Naturalle:
Oh Lord, 99% perfect and you have created a topic on top the 1% imperfection

You already have a solution to this matter! Now that you know that her silence and dilly dallying means objection, just ask her point blank what her reservations are weneva u notice these attitudes. Help break her silence instead of letting her stew in it.

And for the person that said it's wrong for a wife to disobey husband... o ga ooo.

Yes its really a bit of a minor thing but quite annoying. We are both simple people and we can achieve the 100%.
I just needed us to have other peoples opinion and both of us will filter out useful ideas and either of us will adjust and we get better.
We have already adjusted in the past to get where we are now.

For the bolded, the sad thing is that she doesn't express the objection by silence. She accepts and makes it look like all is okay but just won't act or acts contrary. When I asked her to get an MSc form in the nearby University and when I asked her to apply for her MSc sponsorship she accepted and gave the impression that she will act. Initially I thought she was just being lazy about it only for me to realize after so much pestering (or nagging) that she wasn't really interested.

Richy4:
You guys are normal bro.... u are doing what married people do.... You annoy one another and make up...

Just take it easy on the nagging though so that she too can take it easy on the product (maggi) on your food....

Thanks. But wrong guess though.

Don't you think you are expecting so much from her?
We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet....
And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you....
.
What is killing marriages now is over expectation,,,spouses expecting too much from each other.,,some wives expect that their husbands musn't cheat on them,,,,so when they realize he is cheating, they feel the world should come to an end.
.
I know a family whose dad, mom and the first child of the family are diebetic,,,,,you know what that means?,,,,,,they started having a pattern of cooking and eating in the house,,,,now these patterns weren't going well with those without the illness. Eating wheat with a particular kind of soup for a whole month became boring to some people and i tell you, it wasn't easy at all for them to adapt.,,,,
.
it is really difficult to start adapting to something you were never used to.
.
For that aspect of food, your wife could get many pots as possible,it means she will be cooking yours separately,becos it's obvious, she can't do away with that item, if it was, she wouldn't av bought it and then hid it.............
.
To avoid hiding things as such, tell her to get a separate pot for you and another pot for herself and she is free to use the item in her pot only.
.
For the apology aspect,,, i know it hurts especially when you are waiting for someone to tell you sorry and the sorry isn't coming...but then if it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, the earlier you accept it the better, otherwise, ur marriage will be in riun if care is not taken.
She may even be someone who doesn't see anything wrong with apologizing-there are people like that, it doesn't matter if you guys dated for 8yrs before marriage- the truth is you can never finish knowing someone.
.
For example,
i have this habit of not greeting people becos of the way i was brought up.i see only mum and dad when i wake up, i greet the two of them and will have to greet again till i get to school, and greeting a teacher was a collective thing.,,,,so i was not used to greeting so many people in the morning, like someone who comes from a large family or live in a family house. And i grew with it
.
Now when i grew up, and left home, i started having problems with it, people complain i don't greet. If i wake up in the morning and i see 20 people i have to greet, it is like the ground should open let me enter.- it bores me.
.
AND OVER THE YEARS I GROW UP EVEN WITH A MENTALITY THAT GREETING IS NOT A BIG DEAL. I WILL NEVER BE UPSET IF 100 PEOPLE PASS BY ME WITHOUT GREETING ME, AND SO I EXPECT THEY SHOULDN'T GET UPSET TOO IF I DON'T GREET THEM.
.
now many people interpreted this as pride, ego etc.
.
When i got married it became a very big issue. My husband love greeting people, cos he grow up in a large family where you greet about 40 to 50 people when you wake up in the morning.
.
He started forcing me to greet anybody i see, i started forcing myself to greet really, but even in my trying, i still fail most times,,,i could just pass you and not notice you,,,,maybe after walking abit far, it then occurs to me i didn't greet that fellow and i will start feeling so sorry again.
.
But when my husbands realizes i wasn't doing it out of pride or ego, he learnt to live with it.,,,,,he doesn't both his greetings and mine together,,,,when people are complaining, he will be the one to explain things to them.
.
So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature.

mrk74:

Thank you very much for this input. Even though she is not really arrogant she does have a bit of ego and seems to hold a view that apology should not be necessary. This is something I want her to change. And I'm hoping that when she see's other people's opinion on this she will be more inclined to adjust.

shogotermies:
Buh Sir nairaland isn't the best place to resolve family issues oo.
And one thing sir,the internet never forget any story...
You are man enough, you should know how to resolve issues within your family,without bringing it to anyone.

