bennyann:


Any reason for that? And I hope you don't wish that to happen to me?

Of course, I don't wish that to happen to you...
Life isn't fair, the best things don't always happen to the best people and also, people assume because their partner is God's will, then it's sure they will have a happy home

bennyann:
Sometime ago, a man told me "good girls like me are the ones who turn out so pitiable and they eventually settle down with men that aren't noble or Honourable while the bad ones end up settling down with wealthy and Honourable men and tend to be treated like a queen as though they never lived a despicable life"

I immediately renounced it by replying that won't be my portion and he'll live to see how God would beautify my life to the extent he would wish he had swallowed up those words.

But after that scene died down, I thought to myself - is this man not saying the truth? Because I looked around me and realized most ladies have things going well for them and even settled down with high caliber of men one never thought would settle with them.
But I thank God and I'm happy for such people because I do spend time praying for such people when I feel if they continue with that lifestyle, it may lead to their regret. So it feels so good to see them blessed and prosperous and especially, settled down with their own family already. I mean that's a testimony But what that man told me began creating fear in me.

LESSONS LEARNT
Though I sometimes get scared of what the man said but as a Christian, I shouldn't allow that and I think if what the man said come to pass, it would be because of some of my behaviors and principles I ought to change and which are:

1. I have to minimize the way I stay indoors or just keep to myself. I have to let go of the fear of going to New places, making new friends and getting to know people all in the name of protecting me. If God has protected me this far, He can't leave me now.

2. A strong mindset of being in only one relationship which it's a must it leads to marriage. I desire so much just to be in a relationship with one person in my life. I hate with a passion being in a romantic relationship here and there, not to talk of the imagination of being touched by different people all over the place. Eeeeeeeww.
But what do I do when such a relationship doesn't work? Should I then kill myself or force it? NO

3. Being in a relationship with someone that's as Godly as you or should I say more Godly. Some persons especially pastors to be or pastors because of the height of purity they believe they've attained in life makes it difficult for them to overlook some mistakes their partners make which could have easily been overlooked by unbelievers or 'the not so righteous'.

I desired being taken to the altar by a Pastor but I doubt that now. Because it seems those in the world know how to love their woman than the so called Holy Ghost filled men.

4. I shouldn't give too much attention to those who claim they love me or they just want to be my friends. I've observed most men don't like to be given attention by the woman they claim they love, even the so called good guys. It's like it's in their nature, immediately they find out or they think you care too much for them or you love them way too much, they then think you can't do without them. This makes them take you for a fool or a non entity. No wonder good guys get married to bad girls and vice versa.

That makes me wonder, when they get married, should their wives not care for them or give them attention as they desired? I doubt if they would find that funny

This 4th point should be my No.1 lesson but I don't think it would be easy for me to go by it. Because my heart is filled with too much love to give out. To me, it takes more than a strong heart or a strong decision not to care for those you like not to talk of those you love or cherish. I hope I get to that point though but it will really hurt not giving attention to the one you care about.

5. I should not love first. I should be the one to receive love, enough of it before I can say yes, it's time for me to give back love.
This is a major lesson I've learnt but it's also the one that would really hurt if I have to make the person who genuinely loves me and is not blinded by ego go through that. He doesn't deserve it.

6. I no longer believe in the platonic kind of friendship between members of the opposite sex. I'm a kind who do have one close friend at a time depending on the change of environment and it turned out guys have been more of my close friends than the ladies. Though ladies are more comfortable with male friends but I think I can advise that the opposite sex shouldn't be a 'best friend'.
I realized it doesn't actually turn out pure as people portray. And that's because one of you might have developed or will eventually develop what I can call a Sexual kind of feeling towards the other. And guys out there who doesn't want to come closer to you for friendship sake but for relationship sake will find it difficult to come closer to you and may eventually quit and that's because they see what you don't see or what you pretend to never see.

After my platonic friendship with the second or third guy, I came to the conclusion that there's nothing like 'best friends' between a guy and a lady and that's because I got to know they had feelings for me in one way or the other. Though some denied the feelings, I eventually got to know through how they tried having a feel of my body.
That shows there seems to be something going on behind closed doors so I wouldn't advice anyone to get so close to the opposite sex in the guise of best friends. I also wouldn't advise anyone to leave his or her partner in the friendship of the opposite sex.

What's my fate then? I'm waiting to see because I refuse to be a good girl gone bad. I won't let the words of men that want to destroy me change me. I won't let the failure of good or Godly guys loving me change me. If someone like me exists and can still love then there should be someone for me out there who is good, Godly and still knows how to love.
I refuse to be among the good girls who end up badly. God help me.

I hope to look back on this thread and smile that I made it, some time in the future.

