₦airaland Forum

giftlygifted:
Na im make u never marry.

UBGG:
LMAO.

Her family, my family, his pastor...everyone pleaded on her behalf. Bro stood his ground, saying he'd know when she's changed. I have to give it to her though, she changed.

The funny thing is, every woman who has been married into the family, they hear the story and automatically fall in line.

My brothers aren't brute, they adore their wives but won't be dominated by them. They make sure to tell the females in the family..."We will always protect you but If you decide to be lord over a good man, you won't find us cheering you on".

princfred:
What he said is it not true? If the man had enough money would he be treated like a goat by in laws? Must you resort to anti-igbo sentiments at the slightest whim even in the face of truth?

Have you ever seen Nigerian women divorce rich husband? Thats to clue you in on how much importance money factor makes in marriage.

LaudableXX:
I wish you had given us more info. You just said: My father in-law and his wife call the shot, and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful. How exactly does your father in-law and his wife call the shot? When you resist, how does your wife express her displeasure when she says you are being disrespectful? Does she get insulting and quarrelsome? Or is she moody and dishes out the silent treatment?

Are your in-laws feeding you and your family? Do they pay your house rent? Or do they pay your kid's school fees?

You see, 'respect begets respect, and respect is earned, not given.' Let your wife understand that. Tell her that if they cannot reciprocate your respect, by keeping their nose out of your business, then you will have nothing to say to them from henceforth.

There is something called passive aggression. If your in-laws call you, ignore them or postpone any request they have for you. If they want you to do something in 3 days, tell them it will take 3 weeks because you have other things to do. If they insist or try to bully you, say nothing, but make sure you do not comply with their demands.

And if your wife decides to nag you about it, let her know that her nagging shows that she values her own family more than you, so she is free to go there and stay with them. If your wife has common sense, she will backtrack and watch her steps.

Finally, do you have sisters? I mean vocal, protective ones? Explain what is going on, and enlist their help. They will be the ones to show your wife 'small pepper,' any time your in-laws decide to interfere, and they will blame her for everything. If she is wise, she will use her head and curtail her parents' interference, or put a stop to it. When they are dishing out their brand of discipline on her, don't interfere and don't take sides with your wife. Let her know that she brought it upon herself, so if she wants your sisters to stop, she should behave herself.

A wise woman will always want to build her home.....

victorian:
Aww that's nice of you.

How about watsapp?
If you are on watsapp? Send me your number and i will add u.
My pm is not working .I can't access my mails .

Pusyiter:
Oh oh, use any medium to reach me since your pm ain't working. I no fit put my number here for security reason. Lol
I dey WhatsApp.

victorian:
Aww that's nice of you.

How about watsapp?
If you are on watsapp? Send me your number and i will add u.
My pm is not working .I can't access my mails .

Pipedreams:
Bro listen good. Exact same thing happened to me. My ex wife always took instructions from her family and undermined me severally after many warnings. Maybe cos they are well off. Never be with a manipulative wife that picks her family over you. Combine that with proud in-laws then that's a disaster!! I pity u bro! Yours is different cos u have 3kids with her. What were u thinking bro!! 3kids! And ur just noticing ur caged? Marriage na setup I swear. Well I sent her packing. Now her proud family is the one calling me and they ashamed of their daughter in their house. But never will I go back cos I have seen their hidden characters and I would not want to bring kids into a disaster union.

Bro this your woman will make your kids disrespect you. Way out:

Call a family meeting and warn your wife Infront of her family with a loud voice that ur done with d disrespect. If she tries it again,throw her things out and see u recover some respect cos they will beg u. It's better to be a Wicked husband than a weak husband bro. You have been too nice and decent. Act like an Agbero wey no send and ul see changes Look people punch a pillow cos they know it's soft and can't do nothing but scared to punch a Hard Rock cos it would leave them injured.

