₦airaland Forum

I think the best thing is to play along, do not reject the opportunity. Before you finish your M.sc, events will play out itself, there is a saying that " gourd itself will determine where to put rope on". Life is in phases....

Hmmm

goingape1:
typically on how women think[/b]

by this writeup you will know how women have that greedy, selfish and stvpid altitude!

his brother is trying to improve his life and you are here telling him he shouldn't let his brother to know about his life

that advise is one of the best advised his brother gave to him because he know that when he peradventure get there he will see a lot of choice to make instead of deceiving one girl at home.


there are many fishes in the river, so shut the fvck off and carry your demented mentality Elsewhere!

You do not have to insult me. If you have problems, direct your frustrations elsewhere.

Your mentality is the one that is flawed. So because your brother is making your life better, he should also rule your life. I guess he would pick a wife for you too.

What is wrong with him going to study abroad and still dating his girlfriend? Does his brother have to know every single detail of his life? Does he not have the right to have a mind of his own or has the brother bought that with the money?

Our opinions and ideas may differ but that does not give you the right to throw insults at me. Do not think u van bully everyone here.

Your brother is right, however it is your duty to prove him wrong by doing well in your masters, by the time you are through you will be able to arrange your permanent stay over there and then bring your girl over .

Nike, just do it.
But. be warned, PhD is a 4-5 years of your life. Masters is great, but PhD is a serious decision, no one should impose it on you.

slinkman:
if I am ever to invest money into anyone's life, not to talk of my brother who has been laid off work for quite a while, I'd be a fo0l not to care about his private life and advice him , giving him guidelines. What has the O.P gained financially, physically and mentally ever since he has been in a relationship with this girl ? I am not saying the girl is to be blamed for anything , but the O.P has to improve his life and he would only have years of regret ahead of him if he fails to do so. . His brother is in Canada, and doing just fine . If he goes over he will cope too and when it's time to settle down, that would be the least problem.

Do not get me wrong. The OP should grab the opportunity to go to Canada. But saying he has to give up his babe is the issue. The brother is not all knowing. He can give advice but still allow his brother to make the decision on his personal life. It is even possible that they could breakup along the line. It shouldn't be like because he is helping him, he should take over his life.
If he decides to keep dating her, his brother does not have to know that.

You want to waste somebody's life because of Canada?...and you think all will ever be well with you?.. you better go and marry her first before you go anywhere

Lol, by the time you get to Canada, the stress from work and studies plus the cold weather.u will automatically forget about any girl in Nigeria even ur whatsapp will go on break. thats when u will face reality. Good luck

ImaIma1:
Do not get me wrong. The OP should grab the opportunity to go to Canada. But saying he has to give up his babe is the issue. The brother is not all knowing. He can give advice but still allow his brother to make the decision on his personal life. It is even possible that they could breakup along the line. It shouldn't be like because he is helping him, he should take over his life.
If he decides to keep dating her, his brother does not have to know that.

you might not know the experiences the big bro have had and is trying to save his junior bro from. Look at it from the angle of a senior bro using tough love on his junior bro to make him successful.. imagine if the senior bro didn't even care at all for him , he wouldn't even bother himself about sending him money since after he was fired , not to talk of sponsoring him abroad.. this is a good brother and if I have a big bro that always advices and protects me from gold diggers and mistakes, I'd cherish him forever. His big bro wants nothing from him other than his success

JeffreyJamez:
You want to waste somebody's life because of Canada?...and you think all will ever be well with you?.. you better go and marry her first before you go anywhere

either you are being sarcastical or just giving bad advice .. O.P should break off with this girl and further help his life.. he shouldn't delay her any further

lomprico:
I have been in love before so I know how you feel.

