₦airaland Forum

I can relate.....she is dealing with low self esteem.do you always compliment her?

Adaumunocha:
A drop of Spanish fly perhaps? Just to experiment, let's see d outcome.
Don't mind d dude that mentioned side chic o, he's a sworn bachelor.

have u tried it adviser?

chidex3040:
have u tried it adviser?

I have not.

Adaumunocha:
I have not.

never think of going there dear

chidex3040:
never think of going there dear

I'll have to experiment some day.

pray for her in ur closet...since she wasn't like that before and u said u did white wedding..Talk to your God instead.he ll hear u

filani:
@ victovrry
Since you are responding actively in your thread I will weigh in on your post.
First you need to understand that Virtue is NOT synonymous with Arousal. Let me explain, like most guys you have likely heard of the phrase "Nice guys finish last" it is popular because it is based on real world observations of male on female intersexual dynamics.

Ask yourself this ,how many times have you seen or heard of girls/ladies expressing how sexually aroused they are to a guy because of how NICE he is? Do you think P-Square , Inyanya & Flavour N'abiana have so many female fans because of how NICE they are?

Being NICE is a virtue BUT it is NOT a sexual attraction trigger or indicator! You being NICE to someone or they being nice to you is not a signal of Sexual Attraction!

You assume your wife's "virtue" is a proof of her sexual attraction to you. Big Mistake !!!




Why should she? You are not somebody she holds in high esteem, you are just a Sperm Donor for her kids. She has the coveted title of Mrs and a loyal Man Servant like you so.....tell me/us ...why should she change?



The way forward:
1) You need to STOP thinking you can beg for, romance your way to sexual attraction like some peeps on this thread are telling you. Your wifey won't/can't
Give you what she doesn't have to begin with!!!

You can't negotiate desire

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/

2) Take some time to focus on yourself. If you have a good paying job keep your CashFlow coming and look for new streams of income. Reconnect with your friends that you may have ignored when you got married, Hit the Gym HARD and build a body you can be proud of.
You'll know you're on the right track when female workmates or random ladies admire you openly or even tell you how good looking you are.

3) Having accomplished the previous steps get talking with her parents about how wifey has neglected you sexually, be clear that you are not having this discussion with them so they can chastise her but rather you simply want her behaviour documented for posterity. Depending on what sway her parents have on her she may become annoyed & attack you verbally to provoke you or she may give you one or two nights of PITY SEX. Do Not Fall for either ploy . don't lay hands on her and don't accept Pity Sex.

4) Meet with a trusted & competent lawyer and make enquiries on how to enact a quick and efficient DIVORCE and retain custody of the kids, discuss all avenues with with HIM.

5) Repeat steps 1 - 3 until you have gotten the needed mental strength to follow through with step 4.
Don' t decieve yourself that you should stay because of the kids as they are better served by having a HAPPY father than one who is just marking time in the marriage.

Life is to short to place the happiness of wifey over all other things because YOU deserve to be HAPPY too.

Shalom.

I cannot but appreciate you for this contributions... Wow!!!

idoncare440:
then oga stop complaining n face ur warrant, starve yo self to death! its like u don't knw that when a man or woman doesnt have sex....its very bad for your physical n spiritual life n ur health is also @ stake.... na u sabi!

Lol... Bros no be fight na!

victovrry:
Lol... Bros no be fight na!

