₦airaland Forum

Tunechi1:
there is a lil bit of loophole in wat you said wat if the elder sisters who were telling her to open a secret account are now sayin we told to open a secret account becos of situations like this not know he his only doin it to create fear in them and for only a short period of time wont the elders sister wishes come through

Ishilove:
You have a very good point

ephi123:
For those saying his life is in danger, I firmly believe God has DevGuru covered, only very few people would have discovered the whole issue to start with and in as much as he has done the right thing, he will continue to be covered.Nothing they do or try to do will harm him, that I know. Joseph's own brothers were going to kill him but man's plans will always fail when God has you in His hands, he still went ahead to feed and provide for those same brothers and their families years down the line. As Christians, we are called to live differently which sometimes means making decisions the world would consider folly. DevGuru has been tested and he has passed that test. It is well with him, his family and his home. In decades to come, they will both look back at this episode grateful it didn't tear them apart. As for those wicked inlaws, they are in the judgment of God, nothing more.

Tunechi1:
there is a lil bit of loophole in wat you said wat if the elder sisters who were telling her to open a secret account are now sayin we told to open a secret account becos of situations like this not know he his only doin it to create fear in them and for only a short period of time wont the elders sister wishes come through

DevGuru:
This is just to assure all Nairalanders on this thread that I am still standing. There have been further developments which I can't type now because my phone battery is low. I'll update all you wonderful ladies and gentlemen as soon as I get home. Cheers

emekachimek:
My brother, it's so unfortunate that you've got married to her. The bible says a wise woman builds her home while a foolish woman tears her home apart: You now know what your wife is. You did not get married yesterday to divorce tomorrow. So my advice for you is this: download the recording and play it to her in your presence and let her be aware that you've seen her foolishness and that she can't be trusted. You don't need to call any of your in-laws because she will tell them herself: Never discuss the matter with them, they will fear you as long as you are living with their sister. Secondly, DO NOT tell your relations about this, except you've already made up your mind to divorce her. Lastly, do not say anything to her after playing the recording; the purpose is for her to know u are aware of her foolish act. Even if you will eventually go your separate ways, let her be the one to initiate it; she'll regret it all her life.

DevGuru:
I opened another and it was a conversation with her immediate elder sister - ?

ricki:
Can you upload some of the recordings please??

Ronke001:
@devguru
You know what's best for you

Themandator:
I suspect you are a lady, that's how you people always wants to be treated when found out... His life is at stake and he has taken the wrong turn and you call him a mature man.

An Igbo adage say that when a woman is beating the drum for the man, watch it, he is about to jump the fence of life into that of the dead.

kpolli:
I strongly believe in forgiving people and I appreciate brave men like you who decide to do it in such a difficult scenario. I have only one rule when forgiving and I advise you to apply the same; ask them why they did all these (not it was the devil answer) and if they can't give you a genuine reason, don't forgive..... I have been there, it's better to know what sparked all these....

Lots of people ask for forgiveness without explaining or changing their rationality and end up going back to the same sin.

DevGuru:
NOTICE: Please, my story is still very long despite that I tried very hard to remove some unnecessary portions. But if you can be patient to read it to the end, then you are ready to give a mature opinion.

I am a Yoruba guy married to another Yoruba lady who happened to be the last of seven children. We met at the University and had a long courtship before we got married in 2014. I loved her so much and I believe she loved me too. We were each other's best friends. Shortly before we began to plan the wedding, on one faithful afternoon, I was watching the TV in my living room when I began to feel a slight pain in my lower abdomen. It got more intense within few hours and I had to go to a nearby hospital and by that time, the pain was inside my scrotum. The young doctor there didn't understand what was wrong and started injecting me with pain killers. I was kept there till midnight. The next morning, I noticed that one of my testicle was swelling up. I hen went to a teaching hospital where Orchitis was first diagnosed. After a week of antibiotics with no improvement, a consultant examined me and said it was torsion which should have been surgically corrected within few hours from the onset of the pain. As at that time, the testicle was dead. I had to go for surgery to have the dead one removed. My wife (then my fiancé) was with me in the hospital. She assured me that everything would be fine and that we could have as many kids as we wanted with just one left. I loved her the more.

Now we have a very beautiful daughter who obviously has my genes and delights everyone around her with her alluring beauty. We nearly lost her to a strange illness some months back but for God who used my mum to restore our daughter. That's another long story but not for this thread. My mum loves my family so much that even my wife knows that she can lay down her life for us to be fine. Since we got married, my wife hasn't worked owing partly to our daughter's health which is now very perfect. It's not been easy for me working day and night to feed the family and paying bills in a 3-bedroom apartment in Lagos but God has been helping us. My wife was so much loved in my family that people around thought she was my mum's daughter. Very hardworking and homely.

A little into her own family setup too... She has 4 female and 2 male siblings. All her siblings are married but very close to the parents. Because my wife and I were very close, I was aware of most of the happenings in their family, but I never even gave any thought to them on how they might affect my own marriage.... long story...

Last month, I repeatedly got home late due to an official event which I told my wife and I was talking to her on phone. One morning, she gave me a wild look and warned me never to come late again. I quickly noticed the strangeness in her actions and I comported myself by saying "I'm sorry, it won't happen again". We ate together and I left for work. I returned much earlier and was with her and my daughter for a couple of hours before went to bed after I told her I had a meeting the next morning.

