This is a question that I'd like to pose to those nairalanders on a quest to enlightenment, those in search of the truth of our existence and purpose on earth, those who have and hold views contrary to popular belief.
Do you ever feel lonely?

I have come a long way in my quest for enlightenment and yet I know that I have only just scratched the surface. Four years ago I asked a few questions that lead me away from my religious beliefs, and "down the rabbit hole".

This is a journey that completely changed my life, exposed the weaknesses in the core of my reasoning and belief system. I have since gone from "Christian" to "Atheist" and to being in complete and utter awe of this great mystery that we live in. I always say that "I am searching " and this has opened my mind greatly to infinite possibilities. Sometimes I look back at my previous posts and comments on this platform and laugh at how far I've come.

What I have found is that regardless of the bond and connection I form with anyone else, there's a huge gaping void of loneliness I feel when I can't share my journey with them. I'll quote Carl Jung when he says "As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still because I know things and must hint at things that others know nothing of and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no one about, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself or from holding views which others find inadmissible ".

I don't always feel this way, but every now and then I look at the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I feel a twinge of that deep seated loneliness. Does he know that I am searching? Yes. Does he understand what that truely means? No. Would I ever be able to share this incredible yet intimate part of my existence with him? I fear tremendously, No. Would I always have to tiptoe around these things, twist words so that I am understood, deflect questions he asks cos he might never understand? I fear tremendously, Yes.

It's been an emotional night for me as I contemplate these things. I'd like to know if anyone else is in my shoes, how do you handle it?

You need to get laid properly.


I free thinker. I don't charge anything.

Weda FreeThinker or NotFreeThinker Everyone must experience loneliness at least once in his/her lifetime.

Yes, I do feel lonely sometimes. Don't marry the person you want to spend your life with until he understands and fully accepts the new you.

The male to female ratio in the freethinker/atheist/humanist/agnostic/pantheist/deist community is very high, so you will find someone easily.

The path of the righteous is difficult and lonely.

It is normal to feel loneliness when you are different or in the minority.

This is why group meetings or associations are important.

Seun:
Yes, I do feel lonely sometimes. Don't marry the person you want to spend your life with until he understands and fully accepts the new you.

The male to female ratio in the freethinker/atheist/humanist/agnostic/pantheist/deist community is very high, so you will find someone easily.

Hello Seun,

Supposing she is a Nigerian and living there, I do not quite agree with the emboldened, no - not in Nigeria.

superhumanist:
The path of the righteous is difficult and lonely.

It is normal to feel loneliness when you are different or in the minority.

This is why group meetings or associations are important.

Hi there,

Do you know of such groups?

Preferably WhatsApp, Telegram?

Hi there @rinrin24.

I like the coherence with which you write.
I want to be like you when I grow up.
Lol.


Okay, I can quite relate with your position.
I was once there.
Tell you what...

You should not feel afraid to express your truth to the one you love, and whom you believe loves you.
It takes bravery and courage to do so, but trust me, in the end, you will be better for it.

I have struggled with feelings of being partially accepted because of my spiritual path and orientation. It was until I came "clean" that I found peace and such inexplicable freedom within and without. Again, I will say you should not feel fearful hesitation to express your truth and until you can do that, please do not get married to him just yet. You want to avoid being termed a pretender and names like that

It is an illusion to think yourself as lonely. There are many of your kind out there.

If you hold out and not compromise, You shall have a vibrational match to the frequencies you emit. I tell you this from experience.

How do you know a vibrational match? I've discussed with people and then it turns deep and then they have goosebumps. They show it to me. Find your own confirmation.

Regardless of all you may come across, adopt the Socratic posture that you know nothing.

For your own good, never settle for less. enjoy the experience.

Chubhie:
It is an illusion to think yourself as lonely. There are many of your kind out there.

If you hold out and not compromise, You shall have a vibrational match to the frequencies you emit. I tell you this from experience.

How do you know a vibrational match? I've discussed with people and then it turns deep and then they have goosebumps. They show it to me. Find your own confirmation.

Regardless of all you may come across, adopt the Socratic posture that you know nothing.

For your own good, never settle for less. enjoy the experience.

For me I have grown/evolved not to be bothered with what people think about me just because I see life from a different perspective . I refuse to follow the norm, but to be myself.

MizMyColi:

Hi there,
Do you know of such groups?
Preferably WhatsApp, Telegram?

