istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Whatever you do, dont confess yet. Keep asking God for forgiveness and make sure u dont ever cheat on him again in any way. Time heals. Tell him much later. When you guys are great grandparents, say.

You are already paying through ur disturbed conscience for ur mess. More importantly, suicide is not an option. Even ur marriage is not worth killing yourself for. Relax, and put everything into perspective. Most people have done this same thing and moved on with their marriages and lives intact.

Mind you, i am married and i am talking as a married man. If u were my wife, i will forgive u. Love conquers even that. Thats how much for better or worse means to me. I am not gonna condemn you. Let he who has no sin throw the first stone.

Your sin is primarily against God. Go to him. His arms are ever open and his mercies unending. Remember, "nothing can separate us from the love of God." That includes adultery. Cheer up sister, Jesus paid for that as well. Don't let sin drag u down. Stand up and be a better wife.

God bless you and help u through this difficult time.

istoctober:
...he told me on Sunday that his uncle who is a native doctor will know if l am cheating on him.

You are already giving details that might make one identify you.

Ishilove:

The one in my church impregnated a chorister and it affected his marriage. As I speak to you his ministry has taken a nose dive and he is no longer in the church. I hear he has started a prayer group but I did not dig deeper because I can't be part of such.

The one that took over from him is even worse. He chases anything in skirt and even my mum warned me to avoid him. He too has been redeployed.

The church as we know it today is filled with all manner of abominations and i'm not surprised. We are at the end times and it's only going to get worse

thank God i don register to this Nairaland so baby you have been cheating on me you think i will not be here i don catch you

[b]

istoctober:


l feel has forgiven me, but l have not forgiven myself. l have changed from such life ever since then.

Right there is the answer.

If you have changed and feel genuinely that God has forgiven you then be at peace sister.

Your husband is no saint either,

We all cheat, not only when you have sex with someone else.

Do the following:

If you have children, woman up! For the kids do not say anything that will make them fall in a broken home. In return use the emotional torture as a source of strength to do good by your husband, kids and only then will you pay the penance for your sin.

If you do not have kids, look for the best time to gauge his response. Samplehis reactions with ---it happen to one of your friends but if you were the one what will you do questions.

If his reaction is not life threatening, do tell him as he deserves to know but leave our the details. This will infuriate him. No details, no name no matter how hard pressed.

The more vague it is, the more easier to forget by men. Show true remorse and be contrite and truly broken when talking with him

Be advised also he too will need time to heal, because he will feel betrayed and you might end up at your mother's.

Be psychologically prepared for the worst case scenarios and do let your parents or mother know too before you have the talk with him.

Be strong.

No body holy pass[/b]

Is like you are hungry to put yourself into trouble. Personally, if you make that kind of confession to me, I will not not think twice nor even look at your face to know if you are truly sorry or not, you will leave my house before the next minute.
You have to forgive yourself and move forward cos you don't know the extent he has also gone after marrying you. But sin no more.

chibuzorAbia:


Ok, but what purpose does hiding the truth serve?

When my 91 year old aunt lost her 57 year old daughter to a road accident, the elders in my family insisted she must be told. I questioned the purpose but I was she MUST be told.

The husband should know the truth!

/
Death is a finished project.
Love is an ongoing project.
If partners know all the secrets of their significant others, divorce rate will be greater than 95%.

She is not doing the husband any good by telling him.
Do you know why women confess to husbands/bfs after break up or in the heat of an argument? They intend to psychologically destroy their men.

It is her choice. She can tell her husband if she doesn't value her marriage. I feel that she is not remorseful. She is afraid because the husband mentioned "native doctor". Apparently she is immature. I will tell the native doctor to kiss my asz.
/

I am a man and as far as you've genuinely repented and will not do such again, better not to tell him, it will be devastating. Could it be you're worried cos the person you cheated with is close to ur husband and you're afraid he might leak d secret so u think its better for ur hubby to know from you? If that's d case then confessing might b d only option but if that's not d case then don't tell him and trust me I'm a man.if I know of such personally then everything is over!

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

judgedredd22:



mmhhhh..... my name na sabinus o!

guaranteed to make you scream with joy with every stroke!

Too bad am not around
I wud luv to feel your cassava :/

If she cheated with a man and man is doing it on her without wearing condoms,that one is another case, if i am the husband that is what i will be interested in, if yes then it will be the most painful one on me because i have to go for paternity test on my children.
Think twice before telling your husband,many things are involved in it.

istoctober:


Thx for your words...

aside confessing to your pastor, u need to undergo penance. you still suffer because ur conscience tells u that u haven't paid for ur sin. my advice to u madam is to wait until u know ur husband can handle it before u confess, which may be many years from now. Most importantly, you hv to do something significant as penance. You can decide to sweep ur church everyday, teach sunday skool kids or anything very tough as service for God as penance. do this and u will feel better

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Read this carefully and learn Nine years ago I had a serious problem with my husband as he had a gambling problem, having no time for me and the children. He could not give me attention at all, he hardly told me how much he loved me, and he did not give me money because he used to spend it all at the casino.

