₦airaland Forum

Votukpa:
bro,

Welcome to the red pill.
Your life will never be the same again, for the better.

Now stop whining like a lil biitch and listen.

Philosophia:
Hey guys. Thanks a lot.

I don't want to seem like a stupid person or what not. But I am in a confusion like I have never been in.

I slept on this issue. And my mind was troubled through out the night. I find it hard to really believe or accept that she would be seeing another guy right now. The reason is that she has been in several situations where guys would try to hit on her and start up something but she'd shut them down and tell me about it and we would laugh over it.

I remember that atimes I would read stories off nairaland about relationship troubles to her and we would discuss it. She would always give sound and very mature advice. And I would thank my stars for having met such a wise and conscientious girl.

I am thinking, is it possible she just wants to wake me from my seeming "slumber" to take life more seriously and make things happen faster generally? Or Does she expect me to get my act together ASAP and step to the plate to fulfill her desire?

She's the type that would think up an idea this minute and 3 mins later, she's doing it while I would take a bit more time to think the idea through. She has gotten me to take decisions faster in past by pulling up some stunt. Some of the decisions were ok while some others, I still regret till date.

I don't want to be in a haste. I want to follow her as smartly as possible so I don't loose out unnecessarily. Sometimes I fear she is smarter than me in "things of the world". She obviously has more experience, as this is her third relationship and my first.

What do you think?

MrHistor.ian
Wristba.ngle
Primado.nnaO
People with experience

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Philosophia:
Hey guys. Thanks a lot.

I don't want to seem like a stupid person or what not. But I am in a confusion like I have never been in.

I slept on this issue. And my mind was troubled through out the night. I find it hard to really believe or accept that she would be seeing another guy right now. The reason is that she has been in several situations where guys would try to hit on her and start up something but she'd shut them down and tell me about it and we would laugh over it.

I remember that atimes I would read stories off nairaland about relationship troubles to her and we would discuss it. She would always give sound and very mature advice. And I would thank my stars for having met such a wise and conscientious girl.

I am thinking, is it possible she just wants to wake me from my seeming "slumber" to take life more seriously and make things happen faster generally? Or Does she expect me to get my act together ASAP and step to the plate to fulfill her desire?

She's the type that would think up an idea this minute and 3 mins later, she's doing it while I would take a bit more time to think the idea through. She has gotten me to take decisions faster in past by pulling up some stunt. Some of the decisions were ok while some others, I still regret till date.

I don't want to be in a haste. I want to follow her as smartly as possible so I don't loose out unnecessarily. Sometimes I fear she is smarter than me in "things of the world". She obviously has more experience, as this is her third relationship and my first.

What do you think?

MrHistorian
Wristbangle
PrimadonnaO
People with experience

cruchenutii:
Oga, think Well !!! He his poor. Which Family will fall in love with that kinda person. Family wants a man that will come and take away their Poverty using their beautiful daughter.

Can't you read from the lines?

Augustap:
No dear. They're not really diminishing quite fast. The problem is that they've been friend zoned up to the 10th generation. They're the crying shoulders of ladies whose relationships are in turbulence. So this makes it look like they are scarce

majekdom2:
depends on the family. Some families no just get joy. I will make a thread on that shortly

Bibi294:
...because this is coming from a guy with senses... I doff my hat

cescky:
Well..dunno about your assertion though..bit the lady that put me similar ground like the op was a church girl..." Pure church girl", so I have my reservations about girls , the most holy and not so holy ones are all alike in many respects..even Lucifer was once an archangel.

Yes their the crying shoulders because that fact supports my statement vthat most girls don't marry for love....hence the pain they go through. Madam u sef know say u fit marry one man, mean while your in love with another .... The Bible support my statement, because it says " the heart of a woman is as deep as well who can know it?"

About being friend zoned..it's a problem with the " good girls' because they think their godly husband will fall on them...hence Aristo girls quickly and easily settle before them..God works or provides through faith..and Faith is an action ...so Aristo girls will act, whil the godly will wait for husband to fall from heaven, Faith wotj out works is dead on arrival.

After God fear woman who ever coined that was a wise man ..even Solomon saodbthe heart of a woman is as deep as a well, you can't know what's in her.

I twale for una

sunboy:
I feel your pain bro but you just have to let go. Double your hustle, a better match will show up. You will be fine in no time. Trust God, and believe in yourself.

Augustap:
Even me self dey fear us
As for me, I'm not the too holy or not holy, I'm balanced. Also i do not expect my mr right to just fall on me, I know a good guy when i see one (though to be with you, i must love you too. I don't do one sided love). All the same, not all women will choose wealth over love.

kaboninc:
Hi

Votukpa:
bro,

Welcome to the red pill.
Your life will never be the same again, for the better.