I'm female. y will I fight u? its yo life

victovrry:
she has been very romantic before kids, though she never asked for sex but she used body languages,kindly suggest the harbal, I will thank you

From what I can conclude, I may be wrong it seems you have the answers already. First of all, you said she was romantic but never asked for sex... I Guess she's shy about sexuality.
Secondly, you said she used body languages when she was interested... has the body language changed without you noticing the evolution?
Lastly, if she couldn't boldly ask for sex when needed, then perhaps she may see sex as a reproductive item.
But to be honest, you may need to talk to her and understand the changes and what she is going through. If you feel you have been too r available and you want to take a step back, you may complicate her fears and push her away, it may work and help temporarily but you would just be sweeping the dust under the carpet and whatever her concerns have been would remain bottled up in her.
I'm saying this because I've been in a similar situation when I'm speaking with my actions and dispositions, sometimes crying for help and no one takes notice especially when there is hurt and past grievances involved.
If you can, find time for both of you, maybe a weekend away from the home and the kids so you both can have conversation and help your marriage. The weekend does not have to be about sex but about communication, commitment, your relationship as Husband and Wife and strengthening your marriage. God bless you

supersystemsnig:
I believe there are some psychological reasons your wife may not want to have sex, and you can implement some strategies.


1. I believe the kids keep her engaged, taking care of them, so i advice, you send them on holidays after school sessions. When she's not around them, there's a vaccum, and personal time for both of you.


2. I'm a pastor, but for some time, reduce going to church, and don't ask her for sex, behave strange, and continue with the act....It will stimulate her to turn towards you to pay attention to your needs. I'm also a Christian, so i don't mean it in a bad way, she sees you as a good guy and have become too relaxed to give it...Men, you're in pain, i'm sorry for where you are.


3. If she refuses, send her back to her parents, throw away the load with red eyes. If people ask, tell them you're protecting her from you, and she's pushing you to commit adultery. She's totally relaxed because she knows you got her back. Stop being her brother and become her husband again.



4. Try to sleep in separate rooms for some time, and see if the absence will induce some attention. To stimulate sex-life, many couples try separate rooms and even avoid seeing one another stack naked outside intimacy period...I think she has become accustomed to your naked body and it doesn't make a difference when you're clothed

5. Get a house attendant to relieve your wife from stressful activities...Get her a maid, so she can have time to rest...

6. If your wife engages in tedious activities like fetching water, it can cause a decline in interest in intimacy, if such a problem exist, fix it. The reverse is when she relaxes too much, sits down and watch Nollywood, morning till night... Throw away your inverter, do not power the generator...When there's nothing to do, she''ll turn more attention to you..Make sure you implement drastic changes...


7. She could be experiencing an hormonal imbalance...But, have you tried professional medical care/checkup?

Poco, where are you oh...Please screen this comment abeg

Suggestions 2, 3 and 4 us absolute rubbish. take it or leave it. The only thing you'll get out of her is sex by coercion. Keep. advancing him into disaster.

MarieSucre:
Suggestions 2, 3 and 4 us absolute rubbish. take it or leave it. The only thing you'll get out of her is sex by coercion. Keep. advancing him into disaster.

...

Sagay212:
Why should you be begging your wife for sex? That's the most senseless thing any man should do, especially when she already has 2 children for you. If you make move to have sex and she turns you down, just phucking ignore and go get yourself some fresh nani outside. The moment she notice you not disturbing her anymore, she 'll either come back to her senses or continue to act stupid. You also need to monitor her to ensure she is not cheating. You catch her cheating, you send her outta the house.

Stupid advice. This why African homes are breaking up. it's clear you're not married.

khalids:
All this talk sef.....getting her in the mood, making her happy.....

So she no know sey sex na part of a her duty...

So now man gat to apply to sleep with him wife again.....all this modern day nonsense....

Back in the days our forefathers had multiple wives who were fighting to have their husband in bed with them, now with this monogamy nonsense them go they form boss on top the matter.....

Make all una ladies continue with this una nonsense...una go see the result very soon......it seems being a single mum is now the new aspiration.


No time to waste trying to make someone that wouldn't do anything to make you happy, happy.

Oya hurry back into the past nah. Don't forget to drop your phone and your internet. *checks username * Muslim. smh

supersystemsnig:
I don't advice people, it's an open forum and you have no rights to litigate over her suggestions. Since you're more intelligent, feel free to suggest, but leave me out of your silly rants..Everyone is now an agitator, did you bother to understand the message i implied in the so-called terrible counsel o ye wise one

Even if it's an open forum, that does not give you right to dish out illiterate advice that could ruin a marriage or lives.

