₦airaland Forum

bennyann:
All I want is for the mouth of those who feel good girls won't go far in life, to be shut. And when they see good girls as liabilities, they should go to the bad girls to satisfy them and leave the good girls who wouldn't make it in life alone.

It's a pity many people feel same about good girls in this generation and God will help us to prove them wrong.

don't be 'so' disturbed about, the end that the bible prescribes/ordains for you is PEACE and I'm sure you don't want the opposite end of that.

Interesting!

bennyann:
The bolded is a very good point to be noted. But remember you used the word 'unintentionally'. Don't you think once the good girl feels connected to someone, and that someone genuinely loves her, he will stay and help her through the way she thinks?

There should be someone to help her out of what she's been fed with which won't help her eventually. At least in the whole wide world, there must be someone to stand by her and show her the way when others are running away from her.

And don't forget you've also judged her because you think or feel she's judged you.

And are you trying to say most good girls have serious issues compared to the other?

And I love your last statement. I concor with it

I understand your point and I'm not trying to dismiss the fact that a lot of sisters since time immemorial have been opportuned to have godly men take them to the alter in holy matrimony.

I however believe the problem often lies in the character of the individual; and not one's religious zeal. I have seen instances where some sisters in the Lord refuse to relate cordially with men they consider not too religious for their taste. Whereas these men are believers who uphold the faith with seriousness. But maybe because the men do not attend most weekdays' church programmes as they should, or they are not active members of any church group, e.t.c, the ladies will not even consider relating freely with them, even as just platonic friends.

Nevertheless, I'm still of the opinion that godly ladies have an even better opportunity of successfully getting married than the unbelieving ones.

MizMyColi:
I Love you!

Sister thanks! I know I've got a mouth on me. It's sometimes used for good....other times not so good. I don't always hit the mark....but I strive to hit the mark consistently & be transparent with who I am.
I don't give every detail of my life...but I figure I can be of encouragement to other folks in some way.

LiberaDeus:
I dont know if this is the right time to say this but i have to tell you that you are a very special, wonderful, beautiful and lovely person. Continue loving yourself and i hope and know that the best in your life is yet to come. Blot out all the negative words typical nigerians throw to you and listen to only statements like mine and the positive things you say to yourself

Brother,
Ummm.....wow.....wow...
When I tell you that I am shocked yet humbled by your kind words......and was not expecting this....
Forgive me but I'm a little speechless here (which oftentimes doesn't happen with me).
Anyhow, I sincerely say to you "thank you"

MZLady39:
Brother,
Ummm.....wow.....wow...
When I tell you that I am shocked yet humbled by your kind words......and was not expecting this....
Forgive me but I'm a little speechless here (which oftentimes doesn't happen with me).
Anyhow, I sincerely say to you "thank you"

You are welcome my dear

davtosh:
They always end up with good homes though atimes it might come late. But late goog marriages are better than early marriages ending in divorce afterwards

Good Christian girls don't always end up with good men, whether early or late..... Even the ones who marry pastors

bennyann:
You know it's the bolded that makes people feel such ladies are judgemental.

I have never thought of myself to be better than others by the grace of God. I desire the best for everyone.

Thank you dear sis for your lectures

You welcome Love.
Don't settle for less biko.
You can have all that you desire.

sonofthunder:
don't be 'so' disturbed about, the end that the bible prescribes/ordains for you is PEACE and I'm sure you don't want the opposite end of that.

Thank you so much for this. Your words have been plastered in my heart. Thanks.

limamintruth:
I understand your point and I'm not trying to dismiss the fact that a lot of sisters since time immemorial have been opportuned to have godly men take them to the alter in holy matrimony.

I however believe the problem often lies in the character of the individual; and not one's religious zeal. I have seen instances where some sisters in the Lord refuse to relate cordially with men they consider not too religious for their taste. Whereas these men are believers who uphold the faith with seriousness. But maybe because the men do not attend most weekdays' church programmes as they should, or they are not active members of any church group, e.t.c, the ladies will not even consider relating freely with them, even as just platonic friends.

