I asked for the ladies in the house to help me out with advice because I feel they would know better in such a situation. Men who may have ideas can also contribute.

I will try and be short as possible. My sis turns 28 this year. She has been down emotionally for some time now and she is very close to me and it has made me down too.

My sis has been dating this guy for about two years now, the guy is 28/29 years I think. She got pregnant for this guy about a year ago, the guy was not ready for marriage and they decided to abort it. Along the line she wanted to keep the baby though, but a medical condition stopped her from keeping the baby. The doctor said the baby was growing outside the womb with complications and an operation to abort the pregnancy was needed even if she didn't want an abortion in the first place. Two other hospitals confirmed this through scan.

Also, another shocking revelation was discovered, the doctor said she has a medical issue which would make it kind of difficult for her to conceive easily, that she needs a man with a very very high sperm count for her to take in and the chances are slim because just about 1% of men have such rare high sperm count. This meant the guy she is dating has the rare high sperm count and she attested to this because she said of the previous 2 guys she has dated before him, they at some time engaged in sex without protection and she never had taken in before, but as for this guy in question the very first time they had unprotected sex she took in for him. She didn't reveal what the doctor told her to her guy though. Just her and myself know about her medical condition. The doctor even suggested she sticks to her guy because there is slim possibility of finding another man with such high sperm count. The doctor even asked that guy enrol for sperm donation in fertility clinics as his type of sperm count is in high demand and rare. The guy doesn't stay in the same city with her so he couldn't be around during the abortion process and the doctor couldn't tell him any of these revelations.


After the abortion she and the guy have still been dating, although they don't stay in the same city. She said they guy loves her but he is not directly clear about wanting to marry her anytime soon. This dude is the tall and very handsome type and I sometime see him as a playboy because he gets a lot of attention from ladies but my sister says she has never seen any red flag to suspect he has ever cheated on her and he respects and cares for her like a responsible man. I presume the guy still being young for a man(28/29 years) and very handsome doesn't feel its right time to get married but its not the case for my sister as she is turning 28 years soon. For what I know between her and the guy, they love each other deeply but the dude is just not ready yet to get married, both of them are working but the dude isn't too comfortable yet, but at least comfortable enough to get married if he is serious. The dude isn't just saying anything about settling down at all!

Now here are the questions I need to ask the ladies in the house to help me;

1-Should my sister tell the dude everything? Would this make him more emotional towards her and consider marrying her soon or he would feel he is doing my sister a favour in marrying her?

2-Should my sister consider breaking off with him and giving a chance to other serious suitors? She is very beautiful and has a job and men keep asking her hand in marriage everyday. Remember the doctor said her medical condition makes it hard for her to conceive and needs a man with very high sperm count, can she find a man with that rare high sperm count in the other men asking her hand in marriage? The doctor said just about 1% of men have such and if you do the maths the possibility of finding another man with such is very low in probability.

3- Should she try to make the guy get her pregnant again and based on the fact she has had an abortion before for him he would not have the guts to request she aborts it again and would be forced to make marriage plans? Ever since she had the abortion about a year ago the guy and her have become very strict towards unprotected sex, she says they don't even make the mistake to try it again. But we know as a lady she can have her way with him if she really wants to get pregnant. Mind you she may get pregnant but it would not be that easy from my family side because my dad has said he would not give his blessings to any of his daughters who gets pregnant before wedlock.

4-Married ladies, is there a way a woman can smartly make a man consider marrying her faster? Are they any tricks to making a man more eager to marrying you or are there proven ways to push a man who has cold feet towards getting married? Please has any lady been in such a situation before and know what to act accordingly? Please help a sister out.

Thank you all!

1. No 2. No 3. No 4. ....
Pray more

clears throat!
I am cuming oooo

You sister shouldn't delay staying around that young man. From all indications he isn't ready. If any man truly loves a woman and intend to spend the rest of his life with her won't hesitate to do the proper thing.

For him insisting that the pregnancy should be aborted even before the result of the medical condition was declared shows that he isn't ready to settle with your sister.

He's a playboy that is playing his cards well, your sister might notice any red flag because he carryout his game plan perfectly.

Among the suitors coming for the hands of your sister in marriage there most be someone responsible among them.

If your sister presents the issue for discussion, he might pick offense and see it as a means to end things between them.

If he truly love your sister, he should do the proper thing and marry her. Since they're both working they can start out a family and build a comfortable home.

Medical science has shamed the witches and village powers that fight conception.

There are other medical procedures that will allow her get pregnant without a man with high sperm count. All it will take is money.

Number 3 is totally out of it! Never manipulate/ force a Man into marriage.

This is a very hard nut to crack though. I think you should move this thread to family section to get better ways out

All I see here is your sister's desperation to be the guy's wife. He said he isn't ready for marriage, why not free him and channel your energy on other important things. 28 isn't old my dear!. Who said she won't meet any guy with high sperm quality?.

