I don't know why it is difficult for some men to take a stand.

Take a fuccking STAND.

You see 25 year old boys control their homes much better than older men. It is sad.

As long as your wife's family is not feeding you, keeping them under control is easy.

Unless her father is dangote, the woman that will do this to me has not been born.

Even if her father is dangote, i will still maintain serious control.


It is a matter of how you sell yourself from the very beginning.

Don’t stress yourself, for every time you spend with your in laws always interrupt them while talking. Make it so precise that it catches their attention with a little detest and when they explode in anger to para for you make them know that’s exactly how you feel when they interfere in your marriage and lastly, feel free to speak so far you make them angry enough to para first, that way anything you say cannot be used against you.


Good luck

You gats to get the money up b... Get the money up!!!

Hmmmm

youngest85:
Which worst will happen?
If you wanna commit suicide go ahead and let's know how many of us remain

Your mumu Don do

youngest85:
Which worst will happen?
If you wanna commit suicide go ahead and let's know how many of us remain

You are such an idiot for saying this
Who the heck are you or what the f**k on earth would you advise someone to commit sucide,
Are you a human being or don't you have human feelings...
I don't talk on here but I just did this because you're such a retarded fellow and you gotta leave on the bush
Low life
Motherf**er
If you like type
I won't reply you
Bye

Fundamentalist:
Something similar almost happened to me, though I liked her but I chose reality over emotions . Roughly two months after meeting her , I introduced her to my mum who liked her and also went to her family. But during a meeting with her people , they were telling me I have to allow their daughter do a lot of things , that they know an average man would reject. I made them understand plainly that , its a man that run his home and I won't give into such conditions . This lady in question also made this demands but I stood my ground , she actually agreed at first to deceive me but later came and told me I have to change my mind or its over . I didn't waste time as I ended the relationship. She began looking for a way back for six months I don't take her calls nor read her SMS , she gave up . I can't be a puppet to my inlwas because I'm marrying their daughter .

The problem Mr op is that you gave them leeway for nine years , it won't be easy to erase that control you gave them , dont know your ideology though, but as a Muslim its very easy for me , I will marry another wife(s) and just watch how balance of power will shift. Most people who do such , do it to make a statement.

Begging your in-laws to leave you alone is a big mistake but doing something they themselves can't approach you will make them distance themselves from you and your family.

Though an introvert, but I'm not afraid to offend people when my line is crossed no matter who they are including my in-laws even family know their limit . This is not disrespect, its fact

Why Muslim dey give this kin advice . Na wah. Una way sef

You have refused to let us know the details of the whole issue. How on earth do you expect us to be able judge right and advise you rightly and properly? Your case is pathetic. What exactly is the cage? Who put you in the cage? Who fabricated the cage.? How did they put you in the cage? Let us know the details and next time, don't come and give us half information if you know you are not guilty. OK?

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

I wish you had given us more info. You just said: My father in-law and his wife call the shot, and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful. How exactly does your father in-law and his wife call the shot? When you resist, how does your wife express her displeasure when she says you are being disrespectful? Does she get insulting and quarrelsome? Or is she moody and dishes out the silent treatment?

Are your in-laws feeding you and your family? Do they pay your house rent? Or do they pay your kid's school fees?

You see, 'respect begets respect, and respect is earned, not given.' Let your wife understand that. Tell her that if they cannot reciprocate your respect, by keeping their nose out of your business, then you will have nothing to say to them from henceforth.

There is something called passive aggression. If your in-laws call you, ignore them or postpone any request they have for you. If they want you to do something in 3 days, tell them it will take 3 weeks because you have other things to do. If they insist or try to bully you, say nothing, but make sure you do not comply with their demands.

And if your wife decides to nag you about it, let her know that her nagging shows that she values her own family more than you, so she is free to go there and stay with them. If your wife has common sense, she will backtrack and watch her steps.

Finally, do you have sisters? I mean vocal, protective ones? Explain what is going on, and enlist their help. They will be the ones to show your wife 'small pepper,' any time your in-laws decide to interfere, and they will blame her for everything. If she is wise, she will use her head and curtail her parents' interference, or put a stop to it. When they are dishing out their brand of discipline on her, don't interfere and don't take sides with your wife. Let her know that she brought it upon herself, so if she wants your sisters to stop, she should behave herself.

A wise woman will always want to build her home.....

3free2:
I've been discussing with my family and they all agreed that though I've been naive, it's time to call my in-laws to order family to family.