---

Are you married or single? Let me know your view of good, Godly single girls, the advantages and disadvantages.

Point 1: its not about going out more often, its about knowing where and how to find a good guy.
Point 2: you should be able to tell if a guy is good and marriage minded in a few months of dating. If he is not good then leave the relationship. This will help you to stay away from multiple relationships.
Point 3: who told you that so called pastors are good? Why not marry apostle suleiman who likes having sex with multiple women.
Point 5: you are wrong. If a good man that genuinely loves you approaches you and you stay back so that he can prove his love to you first, he will see you as proud and he will dump you.
Point 6: you can have male or female friends, if you wish or do not wish to go into a relationship with one of your male friends who is good then you can.

MZLady39:
Part 2....
BennyAnn,
What I'm coming to realize in this Christian journey is that our timing may not be God's timing.
Now I must say, I made some terrible relationship choices (which definitely delayed & blocked potential suitors)....and paid the price. The thing is I knew that the guys weren't the "one", yet I wanted to satisfy my flesh....so I proceeded.
I, also, personally wasn't ready for what a God ordained marriage truly consists of. I would've been divorced or in jail.
However, there are many reasons why people may be single at later ages....
Folks shouldn't be so quick to judge.
Especially in a country where I constantly see headlines in the Family section on NL where nothing but crises after crises are occurring.
Ask yourself if you are ready to take the second most important step in your life?
Why do you want to get married? What is the purpose for you and the guy? Will God be glorified?
Marriage is not about "self".
You clearly want to be married. God knows it...and perhaps He still needs to do some finishing touches on you....or perhaps on him.
Be careful who you allow to speak into your life. Words are very powerful..you must keep a positive mindframe & dwell on God's view about you.
Be encouraged...
Sorry so long

Wow. Initially you portrayed yourself as a good girl that has been let down by the world and bad men, only for you to reveal yourself as a previously bad girl who lost the good men because of her badness. Just don't give bad advice here that will make young women to miss their true love at an early age. A potential good mate can come around when you are in your early twenties, if you miss him or her, another good mate may not come around in years.

analice107:

If you know loud i laffed at this.

lol.... But its the truth na...

analice107:

Pls ask him, if every lady he gives something to must reciprocate with sex, what happens to the males, do they also...

its a joke na...

bennyann:


Do you expect sex from every lady you help?

no I don't... Why asking?

RighteousI:

Wow. Initially you portrayed yourself as a good girl that has been let down by the world and bad men, only for you to reveal yourself as a previously bad girl who lost the good men because of her badness. Just don't give bad advice here that will make young women to miss their true love at an early age. A potential good mate can come around when you are in your early twenties, if you miss him or her, another good mate may not come around in years.

Brother,
I hope we haven't met before. Cause I've met some really shady & deceptive guys here in NL.
If not, then "hi"...nice to meet you.
I didn't initially portray myself to be anything other than who I am. Where did I portray myself like a "good girl let down by the world and bad men"? Show me the evidence please...
I wasn't and have never been a "bad" girl..whatever your definition is. However, I've made terrible decisions....which I (not just the man) must also take blame for. However, you are making many assumptions which you would be ashamed of if I were to debunk them.
Please don't always assume that "lusts of the flesh" means only "sex" because it doesn't.
If I portrayed pride, selfishness, anger, or envy...then those were and are "lusts of the flesh".
I didn't give her bad advice at all. I never said females should be my age before marrying someone. Please re-read Part 1. & then read Part 2...cause it seems like you have an issue.
I don't know if you're a Christian, but I don't decide when two Christians marry...God does.
I was transparent....being honest about the fact that sometimes "we" also cause delays in meeting a spouse....in addition to the fact that God's timing may be different from what we think.
But just so you know, my happiness is not dependant upon having a man. If it was a question about that, then I could've been married awhile ago. It's about marrying the "right" man & God knows who he is.
Married or not....I'm at peace!
Benny understood what I was saying.
Brother, why can't you?

analice107:

Hahahahahahaha, i laughed so loud "@the41yrs elderly woman" hmmm, i can understand why a 26 year old man in Nigeria will call a lady of 41 elderly. Here in Nigeria, a 30yrs old man is still a boy living with his parents, so a 26yr old is indeed a child.

Being a serious minded Christian who will want to love God and follow the rules is really tough here. Even some "Christian" friends who soft peddle on these things, make you look fanatical.

Now they look at me go, " Just marry and change him". Marry and change him? Am the woman, the one who is suppose to submit to a man, i should be the one taking orders from him, am the one who shd treat him as my king, his words shd be law to me. Now, how do i at the same time submit to a man and change him?

Submitting means doing as he says and as he pleases, for that is what God says, so to bend him to follow me will mean, him doing my wishes instead of me his?