THE GANG LEADERS WILL BE HERE THROUGH MY COMMENT.


HEY, IT'S ALWAYS A PARTY IN THERE. BE READY.

sexybaby22:


For me I have grown/evolved not to be bothered with what people think about me just because I see life from a different perspective . I refuse to follow the norm, but to be myself.

To thy own self be true.

Seun:
Yes, I do feel lonely sometimes. Don't marry the person you want to spend your life with until he understands and fully accepts the new you.

The male to female ratio in the freethinker/atheist/humanist/agnostic/pantheist/deist community is very high, so you will find someone easily.

Thank you Seun. I agree with the emboldened. I however dont think he will ever really understand, but will always accept me the way I am. I guess I should be content with acceptance.

As for the ratio and finding a match, haha it's highly unlikely (though maybe not impossible)

MizMyColi:
Hi there @rinrin24.

I like the coherence with which you write.
I want to be like you when I grow up.
Lol.


Okay, I can quite relate with your position.
I was once there.
Tell you what...

You should not feel afraid to express your truth to the one you love, and whom you believe loves you.
It takes bravery and courage to do so, but trust me, in the end, you will be better for it.

I have struggled with feelings of being partially accepted because of my spiritual path and orientation. It was until I came "clean" that I found peace and such inexplicable freedom within and without. Again, I will say you should not feel fearful hesitation to express your truth and until you can do that, please do not get married to him just yet. You want to avoid being termed a pretender and names like that

Lol. Hi MizMyColi, glad you could drop in.

In the past I have spoken my truth freely, but what I notice is people getting defensive. I understand that people are emotionally attached to their beliefs and tend to feel judged or insulted by anyone who poses a different view (even when not trying to impose it on anyone). It is because of this that I keep my views to myself so as not to step on toes. However the thought of doing this "forever" is terrifying, especially when you consider bringing children into the mix.

On every other aspect, I have never been more "compatible" with anyone as much as I am with him. I agree with the emboldened, I think that is very key.

Chubhie:
It is an illusion to think yourself as lonely. There are many of your kind out there.

If you hold out and not compromise, You shall have a vibrational match to the frequencies you emit. I tell you this from experience.

How do you know a vibrational match? I've discussed with people and then it turns deep and then they have goosebumps. They show it to me. Find your own confirmation.

Regardless of all you may come across, adopt the Socratic posture that you know nothing.

For your own good, never settle for less. enjoy the experience.

Wow! What you said about goosebumps has actually happened to me before, I remember the guy going cold and reaching out to hug me tight as a result of something I had said when we were having a "deep discussion ".

Thank you for this. Yes and it's in accepting that I know nothing that I've been able to open my mind to many things. As for never settling, Hmmm life can be simple but overwhelmingly complex at the same time.

superhumanist:
The path of the righteous is difficult and lonely.

It is normal to feel loneliness when you are different or in the minority.

This is why group meetings or associations are important.

Difficult to find such here in Nigeria, outside of forums like Nairaland

When you know that telling your position about your beliefs will cause conflicts with someone you love, close to you like your religious parents, siblings, friends, partners etc It's better not to fully tell them, there's no reward in telling them as an atheist or non-theist, the only thing that will happen is rejection.

You can let them know you're not that religious but telling them God does not exist, that's a tough task.

If you know your love ones are people that understand things then you can tell them your views about religion/God.

rinrin23:


Difficult to find such here in Nigeria, outside of forums like Nairaland

Exactly, that's why I'm of the opinion there should be some programs for athiests, agnostics, skeptics, free thinker etc all over Nigeria.

But the thing is it will look like an organized religion.

Loneliness will always come whenever you are not busy or whenever you think of whom to end up with. This is normal. This is a more reason why you need to continue 'winning souls' to your ideology
Win them, win them, one by one
God(EXISTENCE) loves CHANGE, only programmed robotic gods like Yahweh, Allah, Moloch etc don't like CHANGE(not APC change sha).

rinrin23:


Lol. Hi MizMyColi, glad you could drop in.

In the past I have spoken my truth freely, but what I notice is people getting defensive. I understand that people are emotionally attached to their beliefs and tend to feel judged or insulted by anyone who poses a different view (even when not trying to impose it on anyone). It is because of this that I keep my views to myself so as not to step on toes. However the thought of doing this "forever" is terrifying, especially when you consider bringing children into the mix.

