Contact me; I will do/carry out back ground checks for you as I have done for client abroad before. rexadeprinze1@yahoo.com.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

It's nothing to worry,because from where I come from, we usually go by our family name or grandfather's name.

Hey. There was no investment from so many burials. Of course he inherited his fathers prperties (for which we need to raise 1000s to pay for renovations ) but thats all.
We were building a house in Nigeria but apparently a relative sold the land it was on?
I have 5 daughters, 2 sons. Financially, they need no support, only thing they need from us is babysitting services�

I haven't wasted any years, my life has been good mostly . Only thing I regret is that I didn't dig earlier but I trusted him and have enjoyed my years with him.

Morwendy:
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

Its possible to have two surname....tho not advisable....I and my siblings had different Surnames till recently...my older siblings bears my Grandfathers name as surname while me and my younger siblings bears my fathers name(Compound-name). Only changed it when i was about entering college, did an affidavit and revert to my grandfathers name...some of my documents still bears my fathers name and i think i can still bear it as my name if i feel like

Morwendy:
Hey. There was no investment from so many burials. Of course he inherited his fathers prperties (for which we need to raise 1000s to pay for renovations ) but thats all.
We were building a house in Nigeria but apparently a relative sold the land it was on?
I have 5 daughters, 2 sons. Financially, they need no support, only thing they need from us is babysitting services�

I haven't wasted any years, my life has been good mostly . Only thing I regret is that I didn't dig earlier but I trusted him and have enjoyed my years with him.

Good. Now I think you have nothing to fear about the change in surname. ...and I will advice you not to dig further because what you may be finding out may make you more devastated. Sit him down to find out if he has a personal problem worrying him. Offer to help him out. Only the demands from "brother" at home can kill a man abroad. In everything, apply diplomacy and wisdom. I wish you good.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
okay so why is he hiding a lot of information from her? As hard as it may seem, her husband is being shady.

How can you say this ? I don't trust all these white women , they feel so insecure ans most times they are the one to be scared of, they wake up one day and throw you out, The guy opened that website and maybe a business in Nigeria Just in case.....He is kind,for me I would have Nigerian wife and kids see, (just in case this white woman decides not to do again �)

Face your husband madam and be good, you ain't doing him a favour marrying him or paying 2.5k pounds , that's not alot of money here , we use it for car repair

Love and trust your husband , scammers don't stay that long , 8 years !!! At 47 plus If he does not have a wife at home , he deserve some accolades.

He will tell you about the business when it starts booming, now you may discourage him and he doesn't want that, don't blow little matters outta proportion, as for the £2500 , why are you paying, does he not work or ? I really hate the fact that you mentioned it , That is not a big money in Nigeria ,at all . It can't pay rent for 3 months in some part of Lagos , I mean in alot of places in Abuja and PH, We spend that in a night

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

yes, I have a different surname from my family and I did it by choice, I also explained my reason to my wife before I married her.

Morwendy:
Hey. There was no investment from so many burials. Of course he inherited his fathers prperties (for which we need to raise 1000s to pay for renovations ) but thats all.
We were building a house in Nigeria but apparently a relative sold the land it was on?
I have 5 daughters, 2 sons. Financially, they need no support, only thing they need from us is babysitting services�

I haven't wasted any years, my life has been good mostly . Only thing I regret is that I didn't dig earlier but I trusted him and have enjoyed my years with him.

I'm glad to hear you say the bolded. That at least is a sign that you are approaching this with an open mind.

Incidentally, I happen to be from the same general area with your husband, and in roughly the same age group, and have lived in the UK, so while I didn't grow up back home (eastern Nigeria), I fully understand both how my people think and how life is lived in the western world, and can make some general statements which I concede may be totally wrong.

Given your husband's convoluted immigration history (Nigeria to The Gambia then somehow to the UK), I surmise that his financial circumstances back home weren't the best. The Gambia itself is a poor country. He probably would have the proverbial "stories to tell' about his odyssey if he cared to (or has already shared with you). People like that are more likely to play their cards close to their chest which may or may not be any indicator of anything being off.

From what you say (the numerous funerals he has mentioned to you), I gather that your husband has got something going on at home beyond what he's telling you. Again, that in and of itself is not necessarily an indicator of anything off, because traditionally down here men do things that way. But I agree that he should have made the necessary cultural adjustment to open himself up totally since he has decided to marry someone from a different background - on that I think he's not done right.

Having different phones and hiding them is a red flag. Ask him directly what he's hiding.

In any case, you need a loooonggg sitdown with your man, and there is nothing you can usefully achieve in that regard on this forum.

Again, best of luck to you both.