Thank you

No one knows us.

out

BuddhaPalm:


Imagine if every time someone arrives late to work, the boss ONLY says some words (with no implied consequence behind them), and asks for an apology

...order will break down...

Productivity will suffer as people will get to work, everyday, by 3:59 PM - or not all.

If your wife's boss tells her, once, never to smoke in the office again, he will only need to say it that one time, and she would never repeat it.

Why?

Because there will be a swift and unforgiving consequence...

Consequences keep civilization in orbit.

Remove it and people will behead their neighbours, torch others properties and loot markets...


Although both relationships are different, the dynamic behind why your wife will comply with her boss' request command and not yours is the same...

Motivation 101: People take action that moves them towards pleasure or away from pain.

If all you'd do is whine, with there being no repercussion, then there is no motivation for her to stop.

If she adds the offending ingredient in the food, don't whine, don't complain. Simply don't eat it...because it genuinely upsets your stomach.

The same way you wouldn't drink a glass of laxative, if she serves you that in place of coffee.


You might ask, "so how is not eating the food a potent consequence?"

Oh it is! But not by itself...

You see, it is your sacred duty, as a man, to "escalate her escalation". If she gives your peace of mind, feminine sunshine and compliance, you take these up a notch and reward her accordingly.

On the other hand, if she gives you unpleasantness and discomfort...

You don't play chicken.

You escalate this too and reward her accordingly. "To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace", said George Washington.

See, whenever she puts that stuff in your food, she's essentially not giving you food. And if she's not feeding you, she isn't being wifely. And if she isn't being wifely, you stop being husbandly.

You can appeal to people's sense of duty, responsibility and fairness, until the cows come home, and they will still take you for granted and do as it pleases them.

But add one ounce of repercussion to the equation and their behaviour lines up nicely.

"Speak softly, but carry a big stick" ------ Teddy Roosevelt

honestly,you have said it all. infact,i don learn somtin from ur comment. chaiiiiii....guy,ur head dey der. dis one go dey my left hand so that I wont take am chop. 1million likes.

Don't you think you are expecting so much from her?
We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet....
And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you....
.
What is killing marriages now is over expectation,,,spouses expecting too much from each other.,,some wives expect that their husbands musn't cheat on them,,,,so when they realize he is cheating, they feel the world should come to an end.
.
I know a family whose dad, mom and the first child of the family are diebetic,,,,,you know what that means?,,,,,,they started having a pattern of cooking and eating in the house,,,,now these patterns weren't going well with those without the illness. Eating wheat with a particular kind of soup for a whole month became boring to some people and i tell you, it wasn't easy at all for them to adapt.,,,,
.
it is really difficult to start adapting to something you were never used to.
.
For that aspect of food, your wife could get many pots as possible,it means she will be cooking yours separately,becos it's obvious, she can't do away with that item, if it was, she wouldn't av bought it and then hid it.............
.
To avoid hiding things as such, tell her to get a separate pot for you and another pot for herself and she is free to use the item in her pot only.
.
For the apology aspect,,, i know it hurts especially when you are waiting for someone to tell you sorry and the sorry isn't coming...but then if it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, the earlier you accept it the better, otherwise, ur marriage will be in riun if care is not taken.
She may even be someone who doesn't see anything wrong with apologizing-there are people like that, it doesn't matter if you guys dated for 8yrs before marriage- the truth is you can never finish knowing someone.
.
For example,
i have this habit of not greeting people becos of the way i was brought up.i see only mum and dad when i wake up, i greet the two of them and will have to greet again when i get to school, and greeting a teacher was a collective thing.,,,,so i was not used to greeting so many people in the morning, like someone who comes from a large family or live in a family house. And i grew with it
.
Now when i grew up, and left home, i started having problems with it, people complain i don't greet. If i wake up in the morning and i see 20 people i have to greet, it is like the ground should open let me enter.- it bores me.
.
AND OVER THE YEARS I GROW UP EVEN WITH A MENTALITY THAT GREETING IS NOT A BIG DEAL. I WILL NEVER BE UPSET IF 100 PEOPLE PASS BY ME WITHOUT GREETING ME, AND SO I EXPECT THEY SHOULDN'T GET UPSET TOO IF I DON'T GREET THEM.
.
now many people interpreted this as pride, ego etc.
.
When i got married it became a very big issue. My husband loves greeting people, cos he grow up in a large family where you greet about 40 to 50 people when you wake up in the morning.
.
He started forcing me to greet anybody i see, i started forcing myself to greet really, but even in my trying, i still fail most times,,,i could just pass you and not notice you,,,,maybe after walking abit far, it then occurs to me i didn't greet that fellow and i will start feeling so sorry again.
.
But when my husband realizes i wasn't doing it out of pride or ego, he learnt to live with it.,,,,,he does both his greetings and mine together,,,,and when people are complaining, he will be the one to explain things to them.
.
So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature.