Hmmm. That's called judging by the physical appearance. A lot of ladies need to learn from these. Nothing is too late. There's hope as long as we're alive.

Nevertheless, I'm still of the opinion that godly ladies have an even better opportunity of successfully getting married than the unbelieving ones.

That's good news.

Thank you so much for pointing out all the flaws and strength. Your write up can change someone.

randomperson:
Good Christian girls don't always end up with good men, whether early or late..... Even the ones who marry pastors

Any reason for that? And I hope you don't wish that to happen to me?

I'm so blessed to have strong and wonderful ladies on these thread. And I've learnt to believe in myself, to be strong and to settle for the best no matter the situation.

Thanks MizMyColi and MZlady39.

That reminds me.
Ishilove, Pidgin2, Analice107

Anything to say to Godly ladies?

bennyann:
Sometime ago, a man told me "good girls like me are the ones who turn out so pitiable and they eventually settle down with men that aren't noble or Honourable while the bad ones end up settling down with wealthy and Honourable men and tend to be treated like a queen as though they never lived a despicable life"

I immediately renounced it by replying that won't be my portion and he'll live to see how God would beautify my life to the extent he would wish he had swallowed up those words.

But after that scene died down, I thought to myself - is this man not saying the truth? Because I looked around me and realized most ladies have things going well for them and even settled down with high caliber of men one never thought would settle with them.
But I thank God and I'm happy for such people because I do spend time praying for such people when I feel if they continue with that lifestyle, it may lead to their regret. So it feels so good to see them blessed and prosperous and especially, settled down with their own family already. I mean that's a testimony But what that man told me began creating fear in me.

LESSONS LEARNT
Though I sometimes get scared of what the man said but as a Christian, I shouldn't allow that and I think if what the man said come to pass, it would be because of some of my behaviors and principles I ought to change and which are:

1. I have to minimize the way I stay indoors or just keep to myself. I have to let go of the fear of going to New places, making new friends and getting to know people all in the name of protecting me. If God has protected me this far, He can't leave me now.

2. A strong mindset of being in only one relationship which it's a must it leads to marriage. I desire so much just to be in a relationship with one person in my life. I hate with a passion being in a romantic relationship here and there, not to talk of the imagination of being touched by different people all over the place. Eeeeeeeww.
But what do I do when such a relationship doesn't work? Should I then kill myself or force it? NO

3. Being in a relationship with someone that's as Godly as you or should I say more Godly. Some persons especially pastors to be or pastors because of the height of purity they believe they've attained in life makes it difficult for them to overlook some mistakes their partners make which could have easily been overlooked by unbelievers or 'the not so righteous'.

I desired being taken to the altar by a Pastor but I doubt that now. Because it seems those in the world know how to love their woman than the so called Holy Ghost filled men.

4. I shouldn't give too much attention to those who claim they love me or they just want to be my friends. I've observed most men don't like to be given attention by the woman they claim they love, even the so called good guys. It's like it's in their nature, immediately they find out or they think you care too much for them or you love them way too much, they then think you can't do without them. This makes them take you for a fool or a non entity. No wonder good guys get married to bad girls and vice versa.

That makes me wonder, when they get married, should their wives not care for them or give them attention as they desired? I doubt if they would find that funny

This 4th point should be my No.1 lesson but I don't think it would be easy for me to go by it. Because my heart is filled with too much love to give out. To me, it takes more than a strong heart or a strong decision not to care for those you like not to talk of those you love or cherish. I hope I get to that point though but it will really hurt not giving attention to the one you care about.

5. I should not love first. I should be the one to receive love, enough of it before I can say yes, it's time for me to give back love.
This is a major lesson I've learnt but it's also the one that would really hurt if I have to make the person who genuinely loves me and is not blinded by ego go through that. He doesn't deserve it.