On every other aspect, I have never been more "compatible" with anyone as much as I am with him. I agree with the emboldened, I think that is very key.

Hi rinrin24,

Morning

It is good that you found something up there helpful.

I can relate with the bit about not wanting to hurt others' feelings when you begin to express your truth.
What I tell myself is that everyone must not know who I am. I am free to share aspects of me with people, depending on how I perceive them or where they're at.

I hosted my friends this weekend in a lil house warming gig. Lol.

They talked about this guy called Dynamo, and how demonic he is because he levitates, and does other cool stuff that we'd normally term film trick. Well, I don't know much about him and I could care less. My observation when I mentioned that he might be a mystic is that this friend of mine just started calling devil and devilish o. That it is all demonic, that mystics are devilish people, that her pastor now told her this and that and that.

Well, in my mind, I knew my truth, but I had the wisdom not to spill it there...I felt it wasn't necessary.

But you see, someone you will share very intimate parts of you with deserves to be in the know. It may not matter that he doesn't dig the kind of stuff you dig, but it is good to be honest upfront about these things.

For me, I believe that there has to be that one person in the world whom I am true to. Different people have different views of me based on how I relate to them, but there is that one person, or maybe a little more than one who KNOW me. They know that I have no clearcut answer as to whether God exists or not. They know that I do not believe in casting out devils and all sort, they know that I am very divergent as regards my religious views....they know a lot, but He knows much more. He is the one person I am truly, truly myself around...sweeet, good, bad, ugly.

Now, he does not share all my views, I am sure most of it sounds tooooo spiritual for him, lol
But at least, he knows and accepts me, and I don't have to feel judged and all that.
It makes living fun.

I also agree, that despite having this awesome gift in human form, there are times it actually gets lonely. What helps me is talking about it to my other sweethearts, or better still, allowing myself go through that emotion and not fight it or want to quickly escape the feeling.

Sometimes, I feel like it is that deep part of me that's calling on me to come in, more like go within and spend sometime with it, and if I succumb, I find that I don't feel so lonely anymore. I realize there and then, that I am never alone. Even if the whole of humanity were to turn their back on me, I am never alone. It takes of change of mindset to grasp this truth.

So all the best rinrin24.
May your path be full of light and cheers.

Let me coman go to school
It actually feels so good to be back to a classroom again.

rinrin23:


Thank you Seun. I agree with the emboldened. I however dont think he will ever really understand, but will always accept me the way I am. I guess I should be content with acceptance.

As for the ratio and finding a match, haha it's highly unlikely (though maybe not impossible)

If he does not have an iota of understanding, he will never accept you. You may wish for him to understand in a way that you expect and hope, you should know upfront that that may never happen, but it might as well!

If he ticks all the other boxes and you actually feel happy and content with him, my dear...you know the drill. I think the whole idea of marriage is complementation, right?

Because I am a spiritual person myself, I have always liked the idea of partnering with someone who is wayy higher than me, but guess what, most times, their spirituality is just about the only amazing stuff about them, in other aspects......not so cool. Well, I made my choice!

Oh, and I feel that it is okay if he does not fullllyyyyyy understand, but at least allows you the freedom to explore your convictions and desire to BE more.

For me the internet has to suffice for now.
I currently don't know one person on this planet that is able to look at things from my angle.
When I attempt to test the waters by dropping hints the kinds of reactions I get-- fear, revulsion, anger, irritation etc tell me to respect myself and stay on my lane.
No need getting into trouble with people over things like that.

A significant upgrade in my affairs is imminent and I expect the people I meet and interact with to also reflect this upgrade.
Till then, the internet and books will have to be my companions on this journey.

It seems I'm living a double life, out there I act and talk like one of the adherents of one of the popular beliefs out there even when I believe none of it.
Once, I tried to open up subtely to a friend(though older than I am) about my perception on God and religion, his reaction was funny, cos, he just couldn't understand why someone would doubt the existence of a God, ever since I've learnt to be careful and play along, but then, I keep asking myself for how long.
Itz quite frustrating to preach what you don't believe in.

OtemAtum:
Loneliness will always come whenever you are not busy or whenever you think of whom to end up with. This is normal. This is a more reason why you need to continue 'winning souls' to your ideology
Win them, win them, one by one
God(EXISTENCE) loves CHANGE, only programmed robotic gods like Yahweh, Allah, Moloch etc don't like CHANGE(not APC change sha).