mrk74:

Thank you very much for this input. Even though she is not really arrogant she does have a bit of ego and seems to hold a view that apology should not be necessary. This is something I want her to change. And I'm hoping that when she see's other people's opinion on this she will be more inclined to adjust.

repogirl:
Lol, OP sounds exactly like my husband. but you are not him, cos he is not a Nairalander ....or is he?

Op, your wife you described sounds like my very self, and you sound like my husband although we have been married a few years now so we have adjusted quite well to each other.

My husband hates salt , he prefers eating bland food to something salty although I have eaten a few of the stuff he eats at work o and it's quite salty but when I cook my own and miscalculate the salt a few times, he will not let me hear word again. Lol.

Anyway .... you have married, I can only ask you to accept her the way she is. Afterall, you already knew this before you went ahead and married her. There must be something good about her and that's why you married her. Don't let irrelevant things push you two apart pls.

You two are still adjusting as you only just married a few months back. Give it time and you will both understand each other better. It's quite hard for her to drop years of formed habits just like that.

You need to push her gently where she needs to be pushed. It might seem like work but that's marriage . Realise her faults and make room for it, work with her strengths and make her better.

Over time, she might get to understand how you feel about apologies and would oblige you. Back then I myself could keep malice for days but I think I'm quite better now. Lol.

So please, make room for her... noone is perfect. Ofcourse always let her know when she has misbehaved but don't nag and nag about it after she has understood. With time she will become the woman you want her to be, hopefully .

Thanks.

We won't break apart. An concerning the nagging it's not what I can expect of me. My kind of nag has been that I've said I don't like this, she acknowledges and in some cases promises to adjust but doesn't. So I remind her when she does it again. At the 4th time, she may get a lecture. Lol. But I don't like it. I think that 1 or 2 times should be enough for someone to make adjustment. Or if you have a problem adjusting then say it and we have a discussion and arrive at a compromise.

I believe we will get there sha. I've already made up my mind not to make a complain more than once.

Burgerlomo:
Do you normally apologize to her too whenever you're wrong? Because it's supposed to be a vice versa, and if your answer is yes then she suppose to go and so ewe agbeje mowo , I mean put herself into check before she push you out into the hands of your colleagues just to start with, or into the hands of those husband snatchers out there, her ego can't take her anywhere.

Apology is as simple as ABC for me. But ultimately I am very mindful of hurting. She has not had much to complain about me in the 1st place. I can only remember one serious one which I had apologized and adjusted. The rest had been minor complains that just needed adjustment which I did adjust.

cococandy:
'Obey' 'disobey'.

your wife is not a child to demand obedience from. I have a hunch her attitude is a last ditch effort to retain some dignity since you are already treating her like a child.

Change. Engage her like an adult. Talk to her like your mate not your subordinate. I believe you will see some compromise from her.

Coming from a lady, this is utterly abysmal, especially one whom is intended to give the teeming readers a soft landing as to the reasons why a lady might be out rightly adamant to a plea.

However nnamdi said it all, and I have just one point to add to his.

One more thing most men do is create a sort of communication barrier in an instantaneous feat of disappointment, disapproval or rage thereby leaving no options for the lady to get to us with an apology.

Oftentimes she may want to apologize but will be met by the heavy ambience of this sort of energy exuded and like I have noticed, the longer the duration of this energy; the farther away an apology gets.

I think if this is the case, being outspoken with selectively mild words and affectionate contacts will result in a quicker apologies. Timing is also of essence.