6. I no longer believe in the platonic kind of friendship between members of the opposite sex. I'm a kind who do have one close friend at a time depending on the change of environment and it turned out guys have been more of my close friends than the ladies. Though ladies are more comfortable with male friends but I think I can advise that the opposite sex shouldn't be a 'best friend'.
I realized it doesn't actually turn out pure as people portray. And that's because one of you might have developed or will eventually develop what I can call a Sexual kind of feeling towards the other. And guys out there who doesn't want to come closer to you for friendship sake but for relationship sake will find it difficult to come closer to you and may eventually quit and that's because they see what you don't see or what you pretend to never see.

After my platonic friendship with the second or third guy, I came to the conclusion that there's nothing like 'best friends' between a guy and a lady and that's because I got to know they had feelings for me in one way or the other. Though some denied the feelings, I eventually got to know through how they tried having a feel of my body.
That shows there seems to be something going on behind closed doors so I wouldn't advice anyone to get so close to the opposite sex in the guise of best friends. I also wouldn't advise anyone to leave his or her partner in the friendship of the opposite sex.

What's my fate then? I'm waiting to see because I refuse to be a good girl gone bad. I won't let the words of men that want to destroy me change me. I won't let the failure of good or Godly guys loving me change me. If someone like me exists and can still love then there should be someone for me out there who is good, Godly and still knows how to love.
I refuse to be among the good girls who end up badly. God help me.

I hope to look back on this thread and smile that I made it, some time in the future.

---

Are you married or single? Let me know your view of good, Godly single girls, the advantages and disadvantages.

I read a book, 'Why Men Marry Bitches', i saw why men leave good girls and go for Bitches.

Stop being to available to men who come around you.

Men don't like needy women.

Men don't like women who care too much. They like disobedient and arrogant ladies. But, shd you go against God to be stubborn? No.

I have friends who treat their husbands as shit, b the men complain but won't leave, they cry to Friend's around, but won't leave, but the friends who are jumping hoofs to please their men are treated like shit.

Again, Doing the right thing meets with oppositions. The adversary wants you frustrated and back where he can control you.

dingbang:
I just don't want to judge any good girl here tho...



But I think Godly ladies need to drop that sense of self righteousness. They should understand that people are there for a reason and there opinions about life aren't always applicable


In a nutshell, Good Godly girls should always be open minded.

In a nutshell you are saying godly ladies shd drop godliness because of marriage?

MZLady39:
Sister thanks! I know I've got a mouth on me. It's sometimes used for good....other times not so good. I don't always hit the mark....but I strive to hit the mark consistently & be transparent with who I am.
I don't give every detail of my life...but I figure I can be of encouragement to other folks in some way.

analice107:
In a nutshell you are saying godly ladies shd drop godliness because of marriage?

Moderation is key.
You should know that more oft, there is a thinline between godliness and being fanatically godly. Call it fanatical godliness if you may.

Dear Bennyan.

I will share something I consider personal with you.

....I surrendered.
I asked Jesus and our Father to take control of my life.
I knew very well that I wasn't always getting it right. I was well aware of my weaknesses, but still I would talk to my father about these things and I was convinced within the core of my spirit that it would end in praise for me.

I used to sing a song then -- "My hope is built on Nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness (not my righteousness nor my godliness )" I also used to pray by saying--- "Abba, for all you have prepared for me, prepare me; for that which I do not see, show me; for that which I do not know, teach me. Call me back again and again till I can no longer stray from the eternal lesson of absolute dependence on you.

analice107:
I read a book, 'Why Men Marry Bitches', i saw why men leave good girls and go for Bitches.

[s]Stop being to available to men who come around you. [/s]

Men don't like needy women.

[s]Men don't like women who care too much. They like disobedient and arrogant ladies. But, shd you go against God to be stubborn? No.
[/s]
I have friends who treat their husbands as shit, b the men complain but won't leave, they cry to Friend's around, but won't leave, but the friends who are jumping hoofs to please their men are treated like shit.

Again, Doing the right thing meets with oppositions. The adversary wants you frustrated and back where he can control you.