I asked one of my Christian friend who married a divorcee and was pregnant 5months into her wedding,, she told me to accept a certain unchurched fellow becos, to her time is gone and he is rich, to give me tips on how she changed her hubby, yet she's crying everyday and wants to run out of that marriage by all means

One told me, babes, i envy you ooo it's better to be single than to be in what i am in. Her hubby leaves the house for months without a word to her, he will suddenly appear without any warning.

she said, i wish it's easy, i would've just left this marriage.
One Christian friend went to the point of throwing away her Christian faith and married q Jehovah's Witness.

Wow....quite interesting. There's nothing wrong with having standards....and not going into "desperation" mode. The right man isn't intimidated by that not in the least.
So in Nigeria, a "26" is still a baby and a "30" year old is a boy? Well that explains a lot.
So that would make a "40" something year old a teen and a "50" year old is a young adult man..
Well I can understand 20 somethings....but once you hit "30"... you are fully grown in my mind.
In the U.S...they say "18" which I strongly disagree with.
Oh well....I've learned something here!

Nice write up! i hope our "holy" sisters will understand the fact that no matter how godly you are, you are stilll going to marry a man, you aint gonna marry Jesus in your flesh! so you have alot to do in order to look like a diamond in the face of a man. nevertheless being in the right circle of friendship exposes you to the right people whom you can tangle with and yet still have a perfect understanding of your personality, and take you for who you are. i once spoke to a lady whom she told me that shes in relationship with Brother Jesus....lolz and am making her to see that i can be that Brother Jesus in the flesh but she just push me by the side, possibly shes expecting to marry a pastor, well a pastor is also a man and can fall into temptations just like any other man, the worst could even be marrying an impostor who called himself a pastor, sorry am not trying to accuse any M.O.G am just saying because they face more temptations from women than any other man who just willingly lured himself into the hands of women. Pray for the right directions in your marital life, and if you are an elderly spinster, you can make yourself look younger and mingle with the youths fellowship! am i pastor, well its not part of this story. and dont forget to keep praying and asking, the bible says "Ask and it shall be given...it also says "Ask of me and i will give you....." it also says "none shall be without his mate" i can keep sayin this, but go ahead and ask what you want in prayer, you are blessed, AMEN

talk2alabama:
its a joke na...

lol

MZLady39:


Wow....quite interesting. There's nothing wrong with having standards....and not going into "desperation" mode. The right man isn't intimidated by that not in the least.
So in Nigeria, a "26" is still a baby and a "30" year old is a boy? Well that explains a lot.
So that would make a "40" something year old a teen and a "50" year old is a young adult man..
Well I can understand 20 somethings....but once you hit "30"... you are fully grown in my mind.
In the U.S...they say "18" which I strongly disagree with.
Oh well....I've learned something here!

In Nigeria, women grow old in terms of responsibilities and marriage, men hardly.

obinna58:
u really like it that way

It doesn't matter if i like it or not.

analice107:

It doesn't matter if i like it or not.

We that already av a place in hell
Guess we are going with our full functioning body

bennyann:


Can you state it?

We call Them "FOG and/or FOC!!! Friends of God and/or Friends of Christ".
Enoch, Noah, Abraham etcetera are FOGs. The Disciples, Apostles and all Born Again Christians are FOCs.

lol! what a thread.

following...

obinna58:
We that already av a place in hell Guess we are going with our full functioning body

You have no idea

.

analice107:

You have no idea

Since we going with our brain fully intact, why wouldn't it also applied to the body

analice107:

In Nigeria, women grow old in terms of responsibilities and marriage, men hardly.

Ok....now I see why some of the ladies in the Family Section react the way they do.....
It's all coming together now....
Let me be quiet for now...i only mean right at this moment.

RighteousI:

Selfishness and envy? That's even worse than sex.
You are "catholic" aren't you? Why should we take advice from a "catholic"

Lol....I'm so tickled this morning! NL never ceases to amaze me! Some comments are so hilarious. Just like your posts that I read through this morning! I'm determined to be joyful regardless of what's thrown my way
I was just over on the Catholic thread...and I'm sure those brothers would be offended by you calling "me" a Catholic! Don't think they would want me in their clique...
Anyhow, I am not Catholic although three of my immediate family members are. By the way, please don't insult a denomination. There are many loving, kind, sincere Catholics....just as with any denomination. Having an issue with the institution/hierarchical structure is completely different than having an issue with the people.
By the way, no sin is greater than the other. Why are you weighing sins? Picking the sins you engage in and placing them lower than others...is that right? Or have you already arrived at perfection my brother
Brother...you don't have to take advice from anyone. This isn't about me...it was about her. A young lady asking a question.
In fact, I answered the OP's question...and so did you.
So now, what's your problem with me brother?