I'm some how relieved after their show of support. I believe a solution will come after the planned meeting even if it means breaking up.

I thank you for your prompt response and I hope Nairaland last forever so people can continue to seek and get help in difficult times.

Ehya . U love marriage but she doesnt

graciamore:
this is too harsh sir

Which harsh..I am in a similar situation, also with 3 kids n i have informed her that i am not interested in d marriage again..By God grace my kids will be fine..Since then, she n her family has been begging me not to divorce her..when a marriage is experiencing such things, the next thing if care is not taking is either d wife kill d husband or d husband kill d wife..marriage is not a rope that should drag someone to his early grave.

Lloydfolarin:


You ll be in this your miserable cage for a long time as long as you maintain this sort of repulsive mentality.

Life is too short to spend each day regretting your marriage.

I was once in your shoes but bailed myself out and happy for taking that bold step then as a man.

Real men take tough decisions.

You ll be free from problems of this world right from the day you don’t allow anything to hold you down including your children.

Listen, if you die today, your children ll move on as if you are nothing.

You became a miserable fool cos of mere pussy of your wife and children. The day you zero your mind on those two advantages she has over you, trust me, happiness ll become all yours.

My guy, if you are the one feeding yourself, call the bluff of her parents in her present with little madness and see these people respecting your boundary.

If she is your wife, she ll remain your wife. If she isn’t your wife, separation ll eventually happen.

Mr man, children is not excuse to stay in marriage. Only peace of mind should keep you in marriage.

Trust me, i was once in your shoes cos of my children, i couldn’t leave the stupid marriage. I was miserable and scare for my children being raised in broken home. However, i later realise that if i die in that marriage, this children ll move on very fast...

You can stay in your children lives while living on your own. Trust me, you ll see the difference in a week. You ll see you are missing in term of peace of mind and sanity.

The day a woman knows that you are afraid to lose your children or don’t want your children to be raised in a broken home, trust me, you are finished. She ll use it against you.

Why do you think all these babe mama respect their babe dads? Why? Cos those guys don’t give a Bleep.

Look at those small children called Davido and Wizkid, no woman out of those babies mamas can disrespect them cos they are in charge.

Be in charge and prove to your in laws that you are a Mr nonsense man by throwing them out of your house and your wife if she wants to take side with them.

If you think anybody has a better method to make your marriage than what i have said here, you are in for a shock. That family ll never changed until you do what i ask you to do

Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..

you never marry,when you do,you go understand

Ibrahim3307:
you weak pass the op

Life is just a ride. You are either a driver or a passenger. In this case you are a passenger.

Take charge. Be a man.

Pick a clean sheet of A4 and list all her actions and present to her as the reason for a divorce and consult a trusted but reasonable person from the in-laws end. Not her parents and present it to the person.

Then spend more time outside the home. Kids or no kids, you have a mission in life. Your kids have their own mission. They will call and apologize if you stand your ground. It she leaves it's even better. New pussies are always better and makes a man youthful

This happens a lot to men who do not know their mission. They think kids are the most important things.

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

There is always a time for new beginning and nothing is impossible if you believe.
My advice for you is to start putting your foot down from this point on. Never allow anyone to call the shots in your family.

Ishilove:

I have noticed your comments and posts on marital affairs on this forum. You go around advising people with marital challenges to quit their marriages because yours didn't work out. Misery loves company, so you want everyone break up their homes because your own marriage failed. Pele o, Chairman, Association of Unhappily Divorced Men. Shioor.

Guy, swerve with your bitterness. Marriages are still succeeding. If you don't have any reasonable advice to give then stop polluting threads with your cynicism and negativity. We all can't be unhappy like you, so my sincere advise to you is go away, lick your wounds, heal properly before coming back to the internet.

He spoke based on his experience of life.

Some people try cannabis and love it other are repulsed.

Every person has the right to form an opinion whether right or wrong in the eyes of others

If you have a different perspective then air it or debate it.

Whatever the case do so RESPECTFULLY. Who do you think you are to say he is POLLUTING the thread with HIS opinion because you do not like it.

People are different and we must learn to accept differences with RESPECT

Honestly your comment is quite stupid.