Marriage in Africa comes with a Lotta baggage and subtle slavery. I am safe to say I have tasted being single and married. I will pick SINGLE any day!!!! There are no benefits of marriage for a man but just pains, trials and tribulations . It's a scam. Societal expectations are mere lies! Misery loves company! Most married men are unhappy but they all see you and say when are you getting married? as if you are missing out! No wonder it is the woman's happiest day. Cos 80percent of her life goals has been achieved but a man's problems begins! I don't blame baby daddies I swear! Why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for 2cents? Marriage to most ladies in this dispensation is like playing Russian roulette by handing a woman a pistol loaded with two bullets outta 7 rounds and asking her to roll and shoot! Lmao





Some advice en

tamethem:
My guy I am never anti Igbo or Anti Hausa, Infact I didn't marry from my tribe for your info. What I'm saying is Everything shouldn't be based on Money.

It is not until you have money that you are respected by your in-laws. That's a very bad Money worshiping belief. As long as you take care of your wife, accord her respect take care of your kids and be good to your in-laws.
After doing all the about any family or in-laws that don't give you respect and love are Mentally Sick. and if you don't give a fcck about them you are right. And if they want their daughter they can come and take her.

There is no big deal in divorce we only take it so serious in Africa. A marriage that is taking you gradually to your grave can be dissolved jejely. You will take care of your kids and have peace of mind and besides women are more than men so you can remarry and move on.

You are talking as if every Rich guy is respected and loved by the in-laws and that's untrue. If you are Rich and don't have what it take to command respect from your in-law they won't respect you, not every family is greedy.

Are you asking me Have I seen any Nigerian woman divorced a Rich guy?
I will tell you they are plenty if I give you names you won't know them but the few you know Tonto Dike and the light Yoruba Actress who married the Oil magnate forgotten her name, are part of them.

Peace

Pipedreams:
Bro trust me it's worse in igboland. It's automatic. No money no respect. Marrying from Yoruba families are better. An Igbo woman becomes highly disloyal and disrespectful if u don't have money. A yoruba lady may hustle it out with u and won't mind living in face me I face you. I am a proud Anambra boy and I know what I'm saying.

ShenTeh:
It is really sad the kids we have on this platform.

Someone who's been married for over 9 years -probably longer than you knew your name - comes to seek counsel and your best joke is to lead him in to suicide.

Did your parents not advise you to desist from jumping into matters beyond your cranium?

@OP, It is not too late. You can have your home and control back!
I. Tell your in-laws you detest their interference in running your home. It is not going to be easy, because it seems to me they had enjoyed your introverted nature from forever. They will be shocked! May probably put up a fight and lash out, but trust me, they will begin to respect that. Go there. Cite specific examples when you talk to them. Don't make phone calls. You also don't need to discus your planned visit with your wife, they'll tell her anyway and you need to face them with a clear head (We know the way our wives interfere with our senses). Too, you need her shock to be genuine when her parents give her the feedback. She may get back at you with whining and bickering, but she will be deeply relieved to know that you went alpha-male.

2. You must also earn the trust of your family. Wifey and children must know that you have their best interest at heart, even if you don't have the means now.

Talk often about your dreams for your family and try to give clear and simple explanations for your actions. Seek your wife's opinion on even simple issues and explain to her why her option may be unsuitable at the moment...

Etc

Good luck. It will work out fine.

EVILFOREST:
It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well......
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY

victorian:
OK that's true . but how about your email!?

EVILFOREST:
It's been months since I commented but ur statement has induced my submissions.......
Put it in PRAYERS.....
People are getting RESOURCEFUL LADIES as well.
I am part of the LUCKY ONES, I must say.
I met my wife in the US.
May be overseas mentality affected her as well, because they really know how to show LOVE.

Most times I feel ashamed of myself, that I haven't done any crazy thing for her. But she does it 4me as if her life depends on it.

My family feels her presence more than any person's presence.
I am being insulted and finished by my own parents when ever she complains.

She penetrated us well......
Marriage can be a blessing as well as a curse.
Let your instincts guide you.
Meanwhile pray to be LUCKY

Pusyiter:
OK, but these yahoo men, hope say?anyway, for your sake, I fit catch grenade

ojlifa:
please we need a future and single parenting raises what i term defective children beside you may be more lucky than myself

ojlifa:
please we need a future and single parenting raises what i term defective children beside you may be more lucky than myself

timilehin007:
Bros I swear to almighty God. This your comment points all fingers to me. She had been using my weak point which used to be the kids. I just did exactly what u said here...and guess what?; it happened just 2days ago..I dumped her sorry ass for good . I considered that if I die the children would survive so now my well-being comes first o...I was too soft bro if I narrate my own story from the kind of torture I got from her and her mother ehnnn even the OP will shiver. .his own case is very small compared to mine..

gaby:
Op, kindly adhere to this advice. Quit using the kids as a smokescreen to hide your weakness. Your weakness is exactly what they have been feeding off.

