₦airaland Forum

RadicallyBlunt:
[b][size=13pt]Oh wow! So sorry etisalat delayed my response with bad network

Sorry mr, u married a baby. That's why its always good to put women in their position. Even we who are not married, we face a lot of characters that children are wise enough to avoid in the hands of women. When a thought gets into their minds thru some influence like dis, they become enslaved to d thoughts and rational thinking dies off

Well no matter what it would cost you, take that phone and never let her know u took it. If Possible buy another charger for it. That's ur saving grace o. Let her believe she lost it and buy her a new one. Then call for a family reunion maybe on ur daughter's birthday and play a recorded cd of d voicecalls(but keep out d one testicle part) that's the best or if you can have many copies of d cd and hand over a copy to each member of ur family and each member of her family bcus if u go thru d elders of her family, believe me elders can deny justice and take side with their faulty daughter. It may cost you some money and time but the truth is worth any price.

When that is done and shame shows off on those involved including ur wife, then it would be ur choice to accept her back when they come begging(that's if you want) but at least u've restored ur good name. May God will crown ur endurance with good justice.[/size][/b]

chachanga:
Ahhh, S'angba fo !

Guy, do the needful fast.

Call an impromptu family meeting sharpaly. Play the recording for them all, accuse all the guilty and wak her out of your pad.

Here's the catch. Don't have divorce on your mind instead separation, as in, a break.

Temporary separation often works wonders for couples who've lost sight of why they came together in the first place. You said it yourself, you guys had a long courtship. Not everyone's mindset makes it intact through long courtship period. People unwittingly develop all sorts of quirks in long courtship atimes.

I've had cousins (royal princes) who engaged in long courtship with their espoused fiancees but screwed half the polytechnic just to de-konjilize and catch fun; when they married, they couldn't stop! What about hostel mates, aristo babes, who stashed "life-partner boyfriends" in far away Uni's & some even working class guys BUT they shagged as freely as they needed money, trips and adrenaline down-below! How do you think their marriages would look later without radical rethinks?

Separation will give her the time to sort out things on whether she wants in with you or whether she wants to move on.

Get ready to move on also because the price of your confrontation may mean a repackaging on their part.

God help your soul if she cries and begs and promises heaven and earth while still bearing her mission objectives in mind. Omo, na only ur mama head go save you because she would then be harder to detect.

bayulll011:
u are the one that shld shut the fuuuck up,u know nothing abt mariages u think is easy to wake up daily and see the face of someone that render u useless

graphiti:
Eyahhhhh....... **snffs**
It's about d kids shey?

Don't worry, when d simpleton wife is brainwashed to stab him in d neck/add otapiapia to his food, d pikinz will not live dia lives abi?

Ngwa!


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DevGuru:
NOTICE: Please, my story is still very long despite that I tried very hard to remove some unnecessary portions. But if you can be patient to read it to the end, then you are ready to give a mature opinion.

I am a Yoruba guy married to another Yoruba lady who happened to be the last of seven children. We met at the University and had a long courtship before we got married in 2014. I loved her so much and I believe she loved me too. We were each other's best friends. Shortly before we began to plan the wedding, on one faithful afternoon, I was watching the TV in my living room when I began to feel a slight pain in my lower abdomen. It got more intense within few hours and I had to go to a nearby hospital and by that time, the pain was inside my scrotum. The young doctor there didn't understand what was wrong and started injecting me with pain killers. I was kept there till midnight. The next morning, I noticed that one of my testicle was swelling up. I hen went to a teaching hospital where Orchitis was first diagnosed. After a week of antibiotics with no improvement, a consultant examined me and said it was torsion which should have been surgically corrected within few hours from the onset of the pain. As at that time, the testicle was dead. I had to go for surgery to have the dead one removed. My wife (then my fiancé) was with me in the hospital. She assured me that everything would be fine and that we could have as many kids as we wanted with just one left. I loved her the more.

Now we have a very beautiful daughter who obviously has my genes and delights everyone around her with her alluring beauty. We nearly lost her to a strange illness some months back but for God who used my mum to restore our daughter. That's another long story but not for this thread. My mum loves my family so much that even my wife knows that she can lay down her life for us to be fine. Since we got married, my wife hasn't worked owing partly to our daughter's health which is now very perfect. It's not been easy for me working day and night to feed the family and paying bills in a 3-bedroom apartment in Lagos but God has been helping us. My wife was so much loved in my family that people around thought she was my mum's daughter. Very hardworking and homely.

A little into her own family setup too... She has 4 female and 2 male siblings. All her siblings are married but very close to the parents. Because my wife and I were very close, I was aware of most of the happenings in their family, but I never even gave any thought to them on how they might affect my own marriage.... long story...

