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My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life - Family (7) - Nairaland

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Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ishilove: 1:02pm On Jun 03, 2018
giftlygifted:


Na im make u never marry.
Haha. And who tell you sey I never marry? Na bad belle go kee you
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by id4sho(m): 1:36pm On Jun 03, 2018
UBGG:

LMAO.

Her family, my family, his pastor...everyone pleaded on her behalf. Bro stood his ground, saying he'd know when she's changed. I have to give it to her though, she changed.

The funny thing is, every woman who has been married into the family, they hear the story and automatically fall in line.

My brothers aren't brute, they adore their wives but won't be dominated by them. They make sure to tell the females in the family..."We will always protect you but If you decide to be lord over a good man, you won't find us cheering you on".
eye for eye,
pls protect them .
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 1:53pm On Jun 03, 2018
princfred:
What he said is it not true? If the man had enough money would he be treated like a goat by in laws? Must you resort to anti-igbo sentiments at the slightest whim even in the face of truth?

Have you ever seen Nigerian women divorce rich husband? Thats to clue you in on how much importance money factor makes in marriage.

My guy I am never anti Igbo or Anti Hausa, Infact I didn't marry from my tribe for your info. What I'm saying is Everything shouldn't be based on Money.

It is not until you have money that you are respected by your in-laws. That's a very bad Money worshiping belief. As long as you take care of your wife, accord her respect take care of your kids and be good to your in-laws.
After doing all the above, any family or in-laws that don't give you respect and love are Mentally Sick. and if you don't give a fcck about them you are right. And if they want their daughter they can come and take her.

There is no big deal in divorce we only take it so serious in Africa. A marriage that is taking you gradually to your grave can be dissolved jejely. You will take care of your kids and have peace of mind and besides women are more than men so you can remarry and move on.

You are talking as if every Rich guy is respected and loved by the in-laws and that's untrue. If you are Rich and don't have what it take to command respect from your in-law they won't respect you, not every family is greedy.

Are you asking me Have I seen any Nigerian woman divorced a Rich guy?
I will tell you they are plenty if I give you names you won't know them but the few you know Tonto Dike and the light Yoruba Actress who married the Oil magnate forgotten her name, are part of them.

Peace

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Joecrane(f): 2:06pm On Jun 03, 2018
I guess your wife and her family are not the ones paying the bills. Be a man and command respect in your home. Talk face to face with your parents-in-law, tell them sternly but respectfully that this shit has got to stop or.....
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by MahatmaGhandi: 2:08pm On Jun 03, 2018
LaudableXX:


I wish you had given us more info. sad You just said: My father in-law and his wife call the shot, and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful. How exactly does your father in-law and his wife call the shot? shocked When you resist, how does your wife express her displeasure when she says you are being disrespectful? Does she get insulting and quarrelsome? Or is she moody and dishes out the silent treatment?

Are your in-laws feeding you and your family? Do they pay your house rent? Or do they pay your kid's school fees? shocked

You see, 'respect begets respect, and respect is earned, not given.' Let your wife understand that. Tell her that if they cannot reciprocate your respect, by keeping their nose out of your business, then you will have nothing to say to them from henceforth.

There is something called passive aggression. sad If your in-laws call you, ignore them or postpone any request they have for you. If they want you to do something in 3 days, tell them it will take 3 weeks because you have other things to do. If they insist or try to bully you, say nothing, but make sure you do not comply with their demands. undecided

And if your wife decides to nag you about it, let her know that her nagging shows that she values her own family more than you, so she is free to go there and stay with them. sad If your wife has common sense, she will backtrack and watch her steps.

Finally, do you have sisters? I mean vocal, protective ones? shocked Explain what is going on, and enlist their help. They will be the ones to show your wife 'small pepper,' any time your in-laws decide to interfere, and they will blame her for everything. If she is wise, she will use her head and curtail her parents' interference, or put a stop to it. When they are dishing out their brand of discipline on her, don't interfere and don't take sides with your wife. Let her know that she brought it upon herself, so if she wants your sisters to stop, she should behave herself. undecided

A wise woman will always want to build her home.....


The part about the sisters cracked me up but it sure would work.