I was in a "cursed" union I thought was marriage once in my life, and boy did I procrastinate to bail In hindsight, the procrastination and bidding of time is actually the reason I am here typing today because I am very sure if my intentions to bail were noticed, I sure woulda eaten my last meal, or had a knife forgotten in my bowels.

It got so worse that i'd sneak into the house and locked myself in a different room to sleep,not before making sure the doors are triple locked and the bed frame moved behind it.

The day I finally made the move, one of the days i'll never forget in my life. I'd picked the few clothings a simple bag could take at about 5am, sneaked up to the maiguard to please open the gates and not say a word about sighting me.

That was how I made a run for it, and I thank God I did on a daily.

E better say person no get wife, than say you no fit enter house because of bad woman.
Rubbish...

3free2:
I know similar stories has been narrated on this forum but I want the world to hear my tale of regret and sorrow.

For nine years I've struggled to eliminate family interference from my home but unfortunately I've not been able to. My father in-law and his wife call the shot and when I resist my wife promptly takes side with them claiming that I'm being disrespectful.

From the onset I pleaded with my own family to allow us chat our own path, learn from our mistakes and grow together in love. This has backfired on me because my wife did not do same with her family.

I can't consider breakup, I don't want my kids to grow in a broken home. The problem is worse presently only God can show me the way out of this mess.

Some might say I was weak from the onset, but some women can be manipulative and cunning. I am in a cage right now, I desperately need help before the worst happens.

Fundamentalist:
Something similar almost happened to me, though I liked her but I chose reality over emotions . Roughly two months after meeting her , I introduced her to my mum who liked her and also went to her family. But during a meeting with her people , they were telling me I have to allow their daughter do a lot of things , that they know an average man would reject. I made them understand plainly that , its a man that run his home and I won't give into such conditions .

3free2:
Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

aycorporat:
hahahahaha bros this is funny or is it a movie concept? seriously what happened?

3free2:
Looking back, I think I have been worst than an introvert. Iwas so eager to impress my stupid in-laws.
I've given up so much for the sake of the happy home of my dreams. I'm too ashamed to narrate the whole story.

tamethem:
My guy I am never anti Igbo or Anti Hausa, Infact I didn't marry from my tribe for your info. What I'm saying is Everything shouldn't be based on Money.

It is not until you have money that you are respected by your in-laws. That's a very bad Money worshiping belief. As long as you take care of your wife, accord her respect take care of your kids and be good to your in-laws.
After doing all the about any family or in-laws that don't give you respect and love are Mentally Sick. and if you don't give a fcck about them you are right. And if they want their daughter they can come and take her.

There is no big deal in divorce we only take it so serious in Africa. A marriage that is taking you gradually to your grave can be dissolved jejely. You will take care of your kids and have peace of mind and besides women are more than men so you can remarry and move on.

You are talking as if every Rich guy is respected and loved by the in-laws and that's untrue. If you are Rich and don't have what it take to command respect from your in-law they won't respect you, not every family is greedy.

Are you asking me Have I seen any Nigerian woman divorced a Rich guy?
I will tell you they are plenty if I give you names you won't know them but the few you know Tonto Dike and the light Yoruba Actress who married the Oil magnate forgotten her name, are part of them.

Peace

sisisioge:
Hmmm...so sorry to hear this. Whatever it is can be fixed. You could:

1. Invite your family to meet with your other family to plead with them to let your nuclear family run its affairs without interference. There shouldn't be any tense atmosphere there o, just family A pleading with family B to allow your own family AB be autonomous.

2. You could just wait until you notice another interference from them. Then take a few things and move out. Don't be afraid, your children won't die. Stay out until your wife is ready to listen. Then let her know your stand.

Lobatan! By God's grace, you are the head of your family...your wife the neck