I was tempted and fell into a trap of adultery since I needed somebody to love and value me. I thought may be my man was ignoring me because I was valueless. The guy which I fell inlove with was very caring, although he would ask for sexual intercourse at times, but I would refuse him. There was an element of fearing God in me. I remember when I used to attend a church service, I would lift my hands up singing worship songs to the Almighty, satan would just whisper in my ear telling me to bring my dirty hands down because I am committing adultery.
This thing worried me a lot, I kept on asking God for forgiveness, but loving the guy at the same time. One day the Holy Spirit told me to confess the sin before it was too late.

I was forced to listen to Him, I first confessed the sin to my pastor and he asked one question, he said, "Mrs Mabaso, do what the bible say. Does the bible say we commit adultery or does it say do not commit adultery?" I was speechless because I knew the truth about the commandment. I went back to the guy and told him it was over, I then confessed my sin to my husband after a week. He was very disappointed and could not believe what I was telling him. But I explained to him that he was the one who was pushing me away because I was robbed of love and care, even financially. I told him that if he was able to give me these, I would not have fallen for the guy.

After I confessed to my husband I felt like there was a huge stone which was offloaded from my back. I was free as a bird. Confession helped me a lot, I love the Holy Spirit who prompted in my ear about confessing my sin before it was too late. I became so very close to God and prayed that my husband would love me and gamble no more. I always spent time with God by praying and fasting. He answered my prayers, and my husband loves me to this day as I continue to be submissive to him.


Source>> https://ebible.com/questions/1274-do-i-have-to-confess-my-adultery-to-my-spouse

istoctober:


l did it once and since then, l have not been myself. l have a feeling of "your sins will surely find you out" and is hunting me now. ls been two years now but l don't have peace.

With all due respect, I don't have a moral ground here to judge you. However from all I have read and responses you've given you have failed to mention who you committed this crude act with because this will determine the enormity of this sin. Knowing fully well that you've spent 2 years asking for forgiveness yet your conscience still "beats" means that the remainder of your act is lurking around you somewhere hence your constant fear not "conscience" will fail you.
Having said that, God is the only Being who can wash away all sin. Go to God not man for the atonement of your sins for forgiveness and genuine repentance. Your husband may not get over it if you eventually confess to him especially if he comes with the knowledge who your partner is.
Please do go through this route or path of telling your husband. You'll be a joke till the rest of your life.

[quote author=crunchyg post=57185495]
Read this carefully and learn Nine years ago I had a serious problem with my husband as he had a gambling problem, having no time for me and the children. He could not give me attention at all, he hardly told me how much he loved me, and he did not give me money because he used to spend it all at the casino.

I was tempted and fell into a trap of adultery since I needed somebody to love and value me. I thought may be my man was ignoring me because I was valueless. The guy which I fell inlove with was very caring, although he would ask for sexual intercourse at times, but I would refuse him. There was an element of fearing God in me. I remember when I used to attend a church service, I would lift my hands up singing worship songs to the Almighty, satan would just whisper in my ear telling me to bring my dirty hands down because I am committing adultery.
This thing worried me a lot, I kept on asking God for forgiveness, but loving the guy at the same time. One day the Holy Spirit told me to confess the sin before it was too late.

I was forced to listen to Him, I first confessed the sin to my pastor and he asked one question, he said, "Mrs Mabaso, do what the bible say. Does the bible say we commit adultery or does it say do not commit adultery?" I was speechless because I knew the truth about the commandment. I went back to the guy and told him it was over, I then confessed my sin to my husband after a week. He was very disappointed and could not believe what I was telling him. But I explained to him that he was the one who was pushing me away because I was robbed of love and care, even financially. I told him that if he was able to give me these, I would not have fallen for the guy.

After I confessed to my husband I felt like there was a huge stone which was offloaded from my back. I was free as a bird. Confession helped me a lot, I love the Holy Spirit who prompted in my ear about confessing my sin before it was too late. I became so very close to God and prayed that my husband would love me and gamble no more. I always spent time with God by praying and fasting. He answered my prayers, and my husband loves me to this day as I continue to be submissive to him.



Nice story. Lesson learnt however not all men are same. Why some can easily forgive you and move on some won't but pretend to have. Before I totally gave my life for Christ,you can possible hurt me and you walk away. I can wait for 8 years to react or take vengeance. I lost countless of relationship and friendship through some crude act , unfortunately.
The moral of my story is not all solution or rather application work same way.
For me, this lady has suffered enough of mental torture lest I say she add more. Let her seek forgiveness from God.....sincerely and allow God to direct her path. For now telling her husband as I'm concerned is not the solution.