Mayflowa:


. Coming from you, this is really e nice

I don't know why she would keep cooking with what will harm you!
Does she apologize by unspoken word? That is truer than a mere sorry. She may be scared of you Be might not want to argue with u. Do u keep complaining?

I don't know what you mean by apology by unspoken word, so I can't really answer but I think the best form of apology is making necessary adjustment. However she does claim that she apologizes which is by telling me to stop being angry with her.

sambisa5:
Don't you think you are expecting so much from her?
We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet....
And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you....
..
So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature.

I've really learnt from your post. Thanks.

But do you have something to say about someone not acting as expected even when they had promised to. Especially where they have not cared to air their reservation/objection. The issue here actually stemmed from not acting as expected. Some of the other instances had even not doing things I suggested which were for her own good because she had reservations but didn't care to bring up her reservations.

--Modified--
For the bolded. I hope you realize that our identities are protected. No one knows us here.
I won't share this on Facebook and I'm not even using my regular NL account.

kingphilip:
I've built myself over the years to not accept apologies and commendation because I see them as nothing.

Why apologize when it was in your power not to cause what will lead to apologizing and saying thank you to me too just doesn't go down well with me and sometimes makes me not to render any assistance again so as not to gain that

Op everyone is wired differently and so we must all tolerate and compromise a little in order to accommodate each other not to the detriment of putting our lives on the line though

NB: I still apologize to people and also appreciate too whenever my actions seems to get to people though and when an assistance is rendered to me because I understand most people love that and requires that for every offenses committed and every assistance rendered..

In a nutshell take everything lightly and find a way not to get angry, joke about everything, laugh it off and you'd see that everything will begin to fall in place

I'll love to really ask this question answer honestly

Did you stay in the hostel during your university days??

My tolerance was hatched, nurtured, built and matured there.. I tolerate everyone except when my grievances comes from within though

Wishing your family peace and many other families passing through a misunderstanding phase I speak peace

Good night great people of nairaland

Thanks.

I've boarded from Nursery through secondary but not at University level since the University was just a walking distance from home.

(She thinks) you nag n complain alot, so when she does something wrong or makes a mistake, she keeps it from you cus shes afraid of being judged or shouted upon.. You prolly think you don't but you do.

Love ur wife more n try not to overeact, you will see u gona get a better heart to heart talk n understand why she doesn't apologise. It could be her way of curbing conflicts n avoiding misunderstanding.

She is urs to protect, you can't be against her

ABEngine:

Coming from a lady, this is utterly abysmal, especially one whom is intended to give the teeming readers a soft landing as to the reasons why a lady might be out rightly adamant to a plea.

However nnamdi said it all, and I have just one point to add to his.

One more thing most men do is create a sort of communication barrier in an instantaneous feat of disappointment, disapproval or rage thereby leaving no options for the lady to get to us with an apology.

Oftentimes she may want to apologize but will be met by the heavy ambience of this sort of energy exuded and like I have noticed, the longer the duration of this energy; the farther away an apology gets.

I think if this is the case, being outspoken with selectively mild words and affectionate contacts will result in a quicker apologies. Timing is also of essence.

Good point, but that is not the case with me. I'm a very simple person and I don't shout even when I'm angry. It's only my countenance & tone that would let you know I'm angry. But I don't just get angry instantly. In the last instance I just brought out the item to where I was working in the room. She came back and laughed when she saw it before me. I asked her what the item is doing in the house when I had asked her to stop buying it and she agreed. She responded that she will be using it moderately. She had made this same assertion before but can't keep to it before I told her to stop out rightly. I asked her if she realized that her action is disrespect to me? She said it's not like that that she has promised to reduce the quantity. In all this I was cool and she had all the time to apologize. I only got angry when I told her that I can stop eating her food because of this and she told me that the food I will eat outside will still have the item.