Face your husband madam and be good, you ain't doing him a favour marrying him or paying 2.5k pounds , that's not alot of money here , we use it for car repair

Be good? Some of you have said some if the backward thinking things which I chose to ignore but when I read that, I realised that I must surely be getting advice from someone who is so stuck in his grampa's mindset that thinks men and women are unequal?

You people spend 1.25 million Naira on a night out or to fix a car ..delusions do not make your statements factual.

I will unjoin the forum now because I didn't come here to be accused and abused by people who would appear to be quite bigoted.

Many thanks to those who attempted to answer my question about names.

EmpresFIDEL:
I don't have time to analyze your points..go back to your previous comment and read what you wrote, of course we know nothing about them. that's the main reason why you should judge from what the op wrote and not what you think. case close..

I just hope you were able to pick a point or two.

Originally, my question was about nothing other than the name but many of you here gave me food for thought so let me look now.

Who's paying his visa fees? I will be because in the last few years we have paid to:

Bury his grandma
Bury his uncle
Bury his sister
Put his niece through college
Bury his father (3 months ago)
Bury his stepmothers mother (1 month ago)
and he sends most of his salary back home after our bills are paid.

Does he travel to Nigeria often?

No, in 8 years he's gone twice. Never to a funeral.

His website is active. I can fill a cart with high cost items and pay for them BUT he says the business isn't up and running?

He came to the UK from The Gambia where he had been living til he came here with his first wife.

Children - he has 2 girls with someone else, not a wife, not a Nigerian or British woman. This lady and her children disappeared before I met him. The police were looking for her when he was having immigration problems but that seems to have stopped. One of his female friends once asked him how that lady was enjoying living in Nigeria - he denied that she was there and insisted that she just took the two very young children and returned to her own country.

His phone - both are always in his pocket. Both are always on silent. He takes many calls in the bathroom. I discovered a third phone and asked him about it. He didn't deny having it and even tried to make me think I'd forgotten he had it by saying my younger daughters always call him on that number - they don't, I checked. Asked him to show me his phones a few days ago and he refused (assured me there was nothing fishy going on)

Now, we have always talked about any such issues. We don't fight over them. And he usually has a plausible explanation no matter what the issue and mostly it's a' cultural or traditional' explanation which I can't dispute because as many here have proved to me, if you ask his fellow countrymen anything, they mostly take up the defensive for him and accuse the wife of being bad.

Why did I wait 8 years to start questioning him?

Only recently has he seemed to be not who I thought he was.

Lady, you are being scammed by a specialist. You are helping him by funding his other life in Nigeria. Guy is a patient dog who wants to use you for papers.

The above is evidence enough.

Zither:


Terrible mathematics. She said she is in her 50s. Is it early or middle or late 50s? The husband could be anywhere around 50, 53 54...not necessarily forty-something.

That is by the way. Do you know it is so myopic to drag tribal identification into matters like this? Does knowing the tribe of the op's husband give you orgasm or what? Genius, what has the tribe of the man in question got to do with anything?

Thank you jare.... I'm just reading that Livingfree's comments with anger cos she's just typing trash like an idiot... Rubbish womanbeing.

There's nothing weird about it although the man should have told u the discrepancies earlier.Myself my surname is different from the rest of the family cause I decided to go by my immediate fathers name whom I know very well while the rest of the family is still answering my great grand fathers name which I refused to answer

eyinjuege:


But you think its alright for him to open a company without her knowledge? and he's never even mentioned it to her in passing till she found out by chance.
Is he being transparent?
That would set off alarm bells in any right thinking person's mind. I don't blame her, as nobody likes to be used. She's only human afterall.

This is not a matter of what is right or wrong. The OP does not want our advice. She doesn’t want to file for the husband’s permanent residence which is due next month. She is here looking for a justification not to make the application. This is a marriage and we need to be very careful with what we say. Already I have seen stupid and childish comments here especially from people who has never been marriage and are not thinking about it in the next 5 years.

I am married and I don’t tell my wife everything. It’s not about doing things secretly. Sometimes because you know your wife and her reaction, you probably want to keep it quiet till you have achieved what you want to do or you don’t want to bother your wife because it maybe irrelevant. Some wives may see such investment as a waste of family resources. Some may even have a different opinion. Others may support you. The kids here will never know this until they are married. Their idea of a marriage is based on movies and romantic novels.

steve13:


How can you say this ? I don't trust all these white women , they feel so insecure ans most times they are the one to be scared of, they wake up one day and throw you out, The guy opened that website and maybe a business in Nigeria Just in case.....He is kind,for me I would have Nigerian wife and kids see, (just in case this white woman decides not to do again �)

Face your husband madam and be good, you ain't doing him a favour marrying him or paying 2.5k pounds , that's not alot of money here , we use it for car repair

You must have lived abroad. Please let them know how a white woman operate. I have said it and would say it again. She is a ridiculous woman looking for an excuse. For 8 years she has been hiding her intention from her husband. Enjoying his company, allowing him build things with her and when the time to file for his PR is due, she turns into a private investigator.