The issue here is "will her cat eat a rat when next are sees one" remains the issue!

istoctober:


l lost my three months preggy cos of my depreesion in Jan, 2016. Ever since, l have not been myself. l keep seeing myself as not worth living.
Each time l look at him, l have this guilty conscience that l have disappointed God and my parents. I cry in my lonely hours and it has made me to stay calm even in my right at home, l felt that l deserve everything that is happening to me.

God has forgiven you already. Please read Jude 1:24. You're are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. You're the one holding yourself captive. If you have repented of your sins you're free. The devil is only tormenting your mind. I wish I can speak to you. God bless you. Free yourself & save your marriage. But you must be genuinely born again.

Young03:
Let by-gone be by-gone



let it be ur secret ..... God will be d one to judge u

Wrong move....what if the person she slept with decides to blackmail her by telling her hubby.....let her tell the hubby and face the consequences(good or bad)....its far better than living a horrible life of guilt and depression!

istoctober:


l have asked a pastor and he said l shouldn't confess but am worried cos he told me on Sunday that his uncle who is a native doctor will know if l am cheating on him.

Nne, he is just using mind control on you.
Now let's reverse the situation, if he was the one who cheated, would be confess to you.
Hmmm, let me tell you the implicaion of that. He will pretend to be severely pained (yes, pretence because he has cheated it is cheating on you), then turn around after some days (to give room for your continous begging) pretend to forgive you. Then, he will be so glad because you have given him power to blackmail you everytime both of you have an argument.
If you ask me, follow your pastor's and the first poster's advice.
#1love

Many presented their advise and am quite sure, these will b useful. No one has condemned you but If you are wise, allow wisdom to take her course on this self induce sexual unfaithfulness over time. Don't tell you innocent husband you have kept in D mud over these 2years of your infidelity. You broke your vow and turned yourself to maritaly failed spouse. There is a penalty For every action! Forgive yourself and move on, be of yourself and remained a good wife. God has not condemned any one neither has God held you down. Confession and self forgiveness is a function of remorsefulness leading to repentance which we could could notice as a position you fell into. It is well!

See how Nigerians have turned preachers on top of this thread!! Majority of those advising her are probably doing worse but will carry their sanctimonious fingers to offer advice, lol.

Nigeria = the land of double standards and hypocrisy.

istoctober:


it will shock him. Am even worried about him hating me including other women entirely..
Definitely, he will send me packing for that.

It will be better he hears it from you rather than hearing it from some one else..he wont forgive U if U dont tell him urself....believe me it will be worse than you initially imagined! Please tell him and free ur mind!!

victorDanladi:



And the pastors and Christians will be forming holy holy.
especially the Pentecostal pastors.

How will someone study this kind verse and the koji will not be looking for what to explore:

"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his
mouth! For your love is better than wine,
your anointing oils are fragrant, your name
is perfume poured out; therefore the
maidens love you. Draw me after you, let
us make haste. The king has brought me
into his chambers. (NRSV 1:2-4)


Let him kiss me with the kisses of his
mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
Because of the savour of thy good
ointments thy name is as ointment poured
forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.
Draw me, we will run after thee: the king
hath brought me into his chambers. (KJV
1:2-4)"

luciferdevil,come see the begining of mental o

Mallam wan kiss! kwa

You can keep reading the advice of people who speak as gods mouthpiece' or own up to what you did and seek medical help for your dawning clinical depression..
Your feelings of guilt not only arrived from cheating but cheating on someone you trust with your private life(your pastor), if you want to confess without much hiccups, please do so in the audience of people you know your husband trusts and respects and whom he could give a listening ear to for second opinions.

But again to reiterate, you are depressed and need urgent psychiatric help, it's best to address this first, you could stay at your parents or a friend's place to let your mind heal at its own pace while preparing for your next step, if bible verses help you relax you can do that too, when you've sufficiently calmed down to the extent of telling him(if you still want to) go right on ahead and remember to do it in the audience of people he trusts and in a way that reflects your regret.

And keep in mind that it may not end well but you've gotten the act off your back mentally.

@istoctober

GMbuharii:

luciferdevil,come see the begining of mental o
Mallam wan kiss! kwa

You mean mallam won kiss like pastors

@OP
I don't think you have told the whole truth with this your story.
someone quoted you saying you did it with a pastor.
I feel you are remorseful either because he (Pastor) dumped you and does not find you desirable again.
I always tell women run away from this sweet tongued men of God that are only after women to destroy them.
I still feel your husband must have warned you against such but you refused and called him all sort of names, but when all he said came to pass you now feel bad.
My sister you did wrong and it takes special grace of God to accept it.
If I may ask what caused the split between you and your the pastor?

istoctober:


No!