But your brother may have a point. My very close cousin was in ur shoes one time, due to inability to find job his elder sis try sending him to Ukraine for MSc, he had a girl he has been dating for 8 yrs, when he told her of the travel plans she cried n cried that he was going to leave her after all they have been through, told tried convincing her that he wont do such, he even called her mum and told her he was ready to bring drinks to her family indicating he wants to marry her. She still did not believe him, this my guy sabotaged his visa runs so that he wont travel again cos he did not know how to tell his sis he's no more going (because of his girl). He confided in me on this, I almost broke bottle on his head. To cut the long story short he is still searching for a decent job as I type this and guess what his girl has left him last year because, in her words "I need a better provider" .
My cousin almost took his life when this happened.

So, Op am not saying all ladies are the same but use your head and not ur heart in this situation. When u make the money women in all shapes n sizes, the very good ones and very bad ones will flock around you but if u are broke.. well.

That girl is an enemy of progress abeg,just because you are in love doesn't mean your reasoning should be clouded. If you truly love someone,then the persons happiness and success should come first no matter how it will hurt you.

ImaIma1:
You do not have to insult me. If you have problems, direct your frustrations elsewhere.

Your mentality is the one that is flawed. So because your brother is making your life better, he should also rule your life. I guess he would pick a wife for you too.

What is wrong with him going to study abroad and still dating his girlfriend? Does his brother have to know every single detail of his life? Does he not have the right to have a mind of his own or has the brother bought that with the money?

Our opinions and ideas may differ but that does not give you the right to throw insults at me. Do not think u van bully everyone here.

if it is your brother I'm sure you will advise him not to improve on his career!

if you can say this to the op, you are a dream killer and by there words you shall know them.

I didn't mean to insult you but women like you should be aware of for all there ever think of is themselves

slinkman:
either you are being sarcastical or just giving bad advice .. O.P should break off with this girl and further help his life.. he shouldn't delay her any further

So he can't marry her and go and do whatever he wants to do and later send for her abi? .....abi is it the fear of his brother that's working him ...I hate Spineless men.

slinkman:
you might not know the experiences the big bro have had and is trying to save his junior bro from. Look at it from the angle of a senior bro using tough love on his junior bro to make him successful.. imagine if the senior bro didn't even care at all for him , he wouldn't even bother himself about sending him money since after he was fired , not to talk of sponsoring him abroad.. this is a good brother and if I have a big bro that always advices and protects me from gold diggers and mistakes, I'd cherish him forever. His big bro wants nothing from him other than his success

How does the bro know this one is a gold digger? Advice from older ones is good but not using "strongarm". Will the brother keep making decisions for him. At what point will he start making decisions for himself.
I have 5 older ones but none of them have ever insisted on their way for me no matter how much they have spent on me. They advice and allow me make the decision. If he makes a mistake on his life, it is better than the brother making it.

JeffreyJamez:
So he can't marry her and go and do whatever he wants to do and later send for her abi? .....abi is it the fear of his brother that's working him ...I hate Spineless men.

How do you think the issue of long distance marriage came about. Its from stuff like this. Besides it's not a big deal there are tales of babe leaving bf for greener pasture and even we guys understand its part of the hustle, so why we sentiment about it here because the person on the receiving and is a woman ?

goingape1:
if it is your brother I'm sure you will advise him not to improve on his career!

if you can say this to the op, you are a dream killer and by there words you shall know them.

I didn't mean to insult you but women like you should be aware of for all there ever think of is themselves

Hey hey! Slow down. Did i at any point in my post say the OP should not travel and improve his career?

OP MY ADVICE HAS BEEN MISREAD. I MEANT YOU SHOULD GRAB THE OPPORTUNITY OF GOING TO CANADA TO IMPROVE YOUR CAREER BUT THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRL IF YOU TRULY LOVE HER JUST BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER SAYS YOU SHOULD.