@Cancelled....AKUKO, serious AKUKO!
Analice, I know you like argument a lot, so if my fingers allow me, this will be my last post to you on this thread so I will try to make it count.

In a way, you are right about the neediness part. but you need to understand that when men or women show neediness, it is only a symptom of a yet to be diagnosed self issue.

If I am very happy with myself and feeling soooo ontop of my game, I can call a hundred times if he is less busy and it will be soo fun. but if I'm not, I will transmit that negativity to him, hence the name "neediness" you catch my drift?

I was once that kind of girl who believed that I have to hold back my caring and VERY nice nature so that I can attract the kind of partner I desired. As time went on and my knowledge horizon expanded, I found that there was something intrinsically wrong with girls who run after bad guys. It is not normal for a modest girl to be attracted to a guy who makes them feel insecure, less appreciated and unneeded.

I have been there, I have done that. pffffftttttt.

See ehn, he told me not to talk about him on this platform o, but I will make an exception and confess my sins in za oza room later today

I cared for him. I made him know that I enjoyed his company. I was super nice to him. please know that I did not force myself to do these things. They came from a place of genuineness. he kept thinking I was too good to be true. But he knows much better now.

Bennyann, I was my true self. I was true to myself. No fakeness.
please avoid fakeness. be true to yourself.

make sure you are always happy and full of joy. Don't let any human being, even THE man, be the determinant of your happiness. Most times, it is when we are not happy and content from within that we exhibit signs of neediness. if you are happy and showing love to yourself, you will freely give it to others, that they will be the one coming to you for more sef.

MZLady39:
Part 2....
BennyAnn,
What I'm coming to realize in this Christian journey is that our timing may not be God's timing.
Now I must say, I made some terrible relationship choices (which definitely delayed & blocked potential suitors)....and paid the price. The thing is I knew that the guys weren't the "one", yet I wanted to satisfy my flesh....so I proceeded.
I, also, personally wasn't ready for what a God ordained marriage truly consists of. I would've been divorced or in jail.
However, there are many reasons why people may be single at later ages....
Folks shouldn't be so quick to judge.
Especially in a country where I constantly see headlines in the Family section on NL where nothing but crises after crises are occurring.
Ask yourself if you are ready to take the second most important step in your life?
Why do you want to get married? What is the purpose for you and the guy? Will God be glorified?
Marriage is not about "self".
You clearly want to be married. God knows it...and perhaps He still needs to do some finishing touches on you....or perhaps on him.
Be careful who you allow to speak into your life. Words are very powerful..you must keep a positive mindframe & dwell on God's view about you.
Be encouraged...
Sorry so long

My glorious sister. Most of us have lost the essence of marriage. And am not talking about the unchurched here, i mean the churched folks. We now marry becos we are of marrying age, or we need a man to assist us financially or we need OUR OWN FAMILIES.

How many Christian ladies even know why God the originator of marriage constituted marriage in the first place?

How many of us know why God created sex? Do we even know the significance of Sexual intercourse?

Do we know that sex is fellowship? Do we know that sex is work and God sees it as evangelism?

When i got this revelation, i stopped worrying about marriage. I will marry, and my marrying will be for God before myself.


It is fractured knowledge, distorted information and misplaced priorities that has brought us to where we are today as believers.

We do everything for the wrong reasons.

How many believers even know what purpose is? They just want to escape fornication and just marry anyone who shows up. The trend nowadays is marrying men who can not even buy their own wedding suits. They either marry money or marry paupers, no more purpose.

Check, the Single godly ladies are those who know their purpose on earth. Am not talking about those who have misused their time running around and are now in church hoping God will turn the hand of time. I mean the ones who grew up fervent in Christ, they all have vision and purpose and are resolute to do God's Will here.

Today, am still single because i won't and Can't marry a man whose aspirations in life does not include God. And am ready to die single if that is what it will take to do God's Will. But, i will be gloriously married and my husband shall be my king.

analice107:
Today, am still single because i won't and Can't marry a man whose aspirations in life does not include God. And am ready to die single if that is what it will take to do God's Will. But, i will be gloriously married and my husband shall be my king.