Now stop whining like a lil biitch and listen.

All the guys out here consoling you over your so called loss are really not helping you. This is because no one told you the truth: your parents lied to you, society lied to you; Hollywood, Nollywood and Bollywood lied to you; and worst of all, bitchees lied to you. There's no happy ending, women don't care about love and romance at the end, they only want u to be that way so that relinquishing your resources and freedom for their comfort and security will be easier for you to accept and bear. Your so called girl knows that she's hit the wall already and u would not like her old ass when u hit your fortunes.

Meditate on this shiit.

By all means, marriage is a good thing and should benefit both parties at the end. However, this is 2017 and ladies are not willing to put in the work, that's why they tend to rush niggas into marriage, which is their goal. Can't you see you and the girl have different visions. You want to be happy and she wants marriage. Two different things.

Let me ask you...

What does she have to offer?? You actually don't NEED her. Think about this.

She's already hit the wall
She has no skills, no job, nothing to contribute to your life as a helper, (seeing that her freshmess is fading) yet she wants you to be financially ready to bear with her. Why didn't she say this when she was much younger?? You know why? she wanted to eat her cake and have it. She wanted a young man with prospects and not some older dude with money who wouldn't be able to thrill her sexually. She banked on u bro, and seeing that things didn't turn out the way she wanted, she wants out.

Bleep family pressure, that biitch knows what she wants. Believe me nicca. She wants security, and the social proof that she's a married woman...with a man who can care for her.

There are many thing people don't tell men in our Nigerian society. If men knew these things, they would NEVER marry the way they currently do.

They don't want men to know that men have all the bargaining chips in the marriage deal. Yes, marriage is a deal and not a love thing. Love comes years AFTER marriage, not before. Selah.

Let me explain.

Men increase in value (in the eyes of women) over time while women decrease in value (in the eyes of men) over time. Women know this and don't want u to be aware of it. If you become self aware, you will avoid women until you realize your value. Note that it takes time and investment to be valuable. Women want marriage with a valuable man but they don't care that marriage to a man who isn't realized yet, makes the realization for him HARDER. This is what happens generally and there are exceptions.

Men don't age as badly as women. We actually become more good looking as we mature. We will attract younger and hotter women at out prime. Which married woman wants this?? None. They don't want you to know earlier in life that if u take ur time and build yourself, you can have your pick of ladies. Check out our Igbo bros, they understand this game. Some ugly ass nigga who can't construct a comprehensible sentence to save his life with a hot ass, slim waisted, round ass ass, young ass wife who worships him.

Meditate on this shiit.

Men are being socialized to pedestalise pusssy. You were made to believe that without pusssy, you are not a man. Women generally overestimate their sexual value, Lol. Something that depreciates like a falling stock price. Women THROW pusssy men!! At valuable attractive men who DON'T need pussy.

Meditate.

Family and children they say. Lineage continuation they cry.

Listen nigga!

When you die, none of this matters. God will not ask u if u got married or how many kids u had. He will ask you to give account of all your Bleep ups. He will ask you if u did his will. He will ask u if u obeyed him. Jesus, your example didn't marry nor have kids, but he is the FIRST of the FIRSTS. My point is, use your super computer of a brain and think critically. If you must have a family and kids, start early. But u don't have that luxury as we speak. Our folks didn't tell us. You now have some 35 year old starting off. Wtf. In 2017, if you are 30 and above and u don't have your shit together yet and u want to marry, YOU WILL SUFFER needlessly.

Meditate on this shiit.

There's more but I will spare you because I know you get the picture. Bottom line, become VALUABLE, be self aware son, have some knowledge of your self worth and BUILD it. Stop being a romantic in love, destroy your delusions about heterosexual dynamics. Romance and love fade away at the end, only your works will speak for you. God will judge you according to your works and love is work not a feeling.

You life is NOT useless without her. You need to build and invest in yourself. Get some skills, learn stuff, read a lot and travel.

And...

Meditate on this shiit.

stupidity:
When I see or hear a lady talk about settling down(which is what every lady wants at early age) and a nigga is trying to use love to tie her down, I feel like breaking the niggas head.

If my babe shows up this Minute with an invitation card to her wedding, I might not attend but I'll wish her well.

Every ladys wish is to get married, not when old but when young. Forget all the struggle you two been involved. Forget all what you did for her, let her move on.


But waten go pain me be say, if after leaving me and she's still not married two years later.

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

Philosophia:
Thank you so much.

My brother, I will be candid with you. My biggest problem is that I love this lady with my beign. She is the only girlfriend I have ever had. 3years. I have often visualized our life together. We talked about family, kids, everything.