I am in no way close to getting married so I dont know if my opinion is valid here but I will give my piece because I think I am involved with a woman like this, and we have been together for 5years now. To start with sir, the last thing you want to is to involve a third party in your marriage, as a matter of fact never try to do such, no one I mean no single one will understand and get to the root of the situation, they will only blame a party and have the other apologize, thereby leaving the other party weak at heart. On the issue of not putting out her reservation before things get out of hand, sir Its not exactly her fault, she had lived her whole life taking those decisions like that, as a matter of fact people like that only feel pain when its happening, after that time they forget and let go very easily although they cry about it sometime in their closet. Now as her man, all you have to do is be proactive and take those steps for her if you can, believe me she wont be mad at you neither would it mean you bossy like some people who dont understand her person would say. On the issue of apology the main subject sir, holy shit most time she wont even do when she knows its wrong, I threaten my girlfriend before she apologises over some issue, but as we grow together I just overlook it knowing thats her (and sir I believe marriage is taking her for who she is) this also happens when I get her stuffs or get something done for her, I wont be surprised to know she doesnt appreciate or say thank you like every other person does, its just their way, most of these people are of the phlegmatic temperament class, just read on temperament to understand some of her trait. Now to the wife (since your man said you will get to view this thread), dont feel all relaxed thinking you cant be replaced or pushed to do things, you don't have to be selfish or live life like you still single, make your man happy, open apology is what people like him{a dominant choleric) needs, it makes us feel important, loved and appreciated. Just consider his happiness and marriage because I bet [color=#006600][/color]this might get out of hand for him someday if you continue this way. I wish you the best in your marriage.

mrk74:
I do feel that I’m a very lucky man to have a very compatible lady as my wife. We love each other so well and I strongly believe we were meant for each other. However, I have one issue. When she has issue with a suggestion, request or complain she may agree without stating or discussing her objections but will simply not take the suggestion. Sometimes she will out rightly disobey me. The result will be me complaining severally and eventually getting upset. We hardly have issues, but when we do it’s usually because of something like this. We had dated for about 3 years before marriage. We had no issue in our 1st two years. Not that there was no complain at all but we easily made adjustments to accommodate each other. But there were several instances of this kind of issues in our 3rd year and I was seriously bothered. We had a very serious misunderstanding still from this kind of issue few months before we got married. At a point I asked her if I’m difficult and she told me that I nag. It was very embarrassing but when I the dictionary definition of nagging again which states that “(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something”, then I agreed that I did nag. Then I realized how easy a partner’s action/inaction could make the other to nag.

Just before we began the process towards marriage I had to extract commitments from her for us to avoid this kind of issues in the future. I had explained how we could have handled situations like this better and the fact that she shouldn’t make it a big deal to apologise and she agreed with me. We got married on 30th December 2015 and we have not had issues since then till few days ago. I told her to stop using an item for cooking due to the health challenge I have with the item when it much in the food. I had previously asked for her to avoid putting too much of it which she agreed but she will fail on about 2 out of 9 meals. It was when I realized she can’t moderate it appropriately I asked her to stop and add it when she eats. She agreed but still won’t stop. I then told her not to have the item in the house at all. She agreed but will still buy it and hide. Even though I had noticed the presence of the item on meals for a while but I got to find some that she had recently bought and hidden in a locker. When I confronted her on it she only argued and asked if I had noticed it being overused recently. Even when I pointed out how bad I felt about her disobeying me she will not see it as a big deal.

I’ve been cold with her for about 2 days now (We talk, but not with the typical high spirit when we are both happy). Yesterday she told me that I have been behaving abnormally and I have not told her what is wrong. Then I used the opportunity to remind her of how she has been disobeying me including that of another incident that I had just refused to be upset about. All she said was that she had agreed to stop which I’m not sure I remembered her saying so. But even if she did, how is it different from the previous instance she accepted but began to hide the item. I believe she should apologize for disobeying me but this is something that she won’t do. As far as she is concerned, she had told me she will stop and expects us to move on and there is nothing to be addressed any further.

Fellow nairalanders, what do you think about this? Is an apology for disobeying me out of place?

We had agreed before marriage not to take our issues to friends or family which I strongly uphold. But at this point, I think we should get opinion of a 3rd party hopefully we can get an objective view on this and either of us can have make necessary adjustment for us to avoid this in the future. She reads selected items that lalasticlala pushes to the front page and I hope she gets to read this too. She will definitely know it’s about us. If I don’t hear her mention seeing it on nairaland, I will deliberately lead her to the thread.

