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My Ex Or My New Man? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 9:27pm On Jan 25, 2017
raumdeuter:


What are his family and your family's opinion on the current state of this union

My own family is indifferent, they respect my decision, though my mum is hell bent on me not going back there, cos of the way he treated me and he really humiliated them by sending me back home

His family are wishing we would resolve our issues, though his mum has not uttered a word all through, she has not even checked on me in two years, she has not even checked on her grandchild..
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by raumdeuter: 11:25pm On Jan 25, 2017
You dont want to be with him, your parents dont want you to be with him anymore for the sake of your safety

His actions shows he doesnt really care for you to stay, His moms actions supports this that she doesnt care f you stay or not

Is this a good summary of the situation?

3 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by prestigiouslady: 11:32pm On Jan 25, 2017
Yes it is..
I think I'm the only one who is still seeing the possibility of a come back, every other person is keeping quiet and I think their silence means approval that we should part ways

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by oshdam2015: 1:56pm On Jan 26, 2017
Your husband loves you but couldn't help his negative attitude. I think living separately could help you both. Some people tend to know the true value of people and treat them well when they don't get to see them often. Living separately while married could work. You two would just arrange to see and have nice time together probably once in a week or two.

This is only if he's ready to make it work too.

prestigiouslady:


thank you sir.
I'm a strong believer of marriage as a for better for worse thing, hence my decision to bring in the olive branch..
As per the lonely part, I don't think he is, cos he particularly told me "he has got structures in place" and its too complicated.
on one occasion, he asked me if I heard he is expecting a set of twins in few months time, how would I feel? So I know he's seeing someone else now.

But I don't just want a broken home for my child

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 2:16pm On Jan 26, 2017
oshdam2015:
Your husband loves you but couldn't help his negative attitude. I think living separately could help you both. Some people tend to know the true value of people and treat them well when they don't get to see them often. Living separately while married could work. You two would just arrange to see and have nice time together probably once in a week or two.

This is only if he's ready to make it work too.

6 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Dyt(f): 2:18pm On Jan 26, 2017
HARDDON:



Fast n Pray n clear every obstacle n besetting clouds against ur home

Wake up.

2 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by miqos02(m): 8:35pm On Jan 26, 2017
?
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by kenzysmith: 8:38pm On Jan 26, 2017
N so prick to prick is bad
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by omooba969(m): 8:39pm On Jan 26, 2017
Ok
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by enshi(m): 8:40pm On Jan 26, 2017
1bkaye:
File for a divorce and move on sis

Agent of the devil from the pit of hell
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 8:41pm On Jan 26, 2017
enshi:


Agent of the devil from the pit of hell
Na so

4 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Opakan2: 8:42pm On Jan 26, 2017
Hmmmn.. this your own case is strong

At least you're not like some figure head married dummies here whose only purpose in life is to wear bum shorts and spread their filthy legs as slaves that they are for their master whether violent or not
They even suck dicks just to please men else na domestic violence straight.

Emancipate yourself from slavery dear, go with your mind

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by DesChyko: 8:44pm On Jan 26, 2017
It's unfortunate that our society tends to paint the lady in the darker colours in every fallout in a relationship.
These stuffs are too complex to waddle in but what I think is that both families that essentially sealed the union after your consents should sit and seek a permanent solution to the problem, so that at the end of the day, you won't have to take any blame.

2 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Magicc: 8:45pm On Jan 26, 2017
Go back to your husband, he loves you a lot.

I am not making a case for his abusive tendencies, I know that he loves you more than anything in this world. I am sure of this.


prestigiouslady:


Thank you very much Sir.
I'm 22hrs away from him ATM..but I'm willing to make things work between us, but on his own part, its like he takes one step forward and 3steps backward.
He's not even talking to me, he has blocked all means of communication with me.
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 8:50pm On Jan 26, 2017
I don't wanna put asunder but if you were my sister, I will personally write a divorce letter to the court and cut your finger to thumbprint it if you don't want to.

Your story is as visible as the sunlight. Please even if you don't wanna divorce that beast of a husband(my bad), start a new relationship for now and make yourself happy. You deserve to live happy my dear.