Continue!

EmpresFIDEL:
and you have the guts to say the man don't have a wife.. what are you even feeling like? almighty perfectionist? I pity your wife, obviously your wife don't have a say in whatever decision you take. perfect Mr right.

You are very stupid. I will say it again. You are very stupid. I am not insulting you, but based my assumption on reading your comment. It is stupid people like you that make such comment. Why do I say you are stupid. Don’t worry I will let you know. You do not have experience in a particular field, yet you offer advice and still stand on such advice. That is what a stupid person do. You have never lived with a man legally nor experience what it takes to be with a person who is different from your gender, and I don’t mean the illegal co-habiting you maybe doing with your boyfriend, if you even have one.

You did not hear from the woman’s husband, yet you claim he is a fraudster. Are you not stupid! And I can assume you have never traveled abroad and your knowledge about white women is based on what you see on movies and TV, that is why you open your rotten young mouth to spew rubbish.

To answer your ridiculous statement - my wife is my partner. Infact, she is the CEO of my house and I’m the Chairman, I only review her action if things go wrong. I operate that way because I trust her judgement. This is the way my home operates. Other homes may operate differently and that is because people are different. You will not know this yet because you are not married and not even thinking about it at the moment. However, you will surely do when you are matured to engage in marital affairs and when that time comes, I hope you will be happy when a complete stranger who does not know you or even your husband is offering advice to destroy your home. Stupid girl!

5thElement:


So why is his wife of 8 years just getting to know of another surname and why is he still using a previous surname?

Scamming isn't only about getting money fraudulently, people do visa scam etc.

Him trying to or having a wife with kids back in Nigeria without his wife of 8years in the UK knowing about it is still a scam of sorts.

You have a point, for the visa part. However, having other kids outside of his wife would be cheating if he did that after getting married to the wife.

steve13:


How can you say this ? I don't trust all these white women , they feel so insecure ans most times they are the one to be scared of, they wake up one day and throw you out, The guy opened that website and maybe a business in Nigeria Just in case.....He is kind,for me I would have Nigerian wife and kids see, (just in case this white woman decides not to do again �)

Face your husband madam and be good, you ain't doing him a favour marrying him or paying 2.5k pounds , that's not alot of money here , we use it for car repair

That is why the man may be hiding things from her before you know it, she is kicking him out of the house. You can never trust a white woman - never. I know them. She is not here seeking advice. She is seeking justification for what she intends to do to the husband. Mark my word!

Lol this woman quoted me and said some funny things , have you been to my city ? I'm sure you haven't, come to VI and Ikoyi on Friday night , £2500 pounds, 1.3 million , visit Lagos , Abuja ,

You these British women really think we live in caves ...the Automobile we pay cash CASH to drive here will remain a dream to you all, the houses we rent and Pay 2 years in Advance will make you scream !!!! £2.5k is service charge for 2 years where some of us live , don't come here trying to make believe you helping our bro, you are older and he been marrying you, if you pay £2,500 for him , that's nothing. I lived in your country for a moment(2012) , I went home fast


He has been with you for 8 years , wow.

Secondly does he have a son?
Would you let your son bear his name?
Would let your son spend time in his country ?
You got 7 kids and want to have him as a kid too?
You want him to tell you everything as the boss abi?

If he can see this message and send me a message , I will send someone in London to Lend him that £2,500 you are investigating him for

steve13:
Lol this woman quoted me and said some funny things , have you been to my city ? I'm sure you haven't, come to VI and Ikoyi on Friday night , £2500 pounds, 1.3 million , visit Lagos , Abuja ,

You these British women really think we live in caves ...the Automobile we pay cash CASH to drive here will remain a dream to you all, the houses we rent and Pay 2 years in Advance will make you scream !!!! £2.5k is service charge for 2 years where some of us live , don't come here trying to make believe you helping our bro, you are older and he been marrying you, if you pay £2,500 for him , that's nothing. I lived in your country for a moment(2012) , I went home fast


He has been with you for 8 years , wow.

Secondly does he have a son?
Would you let your son bear his name?
Would let your son spend time in his country ?
You got 7 kids and want to have him as a kid too?
You want him to tell you everything as the boss abi?

If he can see this message and send me a message , I will send someone in London to Lend him that £2,500 you are investigating him for

My brother that’s the white woman for you. I pity African men who are with them. When you are in parties with these brothers, if you hear their lamentations, you go fear.