I thought you said in Jan that you and a particular man have picked a date and decided later to wait and see how MrPresident's Trump end of the world date of Jan 20, 2017 pans out

or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me

bennyann:
Please what are the qualities of self righteousness you've noticed in Godly ladies? I just want to know what you term as self righteousness so I can learn.

And are you saying Godly ladies who are open minded cannot be said to be self righteous?

I think what he means is that, we should this bed undefiled Bullshit. He wants us to start having sex before marriage.

Am still single becos i won't have sex with men who come around.

They want you to sin against God and then go in to marriage which is constituted by the same God. in other words, serving God in disobedience.

MizMyColi:
@Cancelled....AKUKO, serious AKUKO!
Analice, I know you like argument a lot, so if my fingers allow me, this will be my last post to you on this thread so I will try to make it count.

In a way, you are right about the neediness part. but you need to understand that when men or women show neediness, it is only a symptom of a yet to be diagnosed self issue.

If I am very happy with myself and feeling soooo ontop of my game, I can call a hundred times if he is less busy and it will be soo fun. but if I'm not, I will transmit that negativity to him, hence the name "neediness" you catch my drift?

I was once that kind of girl who believed that I have to hold back my caring and VERY nice nature so that I can attract the kind of partner I desired. As time went on and my knowledge horizon expanded, I found that there was something intrinsically wrong with girls who run after bad guys. It is not normal for a modest girl to be attracted to a guy who makes them feel insecure, less appreciated and unneeded.

I have been there, I have done that. pffffftttttt.

See ehn, he told me not to talk about him on this platform o, but I will make an exception and confess my sins in za oza room later today

I cared for him. I made him know that I enjoyed his company. I was super nice to him. please know that I did not force myself to do these things. They came from a place of genuineness. he kept thinking I was too good to be true. But he knows much better now.

Bennyann, I was my true self. I was true to myself. No fakeness.
please avoid fakeness. be true to yourself.

make sure you are always happy and full of joy. Don't let any human being, even THE man, be the determinant of your happiness. Most times, it is when we are not happy and content from within that we exhibit signs of neediness. if you are happy and showing love to yourself, you will freely give it to others, that they will be the one coming to you for more sef.

Lol. Am not here to argue with you. You are free to have your own opinions opposed to mine, but i speak as a result of what i have observed around me.

Sis, we are here talking about churched folks o, not the unchurched and definitely not bad guys. Bad guys? Why will i even want to keep the company of someone i consider bad, whatever that means?


I said, as a lady don't give out TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF. this has nothing to do with low self-esteem or narcissism. Be yaself and let him know that you a treasure and he'll be blessed to have you.

bennyann:
All I want is for the mouth of those who feel good girls won't go far in life, to be shut. And when they see good girls as liabilities, they should go to the bad girls to satisfy them and leave the good girls who wouldn't make it in life alone.

It's a pity many people feel same about good girls in this generation and God will help us to prove them wrong.

Emm, pls lets define "Goodgirl".

why will anyone consider a good person as a liability?

hopefulLandlord:
I thought you said in Jan that you and a particular man have picked a date and decided later to wait and see how MrPresident's Trump end of the world date of Jan 20, 2017 pans out

or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me

Was just kidding. gerrarahia. which man will take that nonsense from me? because some strange character predicted the end of the world, which didn't even believe, i will tell a man to put off his wedding? Na wao.

analice107:
I read a book, 'Why Men Marry Bitches', i saw why men leave good girls and go for Bitches.

thanks for showing your presence

Seems I have to get hold of the book to know why they do that.

Stop being to available to men who come around you.

Men don't like needy women.

Men don't like women who care too much. They like disobedient and arrogant ladies. But, shd you go against God to be stubborn? No.

I have friends who treat their husbands as shit, b the men complain but won't leave, they cry to Friend's around, but won't leave, but the friends who are jumping hoofs to please their men are treated like shit.