Yes I understand those points I listed out, they implied that she should be made to feel that having sex is under corporal order. Now your advice would work if it was directed at anything else that did not involve emotion, like marching or attending activities but for SEX! Come on! The guy would be better off having sex with a doll than a woman cajoled into it. Use your head before you use your fingers.

awa:
Go extra miles to get her in the mood because the economy is so easy for him to waste extra time on pussy instead of on making extra money?
For crying out loud, they are married and she should not be begged for sex.
I truly understand what the guy is talking about and I think it is up to him to help himself if he can....

If it were the woman complaining on this forum what would you advice her?

MarieSucre:
Even if it's an open forum, that does not give you right to dish out illiterate advice that could ruin a marriage or lives.

Yes I understand those points I listed out, they implied that she should be made to feel that having sex is under corporal order. Now your advice would work if it was directed at anything else that did not involve emotion, like marching or attending activities but for SEX! Come on! The guy would be better off having sex with a doll than a woman cajoled into it. Use your head before you use your fingers.

...

IamLEGEND1:
At this point, it doesn't even matter what the root of the problem is....... It's clear she doesn't give a fuck_about how he feels anymore.......and that alone is a deal-breaker for me.
They can keep suggesting the OP put in more effort, which is clear he is already doing.
when one is yoked with a partner unwilling to meet him halfway and is forced to work overtime just to keep the relationship going,you'll inevitably suffer from emotional burnout at some point and resentment begins to build.

And nobody wants that.

Their marriage transcends sex, so yes he needs to put in the effort to know why she is not willing to participate fully in sex and how to make it better for her because she is his WIFE. Because 30 - 40 years down the line when both their sexual libidos have disappeared, he will look back in regret if he does anything stupid during this period, sacrificing companionship and all other things they could have gained together because of silly, libido inducing advice from nairaland.


@Op take your wife to a doctor and then a therapist. One is for hormonal imbalance, complications from circumcision or childbirth etc, the other is for both of you to talk about what went wrong and how both of you can go back to make it better.

supersystemsnig:
Whoever you are and whatever post you hold in life, i advice you to restrain yourself and not come for me, trust me, you can't handle me you ....... who do you bloody think you are, did i near you? If my comments worry you when not overlook it, fool. You've spent so much energy into criticizing other people's comments. I'm yet to see your intelligent input, when your husbands can't put you into order, you become so disorderly,....don't quote me again, i don't need anyone coming out for me... Just ignore my comments if they offend you o ye wise one

When my 'husbands' can't put me in order. What a wawuuu did not know that I was polyandrous. Abeg stop running up and down like a headless chicken. if I come for you nko? Who you be? Stop giving stupid advice shikena! You're hereby dismissed.

MarieSucre:
When my 'husbands' can't purine in order. What a wawuuu did not know that I was polyandrous. Abeg stop running up and down like a headless chicken. if I come for you nko? Who you be? Stop giving stupid advice shikena! You're hereby dismissed.

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supersystemsnig:
You are not wise. You quote me now you're dismissing. You think you have a monopoly of understanding, that's the spirit of this generation. I scarcely expect wisdom from people given the nation, obviously it has rubbed off on you. Since you can't read to understand, i simply said, remove the source of what's causing complacency by probing for it, and testing, till he finds it, and by removing the source causing lethargy, the atmosphere for romance would come to the surface naturally....May you folks read and get understanding first before you object. I agree i'm an headless chicken, i'll give you my address at Ikeja, if dem born you well, come and say it to my face and see what will happen to you...Shameless LovePeddler.

How do you know I'm a prostitute? Are you one of my customers? Now wonder you dish out beer parlour advice. I'll give you my advice in FCT, if you were born with 7 heads and 2 shuku come and find me.