The woman does not want to file - I know. She has quickly deactivated her account because she is not getting the justification she wants rather we are hitting her hard with the truth, which is - she being a ridiculous wife.

To all those people who claim they spend 2.5k Eros everyday please explain to me how that possible with your 18k minimum wage? I hate when people lie, see people on this tread who haven't smelled one million in their entire life time saying what's 2500 Eros.

lovelybugs:
To all those people who claim they spend 2.5k Eros everyday please explain to me how that possible with your 18k minimum wage? I hate when people lie, see people on this tread who haven't smelled one million in their entire life time saying what's 2500 Eros.

Lol. Leave them. After all its Nairaland; you can be anyone you want to be.

Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

He can choose to bear the grandfather's name. It is a common practice especially in Igbo land. There are different naming patterns. I have cousin's that about three of them bear their father's first name as surname, while the other two bear thier grandfather's first-name. In some communities, it is adopted for easy identification.

lovelybugs:
To all those people who claim they spend 2.5k Eros everyday please explain to me how that possible with your 18k minimum wage? I hate when people lie, see people on this tread who haven't smelled one million in their entire life time saying what's 2500 Eros.

If you are poor and can't afford 2.5K per night, doesn't mean people don't spend that much in Nigeria. ME I HAVE SEEN SOMEONE BOUGHT A CAR FOR 100 MILLA Naira paid in full not on credit. who does that in Europe or UK, if you know, you know.

Sometimes things get complicated yet simple. For instance a friend and his siblings bear different surnames. The father changed name after bearing my friend, but my friend had got his SSCE so he decided not to change his name. The younger siblings bear the new surname.

cdoffx:

And you typed that affirmatively. That is wrong when you don't even know the person in question let alone know anything about him.

Forget about it. I'm used to these phrases. These are scamming words.

Nigerians with their attitude of scamming foreigners, this is why the country is nothing to write home about.

Then he should fxxking pay the £2.5k pounds too without telling her. Olodo

slysteel:
shut up there,what do you know? He set up a website without telling her and so effing what?

HRtechnique:


I understand your point sincerely but try to bridle your tongue. This is someone's marriage for Christ sakes.

She can only get biased opinions here.

She has a right to investigate but she should have done this since not now... She should ask questions but she said they both work hard for what they have and that alone is good for me.

Per the business, it may just be a pet project or something but we still don't know... People don't tell their wives things for many reasons.

I think there's no problems at all but if she is worried about whether the man has another wife and kids, we still don't have any answer so let's just be careful.

My tongue cannot be bridled here. This is not a unique situation. They may both work hard does not mean one cannot be used. Infact Africans are hard workers. What is wrong with her investigating now that things have come up? When is the right time to investigate in a marriage please? If things appear it should be investigated at whatever point sir, its her marriage and therefore let her ask.

Why was the business being hidden? I don't get this part. You say pet project. Please don't hide pet projects from your wife.

No one can answer all her questions, but fishy is fishy and this is fishy. There has to be a specifically unique situation that a man in Nigeria will not bear the fathers name. His own reason needs further investigation.

Like I mentioned, she is in this marriage alone, therefore she should go ahead and ask all his friends, family members, CIA, FBI, British Intelligence and the likes all the questions she needs answered.

Thank you.

Even before I saw the Ops last post scam was smelling on around the husband,that dude probably has a wife here and is planning his exit.

What I find distasteful is how the nairaland guys are defending the husband,only about 3 people told her the truth.

I never knew 2,500 pounds is like 250 naira which one can just gather anyhow.

Birds of the same feather,

Can't we just be honest for once as Nigerians

Shut up your smelling mouth.

efighter:


2500 British Pounds is such a huge amount to you.
What a pity. Nigerians spend more than to buy just a bottle of wine in the club. It's not your fault anyway, it is the devilish government after government that the country has been under, which have been making Nigerians to run abroad for greener pastures. If not, a poor girl like you will not be insulting my brethren and asking him for his forefathers' names because of a token 2500 pounds. Now, send me your account number, I want to refund your 2500 British Shiit.

Face your husband madam and be good, you ain't doing him a favour marrying him or paying 2.5k pounds , that's not alot of money here , we use it for car repair

Be good? Some of you have said some if the backward thinking things which I chose to ignore but when I read that, I realised that I must surely be getting advice from someone who is so stuck in his grampa's mindset that thinks men and women are unequal?

You people spend 1.25 million Naira on a night out or to fix a car ..delusions do not make your statements factual.

I will unjoin the forum now because I didn't come here to be accused and abused by people who would appear to be quite bigoted.

Many thanks to those who attempted to answer my question about names.

That is Nigerians for you. Very rude Set of idiots with mentalities that belong in the 12th century. I will never advise anyone to seek advice from Nigerians. That will be making a big mistake.