I agree with you. Although I don't believe in "winning souls". I think everyone should find their own way to enlightenment. I think everyone should ask their own questions and search for answers. I think those that aren't curious are only going to weary my spirit with useless conversation.

MizMyColi:


Hi rinrin24,

Morning

It is good that you found something up there helpful.

I can relate with the bit about not wanting to hurt others' feelings when you begin to express your truth.
What I tell myself is that everyone must not know who I am. I am free to share aspects of me with people, depending on how I perceive them or where they're at.

I hosted my friends this weekend in a lil house warming gig. Lol.

They talked about this guy called Dynamo, and how demonic he is because he levitates, and does other cool stuff that we'd normally term film trick. Well, I don't know much about him and I could care less. My observation when I mentioned that he might be a mystic is that this friend of mine just started calling devil and devilish o. That it is all demonic, that mystics are devilish people, that her pastor now told her this and that and that.

Well, in my mind, I knew my truth, but I had the wisdom not to spill it there...I felt it wasn't necessary.

But you see, someone you will share very intimate parts of you with deserves to be in the know. It may not matter that he doesn't dig the kind of stuff you dig, but it is good to be honest upfront about these things.

For me, I believe that there has to be that one person in the world whom I am true to. Different people have different views of me based on how I relate to them, but there is that one person, or maybe a little more than one who KNOW me. They know that I have no clearcut answer as to whether God exists or not. They know that I do not believe in casting out devils and all sort, they know that I am very divergent as regards my religious views....they know a lot, but He knows much more. He is the one person I am truly, truly myself around...sweeet, good, bad, ugly.

Now, he does not share all my views, I am sure most of it sounds tooooo spiritual for him, lol
But at least, he knows and accepts me, and I don't have to feel judged and all that.
It makes living fun.

I also agree, that despite having this awesome gift in human form, there are times it actually gets lonely. What helps me is talking about it to my other sweethearts, or better still, allowing myself go through that emotion and not fight it or want to quickly escape the feeling.

Sometimes, I feel like it is that deep part of me that's calling on me to come in, more like go within and spend sometime with it, and if I succumb, I find that I don't feel so lonely anymore. I realize there and then, that I am never alone. Even if the whole of humanity were to turn their back on me, I am never alone. It takes of change of mindset to grasp this truth.

So all the best rinrin24.
May your path be full of light and cheers.

Let me coman go to school
It actually feels so good to be back to a classroom again.

YES! YES!! YES!!!

Where have you been all my (new) life? Lol.
And that Dynamo bit, my dear nobody understands the amount of wisdom and energy it takes to not respond. I have been there one too many times and almost exploded from holding my breath and gritting my teeth.

Ranchhoddas:
For me the internet has to suffice for now.
I currently don't know one person on this planet that is able to look at things from my angle.
When I attempt to test the waters by dropping hints the kinds of reactions I get-- fear, revulsion, anger, irritation etc tell me to respect myself and stay on my lane.
No need getting into trouble with people over things like that.

A significant upgrade in my affairs is imminent and I expect the people I meet and interact with to also reflect this upgrade.
Till then, the internet and books will have to be my companions on this journey.

Story of my life. You missed out "complete and total lack of understanding ". And I think this reaction is what I don't want to deal with in a life partner. I don't want someone that pities my soul or feels their intelligence is threatened by my views and opinions, which are sometimes guided by plain logic and have an air of superiority to them.

I'm glad you have an impending "upgrade", and I hope it brings with it the connections you seek

lovicks:
It seems I'm living a double life, out there I act and talk like one of the adherents of one of the popular beliefs out there even when I believe none of it.
Once, I tried to open up subtely to a friend(though older than I am) about my perception on God and religion, his reaction was funny cos, he just couldn't understand why someone will doubt the existence of a God, ever since I've learnt to be careful and play along, but then, I keep asking myself for how long.
Itz quite frustrating to preach about what you don't believe in, like one is a hypocrite.

Hi Lovicks

It's a terrible thing that you're doing to your soul. You're better off keeping your views to yourself and training your mind to learn more, than to pretend.

Although I don't know the dynamics of your community/living conditions but I don't think there's need to pretend. You can be silent about your views, but still not act or talk like society wants you to. Don't live a double life, live a life that you think is true and keep it private until you're ready to handle publicly living your truth.