HAPPY STUDYING OP

O boy just carry ur bag face canada straight if you know wetin good for you.see big opportunity you dey here they form love.if she is ur woman she will definately wait...after ur Msc bring her to canada...don't say i did not warn you.

pcguru1:
How do you think the issue of long distance marriage came about. Its from stuff like this. Besides it's not a big deal there are tales of babe leaving bf for greener pasture and even we guys understand its part of the hustle, so why we sentiment about it here because the person on the receiving and is a woman ?

This issue is a no brainer to me. If they love each other as much as they claim, this is not an issue at all. All I saw in the OPs write up is a Spineless male who is afraid of his brother and doesn't have a mind of his own. Simple.

Lalas247:
Follow your head and not your heart

Look leave her for now an explain all in detail let her u derstand
A good lady will understand and support you if you are serious

Then once settled in Canada or wherever you can send for her ..that way you send for her as a spouse .. or you go back home marry her and the process is much quicker
Look this can be done within a year or two .. if both of you still feel the same way by the time you are settled then it's happy days

Never ever put your heart in someone you are NOT YET married to
Your future and security should come first

I don't know you but you are one if the few reasonable woman I have come across in this section.

Drinkwater07:
In a dilemma right now, please those experienced in these kind of issues should help me.

I lost my Job at the Nigerian Breweries Last year, While I was working I made up my mind to marry my girlfriend of about 4 years now, this December. Both of us are 30 already, we are so much in love, but my job lost really hampered our marriage plans, because she is just engaged in the Npower scheme now and my cash that I saved have long almost finished right now. The reason I did not go into business with the little money I have at that time about 400k was that My elder brother in Canada promised to send me to Canada to join there. So far he have helped me secure admission for MSc. and payed my full tuition fee and even credited my account for the maintenance which the visa officers will see in my account. He also has the plans of sponsoring me through PHD also in Canada or the UK if I want. Now as I await my Visa, there is a really big issue I am fighting right now to manage.

My brother warned me to forget about any girl I have here in Nigeria, that most of them are fair weather friends, gold diggers and desperados, and that if I have anybody here in Nigeria waiting for me while I am away, that it will be a huge distraction for me. He told me he is speaking out of experience and won't want anybody to distract me while studying and hustling abroad. My girl is definitely none of what he described, she is a very good person and is never after money, She just love so much. I told him that I don't have anybody, This is to avoid him withdrawing his financial support for me or may be doubting my seriousness to succeed.

I was planning to come back and get married to my baby after my MSc, but I don't know how my brother will see it. He will be so disappointed with me, I hold my brother in so much high regard, and right from when I was a child he usually protects me so well and doesn't want anything to hamper my success, I love my girl so much, she is everything you will want in any woman. If I don't marry her I don't think I will be happy with anyone else. None of them is aware of what is bothering. How will I solve this issue.

bro you can't marry her and get her pregnant and go because from the looks of thing when you go the time of coming back isn't certain so you just have to do the needful. I understand four years is a long time and she is a good woman and these days they are scarce (good women) but if you speak to her and she's willing to get pregnant and have your child while you hustle and when you have enouf you send for her...

goingape1:
I don't know you but you are one if the few reasonable woman I have come across in this section.

Oshey ...but your siggy though

ImaIma1:
Hey hey! Slow down. Did i at any point in my post say the OP should not travel and improve his career?

OP MY ADVICE HAS BEEN MISREAD. I MEANT YOU SHOULD GRAB THE OPPORTUNITY OF GOING TO CANADA TO IMPROVE YOUR CAREER BUT THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRL IF YOU TRULY LOVE HER JUST BECAUSE YOUR BROTHER SAYS YOU SHOULD.

HAPPY STUDYING OP

in some point you encouraged him to do something betraying to his brother, in other word you advise him to be an opportunist (just like ya women).

life doesn't work that way!

if you are a woman you should think like a man.,....

Evaberry:
....

Many men have been in this situation and many more will be.


I won't advise anyone to terminate better opportunities because of a girl.

you need to have a serious conversation with your gf, she's 30 will she be able to wait for you bearing in mind this is going to be a long distance relationship.


