lirusehn:
Mods abeg endeavor to move this to the right section


If you are expecting the Chinua-Achebe's kind of write-up 'You are on a Long thing .


STRAIGHT TO THE POINT


It was around 4PM on Friday after a long hectic journey,having to leave Lagos for Kaduna was one hell of a nightmare .

Left Lagos around 9 PM on Friday and unfortunately the bus Bleep*d us all up before getting to Lokoja, we wasted like 5 hours and after much ado I got to school around 3:30PM with my tommy requesting for executive restoration.

The first thing to know about me is the fact that I can't stand hunger for 10 minutes as i may end up crying out loud like a kid and funny enough my desire for food is always on a zero level while traveling,Irrespective of how far the journey could be i can't stand eating nor drinking anything.



My girlfriend came to meet me on my way to my lodge,I had scanned her hand hoping to see a food warmer or food flask but I only could see her hand bag 'WTF' i screamed inside of me.


FAST-FORWARDED TO MY ROOM.



It was already some minutes to 4 o'clock and my stomach isn't helping matters, I needed to eat something but ain't gon' start walking to community market which has always served as my 'Mr Biggs' . The distance alone would only provoke those precious worms inside of me who had almost finished my tiny intestine.

Need i tell you my worms are like snakes?? Mehn!! You won't believe ryt?? Trust me these niccurs got no chill They can finish one bowl of garrri within 5 minutes . Don't even tell me to de-worm, can't stand to loose them.



Back to the topic, My GF advised
me to cook it came as a shock as i smiled like a wounded ant. Cook?? You mean puke?? . Where would i get foodstuffs from?

She explained how she got 3 bowls of rice from a friend who stays somewhere around my lodge and how she couldn't take it home.

Blah blah blah!! The rice has so far been in my room since then. Glad she has a spare key to my room,hehe!! If not i for no get hope.

We agreed we gon' cook. Won't that take like hours?? I might not make it i thought .

The only pot i have should do the magic,' My almighty PRESSURE POT' . To whom it may concern, I bought this pot 2013 and have not used it more than 7 times despite being my only pot and my gas cooker is all repping. The gas no one finish 'Edakun help me!!' after 3 Yrs??


Who's gon' stop this cooking? i asked myself. Calm down my spirit said!!!
Post Malone wasn't helping matters too, I had sworn to disturb the whole lodge with my newly downloaded Post Malone songs. This guy na fire AhswearuGod!!!

¿“Cigarettes and a headband. Commas¡ commas in my head man. Slumped over like a dead man...¡”. Mehn!! Nawaoo Post Malone is gon' kill sombori

She brought out the rice and was shocked to see Ofada rice, 'plz sombori call 9 1 1' this black thing?? why not Kuku kill me na. . Not like I had any other option so I just couldn't stop her from cooking it.

Wey pepper and tomato na? She gave me this nasty look like she was gonna stop cooking if I hadn't shut up.
Can't sombori play with you again? Action speaks louder than voice obviously!!!


Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! The pot popped out pressured vapor as usual, I knew the food was on the come. I noticed starch oozing outa the vent tube.was this normal?? IONO. Less than 7 minutes the food was to be parboiled, i removed the weight valve and ssshhhh again the pressure escaped. Little did I know the worst was about to happen. The whole pressure had escaped and it was time for me to open the pot.

I sang the last verse of the then playing tear$ by Post Malone. I Was so ready to open the pot but like the pot was stiffened by those who wanted me to die of hunger. As a typical yoruba guy, the first thing that came to my mind was 'My Village people don come'. If not why would this pot start playing pranks all of a sudden?? I had no kola to offer gods nor Palm wine so I was so ready to give the pot all that it demanded.



' Post Malone - whatever' was already playing and this had given me more strength. I garnered my last strength and force opened the Pot. Lo and behold i met my doom.


I shouted JESUS CHRIST but it was already late, God isn't a magician. The pot exploded with full force and the explosion boomed and the final attack was on my face. My average-looking-face?? Why not my chest na . Before I could say 'MEHN' my whole face had turned red and had blanched.

Face wey i dey manage b4 naim come spoil so??
After 30 minutes the whole face don turn something else,i barely could see people around. Syto yaff die o.

I begged my Gf to stop the music or even delete all my Secular songs if possible , I remember say na God i need . Everybody in the lodge had gathered in my room,different voices of friends and foes all echoed in my head. I kept hearing 'sorry o' 'pele' haba'. Almost everybody around turned Doctor all of a sudden as they kept telling all sorta ways to treat the burn.
Imagine Ahmed a Political scientist even prescribed drugs for me. It was until then I knew I was hopeless.



Indeed it was so painful and my face would prolly never remain the same. Whichever way am glad it didnt get more than this. All thankz to God,Thanks to y'all for reading too. Never forece-open your pressure pot so as to avoid stories that touch.


Pics before the burn

Mrtolotolo:


Guy you can try applying kponmo tutu or omi obo on your face.

pele okunrin meta.

i refused to be tempted

lirusehn:


i refused to be tempted

lirusehn:



Oma Ojomo yaff come

Mrtolotolo:



Haaaa!!
It works like magic.. try it

where i fit see am buy??

Sehindemi:

Yelz, I'm here...

Werey!!


#welcome

lirusehn:


. Honey!!! I started using it today tho

lirusehn:


where i fit see am buy??

helovesme:


Good.

Get onions and grate it to get the "juice" from it. Apply it on your face and leave for some few minutes before washing it away. Onion has healing properties on burn injuries.

lirusehn:
Pics after the burn

Mrtolotolo:


Ask ya galfriend

help a brother na

cruzita:
chai !!!


bros sorry o



see as the thing come make u resemble HELL BOY

kengeorge2013:
Sorry but why your gemu still de. Abi your mustache get jazz

DrRasheed:
Congrats sir This is an opportunity to be featured in Nollywood horror film.

Sorry sir... I feel for u

lirusehn:



help a brother na

lirusehn:



Werey!!


#welcome

Enkyl:
Trully i am so sorry for this,

But bros behind every mishap is a blessing. Guy see make we start #saveabrother donation, LindaIkeji go support us.

You go rub Vaseline for face with shoe polish make e be like say you wan die, we go come use my account number as payment and we go split am 50- 50.

You agree?

sisisioge:
Omg! Ikunle o! Pele omoluabi...u will be fine. May that be the hardest battle you have to face in your entire long healthy accident-free life!

By the way, you're still very handsome and your humour is super lovely .

Thanks

Enkyl:
Trully i am so sorry for this,

But bros behind every mishap is a blessing. Guy see make we start #saveabrother donation, LindaIkeji go support us.

You go rub Vaseline for face with shoe polish make e be like say you wan die, we go come use my account number as payment and we go split am 50- 50.

You agree?

hahahahahaha!! F*ck you broh

lirusehn:


me FFO??

Need i remind you of your previous post on BBM?

lirusehn:



you ♍ε̲an God burnt my face to teach me a lesson? haba!!

Sehindemi:

Werey ni e looto..
Na me you won dey disgrace ba?

Fine, I like food!
But not to the extent of getting my face burnt as a result..

Ole buruku..

Hehehe!! Chop chop!! I pity you

Princedaniel:


I never said so.

But sometimes, he allows certain things to happen so we can turn around and avert a bigger and deadlier situation.

Read my initial comment and take the advice.

Like I said, you will be finer in 2 months time or thereabout.

thanks broh!! I value thy comment.


My life belongs to God. Woreva he does am surely pleased