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Pusyiter(m): 2:10pm On Jun 03, 2018
Oh oh, use any medium to reach me since your pm ain't working. I no fit put my number here grin for security reason. Lol
I dey WhatsApp.
victorian:















Aww smiley that's nice of you.

How about watsapp?
If you are on watsapp? Send me your number and i will add u.
My pm is not working .I can't access my mails .

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by victorian(f): 2:12pm On Jun 03, 2018
Pusyiter:
Oh oh, use any medium to reach me since your pm ain't working. I no fit put my number here grin for security reason. Lol
I dey WhatsApp.







OK that's true . but how about your email!?
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Pusyiter(m): 2:14pm On Jun 03, 2018
Oh oh, use any medium to reach me since your pm ain't working. I no fit put my number here grin for security reason. Lol. cheesy
I dey WhatsApp.
victorian:















Aww smiley that's nice of you.

How about watsapp?
If you are on watsapp? Send me your number and i will add u.
My pm is not working .I can't access my mails .

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by deebest8(m): 2:16pm On Jun 03, 2018
Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union. grin

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes grin Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations grin. It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao





Some advice en
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by princfred(m): 2:26pm On Jun 03, 2018
tamethem:


My guy I am never anti Igbo or Anti Hausa, Infact I didn't marry from my tribe for your info. What I'm saying is Everything shouldn't be based on Money.

It is not until you have money that you are respected by your in-laws. That's a very bad Money worshiping belief. As long as you take care of your wife, accord her respect take care of your kids and be good to your in-laws.
After doing all the about any family or in-laws that don't give you respect and love are Mentally Sick. and if you don't give a fcck about them you are right. And if they want their daughter they can come and take her.

There is no big deal in divorce we only take it so serious in Africa. A marriage that is taking you gradually to your grave can be dissolved jejely. You will take care of your kids and have peace of mind and besides women are more than men so you can remarry and move on.

You are talking as if every Rich guy is respected and loved by the in-laws and that's untrue. If you are Rich and don't have what it take to command respect from your in-law they won't respect you, not every family is greedy.

Are you asking me Have I seen any Nigerian woman divorced a Rich guy?
I will tell you they are plenty if I give you names you won't know them but the few you know Tonto Dike and the light Yoruba Actress who married the Oil magnate forgotten her name, are part of them.

Peace

Money shouldn't be but we are talking about reality now where it actually is. The case you are talking about is rich ladies divorcing rich guys. The normal case is very rare.
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by princfred(m): 2:29pm On Jun 03, 2018
Pipedreams:


Bro trust me it's worse in igboland. It's automatic. No money no respect. Marrying from Yoruba families are better. An Igbo woman becomes highly disloyal and disrespectful if u don't have money. A yoruba lady may hustle it out with u and won't mind living in face me I face you. I am a proud Anambra boy and I know what I'm saying.
Really?
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by chinebu(m): 2:31pm On Jun 03, 2018
How can you actually take care of your wife your kids and so on and so forth without money. Everything falls back on money my dear.

You must have enough money to do all that in order to gain the respect you deserve.

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by aribisala0(m): 2:45pm On Jun 03, 2018
In the Eboe world view. you must have money


The truth is Most,more than 80% of Nigerian men do not "have money". So according to Eboe logic they do no deserve respect.


The real question is where are they to find the money


Again in the Eboe world view. It does not matter

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by otipoju(m): 3:14pm On Jun 03, 2018
ShenTeh:


It is really sad the kids we have on this platform.

Someone who's been married for over 9 years -probably longer than you knew your name - comes to seek counsel and your best joke is to lead him in to suicide.

Did your parents not advise you to desist from jumping into matters beyond your cranium?

@OP, It is not too late. You can have your home and control back!
I. Tell your in-laws you detest their interference in running your home. It is not going to be easy, because it seems to me they had enjoyed your introverted nature from forever. They will be shocked! May probably put up a fight and lash out, but trust me, they will begin to respect that. Go there. Cite specific examples when you talk to them. Don't make phone calls. You also don't need to discus your planned visit with your wife, they'll tell her anyway and you need to face them with a clear head (We know the way our wives interfere with our senses). Too, you need her shock to be genuine when her parents give her the feedback. She may get back at you with whining and bickering, but she will be deeply relieved to know that you went alpha-male.