RighteousI:

Wow. Initially you portrayed yourself as a good girl that has been let down by the world and bad men, only for you to reveal yourself as a previously bad girl who lost the good men because of her badness. Just don't give bad advice here that will make young women to miss their true love at an early age. A potential good mate can come around when you are in your early twenties, if you miss him or her, another good mate may not come around in years.

Please leave her alone for me because it seems you don't understand her at all. It seems you would have to start from her first point.

talk2alabama:
no I don't... Why asking?

Are you dingbang?

CatfishBilly:

This is just hilarious
Nice thread bennyann. Learning a lot.

Hello Cat?

So what's your view about the future of Godly girls? What's the trend you've noticed about them?

This one that the Godly guys are not talking, I hope they're not guilty..

MrPresident1:


You dont listen, that is your problem

There will be sex in heaven, PLENTY of HOT SEX in heaven, kajiko?

SEX yafun yafun in heaven!

Dear sir, are you for real or it's a joke? Which of the heavens?

bennyann:


Are you dingbang?

yes I am...

bennyann:
Sometime ago, a man told me "good girls like me are the ones who turn out so pitiable and they eventually settle down with men that aren't noble or Honourable while the bad ones end up settling down with wealthy and Honourable men and tend to be treated like a queen as though they never lived a despicable life"............

If you will permit me to comment, I feel that your post is quite poignant you seem to bemoan the plight of a good woman of which no doubt you are, but I think that at a sub-conscious level you have resigned yourself to being alone. Some have to hold themselves to a somewhat higher standard and in my view you should seek to give true and unconditional love without pre-requisites in order that you can receive the same.

I hear you say, “but I am a godly woman and a good woman and I can give love if only to the right man” but you would be wrong. I read through your eight or so paragraphs of justifications, hedging and self-effacement and to a lay reader you project your insecurities and by the laws of nature at best you will attract an unfulfilling likeness of yourself.

To give unconditional love, without fear of rejection, failure or hurt is the highest attainment open to us here on earth, it is a path to the Divine even more so than Godliness which is un-achievable. The path that is for you is to open your heart and your mind and pray to God to give you the grace to give unconditional love in this lifetime of yours, don’t worry about the rest.

randomperson:

Of course, I don't wish that to happen to you...
Life isn't fair, the best things don't always happen to the best people and also, people assume because their partner is God's will, then it's sure they will have a happy home

Thank you dear,

God blessés and adds no sorrow to it. There might be issues but the home will be a happy home against all odds except those involved do not portray Godly or noble characters.

bennyann:


Dear sir, are you for real or it's a joke? Which of the heavens?

Kind sir, I am for real sir.

There will be plenty of sex in heaven. It will be one of our major duties, to procreate and fill heaven with beautiful children.

And heaven is right here on earth sir, when Christ is revealed and enthroned, he will be the head of heaven on earth.

obinna58:


Since we going with our brain fully intact, why wouldn't it also applied to the body

hahahahahahahahaha, Obina58, your consciousness is your mind, not your brain.

Your brain is your body part, like your nose or toes, but your consciousness is your soul, your soul is the real you.

RighteousI:


Point 1: its not about going out more often, its about knowing where and how to find a good guy.
Point 2: you should be able to tell if a guy is good and marriage minded in a few months of dating. If he is not good then leave the relationship. This will help you to stay away from multiple relationships.
Point 3: who told you that so called pastors are good? Why not marry apostle suleiman who likes having sex with multiple women.
Point 5: you are wrong. If a good man that genuinely loves you approaches you and you stay back so that he can prove his love to you first, he will see you as proud and he will dump you.
Point 6: you can have male or female friends, if you wish or do not wish to go into a relationship with one of your male friends who is good then you can.

If I don't go out, how will the guy see me? How will I know where to find him? And how do I know how? I thought it's the guy's duty to find the lady. Isn't it?

And with Point number 5, one must show or prove the love first and shouldn't this be the guy? And is the lady expected to respond positively just immediately? especially after she might have found out things have never worked for her when she follows that path?

I await your reply.

MZLady39:



Brother,
I hope we haven't met before. Cause I've met some really shady & deceptive guys here in NL.
If not, then "hi"...nice to meet you.

Shady and deceptive

It is well my unique sister. I believe he misunderstood you totally. He really needs to start from your first point if that will make things clearer for him.

Haven't you noticed he is the only one who got you wrong?

All I see here is a young "good" girl trying to know much about her future.

But all I can say is that "what's meant to be will always find a way". your fate can't be taken away from you be you good or bad and ones attitude or way of life doesn't determine his/her fate .