----Modified----
I notice some comments are being directed on the food incidence as if that really is the issue. Please the issue has not always been about food. It's just these last issues that have been about food. There had been an issue with her using bleaching creams, one about her refusing to apply for a sponsorship of her project by an International organization which I pushed for mainly because of the exposure she could get. There had been one about applying for her MSc in a nearby University. Except for the bleaching that she just didn't seem to believe the level of risk involved with the bleaching creams the others she simply won't express her reservation or make objections but just won't act till it becomes annoying then you will know she was not comfortable with it. Meanwhile she had given the impression that she is act or was acting on it. Till date she still regrets where she is having her about to be concluded MSc which could have been avoided if she had opened up on time about her reservation on where I had initially suggested.

The issue is actually more about her not expressing her reservation on a matter and not apologizing when she realizes that she didn't do well. Instead of showing remorse she will simply say we should move on sometimes without even wanting to address the issue.

For those who think I'm controlling. I do let her make her decisions. But I do wish she can share her objections where I make suggestions that she is not comfortable with. When I asked her to get registered for her MSc I had asked her to do so in the Federal University that is about 3mins drive from our house. But that is where she had a BSc and she was not comfortable going there for her MSc. But instead of opening up on her reservation she was just lazy about getting the form and was making enquiry about it from wrong sources till I lost my patience and insisted she go by herself. The school is very close but she didn't even need to trek down. When she got there it was already late entry but I didn't mind. It was when she should have gone to pay that she now raised her reservation but initially hanged it on someone else opinion. I didn't insist. I even tried to assisted her in finding an alternative. But by this time it was only one school that still sold forms for MSc and that is where she is schooling now.

Tobiloba84:
I am in no way close to getting married so I dont know if my opinion is valid here but I will give my piece because I think I am involved with a woman like this, and we have been together for 5years now. To start with sir, the last thing you want to is to involve a third party in your marriage, as a matter of fact never try to do such, no one I mean no single one will understand and get to the root of the situation, they will only blame a party and have the other apologize, thereby leaving the other party weak at heart. On the issue of not putting out her reservation before things get out of hand, sir Its not exactly her fault, she had lived her whole life taking those decisions like that, as a matter of fact people like that only feel pain when its happening, after that time they forget and let go very easily although they cry about it sometime in their closet. Now as her man, all you have to do is be proactive and take those steps for her if you can, believe me she wont be mad at you neither would it mean you bossy like some people who dont understand her person would say. On the issue of apology the main subject sir, holy shit most time she wont even do when she knows its wrong, I threaten my girlfriend before she apologises over some issue, but as we grow together I just overlook it knowing thats her (and sir I believe marriage is taking her for who she is) this also happens when I get her stuffs or get something done for her, I wont be surprised to know she doesnt appreciate or say thank you like every other person does, its just their way, most of these people are of the phlegmatic temperament class, just read on temperament to understand some of her trait. Now to the wife (since your man said you will get to view this thread), dont feel all relaxed thinking you cant be replaced or pushed to do things, you don't have to be selfish or live life like you still single, make your man happy, open apology is what people like him{a dominant choleric) needs, it makes us feel important, loved and appreciated. Just consider his happiness and marriage because I bet this might get out of hand for him someday if you continue this way. I wish you the best in your marriage.

Thanks

Bringing to social media does not show immaturity ma, as the identity are hidden, just that phrase put off your idea