Last month, I repeatedly got home late due to an official event which I told my wife and I was talking to her on phone. One morning, she gave me a wild look and warned me never to come late again. I quickly noticed the strangeness in her actions and I comported myself by saying "I'm sorry, it won't happen again". We ate together and I left for work. I returned much earlier and was with her and my daughter for a couple of hours before went to bed after I told her I had a meeting the next morning.

When I woke up, I checked the time and realised I was running late. I greeted her and rushed out of the bed only for her to jump up too and say "We need to talk". Go on, I replied... Then she claimed she observed that I've been cold towards her since she tried to correct me the previous day. I denied it but she insisted, so I told her I would adjust and that I had nothing against her. She suddenly jumped at me and said I was going nowhere. I was very surprised as I asked her what was wrong with her. I begged her to let me go and if we had to discuss anything further, it could be later in the day after work. She grew wilder and began to abuse me verbally. I drew her out of my way so I could go have my bath and she grabbed my singlet and tore it down. I was shocked! I then grabbed her two hands and pushed her to sit on the bed. She just jumped up and said "this is what I've been waiting for". She rushed to her phone and called my dad. Immediately my dad answered the call, she suddenly began to cry saying "your son has been beating me since we woke up today"... It was like I was watching a nollywood movie. I looked like a poor citizen who had no money to eat but just got an allegation that EFCC had traced N1.4b to his account. My Dad called me immediately and ordered me to leave the house first before anything. Immediately, she called my mum too and said the same thing. My mum called me and began to cry that she never expected I would disgrace the family in such manner. I was sad and even had to shout at her cos she wouldn't let me say anything on phone. She didn't even give me time to explain what happened. My wife immediately called her eldest sister too and said the same thing. The sister called me and asked for what happened. I explained to her and she advised me never to raise my hand against her again, while she stylishly insulted me, but I disregarded that. I felt like Pastor Ken in the movie, 'The Price' who had to pay for what he did not do.

I had already missed my meeting but I had to go to work. That was the most horrible day for me at work because I couldn't even use my brain to do anything. I felt cheated and sincerely felt like doing what I had already suffered for. Then I felt the urge to use a bit of my power... I transferred some money to her account and then forwarded an SMS to her giving her 24hours to make up her mind on where she would love to go, either my family home or hers because I needed a break. Fee minutes later, her eldest sister called me to say my wife forwarded my SMS to her and that she was highly disappointed in me upon what she told me in the morning. I told her that I got more infuriated and betrayed seeing my wife ruin my reputation like that. She advised again and told me to go home and hug my wife. When I got home, my wife knelt down at the door and began to apologize that it was the devil. At that time, my elder sister called me and I narrated everything to her while my wife listened to me. The next morning, my wife continued to beg me. I saw the remorse and hugged her. We became happy again. The next day, I called her sister to thank her for her intervention.

My Dad came a few days later to confirm that we had settled everything. Unfortunately, I wasn't around when he arrived, so he called me on phone and I told him I would be around in about 1 hour. Before my arrival, she spoke at length with my Dad but begged him not to allow us revisit the issue on my arrival so as not to raise dusts again. On my arrival, my Dad just advised me and said he was glad we had already settled it. Since then, I've tried to get my home together again. I started leaving my office earlier than usual even when I had unfinished tasks.

This morning, I was flipping through the apps on my wife's phone and saw Call Recorder. I opened it but discovered it had a password. As a techie, I traced the file that stores all the voice calls and began to play one of my wife's recent conversations. It was with her eldest sister who intervened into our matter then. I nearly fainted!!! The sister hailed her for acting as planned and they both laughed with satisfaction. My wife said she was happy that she successfully ruined my image in my family and they both laughed again. They said they were happy that my mum who always thought she had raised good children was made to realize that I was a beast who beats his wife and so on. But the most infuriating part was when her sister said she wanted to give her tips that would help my wife succeed in marriage. She advised my wife never to be open-minded with me and that she should begin to live a separate life while pretending to be a wife in my house. She said my wife should also open a secret account for herself so that family members can occasionally drop some token into it for her upkeep because men are unreliable and my wife agreed with all what her sister said.

I opened another and it was a conversation with her immediate elder sister - not the same as above. This one picked every member of my family and abused the hell out of us... including myself. My wife enjoyed the abuses and even cheered her to talk further. They both called me 'half man' with one testicle - a secret my wife claimed she would never reveal to anyone. In this conversation, my wife told her sister that she was very glad that she finished me through what she told my dad when I was absent, they called my mother all sort of names and this one even told my wife never to act like a good daughter-in-law towards my mother, she was advised to do everything possible to prevent my mum from visiting... and so on...