2 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by AntiWailer: 8:51pm On Jan 26, 2017
U know the answer
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by montezz(f): 8:51pm On Jan 26, 2017
Magicc:
Go back to your husband, he loves you a lot.

I am not making a case for his abusive tendencies, I know that he loves you more than anything in this world. I am sure of this.


Awon Omniknowest! Tuale sir!


@op you can see the handwriting on the wall but you chose to follow the other path. I know you really want your man back despite the fact that he is into someone else. His mother no even send u and ur pikin. What kinda marriage is that? Its your life sha.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by bbjummy: 8:54pm On Jan 26, 2017
OldBeer:
Awon fast and pray brigade don enter.
Erm... Op if you decide to undergo the fast, don't forget to watch war room and use coconut oil.
War room ; film wey make sense. But it isn't easy sha o
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by enshi(m): 8:54pm On Jan 26, 2017
1bkaye:

Na so

But y did you have to advice her in that direction
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by ukandi1(m): 8:56pm On Jan 26, 2017
Two years counting and u are still waiting expecting miracles? When a man is off u, he is off u. It's okay to hope for a resolution but u had better prepare ur mind for d worst.
Better sue for divorce and move on before time runs out on u.
U are just a last resort to him now not a priority and that position is so painful beyond description.
Free him, put ur mind together and move on without looking back. Spit him out of ur mouth and now.
I am not saying d other divorcee is a better option. U may need to look beyond him before u leap. God luk

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by villavic(m): 8:57pm On Jan 26, 2017
prestigiouslady:


thank you sir.
I'm a strong believer of marriage as a for better for worse thing, hence my decision to bring in the olive branch..
As per the lonely part, I don't think he is, cos he particularly told me "he has got structures in place" and its too complicated.
on one occasion, he asked me if I heard he is expecting a set of twins in few months time, how would I feel? So I know he's seeing someone else now.

But I don't just want a broken home for my child



excuse me, am very sure he is only saying that so as to tease you for settlement, or have you heard about the twins? my dear just pray and seek for the presence of God in this issue, Reason being is that if we all support you to go on with the new guy, how
are we sure your husband doesnt want you back, secondly if we should advice you to go back to your husband and it turn out he doesnt want you, it might be too late because you would have end up loosing the new lover boy. #GOD#OVER#EVERYTHING

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 8:57pm On Jan 26, 2017
prestigiouslady:


Yes, we were legally married in a registry..

Be advised that there are two grounds of divorce under Nigerian law- adultery which needs to be proven + a 2 year continuous separation and abandonment + 3 year continuous separation. Staying together for one night restarts the clock. Divorce is not an easy choice as some would have you believe. I went through it and it is like pulling a tooth without anesthetic. The pain isn't so much due to missing the other person but more due a feeling of failure and the time wasted. Then there are the questions your child will ask and the inevitable social and emotional difficulties you face as they graduate, get married etc.

If you are a Christian, I would say you really need to be sure and understandably you will tend towards caution but in this case not making a decision is actually taking a decision. Be aware. Find out what God's word actually says yourself. And I stress [/b]yourself[b]

Do NOT get involved with anyone. Do yourself and them a favour. It will only lead to tears. Emotionally you will grow out of anyone you meet right now. Buy yourself something nice, decorate your room, learn a new skill and take care of your child.

I would NEVER ask you to divorce your husband but understand that it is not the one that files the papers that initiated the divorce but the one who broke the covenant and who refuses to repent or rethink. The one who hardens their neck.

I am very sorry you find yourself in this situation. Will be praying for you - for illumination, direction and above all peace.

15 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 8:58pm On Jan 26, 2017
enshi:


But y did you have to advice her in that direction
What would you advise she do?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 8:58pm On Jan 26, 2017
Not everyone is meant to get married,that your husband should not marry at all! It is not compulsory,even God said it (yes quote me anywhere). OP,I no talk say make you divorce am oh,but a child is involved here. Not just a child but an innocent one who doesn't deserve to suffer for the sins of two grown adults. So if you can honestly tell me that your child won't become an orphan if you go back to your abusive husband,then do it else better file for a divorce now and stay alive for your child! I Don talk my own oh undecided

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by YTderin(f): 8:59pm On Jan 26, 2017
HARDDON:


I am not saying u should give it a trail(he is not ur boyfriend!) i am saying u shld gO get UR MAN!