Again, Doing the right thing meets with oppositions. The adversary wants you frustrated and back where he can control you.

This is serious. Truly life isn't fair then. But I pray it would be fair to me when it comes to the issue of a Marital partner.

What do we say then about Godly men who develop dislike for you just because you give them too much attention? It's like all of a sudden they lose interest in you. These are Godly men I'm talking about.

I'm sure if it were to be the other way round, they will complain also. So sometimes it's not about good character. It seems when they realized you love them than they do, that's when they start giving attitudes.

I believe the one who is meant for you and genuinely loves you will not be tired of even, too much of you.

My weak point is loving and caring too much. Even if it seems I'm learning to stop that, I wish I won't act it out to the wrong person.

And another thing is I hardly 'fall in love'. So when I do, I do with all my heart and I think that's because I care naturally for almost anybody not to talk of the one I eventually fall in love with.

So I will be causing myself great harm because I wouldn't be my natural self if I'm in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to hear from me. I think I now know why it's like that - maybe that's another way of letting us know they're not meant for us.

analice107:
Emm, pls lets define "Goodgirl".

why will anyone consider a good person as a liability?

Dear sis, it's the same thing you posted above.

That's because they don't give them what they want at that point in time.

These days baby mamas win the Marital prizes. It isn't like before where it is frowned upon. It seems the good girls are still living in the dark ages.

I also know if I should try to compromise like them, I wouldn't make it out with a proud story like those who compromised did. I just know it would turn out worse for me if I try that.

hopefulLandlord:
lol

my point is that just as the word "good" has different meanings and levels to different people, so does the word "Godly"

eg certain Christians see any trouser wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

certain Christians see any makeup wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

certain Christians see any earrings wearing female as "Ungodly", some see nothing wrong in it

so it goes on and on and on, varying amongst even church members


miss you too

Yeah, i agree with you on this, but that is if we are perceiving 'godliness' from man's perspective.

What does the Bible actually say about those things you raised?

godliness is hardly in what you wear but how you wear what you wear.

godliness is primarily in our actions based on what the Master prescribes.
1. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father.
2. Our relationship with others.

The entire christian life and how he/she shd live is found in Matt chapters 5, 6, 6,7, and 8.

That to me is godliness, its not in apparels or ornaments.

MizMyColi:
@Cancelled....AKUKO, serious AKUKO!
Analice, I know you like argument a lot, so if my fingers allow me, this will be my last post to you on this thread so I will try to make it count.

In a way, you are right about the neediness part. but you need to understand that when men or women show neediness, it is only a symptom of a yet to be diagnosed self issue.

If I am very happy with myself and feeling soooo ontop of my game, I can call a hundred times if he is less busy and it will be soo fun. but if I'm not, I will transmit that negativity to him, hence the name "neediness" you catch my drift?

I was once that kind of girl who believed that I have to hold back my caring and VERY nice nature so that I can attract the kind of partner I desired. As time went on and my knowledge horizon expanded, I found that there was something intrinsically wrong with girls who run after bad guys. It is not normal for a modest girl to be attracted to a guy who makes them feel insecure, less appreciated and unneeded.

I have been there, I have done that. pffffftttttt.

See ehn, he told me not to talk about him on this platform o, but I will make an exception and confess my sins in za oza room later today

I cared for him. I made him know that I enjoyed his company. I was super nice to him. please know that I did not force myself to do these things. They came from a place of genuineness. he kept thinking I was too good to be true. But he knows much better now.

Bennyann, I was my true self. I was true to myself. No fakeness.
please avoid fakeness. be true to yourself.

make sure you are always happy and full of joy. Don't let any human being, even THE man, be the determinant of your happiness. Most times, it is when we are not happy and content from within that we exhibit signs of neediness. if you are happy and showing love to yourself, you will freely give it to others, that they will be the one coming to you for more sef.

I love these and I'm hopeful. I love the part where you said you were your true self. That's what I want also in a relationship - I want to be myself and not force myself to be what I'm not. That will be me hurting myself still.