Now I am extremely mad. So many options are coming to my mind but I don't know where to start from. It is now obvious that I've been living with a stranger all the while. My day at work was so horrible that I had to leave before closing. My head and heart are both heavy now but I'm trying to put myself together. Any ideas?

ezechueze:
Op,DIVORCE her immediately.one day she would poison you and take over your assets.

ekeroyal:
@Devguru
Most of the advices given are good but am sure you need the best and you're the only one in position to administer that to yourself.

My two cents(what I'd do, have actually been close to something similar). You need a heart of lion to pull it off. My comments are based on the fact that everything you said is true.

1. Don't be in a hurry to play the recordings to any close family or friend. But let a lawyer & marriage counselor/older male trusted pal (that very reserved one) know.


2. Act like a better person, show her more love. Give her the best out of your present circumstances.

3. Get bugs & secret cameras installed in your house.(if possible)

4. Fake your illness. Lias with a doctor to pretend the second testis is gone.(Make sure it's looking real)

5. "When you're out of hospital", get her phone again and copy out more interesting recordings that would either nail her coffin or resolve your marriage.

It's only an advice, you could glean one or two points from it.

Remember: Don't act in a hurry, be calmer than the devil, and when it's time, roar like an ocean. Talk less, let your evidences speak for you. I don't know exactly how you feel but don't worry so much, this too will pass. People have had worse experiences.
this would add more weight to the burden ..i bet u op dont need to go thru this stress any longer

Elle277:
From way back all is well with the two of you, she even stood by you during the hard times, devil don't like it when there is peace, so he had to use the jealous sisters to wanna destroy your marriage..probably there is no love in their marriages and they want to destroy your naive wifes own..pls don't divorce her.. just play those recordings to her and see her next reactions,, talk to her, advice her, she will def come back to her senses and you will see how those devil agents will run away from your home..bros the devil you know is better than the saint you will remarry in future...she is not a bad wife, she's just a naive one that needs some talking..you have a great fam,, and all that has bn happening is temptation, you've win one(both of you during your health challenge) now you guys have to put this set of devils were they belong,,pls try cos its only you that will make it happen through your decision...my humble opinion!

bukatyne:
Fem29, thanks for the mention.

@DevGuru:

I feel this is not the whole story. Nobody goes seeking for advice when there is no problem ( real/imagined).

What changed your wife from a loving fiancée who stood by you to a betrayer who is working towards building a parallel life?

What did you do to your wife?

marcopollo:
Oga op, so its true what they say, that the day a man falls in love, that day a fool was born. I now believe it o because of you. But this your own mum.urity strong wella no be small!

jhydosky:
I sincerely pray you do not REGRET this wrong decision of yours.

By your own admission, she didn't feel remorse for the betrayal but rather about the integrity of her elderly ones. I shake my head for you OP. You want to play loving husband where you are supposed to take action. You have isolated yourself for the kill by not not involving anyone at least your dad.

You are not safe with a weak-minded and scheming wife... If she's manipulated to harm you in order to put you in check or conceal the truth who do you think will suffer the impact the most? You think your wife love you more than your parents?? You don't trust the opinion of your parents? You have a bigger consequence coming your way. Trust me. A woman that can act out a script to frame you up, who is content to bring you into disrepute before your and her family?? You think you know your wife...just wait for it. You will know a woman is never to be made insecure.

We are a product of our decisions. I pray God's help for you.

Lizzyangel:
for the people who kept asking questions like,the op has wronged the wife before she took those steps,
how could a loving wife turn evil overnight and so all....

here is my view on what make her react that way, I'm a Lady and also married,I know what it takes to love a husband and trust him to the extent of not having a second thought on IF he will cheat on you...
according to the op's write-ups, she changed and started feeling insecure when her husband started keeping late night and feeling cold towards here in few weeks, so as a lady and not working,she would have thought a long way

* hoping her hubby is having affairs
*regretting the fact that she trusted him and he betrayed her and decided to act fast without asking her husband or patiently waiting for the reasons for such moves,but allow a third party to ruin her home.

advice to the op

if you're the religious type, you can forgive and forget
but I'll remind you of Yoruba adage which says "kosi bi a se fe se ebolo ti koni run igbe"
no matter the level of your forgiveness, you'll still have the occurrence in mind, "eni to su le gbagbe, sugbon eni to ko o le gbagbe lailai"

Summary : give her few months break after playing what you saw,if any family member wants to interfere, don't play the record to anyone as it can spread more than you think and everyone will be aware of your shortcomings, if after the break you think you've forgotten and she have changed, call her back home.

Note : don't ever go through her phones "oun oju o ri, kii bokan je"

best of lucks dear.

