I would suggest something more radical - and not necessarily something to be rushed. I'm at a loss to see why your wife has sole control of half of her 150K salary?

What is that money intended for? What is the "family" accountability around that? Annually - and if you include any "stipend" you give her - she could be stashing away over a million naira

And this on top of your newly increased expenditure per moving, your on-going spend to maintain the family, assist relatives, and your commitment to saving for a business for her!

Oga, take firm control. I believe it's in your best long-term interest - and will facilitate meeting your goals - for you to overhaul your joint finances.

Firstly, when you say she uses 75k for upkeep, what exactly does that mean? Is it solely for her personal upkeep, or does that include the wider family?

Anyway, some suggestions;

1. Out of her salary, she gets a reasonable upkeep amount - whatever upkeep entails
2. In addition to this, some extra on top - loving 'jara
3. Any surplus goes into a joint savings account account - all short, medium and LT expenditure from here is discussed and agreed by you both
4. Likewise, and as she already knows your income (kudos by the way), you parse your own earnings and contribute to the joint account
5. You discuss how you financially bless your relatives (both your), agreeing based on conduct, availability and need.

Again, suggestions, I am not being prescriptive. Right now you are fuelling a huge entitlement mentality in your wife. I would totally eschew the notion of a "stipend". All you have is hers anyway, and it sounds like you already live it that way.

What if the situation changes - only slightly sef - and you can't keep up? Does that mean you are failing? Or that she has a charge against you?
Bro', don't set yourself up for a fall.

Encourage her and help her understand that there is no difference, even if it's with baby steps. I sense you don't like where she is, and I agree, only I think you are pandering, instead of planning.

And, a regular, joint review of your finances, without fail.

All the best

TV

Thanks for the effort you put into writing this.

Sincerely my initial thought when this came up was like should there really be anything like monthly pocket money when you can comfortably survive off what you earn in a month after saving.

I already feel like i made a mistake allowing her have an idea of how much my salary is.

My intention was to try and be as transparent as possible but apparenty women's logic is quite different.

edwife:




What else is there to say?
1000 likes!

Hello Cutie .

I don't know how people reason o. You both are obviously earning well, yet to have your own house and all she is concerned about is getting more monthly allowance? She should even be the one trying to make sure your money is managed well.

People have given good advice, whatever you do, converse with her with love, discuss at length with her. You need to start planning your future, not spend money as you see it.

Honestly, I don't see anything outrageous here.
.
If you both had a long term plan.. eg build a house since kids are still young and are not gulping down half your income as school fees....the talk would not be about monthly allowance, it will be about proper financial planning to safeguard the future.
.
Besides, you didn't tell us how much you earn, how much you allocate for housekeeping, and how much you actually spend on yourself.
.
Until we see both sides of the coin, we can't conclude that she is making an unreasonable demand.

banjolek:


Thanks for the effort you put into writing this.

Sincerely my initial thought when this came up was like should there really be anything like monthly pocket money when you can comfortably survive off what you earn in a month after saving.

I already feel like i made a mistake allowing her have an idea of how much my salary is.

My intention was to try and be as transparent as possible but apparenty women's logic is quite different.

Sigh. You're about to make a small hurdle a very big mountain to climb, with this thinking and mental journey stated above. I'll say it one last thing: do it with sense. Or if you like, carry the petrol here and pour it on your vex and go home and handle that woman. Your wife, your life. I have to go and worry about why a certain baby is doing head stands instead of sleeping.This parenting thingie...Sigh...

fem29:


I'm sorry but I think you guys are being silly. Are you in the process of building a house?.Do you have land?. Do you want to be a tenant forever?. In this harsh economy you are just talking about spend spend spend. Look it is better for you to use your early years to work and build so that you do not struggle when you are old.

Tell ya wifey:- honey any extra monies I have, I am using to build OUR house. If you are already saving towards
That, add the 20k that you were contemplating giving your wife to the funds. Also please cut right down on giving family money and let her know that. Thank God you have a good job but as far as I am concerned you are not yet established till you stop paying rent.

You were harsh but you spoke the truth. All I heard was spend, spend, spend

He buys the food items, he pays the bills, she earns some income, so what's the pocket money for??

HaneefahRN:
I don't know how people reason o. You both are obviously earning well, yet to have your own house and all she is concerned about is getting more monthly allowance? She should even be the one trying to make sure your money is managed well.