I would love to talk to you personally on this issue, if you are on what’s app add me up let’s chat up. +18722163546

Pipedreams:


Lol ur a woman sure ul say I sound bitter. Only a rationale male would understand that getting married to this present dispensation of ladies that social media and selfishness has wrecked is a recipe for disaster. Women of yesteryears can NEVER be compared to this present times when feminists are on the prowl. There are good women too that will bring you peace but they are as rare as Unicorns. Brothers to have a happy marriage be ready to SUMBIT to your wives drops mic

QED

Go and marry a second wife, life wey no hard.

ojlifa:
you never marry,when you do,you go understand

you still believe say I go marry?

3free2:


Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

What is shameful about the story, you are not the only one in a mess in the world of marriage.
If you don't mention the issues you are having, then the advice you are looking for won't come up because the advice would have been based on your complain.
Open up

Truth"" all this things that is even happening in marriages is making someone scared to marry

3free2:


My family keep reminding me what I told them from the start. My uncle warned me but I didn't understand him then. When I introduced this lady to him as the person I intend to marry roughly six weeks after I met her, he was shocked, he asked me, do you really know her? do you her family? Probably due to lack of experience I insisted on marrying her since we both love each other. That love has since disappeared and my uncle is vindicated. We have three kids yet my wife place her family above our nuclear family.

This is the time to be a man. Bring out the man in you!

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao

This guy done learn better lesson

I remember going through your story one time

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

/*
Everyone has a path in life.
Everyone cannot be a doctor
Everyone cannot be a lawyer
Everyone cannot be a teacher
Everyone cannot be a ..... driver
Just as every woman cannot be a wife.

You just have to know when to let go, cut your losses or as you mentioned, it may end in a horrible way. The greatest freedom starts when you guide yourself and care less about what people's opinion about you. If your marriage ends in a worst case scenario, your families, friends, enemies, frenemies will continue to live their own lives. You have kids to give your love. Who cares about an irritant wife and her family?

Set her free!

*/

Guyman02:
Change your attitude, ignore her antics and stop being scared about your kids, she will take care of them even in your absence.
Make yourself happy, stop trying to please your in-laws, just be your true self.
Give directives to your wife and don't repeat your words more than 2 times, if she obeys that's fine, if she disobeys just ignore her and focus on your kids when at home.
Put on the music when you come home and dance with the kids happily, cook and eat with your kids joyfully.
Don't call any meetings between your family and hers except it is to discuss divorce or separation.
Simply ignore your in-laws and see them as irritants to be kept at bay, if you want to do any favours for them do it quietly and don't expect any appreciation, cut off frivolous communication between you and them except when you want to discuss serious isues.
Tell yourself that you are the head of that home, a Lord and a Lion.
With time she will get the message and decide to choose between you and them.
I am talking from personal experience.

Thank you sir

pennywys:
poor broke nigga, how I wish you have money ur wife and ur inlaw would respect you. Mind you next time don't bring this trash here

Rich nigger, thank you sir

aribisala0:




He spoke based on his experience of life.

Some people try cannabis and love it other are repulsed.

Every person has the right to form an opinion whether right or wrong in the eyes of others

If you have a different perspective then air it or debate it.

Whatever the case do so RESPECTFULLY. Who do you think you are to say he is POLLUTING the thread with HIS opinion because you do not like it.

People are different and we must learn to accept differences with RESPECT

Honestly your comment is quite stupid.

And your own comment is wise since mine is 'stupid'? For someone trying to correct another, you have displayed the same 'stupidity' that you are accusing me of. Fvck off my mentions, el stupido.

Such is life.

timilehin007:


Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..

Congratulations to you Bro. You have taken the best decision of your life.

Trust me, those children ll appreciate you for this in future.

Pls, do everything in your power to stay in those children lives by bringing them over to wherever you live to spend time with you either over the weekend or during the week.

Make time to pick them and drop them in school even if it’s only one day in a week or two weeks. Go through their assignments with them and tell them how much you love them.

If she(Their mother) wants to play any stupid game with you by keeping the children away from you, go straight to family court and let it be on official record you fight for custody of your children for future purpose.

It’s time for you to focus on your plans and execute them one after the others.

Enjoy every moment you have now.

@op CSTR1003

I don't know the full details but if you don't like the way the table is set, then turn the table. (Francis Underwood in House of cards)

First drop your resolve. Invite your people to meddle in your family affairs. Two wrongs may not make it right but in this case, it will teach your wife to understand what you have been trying to tell her all along.

Please note that you don't have to go to the extreme with this. Let the meddling start with the little things and insist that what your family wants must be carried out to the letter. If she protests, then cite examples where you have shared your concerns with her about her family but she refused to listen.

Keep at this, until wisdom finally sets in. Good luck.