The chances of her succumbing to pressures to get married are going to be high, can she bear it.

Everyone here is going to advise you to leave this girl and focus on hustling but only you know how much impact she has/had in your life. only you know the pains you will go through you without her

4 Years is no child's play, can you know a girl as much as you know your gf Now, and by the time you make it so many female are gonna be attracted to you only because of wealth

mehn op I feel for you. Just roll a joint, smoke and relax

I quoted you, because of the last line , same thing I would do in this situation.

lomprico:
I have been in love before so I know how you feel.

But your brother may have a point. My very close cousin was in ur shoes one time, due to inability to find job his elder sis try sending him to Ukraine for MSc, he had a girl he has been dating for 8 yrs, when he told her of the travel plans she cried n cried that he was going to leave her after all they have been through, told tried convincing her that he wont do such, he even called her mum and told her he was ready to bring drinks to her family indicating he wants to marry her. She still did not believe him, this my guy sabotaged his visa runs so that he wont travel again cos he did not know how to tell his sis he's no more going (because of his girl). He confided in me on this, I almost broke bottle on his head. To cut the long story short he is still searching for a decent job as I type this and guess what his girl has left him last year because, in her words "I need a better provider" .
My cousin almost took his life when this happened.

So, Op am not saying all ladies are the same but use your head and not ur heart in this situation. When u make the money women in all shapes n sizes, the very good ones and very bad ones will flock around you but if u are broke.. well.

What brand of beer do you want?

Love[b][/b], Is love a beautiful tin? I cant just explain....

lomprico:
I have been in love before so I know how you feel.

But your brother may have a point. My very close cousin was in ur shoes one time, due to inability to find job his elder sis try sending him to Ukraine for MSc, he had a girl he has been dating for 8 yrs, when he told her of the travel plans she cried n cried that he was going to leave her after all they have been through, told tried convincing her that he wont do such, he even called her mum and told her he was ready to bring drinks to her family indicating he wants to marry her. She still did not believe him, this my guy sabotaged his visa runs so that he wont travel again cos he did not know how to tell his sis he's no more going (because of his girl). He confided in me on this, I almost broke bottle on his head. To cut the long story short he is still searching for a decent job as I type this and guess what his girl has left him last year because, in her words "I need a better provider" .
My cousin almost took his life when this happened.

So, Op am not saying all ladies are the same but use your head and not ur heart in this situation. When u make the money women in all shapes n sizes, the very good ones and very bad ones will flock around you but if u are broke.. well.

You said it all, this same thing happened to me. in my case i had a poor paying job while in Nigeria. i always lament to my brother in China about how things are tough for me, not knowing my girl that i have done introduction for had other plans because of the situation i find myself. brothers and sister, few weeks after my brother discuss me coming to China and i was confuse about telling her my plans and i just asking him to process the visa not wanting to hurt his feeling then my girl started acting funny. boom! the visa clicked and i was playing cool and watching her and acting normal. before you know she no longer have time for me because she feels we can not get married because of my poor job. that was how i left for China. and thank God for what i have become in a few years.


i will advice you go for your studies in Canada, its an opportunity and if she is yours, a few years cant stop you and her being together. or she will dump your ass soon if you have nothing to offer. forget all this eulogies about her not about the money.

lomprico:
I have been in love before so I know how you feel.

But your brother may have a point. My very close cousin was in ur shoes one time, due to inability to find job his elder sis try sending him to Ukraine for MSc, he had a girl he has been dating for 8 yrs, when he told her of the travel plans she cried n cried that he was going to leave her after all they have been through, told tried convincing her that he wont do such, he even called her mum and told her he was ready to bring drinks to her family indicating he wants to marry her. She still did not believe him, this my guy sabotaged his visa runs so that he wont travel again cos he did not know how to tell his sis he's no more going (because of his girl). He confided in me on this, I almost broke bottle on his head. To cut the long story short he is still searching for a decent job as I type this and guess what his girl has left him last year because, in her words "I need a better provider" .
My cousin almost took his life when this happened.