That which your mind told you before you cme here is the best thing to do. Following otherwise one day you would wish you have. There's nothing like being free. Stop giving yourself reasons not to. Face your fears instead of running from them

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Let it slide, the most important part is you are remorseful for your actions and and From your write up it is certain it would not happen again.
If you confess to him it will be a total disaster, he himself cannot swear that he haven't cheat on you forget all these man is man Bulls hit. If you truly love your home keep your little confessions to yourself and and don't ever let that happen again. Besides these you are seeking advice here might have done even worse. The truth is no man is a saint and we are all human and are prone to err

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

7:15 Now mine eyes shall be open, and mine ears attent unto the prayer that is made in this place.

Don't tell him, even if he forgives you, I doubt if he hve enof luv fr u to forget.

Repent nd don't do dt again. Work on urself/whteva led to dat

Madam pray to God to forgive you and you have to promise him that such will not happen again , commit the heart of your husband to God that he will walk on your husband and take control then look for the right time when he is in good mood maybe @night then calmly confess to him.....If you sincerely pray to God before you tell him I believe God will see you through. ....remember even if you kill yourself the sin is still there and you will answer for your sin before God dat great day....but if you confess and repent God is faithful and just to settle u and at the end u will rejoice. ...

most times Satan brings the thought of condemnation in order to deprive you of your inheritance in Christ which includes peace of mind, forgiveness, and justification. Romans 8:1 says that Now there is no condemnation to them who are in Christ.

Please try get and soak your mind with the messages of grace and forgiveness. Pastor Joseph Prince books and messages would be good for you.

As per your confession to your husband, wisdom of God is required. Pray to God on how to go about it and pray to God to touch his heart and grant you mercy. I believe at the end Satan would be put to shame my dear sister.

I once confessed to my spouse and to the glory of God we are stronger together.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

most times Satan brings the thought of condemnation in order to deprive you of your inheritance in Christ which includes peace of mind, forgiveness, and justification. Romans 8:1 says that Now there is no condemnation to them who are in Christ.
Please try get and soak your mind with the messages of grace and forgiveness. Pastor Joseph Prince books and messages would be good for you.
As per your confession to your husband, wisdom of God is required. Pray to God on how to go about it and pray to God to touch his heart and grant you mercy. I believe at the end Satan would be put to shame my dear sister.
I once confessed to my spouse and to the glory of God we are stronger together.
(

crunchyg:

Read this carefully and learn Nine years ago I had a serious problem with my husband as he had a gambling problem, having no time for me and the children. He could not give me attention at all, he hardly told me how much he loved me, and he did not give me money because he used to spend it all at the casino.

I was tempted and fell into a trap of adultery since I needed somebody to love and value me. I thought may be my man was ignoring me because I was valueless. The guy which I fell inlove with was very caring, although he would ask for sexual intercourse at times, but I would refuse him. There was an element of fearing God in me. I remember when I used to attend a church service, I would lift my hands up singing worship songs to the Almighty, satan would just whisper in my ear telling me to bring my dirty hands down because I am committing adultery.
This thing worried me a lot, I kept on asking God for forgiveness, but loving the guy at the same time. One day the Holy Spirit told me to confess the sin before it was too late.

I was forced to listen to Him, I first confessed the sin to my pastor and he asked one question, he said, "Mrs Mabaso, do what the bible say. Does the bible say we commit adultery or does it say do not commit adultery?" I was speechless because I knew the truth about the commandment. I went back to the guy and told him it was over, I then confessed my sin to my husband after a week. He was very disappointed and could not believe what I was telling him. But I explained to him that he was the one who was pushing me away because I was robbed of love and care, even financially. I told him that if he was able to give me these, I would not have fallen for the guy.

After I confessed to my husband I felt like there was a huge stone which was offloaded from my back. I was free as a bird. Confession helped me a lot, I love the Holy Spirit who prompted in my ear about confessing my sin before it was too late. I became so very close to God and prayed that my husband would love me and gamble no more. I always spent time with God by praying and fasting. He answered my prayers, and my husband loves me to this day as I continue to be submissive to him.


Source>> https://ebible.com/questions/1274-do-i-have-to-confess-my-adultery-to-my-spouse

U know better to take responsibility of your action than blame it on someone

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Good day madam,
I've tried as mush as possible to read people opinions about this issue of yours before I respond but I'll beg you for one thing Please don't follow the advice of those who say: you shouldn't confess either to keep your marriage or because you don't know maybe your husband's also cheating on you or what ever

I can decipher that you're a true BORN AGAIN which you should know that CHRISTIANITY is a personal race.

So, before I gave my advice, I'll like to ask. How strong is your husband in Christ?
What it his level of spirituality in Christ?