I think when I get to that level, then I will know I've arrived at the right place. Through this thread, I just got to know I should watch out for such healthy signs before concluding.

Thanks sis

MizMyColi:
Moderation is key.
You should know that more oft, there is a thinline between godliness and being fanatically godly. Call it fanatical godliness if you may.

Dear Bennyan.

I will share something I consider personal with you.

....I surrendered.
I asked Jesus and our Father to take control of my life.
I knew very well that I wasn't always getting it right. I was well aware of my weaknesses, but still I would talk to my father about these things and I was convinced within the core of my spirit that it would end in praise for me.

I used to sing a song then -- "My hope is built on Nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness (not my righteousness nor my godliness )" I also used to pray by saying--- "Abba, for all you have prepared for me, prepare me; for that which I do not see, show me; for that which I do not know, teach me. Call me back again and again till I can no longer stray from the eternal lesson of absolute dependence on you.

Yes dear, thanks. My hope is built only on Jesus

frank317:
When you Desire something you work towards it. This attitude increases you chance of having that thing you desire (although it's not a guarantee)

The problem with good and godly girls is that they think that being God and godly is the same thing as working towards having the kind of man you want. That's not true.

The man you desire also have needs, he has other personalities he like in a lady and good and godly lifestyle is just one out of many of them.

Good girls tend to think that being good is the formula to getting their desired man. But bad girl are willing to go the extra mile.
This is just the difference. A good girl who is willing to understand more about life and needs of others stands a better chance that bad girls.. but many good girls would prefer to remain in their comfort zone until it is too late

Okay, i agree with you that marriage is not just godliness. Other things are also considered, true.

Now lets talk about the 'needs' of others. Do you mean sexual needs, or needs of hanging out clubbing and drinking in bars because the other wants it so?

I once met a guy who likes football like mad, he practically lives in a soccer joint on weekends.

He has everything at home, but prefers to be out there.

He worshipped Chelsea FC. He drinks, doesn't smoke, not into women. He didn't care if i didn't have sex with him, at that moment though. But will never hear of me telling him no if he decides he wants it.
He would want be to go out partying with him and his friends because he had to be with his girl.

You mean these needs? this needs which are opposed to what i hold dear?


Do you think i shd put his needs above mine because i want him to marry me?

bennyann:
Thanks for the bolded.


I gained a lot from your piece. Many devoted Christian ladies should go through it.

If I wasn't willing to understand more about life, I am now. I'm willing to satisfy the needs of the man who is worthy of it

You satisfying his needs which may include having sex with him?

dingbang:
Hmmm na so one girl stroll into my room oo.. Say she want tea... I give am tea...

But they won't ask for fvck... Raabisssssh...


Dingbang I am hungry . I resemble ya papa...

If you know loud i laffed at this.

bennyann:
Sometime ago, a man told me "good girls like me are the ones who turn out so pitiable and they eventually settle down with men that aren't noble or Honourable while the bad ones end up settling down with wealthy and Honourable men and tend to be treated like a queen as though they never lived a despicable life"

I immediately renounced it by replying that won't be my portion and he'll live to see how God would beautify my life to the extent he would wish he had swallowed up those words.

But after that scene died down, I thought to myself - is this man not saying the truth? Because I looked around me and realized most ladies have things going well for them and even settled down with high caliber of men one never thought would settle with them.
But I thank God and I'm happy for such people because I do spend time praying for such people when I feel if they continue with that lifestyle, it may lead to their regret. So it feels so good to see them blessed and prosperous and especially, settled down with their own family already. I mean that's a testimony But what that man told me began creating fear in me.

LESSONS LEARNT
Though I sometimes get scared of what the man said but as a Christian, I shouldn't allow that and I think if what the man said come to pass, it would be because of some of my behaviors and principles I ought to change and which are:

1. I have to minimize the way I stay indoors or just keep to myself. I have to let go of the fear of going to New places, making new friends and getting to know people all in the name of protecting me. If God has protected me this far, He can't leave me now.