I am an introvert, who hardly gets close to people. I am a guy that usually doesn't give a Bleep unless I want to. But this stuff hit me. It hit me where it hurts. As I type this tears are springing from my eyes. I'm trying to stop but it hurts.

My whole life just seems useless. I don't know exactly what to do. I feel lost.

Coefficient:
You're still in that phase of denial, the could-it-be-true phase. You're having a hard time wrapping your head around another man telling her the sweet things you used to say to her. You're trying to come to terms that another man will begin to make her laugh, blush and make her heart skip a beat. It's all part of the process.

Truth is, the end has come. Cry as much as you want but that's it! Guess what? It's not the end of your life and hers too. Here's another shocker; she could be with another man and be happy. That's life. In fact, that you breakup doesn't mean you'll both regret it. Don't even waste time thinking she'll come grovelling, begging you to take her back or regret her actions. Might not happen.

What you should do now is to try and pick yourself up. I know that feeling of being stuck in a pit and trying to get out. Eventually, you will as long as you keep making the effort.

Dude, don't overthink. Get out there and start your hustle!

truthsayer009:
Mhen bro, Honestly I need to create a POST from your comment! I think me and you should be Pals. You just Re-instated what used to be on my Mind years ago. I used to argue with this theory. But your post just Affirmed it

sayhi2certified:
please I need it...suffer it is clean and pure

Philosophia:
Hello Romancelanders,

Please help me! I have a very serious issue on my hands. I opened this account because of this, for advice from you. It's actually a long story, but I will try to keep it short.

I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3yrs+ now. We had both not been ready for marriage at the time. She said she had things that she wanted to achieve so she would give herself 5yrs. I felt the same way too but I was looking at my age to settle down as 29 or 30. She was almost 21 at the time, I was 24 at the time.

When I met her she was a shaken, frightened, stubborn and love-starved young lady. Her parents were trying to force into marriage with a "family friend's" son whom she did not like plus she was not ready to settle down at the time. Her father is a retired military man and would use extreme measures like locking her up in a room for days. Anyways, I supported her in everyway I could at the time even at a time meeting the so-called "family friend's" son. I did not intend to get into a relationship at the time but certain things happened and I began to fall in love with her plus she needed love and care so badly. She is a very smart, motivated and beautiful young lady.

We got into a relationship and with time, the pressure as regards marrying the guy died or so I thought. From then till now, we have both been striving hard to make things get better. She was trying to run a business while I was working at a small magazine company. Unfortunately I admit, even though I was not earning much at the magazine, I was careless with my finances. I would spend on her, us and on a couple of mundane things but the bulk was on her and us.

Well, the financial crunch hit and I lost my job being owed several months in back-salary. I had very little savings. Things were not going too well with her in her business either. And so what little savings I had plus borrowed money from my parents joined with her own funds(including borrowed money), we started a business. We have been almost a year into the business now. Things are so dull. She hardly comes to the office anymore. I manage to go with little funds raised from teaching at minor places plus my parents support. We have been trying a "new" field though which seems a bit positive.

You have the back story now. Here is the problem.

Of recent, her body language and speech + whatsapp chat seemed to be dodgy, non-committal and atimes even coated with disdain. I knew something was wrong. I had wanted to talk to her and she said she wanted to discuss something with me as well, but she had basically refused to show-up when I call her out. Well, I was not so much a fan of going to her house because of chances of meeting her mum plus her several siblings But I braved it and showed up at her house on Sunday. I asked her what the matter was.

She told me of how her family was pressuring her and almost everyone she met was telling her to try and settle down. She said how she knows that I am not ready to settle down anytime soon. She said she had been praying about it and she has received an answer that she should settle down and that she do so before this time next year. She wants to get married before her birthday. People, she said several things and I said several things and I walked out angrily and dazed but I just gave the highlight of the issue. I could not wrap my head properly around it for a while but later I calmed down and I asked her a few questions.

It seems her mind is made up on marriage. She says she would prefer if it was me because she loves me, but if not, it is the will of God. She said some other things. I am just dazed and I don't know how to take it or how to act or what to do.

My life is not where I want it to be. I don't have the resources to turn things around right now. I am in a quagmire. Please Help!

bitrhyme:
Bros please remember not to send any kobo to that guy demigods666 account before anything, no matter what tell him you will come to delta first before any payment okay, you can add me on whatsapp 07011980580, if he is serious we will go there together but mind you don't pay a dime without meeting that guy in person, he will try to tell you to transfer the money to save time so that he can get materials ready before you come don't mind him, that was how he disappeared with my 30k till today. If he is serious i will pay your transport to warri so we can come and see him okay.

Demigods666:
My location is Delta. Sapele, you can come whenever you want it.