People have given good advice, whatever you do, converse with her with love, discuss at length with her. You need to start planning your future, not spend money as you see it.

I wonder if the woman will stay if there's no money again

TV01 - I don't think joint account is for every family. In my opinion, families must be on the same page when it comes to financial goals and responsibilities before they can make a success of joint account. If not, one parties suffers and frustration sets in on the long run.
In OP's case, I do not think his family is ready for it, there is no harmony yet in that aspect of their life. From the look of things, he will be on the receiving side of things if they go for joint account. #mythots

Kimoni:




You were harsh but you spoke the truth. All I heard was spend, spend, spend

He buys the food items, he pays the bills, she earns some income, so what's the pocket money for??

Yess ooo. I was a bit vexed cos I didn't think people do like this in these tough economic times. I don't understand the idea that some women have that their husbands are 'responsible' for them. Like wtf. I'm a grown ass woman. I am responsible for myself. Unless I'm a stay at home mom.

Thanks oga TV01 for the mention. Though we do not always agree, you are usually logical.

Please don't advise poster to ask his wife to bring money ooo . She is asking for a stipend and it will be unwise for him to say not only are you not getting one, you need to bring money towards family finances .

That will be the beginning of world war 5 in his house. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Banjolek if you like peace, please do not try it at this juncture. What i would suggest is please lovingly tell your madam that you are saving up to buy land with any disposable income you have after after expenses AND the land will be in BOTH your names.

Once you buy the land in both names you will see that your wife will even be happy to support building the house from her savings if needed.

Thought u mentioned that she us us remaining 75k for upkeep. How much do u earn? If so uses the remaining money on house Kip then up the montly allowance. If not 20k is kk for now.

.

Dyt:

Ehn ehn
Op e haf read what he wants to read
Now its time to go home and act aggressive
No money woman
You earn so so so
That's OK for you and I am not giving you nothing again
The op looking for a push
Now he has gotten
Muchechechecheche
I laughing here

Even when the posters mean well
Its left for you to use your desecration in handling your home
In as much as I agree with other posters
I still go with onegai
Do it with love

Hahahaha op really needed a push, am sure he got it.. He should know DAT what works for À might nt work for B he should apply wisdom, some women are difficult to handle

sit down and talk with your wife. map out plans for the future. Look at how strangers are insulting your wife.calling her greedy . shameless thing.

Laclasse:
Look at how strangers are insulting your wife.calling her greedy . shameless thing.

You don take am personal

njiasi30:

Hahahaha op really needed a push, am sure he got it.. He should know DAT what works for À might nt work for B he should apply wisdom, some women are difficult to handle

Nooo
Leaf him
I dey here dey wait for another thread
He wee take it "a gba*

Let him do it hot hot

;

Dyt:



You don take am personal




Nooo
Leaf him
I dey here dey wait for another thread
He wee take it "a gba*

Let him do it hot hot

Apply for a leave at work; go home and act like you've been sacked/dismissed.

Your experiences during this period would reveal the unknown.

Cheers.

We women are worst enemies. Support your husband and here you are thinking it is right to take care of you all round, Kai some women sha.
Banjolek, just don't anymore to.the twenty thousand. If j am to advise I will say reduce to 10k. If I may ask this money she is saving, have you guys talked about it and how it will be used? Na wao some women are lucky.

Don't stop doing what you need to do for your family. Also intermittently sends money to her family when you have.

Let her bring her 75k and help to pay the bills in the house. In fact contributing for food also.

Women should learn to help their man and also plan together. In this harsh economy, someone will seat down somewhere and say me n my money Kai.

Op, like how much do you earn? You keep insisting that she demands more because she knows your salary, which means your salary will actually be very reasonable. .. She must have seen how you spend on family/outside hence her demands; she knows your capability. ..

Really can't say anything till I hear from your wife because I won't be surprised if you give your family/outsiders like 100k monthly then proposing 20k to her...

Then, most importantly. .. You guys should look at valuable projects/investments to embark on...including your wife..

Just discuss with your wife, ONLY both of you can make the decision... all d best..

Even my wife that isn't working for now doesn't demand for this.

Make your stand known..what is her money as in salary meant for then.

PresVA:
Op, like how much do you earn? You keep insisting that she demands more because she knows your salary, which means your salary will actually be very reasonable. .. She must have seen how you spend on family/outside hence her demands; she knows your capability. ..