When I woke up, I checked the time and realised I was running late. I greeted her and rushed out of the bed only for her to jump up too and say "We need to talk". Go on, I replied... Then she claimed she observed that I've been cold towards her since she tried to correct me the previous day. I denied it but she insisted, so I told her I would adjust and that I had nothing against her. She suddenly jumped at me and said I was going nowhere. I was very surprised as I asked her what was wrong with her. I begged her to let me go and if we had to discuss anything further, it could be later in the day after work. She grew wilder and began to abuse me verbally. I drew her out of my way so I could go have my bath and she grabbed my singlet and tore it down. I was shocked! I then grabbed her two hands and pushed her to sit on the bed. She just jumped up and said "this is what I've been waiting for". She rushed to her phone and called my dad. Immediately my dad answered the call, she suddenly began to cry saying "your son has been beating me since we woke up today"... It was like I was watching a nollywood movie. I looked like a poor citizen who had no money to eat but just got an allegation that EFCC had traced N1.4b to his account. My Dad called me immediately and ordered me to leave the house first before anything. Immediately, she called my mum too and said the same thing. My mum called me and began to cry that she never expected I would disgrace the family in such manner. I was sad and even had to shout at her cos she wouldn't let me say anything on phone. She didn't even give me time to explain what happened. My wife immediately called her eldest sister too and said the same thing. The sister called me and asked for what happened. I explained to her and she advised me never to raise my hand against her again, while she stylishly insulted me, but I disregarded that. I felt like Pastor Ken in the movie, 'The Price' who had to pay for what he did not do.

I had already missed my meeting but I had to go to work. That was the most horrible day for me at work because I couldn't even use my brain to do anything. I felt cheated and sincerely felt like doing what I had already suffered for. Then I felt the urge to use a bit of my power... I transferred some money to her account and then forwarded an SMS to her giving her 24hours to make up her mind on where she would love to go, either my family home or hers because I needed a break. Fee minutes later, her eldest sister called me to say my wife forwarded my SMS to her and that she was highly disappointed in me upon what she told me in the morning. I told her that I got more infuriated and betrayed seeing my wife ruin my reputation like that. She advised again and told me to go home and hug my wife. When I got home, my wife knelt down at the door and began to apologize that it was the devil. At that time, my elder sister called me and I narrated everything to her while my wife listened to me. The next morning, my wife continued to beg me. I saw the remorse and hugged her. We became happy again. The next day, I called her sister to thank her for her intervention.

My Dad came a few days later to confirm that we had settled everything. Unfortunately, I wasn't around when he arrived, so he called me on phone and I told him I would be around in about 1 hour. Before my arrival, she spoke at length with my Dad but begged him not to allow us revisit the issue on my arrival so as not to raise dusts again. On my arrival, my Dad just advised me and said he was glad we had already settled it. Since then, I've tried to get my home together again. I started leaving my office earlier than usual even when I had unfinished tasks.

This morning, I was flipping through the apps on my wife's phone and saw Call Recorder. I opened it but discovered it had a password. As a techie, I traced the file that stores all the voice calls and began to play one of my wife's recent conversations. It was with her eldest sister who intervened into our matter then. I nearly fainted!!! The sister hailed her for acting as planned and they both laughed with satisfaction. My wife said she was happy that she successfully ruined my image in my family and they both laughed again. They said they were happy that my mum who always thought she had raised good children was made to realize that I was a beast who beats his wife and so on. But the most infuriating part was when her sister said she wanted to give her tips that would help my wife succeed in marriage. She advised my wife never to be open-minded with me and that she should begin to live a separate life while pretending to be a wife in my house. She said my wife should also open a secret account for herself so that family members can occasionally drop some token into it for her upkeep because men are unreliable and my wife agreed with all what her sister said.

I opened another and it was a conversation with her immediate elder sister - not the same as above. This one picked every member of my family and abused the hell out of us... including myself. My wife enjoyed the abuses and even cheered her to talk further. They both called me 'half man' with one testicle - a secret my wife claimed she would never reveal to anyone. In this conversation, my wife told her sister that she was very glad that she finished me through what she told my dad when I was absent, they called my mother all sort of names and this one even told my wife never to act like a good daughter-in-law towards my mother, she was advised to do everything possible to prevent my mum from visiting... and so on...

Now I am extremely mad. So many options are coming to my mind but I don't know where to start from. It is now obvious that I've been living with a stranger all the while. My day at work was so horrible that I had to leave before closing. My head and heart are both heavy now but I'm trying to put myself together. Any ideas?

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

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uchedydy:
@ Devguru, my brother,

Am happy u have taken your decision.

But befor i rest my cae on this, plz let me remind of of a story of a man in lagos, Yewande Oyediran , married to lowo oyediran, lived together in lagos, the woman was aggresive and the man kept ignoring it, more like a good man, the woman works with dpp as a lawyer.

One day after a querel, she gave the husband bruises and rushed to call the police fro the man, after the arrest, the man came back in the evening, NEIGHBOURS TOLD HIM NOT TO SLEEP IN THE HOUSE THAT NIGHT, HE REFUSED, SAYING THAT ITS OKAY NOW. That same night, the woman stabbed him on the throat. The case is presently in the court. and the man is dead.

Truth is , when u allow a woman to beg you and cry, ur emotions would roll, plz put ur emotions in check and act like a man.

I want u alive tomoro, cos with this story? this marrige isnt gonna be the same again.

Thats my tot. sorry if its offensive but am very real and direct.