Votukpa:
bro,

Welcome to the red pill.
Your life will never be the same again, for the better.

Now stop whining like a lil biitch and listen.

All the guys out here consoling you over your so called loss are really not helping you. This is because no one told you the truth: your parents lied to you, society lied to you; Hollywood, Nollywood and Bollywood lied to you; and worst of all, bitchees lied to you. There's no happy ending, women don't care about love and romance at the end, they only want u to be that way so that relinquishing your resources and freedom for their comfort and security will be easier for you to accept and bear. Your so called girl knows that she's hit the wall already and u would not like her old ass when u hit your fortunes.

Meditate on this shiit.

By all means, marriage is a good thing and should benefit both parties at the end. However, this is 2017 and ladies are not willing to put in the work, that's why they tend to rush niggas into marriage, which is their goal. Can't you see you and the girl have different visions. You want to be happy and she wants marriage. Two different things.

Let me ask you...

What does she have to offer?? You actually don't NEED her. Think about this.

She's already hit the wall
She has no skills, no job, nothing to contribute to your life as a helper, (seeing that her freshmess is fading) yet she wants you to be financially ready to bear with her. Why didn't she say this when she was much younger?? You know why? she wanted to eat her cake and have it. She wanted a young man with prospects and not some older dude with money who wouldn't be able to thrill her sexually. She banked on u bro, and seeing that things didn't turn out the way she wanted, she wants out.

Bleep family pressure, that biitch knows what she wants. Believe me nicca. She wants security, and the social proof that she's a married woman...with a man who can care for her.

There are many thing people don't tell men in our Nigerian society. If men knew these things, they would NEVER marry the way they currently do.

They don't want men to know that men have all the bargaining chips in the marriage deal. Yes, marriage is a deal and not a love thing. Love comes years AFTER marriage, not before. Selah.

Let me explain.

Men increase in value (in the eyes of women) over time while women decrease in value (in the eyes of men) over time. Women know this and don't want u to be aware of it. If you become self aware, you will avoid women until you realize your value. Note that it takes time and investment to be valuable. Women want marriage with a valuable man but they don't care that marriage to a man who isn't realized yet, makes the realization for him HARDER. This is what happens generally and there are exceptions.

Men don't age as badly as women. We actually become more good looking as we mature. We will attract younger and hotter women at out prime. Which married woman wants this?? None. They don't want you to know earlier in life that if u take ur time and build yourself, you can have your pick of ladies. Check out our Igbo bros, they understand this game. Some ugly ass nigga who can't construct a comprehensible sentence to save his life with a hot ass, slim waisted, round ass ass, young ass wife who worships him.

Meditate on this shiit.

Men are being socialized to pedestalise pusssy. You were made to believe that without pusssy, you are not a man. Women generally overestimate their sexual value, Lol. Something that depreciates like a falling stock price. Women THROW pusssy men!! At valuable attractive men who DON'T need pussy.

Meditate.

Family and children they say. Lineage continuation they cry.

Listen nigga!

When you die, none of this matters. God will not ask u if u got married or how many kids u had. He will ask you to give account of all your Bleep ups. He will ask you if u did his will. He will ask u if u obeyed him. Jesus, your example didn't marry nor have kids, but he is the FIRST of the FIRSTS. My point is, use your super computer of a brain and think critically. If you must have a family and kids, start early. But u don't have that luxury as we speak. Our folks didn't tell us. You now have some 35 year old starting off. Wtf. In 2017, if you are 30 and above and u don't have your shit together yet and u want to marry, YOU WILL SUFFER needlessly.

Meditate on this shiit.

There's more but I will spare you because I know you get the picture. Bottom line, become VALUABLE, be self aware son, have some knowledge of your self worth and BUILD it. Stop being a romantic in love, destroy your delusions about heterosexual dynamics. Romance and love fade away at the end, only your works will speak for you. God will judge you according to your works and love is work not a feeling.

You life is NOT useless without her. You need to build and invest in yourself. Get some skills, learn stuff, read a lot and travel.

And...

Meditate on this shiit.

kaboninc:
Sunboy kwa?

Relationship advice?

Arueme

Philosophia:
So many things have crossed my mind. Is she seeing someone? But she assures me that she's not seeing anyone. Is she just looking for a fresh start? What did I do terribly wrong?

I am so confused. I called her, maybe to get direction or to hear something else. I'm not sure. She is advising me to fast and pray about it to get direction on what to do. She said she has prayed and fasted and she was told to prepare her mind for marriage.

I do not want to loose her but I don't know how I am supposed to do that. What is that supposed to achieve for me?

I am so lost.

ASAMPETE1:
Go after her sisters. Finish them all.