₦airaland Forum

Dafreeguy:
Truth pains..let her continue searching for such men..Time ain't on u ladies side..that's ma point

Dafreeguy:
Lol ego u say, it ain't a matter of ego.. am only stating d fact..meanwhile, don't forget the difference between living a dream life and living a fulfilled life. An unmarried woman can never be fulfilled and u know it

fhutson500:
Nlanders,

Good afternoon all, something happened of recent I thought I should make it known here. I work from home, cos my wife runs a daycare, though she's got two Nannies that work with her which means she gets to work at anytime she wants at times.

This fateful morning, I had gone to drop the kids @school and branched at the carwash to wash the car, on getting there, she called me that she needs to leave home to meet up the nanny and assist at the daycare cos the other nanny has not arrived, I said can you quickly make something for me to eat b4 u leave, she
said time has gone that she wont be able to do that, being a very understanding and considerate husband, I said she could leave, that I'll sort myself.

In fact she was so much in a rush that she had to leave our maid that follows her from home to work @ home cos the lady was still in the bathroom like she told me. It wasn't up to 10mins, maybe she forgot oo, she said there is traffic jam on the road, that it seems that fuel scarcity is looming again due to queue, asking me if that was the case, Instead of answering her question, I asked where she was going, because that wasn't the way to the daycare she claimed she was heading to. She said she wants to go and pick her internet modem she forgot @ fcmb bank. I was like, but you left due to the fact that you wanted to assist the only nanny with the kids @ daycare, how come modem is more important than that or the food I begged you to make b4 u left, she said well I just have to go there now before her modem vanishes, I said no P.

At that time, I was back home and was really hungry, am the type that makes food, but the hustle in January was hella much, the motive of having to do anything was greatly paralytic, I take care of all the bills, so I understand what am talking about, body nor be fire wood. So i called her later on to ask if she can come home to quickly make the food, work place to home is like 5 mins drive, she said she's been stuck in traffic that she would need to head back to the creche since she didn't go there at first, I was like no P.

10 mins later, I called to ask her something, she apparently was in a noisy environment, I was like, aren't u back at the daycare, she was like NO, I quickly branched at the market to buy something, in which Market wasn't even far from home, like 2 mins, at that moment, I was so angry, so I flared up, I told her 'but why are u doing this", all along the reason u left the house has not been met to the detriment of the hunger am going through now, I was like u know what don't bother, will sort myself, and she was like no P.

However, she had left her wedding band on the room table, though we both agreed that whenever she forgets her ring, she would have to come back home to pick it, so I quickly used the ring as opportunity to trick her home, I was like come and pick ur ring, u have forgotten it again, she was like no oo, she cant, I was like have u forgotten our agreement, I said just come home and pick it. 4 mins later, she bashed in, started yelling, I am sure its because of trust u have enforced me to come home and pick the ring, blah blah blah, at the worms in my stomach were doing takwando training at the moment, I just kept quiet, she tried to abusively hold my head acting like she wanted to pet me, I withdrew, next thing, she just hissed and left, saying I am not even picking the ring, you can do your worse. From that day, I have decided not to eat her food, 2nd reason I am posting this is regarding this thread below:

https://www.nairaland.com/1307880/not-eating-wife-food-punishment

Is my situation legitimate enough to deny her food? Cos it seems a lot of people are against refusal of wifey food no matter the situation, but i feel the situation here is different. Plus she has been remorseless about the situation, and 7 years already into this union, we have been battling the issue of her responsibility on food from day 1, old problem that I feel should have expired, so we can work on new probs. Brothers and sisters, your 10kobo is needed.

MhizzAJ:
God knows i can't get married to any man that doesn't know how to cook and do some basic chores

iamloyalty:
Wrong, Some single ladies are more fulfilled than some married women, marriage dosent guarantee happiness. Just take a survey in ur street or ask Tonto Dikeh.

Ladyhippolyta88:
You when know road waka your own make we waka our own we nor tell you say we miss road.She said she needed a husband who can assist domestically as she would be assisting in providing,I wonder why it is hard for you to understand.

Dafreeguy:
I don't think u can point out any single lady whom u think she is fulfilled because she is rich or famous.. Deep down,u cant know how they feel. Its just abnormal for u come to this life without fulfilling d scripture.

greatcrown:
Here is my own 10kobo;

One vital lesson I learned in marriage is to be the change you hope to see in your partner as the possibility of him or her changing is almost zero.

To put it in another way, whatever your partner is poor at and it's hurting you, please develop yourself to cater for it so that you will no longer be hurt. Infact derive pleasure in filling that gap because it is the key that keeps your home.

To put in another way again, your partner whatever weakness you discover in your partner, develop your strength in that area so that you can complement him or her hence you become perfect one.

It's not going to be easy but it's possible and the joy derives from the happiness in your home justify the sacrifice.