sambisa5:
Don't you think you are expecting so much from her?
We only heard your side,,we haven't listened to her yet....
And if you ask me, for even bringing your family affairs to social media is a lot of immaturity from you....
.
What is killing marriages now is over expectation,,,spouses expecting too much from each other.,,some wives expect that their husbands musn't cheat on them,,,,so when they realize he is cheating, they feel the world should come to an end.
.
I know a family whose dad, mom and the first child of the family are diebetic,,,,,you know what that means?,,,,,,they started having a pattern of cooking and eating in the house,,,,now these patterns weren't going well with those without the illness. Eating wheat with a particular kind of soup for a whole month became boring to some people and i tell you, it wasn't easy at all for them to adapt.,,,,
.
it is really difficult to start adapting to something you were never used to.
.
For that aspect of food, your wife could get many pots as possible,it means she will be cooking yours separately,becos it's obvious, she can't do away with that item, if it was, she wouldn't av bought it and then hid it.............
.
To avoid hiding things as such, tell her to get a separate pot for you and another pot for herself and she is free to use the item in her pot only.
.
For the apology aspect,,, i know it hurts especially when you are waiting for someone to tell you sorry and the sorry isn't coming...but then if it is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, the earlier you accept it the better, otherwise, ur marriage will be in riun if care is not taken.
She may even be someone who doesn't see anything wrong with apologizing-there are people like that, it doesn't matter if you guys dated for 8yrs before marriage- the truth is you can never finish knowing someone.
.
For example,
i have this habit of not greeting people becos of the way i was brought up.i see only mum and dad when i wake up, i greet the two of them and will have to greet again when i get to school, and greeting a teacher was a collective thing.,,,,so i was not used to greeting so many people in the morning, like someone who comes from a large family or live in a family house. And i grew with it
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Now when i grew up, and left home, i started having problems with it, people complain i don't greet. If i wake up in the morning and i see 20 people i have to greet, it is like the ground should open let me enter.- it bores me.
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AND OVER THE YEARS I GROW UP EVEN WITH A MENTALITY THAT GREETING IS NOT A BIG DEAL. I WILL NEVER BE UPSET IF 100 PEOPLE PASS BY ME WITHOUT GREETING ME, AND SO I EXPECT THEY SHOULDN'T GET UPSET TOO IF I DON'T GREET THEM.
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now many people interpreted this as pride, ego etc.
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When i got married it became a very big issue. My husband loves greeting people, cos he grow up in a large family where you greet about 40 to 50 people when you wake up in the morning.
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He started forcing me to greet anybody i see, i started forcing myself to greet really, but even in my trying, i still fail most times,,,i could just pass you and not notice you,,,,maybe after walking abit far, it then occurs to me i didn't greet that fellow and i will start feeling so sorry again.
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But when my husband realizes i wasn't doing it out of pride or ego, he learnt to live with it.,,,,,he does both his greetings and mine together,,,,and when people are complaining, he will be the one to explain things to them.
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So try understand ur wife, apologizing may not be anything to her. Perhaps, she had an upbringing where you don't need to apologize for anything, and she is used to it. It may not be ego or pride, it has just become a nature.

KingRex1:
(She thinks) you nag n complain alot, so when she does something wrong or makes a mistake, she keeps it from you cus shes afraid of being judged or shouted upon.. You prolly think you don't but you do.

Love ur wife more n never try not to overeact, you will see u gona get a better heart to heart talk n understand why she doesn't apologise. It could be her way of curbing conflicts n avoiding misunderstanding.

She is urs to protect, you can't be against her

That conclusion is so wrong. The only way I've nagged is that I remind her of what I don't like when she does it again. Like pointing out that the substance is still much on the food today and that's it. On a 4th time I may be more elaborate in reminding her why I don't like it just to make sure she appreciates why I don't like it. The complain is never about her person and there is no way I will be judging her by that. I've never shouted on anyone no matter how angry I am. In fact I loose speech fluency when I'm too angry so I often end up being quite at such instances.

That na your cross and you must carry it. Most women don't say sorry or apologize when they are wrong or disobey you so the best thing is ignore that and behave as if nothing happens otherwise you make yourself unhappy for nothing. They feel it is their right for men to apologize to them even when they are the ones that really need to apologize. Na so God create them and in trying to change that you end up been frustrated. Love and manage her for what she is.

You seem perfect MR, ur wife may not be complaining because she knows what marriage is about, tolerance, sacrifice and communication, sometimes its good to ket a lot of things slide, every day talkie talkie no dey tire you? U really nag a lot, u are responding more than u should read ehat people are saying, esp hoosing the ones u prefer or you feel are on your side, if ur wife compared the size of ur private part to an ex, im sure she will go home that day, you had the nerve to go to ur friend's house, to ask the wife to cook for you when both or you shouldve lovingly googled and prepared it together. She must really be tolerating so much, you dont demand apology after enforcing your decision, im sure if she comes here to talk about you, we will feel sorry for her. In the end you will ruin a beautiful thing because you have a huge ego, truthfully you need to appreciate your wife, ask her what she wants before you make a decision, its a marriage not temporary contract, you just have to sit down and talk. About the MSc did you even ask her which school she wanted to go before you decided for her cos it was 3mins from your house? Haba mr perfect, like u have made us believe. Tell us ur bad parts and dont come here making people believe you married a stubborn unapologetic woman when all most of us have read is " you are a( i must have it my way) kind of man. You are the one with the issue. I know you wont agree with me cos i did not join to condemn ur wife.