Really can't say anything till I hear from your wife because I won't be surprised if you give your family/outsiders like 100k monthly then proposing 20k to her...

Then, most importantly. .. You guys should look at valuable projects/investments to embark on...including your wife..

Just discuss with your wife, ONLY both of you can make the decision... all d best..

Thanks for this

I really dont think how much i give her should be a function of my monthly income or how much i give my family. The bottom line is you are comfortable at home with everything is provided and you earn well enough to survive in a month. of course we are looking to invest in to viable project(s) that will enable another stream of income which i already stated i am saving towards. And may i say i dont lavish money on my family, i understand the fact i need to manage my own immediate family and plan for a better future.

mylove4him:
We women are worst enemies. Support your husband and here you are thinking it is right to take care of you all round, Kai some women sha.
Banjolek, just don't anymore to.the twenty thousand. If j am to advise I will say reduce to 10k. If I may ask this money she is saving, have you guys talked about it and how it will be used? Na wao some women are lucky.

Don't stop doing what you need to do for your family. Also intermittently sends money to her family when you have.

Let her bring her 75k and help to pay the bills in the house. In fact contributing for food also.

Women should learn to help their man and also plan together. In this harsh economy, someone will seat down somewhere and say me n my money Kai.

Thanks,

well said.

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 edroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

Why are you bringing this to nairaland? No offence but I think this is something you ought to handle by yourself.

Having said that:
You seem like a nice guy. Your wife is already earning cash and u still want to give her pocket money. Kudos to you bro. I wouldn't do it. But it's entirely up to you.

Dyt:



You don take am personal




Nooo
Leaf him
I dey here dey wait for another thread
He wee take it "a gba*

Let him do it hot hot

Lol, hot hot?! naaaaa, if i was going to do that i wouldnt come here seeking for people's opinion.

Onegai:


That joint account will solve your issues without you having to talk. Pay what you normally contribute to care for the home in it and tell her to add something to it (let her decide). Only remove your personal savings. If she's a careful woman, in 2 months' time she will see precisely how much of your earnings is going towards you guys and will feel so bad for you her natural Nigerian "ijebu"-ness will kick in and she will start urging you to save more and become more prudent with money. She will also appreciate the allowance you give her more.

I was going to attack your initial post but in seeing this explanation I had a rethink. So is this ^^^^ what ladies mean when they say they want to have a joint account with you? That would be interesting. I thot it was more like both of you pay your whole salaries into the account.

Dyt:

Ehn ehn
Op e haf read what he wants to read
Now its time to go home and act aggressive
No money woman
You earn so so so
That's OK for you and I am not giving you nothing again
The op looking for a push
Now he has gotten
Muchechechecheche
I laughing here

Even when the posters mean well
Its left for you to use your desecration in handling your home
In as much as I agree with other posters
I still go with onegai
Do it with love

Discretion. Not desecration.
Runs away**

Kimoni:
TV01 - I don't think joint account is for every family. In my opinion, families must be on the same page when it comes to financial goals and responsibilities before they can make a success of joint account. If not, one parties suffers and frustration sets in on the long run.
In OP's case, I do not think his family is ready for it, there is no harmony yet in that aspect of their life. From the look of things, he will be on the receiving side of things if they go for joint account. #mythots

On point, infact i was going to propose this when i noticed some behaviours like that one in question right now. I had have a rethink and hang on with my thoughts.

Project400:
Apply for a leave at work; go home and act like you've been sacked/dismissed.


Your experiences during this period would reveal the unknown.


Cheers.

Some unknowns are best left unrevealed

PresVA:


Really can't say anything till I hear from your wife because I won't be surprised if you give your family/outsiders like 100k monthly then proposing 20k to her...

And is there something wrong with this?

Laclasse:
sit down and talk with your wife. map out plans for the future. Look at how strangers are insulting your wife.calling her greedy . shameless thing.

Mr laclasse, the idea of bringing issues like this to this forum is to have varied perspectives on the subject matter as no man is an island on is own and multiple* good heads they say are better than one, you cannot possibly make do with eveyone's opinion here. Its now left for whoever the OP is to filter the responses herein and make do with what he/she feels will benefit him/her.

Thanks for dropping a line though.

5minsmadness:

Some unknowns are best left unrevealed

True!