There is nothing like monopoly of understanding. There can nothing many truths. The end.

MarieSucre:
How do you know I'm a prostitute? Are you one of my customers? Now wonder you dish out beer parlour advice. I'll give you my advice in FCT, if you were born with 7 heads and 2 shuku come and find me.

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MarieSucre:
How do you know I'm a prostitute? Are you one of my customers? Now wonder you dish out beer parlour advice. I'll give you my advice in FCT, if you were born with 7 heads and 2 shuku come and find me.


There is nothing like monopoly of understanding. There can nothing many truths. The end.

...

supersystemsnig:
I'm in Lagos, FCT aint my hood, if you have the guts, come to Lag and see what i'll do to you and your crew. Rubbish

Rubbish. It's clear you're unemployed. I cannot and will not get up anu f**king day to your hood. You dey share money for there? I got a Monday to Friday job. Since you lack employment, you can make the journey here, maybe God will shine his light on you and give you one.

supersystemsnig:
If you're not a wh.or.e or the daughter of a repentant pro.stit.ute, would you see a man and just begin to pick on him? Do you know me from anywhere? Did i pick on you first? Tell me you cheap pr.ost.itute, abi wetin you dey do for Abuja? Fi.lt.hy d.o.g of a politician

If you do not understand English, say so instead of wasting my f**king time. Here is the definition of prostitution.

nunciation(British) IPA: /ˈpɹɒstɪtjuːt/(America) IPA: /ˈpɹɑːstətuːt/Noun

prostitute (plural prostitutes)

A person, especially a woman, who has sexual intercourse or engages in other sexual activity for payment.▼ show

Not that trash you posted above.
"picking on ko picking on ni"

MarieSucre:
If you do not understand English, say so instead of wasting my f**king time. Here is the definition of prostitution.

nunciation(British) IPA: /ˈpɹɒstɪtjuːt/(America) IPA: /ˈpɹɑːstətuːt/Noun

prostitute (plural prostitutes)

A person, especially a woman, who has sexual intercourse or engages in other sexual activity for payment.▼ show

Not that trash you posted above.
"picking on ko picking on ni"

ease off

MarieSucre:
Rubbish. It's clear you're unemployed. I cannot and will not get up anu f**king day to your hood. You dey share money for there? I got a Monday to Friday job. Since you lack employment, you can make the journey here, maybe God will shine his light on you and give you one.

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supersystemsnig:
ease off

f**k off

supersystemsnig:
I'm a CEO and employ your kinds...I can move at will and at my pleasure. Not broke,my God owns the universe. Learn to understand first before you fight, get some education, it will help you. I've never made a CV, never ever worked for anyone in life...Work out the maths

~yawn~ everybody is Bill Gate behind the anonymity of the keypad. Please f**k off in the general direction.

MarieSucre:
~yawn~ everybody is Bill Gate behind the anonymity of the keypad. Please f**k off in the general direction.

...

supersystemsnig:
You will learn. Lazy worker, is this not part of the time you're paid to work? Yes, we know them, lazy workers, tomorrow they blame their woes on the country, politicians,everyone else except them. Ntoin, i own my biz, cry me a river, i will never know how to make a CV...

hahahahaha you actually make me laugh. Not malicious laugh, but an outright full guffaw. I'm happy that you have your business, this is what Nigeria needs to go forward as capitalist nation. Entrepreneurs and not just government offering all the services. I hope your business grows and you become one of the top aristocrats in Lagos. Have lovely afternoon.

MarieSucre:
hahahahaha you actually make me laugh. Not malicious laugh, but an outright full guffaw. I'm happy that you have your business, this is what Nigeria needs to go forward as capitalist nation. Entrepreneurs and not just government offering all the services. I hope your business grows and you become one of the top aristocrats in Lagos. Have lovely afternoon.

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