@op such a woman can poison you. She disobeys you and she is proud to apologize, then how can you say you are compatible? Make your observations known to her parents, if it continues, lastly not to sound religious, but put this situation in prayers.

Bro you just have to live with it, no human is perfect. my wife also does that, she never apologises for anything even when she is @ fault, instead I end up apologising, but that doesn't mean she is bad, jst a way of showing u that she is no perfect. and I never stop loving her. but the most important thing is both party understanding each other...

Compromise and commuinicate.

Where the op said that he was going to show his wife this thread, I read a little into his relationship with his wife, they don't talk, if you feel you need an apology so badly, outrightly demand it.
you guys should talk about this spice issue, it is either concluded now or carried over to another quarrel, be ready to compromise by accepting the little amount she is putting, she might 'on her own say phuck it' and abandon the spice.

He should let issue regarding his health or emotional well being slide, you try well well.

nomanicole:
You seem perfect MR, ur wife may not be complaining because she knows what marriage is about, tolerance, sacrifice and communication, sometimes its good to ket a lot of things slide, every day talkie talkie no dey tire you? U really nag a lot, u are responding more than u should read ehat people are saying, esp hoosing the ones u prefer or you feel are on your side, if ur wife compared the size of ur private part to an ex, im sure she will go home that day, you had the nerve to go to ur friend's house, to ask the wife to cook for you when both or you shouldve lovingly googled and prepared it together. She must really be tolerating so much, you dont demand apology after enforcing your decision, im sure if she comes here to talk about you, we will feel sorry for her. In the end you will ruin a beautiful thing because you have a huge ego, truthfully you need to appreciate your wife, ask her what she wants before you make a decision, its a marriage not temporary contract, you just have to sit down and talk. About the MSc did you even ask her which school she wanted to go before you decided for her cos it was 3mins from your house? Haba mr perfect, like u have made us believe. Tell us ur bad parts and dont come here making people believe you married a stubborn unapologetic woman when all most of us have read is " you are a( i must have it my way) kind of man. You are the one with the issue. I know you wont agree with me cos i did not join to condemn ur wife.

Sacluxpaint:
@op such a woman can poison you. She disobeys you and she is proud to apologize, then how can you say you are compatible? Make your observations known to her parents, if it continues, lastly not to sound religious, but put this situation in prayers.

chai! See bad advice oh

I'm never ever gonna put my relationship issues online.

I dont agree to this, you probably dont understand her kind of person, poison bawo egbon

Sacluxpaint:
@op such a woman can poison you. She disobeys you and she is proud to apologize, then how can you say you are compatible? Make your observations known to her parents, if it continues, lastly not to sound religious, but put this situation in prayers.

Read the good and ignore the bad, your brain is there to discern which is best for you

fr3do:



chai! See bad advice oh

I'm never ever gonna put my relationship issues online.

Tobiloba84:
Read the good and ignore the bad, your brain is there to discern which is best for you

good and bad do not have definite referrences, you skim through too many of these apparently bad advices, you will feel they are too apparently bad.

fr3do:



chai! See bad advice oh

I'm never ever gonna put my relationship issues online.

Oga I am only giving my opinion, op says he has health issues with what she uses to cook and u r cool with it? If it is not deliberate wickedness, then I don't know what else it is. If my advice is bad, why not share Yours or better still let him stay off forum. To each his own.

Tobiloba84:
I dont agree to this, you probably dont understand her kind of person, poison bawo egbon

Oga, op said he has health issues with the ingredient she is using to cook and she keeps deliberately doing it, is that not wickedness or something? Moreover she keeps hiding it. What is there to understand?? Please let us not use love to blind reality.

missjo:
There's never a good excuse for anyone not to apologize when they are wrong. Your wife might just have an arrogant personality and is not very good with authority figures. most of the time it isn't deliberate, other times it is.
Sometimes even when someone like your wife ends up apologizing,they still think they did you a favour.


You now have to figure out if she's doing all this on purpose or just a trait she hasn't been able to work on.this is something you can live with.
Train yourself not to expect apologies from her,i have done so with many people in my life and we're still cool.

chai,see correct answer!!!!! kudos joor

its

crazenaijadude