So, Op am not saying all ladies are the same but use your head and not ur heart in this situation. When u make the money women in all shapes n sizes, the very good ones and very bad ones will flock around you but if u are broke.. well.

Kai. You make so much sense.
..
Guys be wise. No lady is worth it.

Put yourself first!!

The same lady you sacrificed for will leave you when things are down.
..
This your story is really moving sir. Pheeww!

There is always a way to bring her in as well and you guys can get married... wish you the best

SuperSuave:
I don't know you or your girl but one thing I know is change is constant, be it attitudinal or something else and no one should be trusted 100% as long as they're human.

It will do the both of you real good if you guys can just handle the heartbreak of breaking up before you travel than unsettling yourself over there while your girl makes out with another man (probably as back up plan) or she being faithful to you while you exploit over there.

If you decide to still be in the relationship, your love for each other will definitely wax cold as time goes on I believe due to the distance barrier. You'll be tempted to go after other beauties while she will be constantly disturbed by various suitors too which will make her indecisive as age is no longer on her side I believe.

The ball is in your court bro, I wish you best of luck in your endeavor.

Beautiful!
Dude should use his head. The bolded will definitely happen . Use your head bro

alexistaiwo:
Brother better go and secure your future and leave love one side.
If you stay and end up broke here, your so called girl will sooner or later get disillusioned with life with you.
You are saying this now because of fear of what the future holds.
I can assure you that your relationship is over the moment you hop on that plane.
When you broaden your horizon abroad.
You will either move on or she will.
This is real life and in this digital age.
Absence doesn't make the heart fonder, it make the heart find it easier to move on

Bitter truth!

Drinkwater07:
In a dilemma right now, please those experienced in these kind of issues should help me.

I lost my Job at the Nigerian Breweries Last year, While I was working I made up my mind to marry my girlfriend of about 4 years now, this December. Both of us are 30 already, we are so much in love, but my job lost really hampered our marriage plans, because she is just engaged in the Npower scheme now and my cash that I saved have long almost finished right now. The reason I did not go into business with the little money I have at that time about 400k was that My elder brother in Canada promised to send me to Canada to join there. So far he have helped me secure admission for MSc. and payed my full tuition fee and even credited my account for the maintenance which the visa officers will see in my account. He also has the plans of sponsoring me through PHD also in Canada or the UK if I want. Now as I await my Visa, there is a really big issue I am fighting right now to manage.

My brother warned me to forget about any girl I have here in Nigeria, that most of them are fair weather friends, gold diggers and desperados, and that if I have anybody here in Nigeria waiting for me while I am away, that it will be a huge distraction for me. He told me he is speaking out of experience and won't want anybody to distract me while studying and hustling abroad. My girl is definitely none of what he described, she is a very good person and is never after money, She just love so much. I told him that I don't have anybody, This is to avoid him withdrawing his financial support for me or may be doubting my seriousness to succeed.

I was planning to come back and get married to my baby after my MSc, but I don't know how my brother will see it. He will be so disappointed with me, I hold my brother in so much high regard, and right from when I was a child he usually protects me so well and doesn't want anything to hamper my success, I love my girl so much, she is everything you will want in any woman. If I don't marry her I don't think I will be happy with anyone else. None of them is aware of what is bothering. How will I solve this issue.

Before you go to Canada do your wedding at the registry and obtain your marriage certificate.Once you get to Canada and you are fully settled you can can apply for her to join you as accompanying spouse .

As a student ,you can secure visas for your immediate family (wife and children) as long as you can document on your bank statement you have enough resources to support her.
I knew students who resumed school with their families like Iranians,Arabs ,South Americans.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/study/work-spouse.asp
Your brother talks from his own experiences which might not be the issue in your own case.A good woman is rare to find as well as true love.Dont let it slip away from you.