So my brother, just let it slide.
Return to the dining and eat the meal and play the leadership role expected of you in your home.

God bless your home.

Dafreeguy:
You are only buttering her statement. she never mentioned providing. Meanwhile, y r u carrying her cross? or u intend to marry a houseboy as well?

Ladyhippolyta88:
If he likes let him starve.

jaxxy:
U 4get dat men have gazillion of options and im not talking about just food.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Read her first statement again and her reply to the other guy.Yes I agree with her in this case we share the same ideology.

Dafreeguy:
ok I give up..may houseboy husbands fall on u both.

iamloyalty:
Of course, for some that i have seen, they keep asking how to make a marriage work because of the way people dont value the sacredness of it these days, so most times is not abt pride, greed nobody want to be unhappy married woman even some guys feel same way too.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Amen,thank you.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Amen,thank you.

mercy87:
God said it is not good for man to be alone. He didn't say it is not good for woman to be alone.

Reasonabledoubt:
Kindly quote the parts of his story that shows that she controls him. Rather he seems like the manipulative one. Making her come home to wear her ring.

As if a ring stops one from cheating.

All I see here is poverty inspired issues. If he was a busy man, he will eat on the go, because there won’t be time to be waiting at home for her to cook so that he can eat.

Women should take note. He has not started hunger strike.

designVATExcel:
Well I think there are 2 sides to everything. Most comments above already addressed the OPs fault, so I'll focus on the wife.
It's TOTALLY wrong to leave the house without cooking for your husband.
No matter how much in a hurry you are, you ask the maid to buy common bread and you make toast.
But to leave without any provision is wrong.

Whether we like it or not, those forming Oyibo or feminist, couples have some defined roles.
The man provides, the woman upkeeps. Now economic situations & modernization have caused the roles to overlap, meaning some women now work and are coproviders and some men cook and do other domestics.

This is totally understandable, but each party should still know & strive to perform their roles and appreciate the other party for helping out.

delishpot:
Did you hear him say she got a call from the teacher at school saying the other one did not come hence she had to leave the house earlier than expected?

fhutson500:
refusal of wifey food no matter the situation, but i feel the situation here is different. Plus she has been remorseless about the situation, and 7 years already into this union, we have been battling the issue of her responsibility on food from day 1, old problem that I feel should have expired, so we can work on new probs. Brothers and sisters, your 10kobo is needed.

Dafreeguy:
come to think of it, how are u gonna know that ur marriage would be an unhappy one when u haven't entered it yet? u can't predict an unhappy marriage and decide to remain single. pls answer this question to prove me wrong

designVATExcel:
Did you read where he also said that she normally does this, and it not the 1st time she hasn't cooked?? It's become a trend, if it's a one off trust me he will not have complained this much.

delishpot:
I read that part but this particular story she needed to rush out. If her mornings are that busy, can't he adjust himself Biko nu? She cooks lunch and dinner and he can eat. Why is it that he can not understand with her if her mornings are packed full and she can't make dinner regularly? If you read my previous comment you will see where I made a suggestion for them to handle that breakfast thing

designVATExcel:
I totally disagree, it's always the last straw that breaks the camel's back. Habits are habitual.
If her mornings her "full" as you put it there are several ways to communicate that to your husband. Silence is a bitch mehn.
All humans are naturally rational and wouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill.

What upsets the guy, and I'm sure will upset any guy, is that she does it continually and casually. They have a maid for Christ sakes mehn, why can't she delegate the maid to wake up early and cook for her husband. What you don't prioritize you don't have time for mehn.

My issue is the guy should have addressed it earlier in the marriage.

iamloyalty:
That question is for such single ladies i am not one of them. But that is the essence of courtship.

Dafreeguy:
The question is now for single ladies now abi? and u have been defending them,now you are pulling out..lolz can't laugh.

even if u r courting and u sense an unhappy future marriage, it shouldn't make u quit and decide to remain single for life

delishpot:
Yes. I understand you and I get where you are coming from. Not all humans are rational. Some make mountains out of a speck of dust. Let's not over push it there. Back to topic, he did not say she never cooks his issue is breakfast if I am not mistaken. Their marriage is not all bad, he did not say she was a rude wife, or an abusive one, or she denies him sex etc prior to that day. just the food angle is the problem. I believe if she cooks lunch and dinner (hence he has food he can reject) then she probably has a reason why she keeps skipping the breakfast. That what I would want to know.

iamloyalty:
They are just blowing a minor issue out of proportion. See how social media contribute to martial breakdown, funny thing is that some making a mountain of it haven't been able to handle their own home.

iamloyalty:
Dont get it twisted am not anti marriage and not in that category. But the point is better to be single and happy than be an unhappy married woman.
*Bottom-line* marriage doesn't guarantee anybody's happiness.