For from d days of JOhn d baptise, d KingdOm of God surfereth Violence and d violent taketh it by Force!

Even ladies in common relationship fight to keep their men let alone u that have had a baby for him!
Fast n Pray n clear every obstacle n besetting clouds against ur home , after that, go and see ur man.
U know what is happening now isnt normal. He luvs u, but something is holding him back.

Wake up.
Am I seeing double ni? Harddon? Na you dey talk John the baptise Pls expatiate, did someone hack your account?
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by oluwanoni: 9:00pm On Jan 26, 2017
It all boils down to the foundation of your relationship and even the new one your presume to enter, a quick advice is to never start a relationship on a emotional and sensual level.

Start with the spiritual, everyone as a religion, it teaches us some very important attitudes, like self control, balance, patience for both parties.

Move on to the intellectual, are your goals the same, do want the same things in life, are you in sync or for show.

Lastly is the sensual part, and integral part of any relationship, should in most cases come last.

Don't enter any relationship because, you feel lonely, if you can't make your self happy, how can you make another person happy, you choose to be the person you are by the way you are. @prestigouslady

3 Likes

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by irririchris(m): 9:01pm On Jan 26, 2017
You need to seek professional advice from a marriage counsellor,, I will gladly recommend Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor, Founder of Practical Christian Living Initiative.

Kindly contact her via on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative Twitter and Instagram- @PCLI_NG
https://tinuola.blog/

prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc

1 Like

Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Mznaett: 9:01pm On Jan 26, 2017
prestigiouslady:


I'm not grieving at all and I'm not trying to use the other guy as a rebound... not at all.

Your story sounds familiar... Pls,were you a member of HTCC?
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by AngelicBeing: 9:07pm On Jan 26, 2017
sad
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Tenny05(m): 9:11pm On Jan 26, 2017
prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc
I will advise you to give him a trial, he still loves you so much too. Try and work thiings out with him, You don't know what you ll come across with the new man. So what you both need is amendment of the past ways. God bless you
Re: My Ex Or My New Man? by Nobody: 9:11pm On Jan 26, 2017
prestigiouslady:
Good afternoon Familanders.

I'm in dire need of advice hence my write up.
I'm a single mum of one, I got separated from my ex two years ago...though we are not officially divorced yet. After things got pretty nasty and he had to chase me back home (prior to this, my folks had wanted me to come back home due to his constant abuse)... I thought we could resolve issues, we both tried to but he's just like a smoke, he can't hide his character for too long..he's hot tempered, egoistic, and he can so mouth trash me(emotional abuse).he grew up in a home where his mum was the C in C, so he hates women trying to have a say.I must always do whatever he says not minding if I'm comfortable or not. I have my own share of the blame cos sometimes, he pushes me and I react back, so I'm not saying I'm a saint either. But my friends and family knows I'm not a trouble maker.

So I've been alone for two years, no date, no relationship cos I'm still officially married to him.. I went to see some of his friends and they told me to move on without him, its sad but they couldn't hide it anymore, he has moved on even so show casing a lady around as his new found love..but when things go down the drain between him and his gf, he comes back to me trying to see if we can make things work.

Now I have two problems here,
1. I don't want to be the one to sue for a divorce cos he will blackmail me emotionally (he tells everyone who cares to listen that he didn't chase me out of the house but I left cos I couldn't endure which is a lie from the deepest part of hell)... he doesn't want to sue for a divorce too.

2. I'm becoming too lonely, most night I cry myself to bed.. the last time we spoke, he told me "you're a very good lady, I love you but I really don't know why things arent working between us".. I know he loves me but I'm becoming too lonely and I don't want to cheat on him.

3. Around July 2016,a friend of mine (family friend) has been on my neck for a relationship, I've known him for a while, he was there for me all through when things was bad, he is a good man and he knows I'm separated (he's officially divorced to a white woman)...he's like everything I want in a man.

I really don't know what to do...do I sue for a divorce? or go into a relationship with my new guy for the main time..please help me.


Thank you

cc
Well, you sound like a good woman. Please sister, move on with your life. That man doesn't care for you whole-heartedly. He seems totally selfish and discombobulated.

I really cannot fathom why some men do not cherish good women.

2 Likes

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