2. You must also earn the trust of your family. Wifey and children must know that you have their best interest at heart, even if you don't have the means now.

Talk often about your dreams for your family and try to give clear and simple explanations for your actions. Seek your wife's opinion on even simple issues and explain to her why her option may be unsuitable at the moment...

Etc

Good luck. It will work out fine.

What you gave is THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.

I was in a similar situation for about two years.
They more i tried to be concilatory and accomodating and reasonable and respectful...the more the saw it as weakness.

I was laughing in my
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Emperor007: 4:01pm On Jun 03, 2018
EVILFOREST:

It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well...... grin grin
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY




Not because of oversea mentality, she's just one of the very rare good ones.

I'm very lucky too.

.
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Pusyiter(m): 4:04pm On Jun 03, 2018
OK, but these yahoo men, hope say?anyway, for your sake, I fit catch grenade cheesy
Pusyiter30@gmail.com
victorian:








OK that's true . but how about your email!?
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Emperor007: 4:08pm On Jun 03, 2018
.

For those that are yet to marry.

There are still very good ladies, though highly rare to find.

My lovely wife is a treasure.

Pray to be lucky...

.

4 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 4:36pm On Jun 03, 2018
EVILFOREST:

It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well...... grin grin
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY
please bros do you know of any other single lady in need of husband resident in the USA? I'm available.. if you don't know help me ask your wife or friends over there.. thanks
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 4:57pm On Jun 03, 2018
Just go and make money forget the rest.
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Nobody: 4:58pm On Jun 03, 2018
Just go and make money forget the rest. Maybe your broke bro..

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by victorian(f): 5:05pm On Jun 03, 2018
Pusyiter:
OK, but these yahoo men, hope say?anyway, for your sake, I fit catch grenade cheesy












Be calm jor!
Smiles

Nothing dey happen with the yahoo guys... Ok have removed your email from my quote ..so u can edit and remove it *grins*


smiley

Expect a mail from me in 2sec
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Ibrahim3307(m): 5:16pm On Jun 03, 2018
ojlifa:
please we need a future and single parenting raises what i term defective children beside you may be more lucky than myself


I wish you more happiness and success
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by LaudableXX: 5:25pm On Jun 03, 2018
ojlifa:
please we need a future and single parenting raises what i term defective children beside you may be more lucky than myself
Permit me to disagree. Single parenting does not necessarily raise defective children, if such single parents are honest, disciplined, respectful, responsible and well-adjusted individuals undecided. It is better for a child or children to be raised by one normal, responsible parent than to be raised in a home run by two irresponsible, ill-mannered, abusive, rude and dysfunctional parents. angryTake your pick. There are children today, who grew up in single parent homes, either because their father or one of their parents died during their childhood. Yet, such children turned out right.

We should learn to be careful about generalising or lumping people, situations and things together. sad There are different strokes for different folks. Kids that grow up in households where they saw their father or mother being abused by their spouses, or other halves, will think such behaviour is normal. They may grow up to replicate such behaviour as adults. Those that see such actions as abnormal, end up with emotional scars. undecided

2 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by aycorporat(m): 5:25pm On Jun 03, 2018
timilehin007:


Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..
Let's learn from your experience my brother

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by aycorporat(m): 5:32pm On Jun 03, 2018
gaby:


Op, kindly adhere to this advice. Quit using the kids as a smokescreen to hide your weakness. Your weakness is exactly what they have been feeding off.

I was in a "cursed" union I thought was marriage once in my life, and boy did I procrastinate to bail In hindsight, the procrastination and bidding of time is actually the reason I am here typing today because I am very sure if my intentions to bail were noticed, I sure woulda eaten my last meal, or had a knife forgotten in my bowels.

It got so worse that i'd sneak into the house and locked myself in a different room to sleep,not before making sure the doors are triple locked and the bed frame moved behind it.

The day I finally made the move, one of the days i'll never forget in my life. I'd picked the few clothings a simple bag could take at about 5am, sneaked up to the maiguard to please open the gates and not say a word about sighting me.

That was how I made a run for it, and I thank God I did on a daily.