DevGuru:
UPDATE

I sincerely appreciate the fact that almost everyone here regards this matter a very serious one, this alone warms my heart a little. I have read through every single comment on this thread and I appreciate everyone. I couldn't take down the names of those whose comments aligned with my aim of keeping my marriage, but I thank everyone all the same. I realised from a myriad of comments that informing my people will mean a beginning of the end for my marriage. My daughter too is a major consideration. Above all, she's carrying another 6 week pregnancy. I have therefore decided to eliminate (or maybe suspend as the case turns out) informing any of my family members. I decided to play the records to her while I added some words. I started by telling her that my love for her made me decide to talk to her and not to anyone who would possibly fuel separation in my home like her sisters have done. She was shocked because she had never heard any allegation from me towards her elder ones before. She thought I was crazy and I wanted to bring up what was not. Then I played a little while I summarised the wildest words from her sisters which I heard in other discussion. For the FIRST time, my wife couldn't deny ANYTHING as she was convinced beyond doubt that she had been finished. She cried bitterly as I talked further but did not know what to do. But what pained me further was that it was obvious she cried because she saw that I was going to turn to an emperor and ridicule and justifiably disgrace her elderly advisers, NOT really because I was betrayed.

Right there, I was looking for a particular one to play and then even heard what I didn't hear before. Her eldest sister said she had discussed with some other siblings to intensify efforts towards her job search that as soon as she gets a job, she would have to be sending money home for them to create something for her in their town so she could come settle. She cried further as she heard it too. I told her the implications of what she had done to me with her people and then left her in the room because my baby girl was disturbing me. Anytime our voices are not friendly, she interrupts and cries for attention. I took my daughter to the living room and was playing with her.

After about 1 hour, she came to the living room and fell down before me as she cried further, saying "I'm sorry". Then I asked her to state exactly what she was begging me for - her betrayal or her siblings' offence. She knows me very well, she quickly said her betrayal (even though I knew that wasn't the primary cause of her heavy heart). Then I told her I was willing to forgive her in the spirit of upholding my marital vows to her. I explained further that for the sake of our daughter and the unborn one(s), I was willing to forgive her and build a stronger home with her. She felt a little relief knowing that she was getting back into me. I then said "but from this minute, I'm in a ruthless war with anyone, I repeat, ANYONE who is determined to break my home as I now have to guard our togetherness jealously". I stated further that the only thing I would hold against her was if she ever stood in my way. Just as if a thunder just struck and killed someone dear to her, she cried loudly again saying "she had finished her life". She said she would be the one to suffer in the war I just declared and that I should just allow her to call all of them and tell them never to meddle into our affairs again. I refused to fall for that trick and held my stance that my resolve was not going to change and I walked away. Since then till this moment, she has been like a mourning widow. When it was time for food, we ate together as usual and I've been the one trying to talk now. She hasn't spoken with anyone on phone since then, although I don't know about Whatsapp or BBM chat. Now she's waiting for the next available opportunity when she could plead for her sisters again... only God knows for how long the waiting would be. Let me quickly mention that she sent me an SMS from the bedroom a while ago: I CAN SEE THE HANDWORK OF THE DEVIL IN THIS WHOLE MATTER, PLS LET'S TRY TO RESIST THE DEVIL THIS TIME SO HE CAN FLEE FROM OUR HOME. I BEG YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD DEAR".... I simply replied from the living room: "ON THE CONTRARY HONEY, I CAN SEE THE HAND OF GOD. CAN'T YOU SEE IT?"

On another note, I do not want to assume that she will not tell her sisters, although it might take a while because she knew they would rebuke her for delivering them into the hands of their 'enemy' through Call Recorder. But before she informs them, I think I'd follow someone's advice here too that I should reveal it to someone who could keep it away from my mum and sisters, which is surely my Dad - just to put someone in the know, in case I begin to smell rat poison in my food... lol. What do you think?

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove

Oh wow! So sorry etisalat delayed my response with bad network

Sorry mr, u married a baby. That's why its always good to put women in their position. Even we who are not married, we face a lot of characters that children are wise enough to avoid in the hands of women. When a thought gets into their minds thru some influence like dis, they become enslaved to d thoughts and rational thinking dies off

Well no matter what it would cost you, take that phone and never let her know u took it. If Possible buy another charger for it. That's ur saving grace o. Let her believe she lost it and buy her a new one. Then call for a family reunion maybe on ur daughter's birthday and play a recorded cd of d voicecalls(but keep out d one testicle part) that's the best or if you can have many copies of d cd and hand over a copy to each member of ur family and each member of her family bcus if u go thru d elders of her family, believe me elders can deny justice and take side with their faulty daughter. It may cost you some money and time but the truth is worth any price.

When that is done and shame shows off on those involved including ur wife, then it would be ur choice to accept her back when they come begging(that's if you want) but at least u've restored ur good name. May God will crown ur endurance with good justice.[/size:
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