mattsvibes:
pot exploded
3 years gas cooker neva finish

It show that 75% you eat outside

85% when ur mum tell you to asissit her in the kitchen you clam that you re a man and you re busy uploading picture on instagram


Now the pot tells you don't joke with me if you re not cook

Gbam

broh you no go pity me first



No add to my problem na

lirusehn:


you won't want to miss it Ahswear.



I even prepared beans with it today. If I wan die mah Kuku die once.


Go get yours

Adebola39:
sorry bro, hope u still the food

heaven knows i did. Didn't wanna suffer double loss

iriskiki:

Yaykpa! You are ready to die because of 30min less time to cook beans?! I'm suspecting you!

I wish you the best and speedy recovery.

Truth be told, it was the hunger that made everything turn bad. The cooker isn't bad

Akoja360:
deadpool .sorry...no wonder we no dey see you for frnt of suileman hall again

ƒσя your mind?

chubbyz:
Ur story made me laff, dat part u instructed her to delete all d secular songs....lol.. sorry BTW...pray it heals fast.

so i pray too

lirusehn:
Mods abeg endeavor to move this to the right section


If you are expecting the Chinua-Achebe's kind of write-up 'You are on a Long thing .


STRAIGHT TO THE POINT


It was around 4PM on Friday after a long hectic journey,having to leave Lagos for Kaduna was one hell of a nightmare .

Left Lagos around 9 PM on Friday and unfortunately the bus Bleep*d us all up before getting to Lokoja, we wasted like 5 hours and after much ado I got to school around 3:30PM with my tommy requesting for executive restoration.

The first thing to know about me is the fact that I can't stand hunger for 10 minutes as i may end up crying out loud like a kid and funny enough my desire for food is always on a zero level while traveling,Irrespective of how far the journey could be i can't stand eating nor drinking anything.



My girlfriend came to meet me on my way to my lodge,I had scanned her hand hoping to see a food warmer or food flask but I only could see her hand bag 'WTF' i screamed inside of me.


FAST-FORWARDED TO MY ROOM.



It was already some minutes to 4 o'clock and my stomach isn't helping matters, I needed to eat something but ain't gon' start walking to community market which has always served as my 'Mr Biggs' . The distance alone would only provoke those precious worms inside of me who had almost finished my tiny intestine.

Need i tell you my worms are like snakes?? Mehn!! You won't believe ryt?? Trust me these niccurs got no chill They can finish one bowl of garrri within 5 minutes . Don't even tell me to de-worm, can't stand to loose them.



Back to the topic, My GF advised
me to cook it came as a shock as i smiled like a wounded ant. Cook?? You mean puke?? . Where would i get foodstuffs from?

She explained how she got 3 bowls of rice from a friend who stays somewhere around my lodge and how she couldn't take it home.

Blah blah blah!! The rice has so far been in my room since then. Glad she has a spare key to my room,hehe!! If not i for no get hope.

We agreed we gon' cook. Won't that take like hours?? I might not make it i thought .

The only pot i have should do the magic,' My almighty PRESSURE POT' . To whom it may concern, I bought this pot 2013 and have not used it more than 7 times despite being my only pot and my gas cooker is all repping. The gas no one finish 'Edakun help me!!' after 3 Yrs??


Who's gon' stop this cooking? i asked myself. Calm down my spirit said!!!
Post Malone wasn't helping matters too, I had sworn to disturb the whole lodge with my newly downloaded Post Malone songs. This guy na fire AhswearuGod!!!

¿“Cigarettes and a headband. Commas¡ commas in my head man. Slumped over like a dead man...¡”. Mehn!! Nawaoo Post Malone is gon' kill sombori

She brought out the rice and was shocked to see Ofada rice, 'plz sombori call 9 1 1' this black thing?? why not Kuku kill me na. . Not like I had any other option so I just couldn't stop her from cooking it.

Wey pepper and tomato na? She gave me this nasty look like she was gonna stop cooking if I hadn't shut up.
Can't sombori play with you again? Action speaks louder than voice obviously!!!


Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! The pot popped out pressured vapor as usual, I knew the food was on the come. I noticed starch oozing outa the vent tube.was this normal?? IONO. Less than 7 minutes the food was to be parboiled, i removed the weight valve and ssshhhh again the pressure escaped. Little did I know the worst was about to happen. The whole pressure had escaped and it was time for me to open the pot.

I sang the last verse of the then playing tear$ by Post Malone. I Was so ready to open the pot but like the pot was stiffened by those who wanted me to die of hunger. As a typical yoruba guy, the first thing that came to my mind was 'My Village people don come'. If not why would this pot start playing pranks all of a sudden?? I had no kola to offer gods nor Palm wine so I was so ready to give the pot all that it demanded.



' Post Malone - whatever' was already playing and this had given me more strength. I garnered my last strength and force opened the Pot. Lo and behold i met my doom.


I shouted JESUS CHRIST but it was already late, God isn't a magician. The pot exploded with full force and the explosion boomed and the final attack was on my face. My average-looking-face?? Why not my chest na . Before I could say 'MEHN' my whole face had turned red and had blanched.

Face wey i dey manage b4 naim come spoil so??
After 30 minutes the whole face don turn something else,i barely could see people around. Syto yaff die o.

I begged my Gf to stop the music or even delete all my Secular songs if possible , I remember say na God i need . Everybody in the lodge had gathered in my room,different voices of friends and foes all echoed in my head. I kept hearing 'sorry o' 'pele' haba'. Almost everybody around turned Doctor all of a sudden as they kept telling all sorta ways to treat the burn.
Imagine Ahmed a Political scientist even prescribed drugs for me. It was until then I knew I was hopeless.



Indeed it was so painful and my face would prolly never remain the same. Whichever way am glad it didnt get more than this. All thankz to God,Thanks to y'all for reading too. Never forece-open your pressure pot so as to avoid stories that touch.






Pics before the burn

cruzita:
chai !!!


bros sorry o



see as the thing come make u resemble HELL BOY

ffo:

he isnt ffo, i am.

mattsvibes:
pot exploded
3 years gas cooker neva finish

It show that 75% you eat outside

85% when ur mum tell you to asissit her in the kitchen you clam that you re a man and you re busy uploading picture on instagram


Now the pot tells you don't joke with me if you re not a cook

Gbam

YINKS89:
as dat guy fyn reach now his crush wld be like........ WTF

lirusehn:



me never once snub her o. This one na devil's handwork

lirusehn:



i sight you blooder mi

benjibabs:


@ Bluette, this is dangerous as well! you could get the steam on your face/fingers as you remove the "small thing" that allows pressure to escape. I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned reading the instruction! As per the instruction, if you need to quickly reduce the pressure, just place the cooker under running tap for few minutes; once the hissing sound stops, you can then safely remove the "small thing" and open the pot. You can as well use a cup to pour water on the pot if your tap is not running; it really takes few minutes if not seconds to get the pressure knocked out.

You won't believe I used to wait for the pot to cool down even with the "small thing" on and hunger dealing with my like OP until the day I read the instruction. Chai! I suffer no be small o! All the time the pressure cooker saved me I take am wait for it to cool. Since that day I don't use any appliance without reading the instruction like someone preparing for Jamb.

RichieDaVinci01:
just
saw this story on a1000laff.com

just confirmed that myself. Funny enough he didn't reference his write up.



Wonder if Seun Osewa is doing anything about this

Kirinwa:


Bros sorry o. Its good to have a knowledge of science though.

You have a good sense of humour....you knew you were finished when Ahmed the Political student recommended drugs.... Epic!

lirusehn:




just confirmed that myself. Funny enough he didn't reference his write up.



Wonder if Seun Osewa is doing anything about this

RichieDaVinci01:
The dude takes stories from front page and posts on his website bruh dosent work atall....when NL dey

lirusehn:



Oga o. He even changed where i wrote a Nairalander to a 'blog reader'

Flashh:

Sorry bro, on behalf of the incident.

BTW... Who is that person who took your story to his blog without your consent, in which he knows you are Nairalander?