2. A strong mindset of being in only one relationship which it's a must it leads to marriage. I desire so much just to be in a relationship with one person in my life. I hate with a passion being in a romantic relationship here and there, not to talk of the imagination of being touched by different people all over the place. Eeeeeeeww.
But what do I do when such a relationship doesn't work? Should I then kill myself or force it? NO

3. Being in a relationship with someone that's as Godly as you or should I say more Godly. Some persons especially pastors to be or pastors because of the height of purity they believe they've attained in life makes it difficult for them to overlook some mistakes their partners make which could have easily been overlooked by unbelievers or 'the not so righteous'.

I desired being taken to the altar by a Pastor but I doubt that now. Because it seems those in the world know how to love their woman than the so called Holy Ghost filled men.

4. I shouldn't give too much attention to those who claim they love me or they just want to be my friends. I've observed most men don't like to be given attention by the woman they claim they love, even the so called good guys. It's like it's in their nature, immediately they find out or they think you care too much for them or you love them way too much, they then think you can't do without them. This makes them take you for a fool or a non entity. No wonder good guys get married to bad girls and vice versa.

That makes me wonder, when they get married, should their wives not care for them or give them attention as they desired? I doubt if they would find that funny

This 4th point should be my No.1 lesson but I don't think it would be easy for me to go by it. Because my heart is filled with too much love to give out. To me, it takes more than a strong heart or a strong decision not to care for those you like not to talk of those you love or cherish. I hope I get to that point though but it will really hurt not giving attention to the one you care about.

5. I should not love first. I should be the one to receive love, enough of it before I can say yes, it's time for me to give back love.
This is a major lesson I've learnt but it's also the one that would really hurt if I have to make the person who genuinely loves me and is not blinded by ego go through that. He doesn't deserve it.

6. I no longer believe in the platonic kind of friendship between members of the opposite sex. I'm a kind who do have one close friend at a time depending on the change of environment and it turned out guys have been more of my close friends than the ladies. Though ladies are more comfortable with male friends but I think I can advise that the opposite sex shouldn't be a 'best friend'.
I realized it doesn't actually turn out pure as people portray. And that's because one of you might have developed or will eventually develop what I can call a Sexual kind of feeling towards the other. And guys out there who doesn't want to come closer to you for friendship sake but for relationship sake will find it difficult to come closer to you and may eventually quit and that's because they see what you don't see or what you pretend to never see.

After my platonic friendship with the second or third guy, I came to the conclusion that there's nothing like 'best friends' between a guy and a lady and that's because I got to know they had feelings for me in one way or the other. Though some denied the feelings, I eventually got to know through how they tried having a feel of my body.
That shows there seems to be something going on behind closed doors so I wouldn't advice anyone to get so close to the opposite sex in the guise of best friends. I also wouldn't advise anyone to leave his or her partner in the friendship of the opposite sex.

What's my fate then? I'm waiting to see because I refuse to be a good girl gone bad. I won't let the words of men that want to destroy me change me. I won't let the failure of good or Godly guys loving me change me. If someone like me exists and can still love then there should be someone for me out there who is good, Godly and still knows how to love.
I refuse to be among the good girls who end up badly. God help me.

I hope to look back on this thread and smile that I made it, some time in the future.

---

Are you married or single? Let me know your view of good, Godly single girls, the advantages and disadvantages.

How did I miss this lovely post by my friend and sister in Christ, bennyann.

My dear, this world is a funny place. Most bad girls end up with a husband and kids, fact. As for good girls most times this is not the case.

The ruler of this world is the devil. The bible says we wrestle against so many unseen entities and whether we like it or not these beings operate through people who you discuss with on a daily basis.

Therefore the evil one knows your thoughts and will definitely try to frustrate you. Forget about strategies my dear our weapon is not canal

I can only recommend three things: prayers, patience and faith.

It might take years and challenges may come but God willing the lines will fall in good places, it shall surely end in praise