Trick him to marry you and have yourself to blame latter!.

Alondrah:
Number 3 is totally out of it! Never manipulate/ force a Man into marriage.

This is a very hard nut to crack though. I think you should move this thread to family section to get better ways out

Thanks, Please how can I move this to family section? Can lalasticlala or any other mods help out? Or I should just create another of this topic in Family section?

gbegemaster:
Medical science has shamed the witches and village powers that fight conception.

There are other conception procedures that will allow her get pregnant without a man with high sperm count. All it will take is money.

Thank you, I didn't see it from that perspective

Say no to Blackmail. (You get me pregnant, you must marry me).
The end results of such union could be more disastrous than the initial problems.
Let him make up his mind himself.

TosinDru:
Say no to Blackmail. (You get me pregnant, you must marry me).
The end results of such union could be more disastrous than the initial problems.
Let him make up his mind himself.

Thank you for your input

deji47, Dextology, and kimbra Thank you all for your inputs

Scented:
de.ji47, Dext.ology, and kim.bra Thank you all for your inputs

You're welcome. If you need more counsel you could tag the moderators. lalasticlala would be of help.

She should free the guy jare.

She can get pregnant through IVF or other means with sperm from her own husband after she marry.

A guy that is not ready is not ready. You can't change that fact. When a guy is ready to settle with a lady, the lady would know. There won't be need for games and manipulations.

My humble opinion.

One more thing, could she please stop sleeping with guys she ain't married to?
It's not the best really.

But where is lalasticlala sef?

I don't think blackmailing the guy into marriage is a proper thing. And, how are you sure telling this guy the truth won't finally scarce him off?

Tell your sis to start looking for other help medically. Don't "put all your eggs in one basket" by waiting on that dude.. If he's later ready for marriage, better. If not, there can be other ways she can conceive in the future.

BTW, 1% of 40M Nigerian men is 400,000 .. He's just 1 among those..

TosinDru:
Say no to Blackmail. (You get me pregnant, you must marry me).
The end results of such union could be more disastrous than the initial problems.
Let him make up his mind himself.

Seconded

if I were to be in the guys shoe I would prefer your sis telling me everything rather than letting go without any explanation..
let her tell him, what ever will be will be but if the guy like you say is not ready to settle down or not comfortable yet to settle down she should let go and give other guys the chance..

jashar:
She should free the guy jare.

She can get pregnant through IVF or other means with sperm from her own husband after she marry.

A guy that is not ready is not ready. You can't change that fact. When a guy is ready to settle with a lady, the lady would know. There won't be need for games and manipulations.

My humble opinion.

One more thing, could she please stop sleeping with guys she ain't married to?
It's not the best really.

she didn't just sleep with random guys she is not married to, she was in a relationship with them..
Sister Mary next time drop your advice n stop being judgemental cus I doubt u r a saint either.

Tell your sister to dump the motherfvcker!
She should move on with her life, she can adopt, it's not hard

let me leave b4 I begin to sound like bad tape

schumastic:


she didn't just sleep with random guys she aint marrid to, she was in a relationship with them..
Sister Mary next time drop your advice n stop being judgemental cus I doubt u r a saint either.

Bro.Whazisname..... 1st of all, I talk to you?

2nd of all, I didn't judge nobody. You're the one who the thing is biting,ergo the feeling of judgement.

3rdly, I'm of the opinion that all s.ex before marriage ain't right. So...if you like, sleep with boyfriend or a hooker, wrong is wrong. In the end, God will judge us all.

Lastly, you don't know me or my life story, so, back off.

Namaste.

My advice for your sister is not to allow desperation to becloud her judgement hence resort to blackmailing her Boyfriend.

I understand she is caught in the middle, now that her latest diagnosis show she has some medical complications especially from the fact that the doctor said her current boyfriend is medically strong in reproduction aspect but she should remember that marriage "coerced" can never last. There are guys out there who will possess the guy's reproductive trait yet would love to settle on time with her.

She should settle for Option 2.

jashar:




Bro.Whazisname..... 1st of all, I talk to you?

2nd of all, I didn't judge nobody. You're the one who the thing is biting,ergo the feeling of judgement.

3rdly, I'm of the opinion that all s.ex before marriage ain't right. So...if you like, sleep with boyfriend or a hooker, wrong is wrong. In the end, God will judge us all.

Lastly, you don't know me or my life story, so, back off.

Namaste.

i assume at the end if God is going to judge us he will concentrate more with those who slept with their partner before marriage right?

please spear me all that sermon of holy art thou cus you ain't any saint either like i said before if she chose to sleep with her partner is her choice not yours..you don't v to rub your saint life on her, so back off

We cant be sure if she will find another guy with 'super' sperm but we are sure of two things, your sisters 'generosity' and her dislike for condoms

Y not.
They plenty for sabo

Someday a person would just open nairaland and see his life history. Shuuuu