I know the few occasions that I'd had to pretend out of respect for my grandparents and I remember how I just did not feel good about myself after. Can't imagine living that way every single day

@op,


Loneliness can mean different things to different people!!! Being surrounded by people that are stupid and arrogant, can be more lonely that being on your own!!! Sometimes, the loneliness is what makes you a god/goddess of your own subjective Universe!!! If you had a good book to read, or you were part of an online group on Facebook, with like minded people, I doubt you will feel so lonely!!!

Nope, I never feel lonely.

My journey have been weird or perhaps an incessant evolution that have seen my faiths and doubts dashed against cold hard truths of reality. I have questioned everything i know at every turn, i have been arrogant in my ignorance, condescending in my teachings, aggressive in my defense, unteachable in my debates - I was a young atheist, i just newly agreed or found out that i didn't believe in God.

Yes it was a lonely journey.

First i had lots of questions, when i asked people recoiled away from me, they feared to answer. My questions were daring and true, i yearned so hard for someone to bring forth answers that could satisfy this curiosity.

the world was changing right before my eyes and nobody else around me could see this change.

I lost awe in the faith of creation by "let there be light" it suddenly was not sufficient enough, it could not account for the depth and intricacies of the world around.

they must be more, they had to be more.

I'd throw subtle questions at Papa, Mama, Siblings, friends or anyone else that i could. ever careful to mask the full intent of my questions to avoid the possibility of an inevitable backlash.

"Why do you think God started to create the world?" I'd ask
"Do you really think humans are just clay sculptures given breath by God?"

"Don't question God, John" Papa would say with a glaring look that discouraged me from any further questions that danced on the edge of blasphemy.

It wasn't enough, there must be more to it than just this. But i was alone in my thoughts.

The courage of my questions were met with strict castigation. You are playing with fire young man.

I recoiled to my shell, spent more time alone. Prayed and read and for a moment i found a perfect blend between God and me, between my quest to know and my faith.

Gradually i began to see a different God. gradually God became more for me than just a divine wrath seeking undiluted retribution and piety. God became more than a divine authority ready to dose out punishment at will. God became more than a constant reminder of my vulnerabilities as a human. became more than an authority i had to appease at every turn for my constant transgressions. God became more than a cosmic need for incessant praise. I lost faith in the logic that suggests i had to apologize everyday just for being human. I made nonsense of the doctrine that thinks i was dragged into a test for no reason at all. I refused to be a living condemnation over a supposed transgression at the beginning of creation.

But no one else saw this God with me.

I tried to paint a picture of this God but i'd get a cold stare, a fearful snub or a threatening admonition.

I was in the middle of a crowd, in the middle of loved ones but i was alone. My mind was filled up and ran over, i pined to share, i was nearing my limit and i felt i'd burst any minute.

Nobody could hear me scream, they shushed and snubbed.

My questions became even bolder. Became even more daring and if you will more courageous.

I dared to question the existent of God himself.

My mind lacked substance for God might be or what God is. The role of God in the cosmos was lost to me. There was more to everything than this earth, the stage was too grand for us.

I was losing my mind as well as losing God - perhaps because people told me that i was.

I tried to hold on but i was slipping.

I found holes in almost every word the preacher says. I could give him ten reasons why i thought he was wrong for every time he implied to know the mind of God.

I argued with evangelists. challenged Jehovah witnesses - Got an angry or pitiful look in return each time.

My loneliness was slowly turning into a burning need to challenge the status quo. To reach into everyone's mind and challenge their beliefs. But a pinch of fear lingered on when i was in the middle of loved ones.

So even though great many others knew what i had turned into, even though i already carved out a reputation among preachers as 'That intelligent boy that the devil is using'

i couldn't bring myself to show my family just who i was. How could i ever bring out myself as the "tool of the devil" before their eyes.

A lost soul.
fallen from grace.

That would kill mama, papa would literally send me out.

So before them, my piety was intact. I said every decade of rosary with that loud doubt, every mystery represented a question i hoped they would listen to and answer.

My loneliness persisted.

Finding succor only on the internet that became a pronounced part of my world during these times. I was fascinated by friends that shared my thoughts, friends i never met before, friends without face or voice but they gave me a little hint that i was not alone..


I am ranting now maybe i should cut this short.... The journey is very long