E better say person no get wife, than say you no fit enter house because of bad woman.
Rubbish...
hahahahaha bros this is funny or is it a movie concept? seriously what happened?
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by Famousqueen(f): 6:27pm On Jun 03, 2018
3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.
you need to solve your problem, by reducing your love, start with money, concentrate only on your kids, stop eating her food, start going home late, when she start complaining, tell her to choose between you and her family, tell her if she wants her loving husband back, she should stop them from interfering in your marital life, and if she is adamant, take few of your clothes and leave for some days, i bet she will start begging you to come home, no woman want her food to be rejected, or having her man keeping late nights, and to top it all seeing her man leaving her, except she is tired of the marriage that is the only reason why she won't complain or change, she will be the one telling her family to stay away, you don't need to confront your wife family, try this few trick, i bet she will change.

2 Likes

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by harveyspec: 6:40pm On Jun 03, 2018
Fundamentalist:
Something similar almost happened to me, though I liked her but I chose reality over emotions . Roughly two months after meeting her , I introduced her to my mum who liked her and also went to her family. But during a meeting with her people , they were telling me I have to allow their daughter do a lot of things , that they know an average man would reject. I made them understand plainly that , its a man that run his home and I won't give into such conditions .

Pls can you give examples of what they demanded? I want to learn
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by harveyspec: 6:46pm On Jun 03, 2018
3free2:


Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

Pls can you give scenarios of how your in-laws interfered? what do you mean they call the shots(are they the ones paying your bills)
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by gaby(m): 6:56pm On Jun 03, 2018
aycorporat:

hahahahaha bros this is funny or is it a movie concept? seriously what happened?

Ol boy na true life levels o...part of am dey my book sef for my siggy...
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by kapelvej: 6:56pm On Jun 03, 2018
3free2:


Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.
have you read my response to your post ?
Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by LaudableXX: 6:59pm On Jun 03, 2018
tamethem:
My guy I am never anti Igbo or Anti Hausa, Infact I didn't marry from my tribe for your info. What I'm saying is Everything shouldn't be based on Money.

It is not until you have money that you are respected by your in-laws. That's a very bad Money worshiping belief. As long as you take care of your wife, accord her respect take care of your kids and be good to your in-laws.
After doing all the about any family or in-laws that don't give you respect and love are Mentally Sick. and if you don't give a fcck about them you are right. And if they want their daughter they can come and take her.

There is no big deal in divorce we only take it so serious in Africa. A marriage that is taking you gradually to your grave can be dissolved jejely. You will take care of your kids and have peace of mind and besides women are more than men so you can remarry and move on.

You are talking as if every Rich guy is respected and loved by the in-laws and that's untrue. If you are Rich and don't have what it take to command respect from your in-law they won't respect you, not every family is greedy.

Are you asking me Have I seen any Nigerian woman divorced a Rich guy?
I will tell you they are plenty if I give you names you won't know them but the few you know Tonto Dike and the light Yoruba Actress who married the Oil magnate forgotten her name, are part of them.

Peace

May the wisdom of God and the understanding of King Solomon, continue to increase in your life! cool I wish I could dash you 10,000 likes for this post! True! wink

1 Like

Re: My Wife's Family Has Ruined My Home And My Life by xtenxive(m): 7:11pm On Jun 03, 2018
sisisioge:
Hmmm...so sorry to hear this. Whatever it is can be fixed. You could:

1. Invite your family to meet with your other family to plead with them to let your nuclear family run its affairs without interference. There shouldn't be any tense atmosphere there o, just family A pleading with family B to allow your own family AB be autonomous.

2. You could just wait until you notice another interference from them. Then take a few things and move out. Don't be afraid, your children won't die. Stay out until your wife is ready to listen. Then let her know your stand.

Lobatan! By God's grace, you are the head of your family...your wife the neck grin

The first option does not seem appropriate after 9years as I am sure they know what they are doing and the more people involved, more dimensions and perspectives will begin to hold sway making it more complex to resolve.

If the husband has been living up to expectations in the marriage and playing his role responsibly, he only needs to rise up to the occasion and frankly communicate his stand to his wife (so she communicates this to her people) and if she does not then he should surprise her and move out (if she truly loves him like he claims then he will know by virtue of her subsequent action). At this point, no negotiations can address this, only action can do that.

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