₦airaland Forum

sisisioge:


Your story corroborated hers sir! You guys are on exactly the same page! Summary, you wanted her to change the name on a property you just confirmed that she owns the lion share of to your name alone! Awwww...you are so smart!

Anyways, my understanding of the story as pulled from your story and hers says you were practically trying to defraud her!

1. She got the property (landed)
2. She did the paper works
3. She started building
4. You spent your own money on your parents's house
5. The remaining money, which you admitted isn't much was used to finish the house.

God is still in heaven, be fair in your dealings oga sir! Whew!

chris31:
Ur wife is a dangerous woman she is too secretive & have a plan by using only her name in the documents
I can't imagine calling that kind of person my wife
She can't eat her cake & still have it again
Let her sell the house balance u the money u contributed take ur children from her & zoom off
Ur mother is still alive she can help u to look after the children
I said this coz both of u can never trust each other again & trust is the most important in marriage

MizMyColi:
Lol.
My dear...
Leave matter.

I am not excusing her bad character.
Noooo. I would feel betrayed if I learned that my name is not included. Even if I didn't contribute one naira, just put my name there...otherwise it defeats the goal of oneness in marriage.


But in those moments of weakness, what makes the difference is how the other party handles it.

I know what it's like to be a Choleric and a Phlegmatic because I am one. It means I am one of the most sweetest, nicest people in the world....until I feel cheated, or oppressed or simply can't take some kind of shit anymore. Hehehehehe....I pity you.

Like I said, it all depends on how the partner handles her moments of weakness. Except she is an out rightly bad woman, I want to believe that she does not feel proud of those moments, I really want to believe.

In anger he told her to get the hell out of his house.
If na you nko? Bros, be truthful.

I fault her for not putting the house in their name. I do. She should have seen to that. But maybe there are two reasons here:

1. She was wary of the man's nature, and felt that things might go sour one day, and she'll be left with nothing.

2. Since the man was away when the building started, the paperwork was done in her name as the man wouldn't have been able to sign.

This brings me to my other line of thought...

Why is it okay that a man and a woman sweats to build a house, though the money came from the man, so he puts it in his name. But if the situation were reversed in favour of the woman - all hell is let loose?

Why is it then okay for a man to tell a woman to get out of his house because he owns it, but becomes awful for a woman to remind a man that he cannot tell her to get out because they own the house together, or in rare scenarios...that she built it with her money?

Pride is bad o.
It's bad. A marriage won't last long if you continue letting pride get the best of you. Sometimes, you need to fight it. You need to say YES to humility, whether you are man or woman.
Pride is a stumbling block to progress. If you know, you know...

Evathyst:
It shall be well with you for this! No one could have said it any better! Meanwhile, you didn't say anything about the man's outrageous demand of coercing the woman to change the document of the house to bear his name. Is that deliberate or you just don't want to pass blame? Lolz.

sisisioge:


Your story corroborated hers sir! You guys are on exactly the same page! Summary, you wanted her to change the name on a property you just confirmed that she owns the lion share of to your name alone! Awwww...you are so smart!

Anyways, my understanding of the story as pulled from your story and hers says you were practically trying to defraud her!

1. She got the property (landed)
2. She did the paper works
3. She started building
4. You spent your own money on your parents's house
5. The remaining money, which you admitted isn't much was used to finish the house.

God is still in heaven, be fair in your dealings oga sir! Whew!

proffemi:
As one of your wife's harshest critics on the other thread, I feel compelled to weigh in.

I still stand by my surmise that your reaction stemmed from a sense of betrayal, but I now see that she wasn't solely responsible for that "betrayal". You are both victims of the dynamics created when wife earns more than husband (or comes from a wealthier background) in a patriarchal society.

It is very easy for a man in that situation to feel emasculated, just as it is easy for the woman to step out of line. While the man's subsequent overreaction will be blamed on pride, the truth is that his self-worth rides on that pride. I can't blame the woman in that situation for stepping out of line, just as I can't blame the husband for occasionally overreacting. That's just how it is in your type of marriage. You both have to find ways of curbing the excesses.

So, who's the blame for this currrent brouhaha? I'm now apportioning the bulk of the blame to you.

Your wife erred in having her name alone on the deeds, and I understand your overreaction when you found out. Arising from the aforementioned dynamics, I can imagine how nasty her words might have been to make you explode that way, but still, I am worried that you were capable of asking her to pack out of the house over *her* suspicion of *your* infidelity.

Your wife started it, but I still cannot justify your actions.

If you think your marriage is worth salvaging:

1. Your wife should apologize for making herself sole owner of the property.
2. She cannot, and should NOT have your name solely on the deeds. Why should she? I understand that this will make you feel emasculated. Well, deal with it.
3. If you are both interested in the marriage, then consider transferring ownership to the kids under a tight legal framework that protects her from any future fits of anger. There will be more, trust me. Not necessarily because you are evil, but because of the dynamics at play.
4. Apologize to your wife for asking her to leave the house, and for your subsequent actions. Explain how deeply her words hurt, but still, the buck stops at your desk on this one. Apologize.
5. Don't be a dog in the manger. You either want your marriage, or you don't. People hate the term "divorce" but they are willing to be divorced in all but name. IF you can't live with you wife and can't stand her, free her to live her life. If you still want her, act like a responsible man, not a wounded kid. Reach out, settle this matter. Own up where you've been wrong, and get her to do same.

After that, go and sin no more

cc: Heseesall

egojeny1:
Thank u. I so much like this ur comment.
Men are always fond of telling their wives to pack out of the house over a little disagreement. How would u tell ur wife to leave the house and u call it a joke? This is why 'we' the wives now struggle hard to own properties.
U used ur own share to take care of ur ailing father and she used hers to build a house and u are annoyed that she didn't put u as a co-owner. What if she lavished hers or used it to help somebody in her family, would u have had that property today?
I soo much like ur wife because she's a very intelligent lady. U shld thank ur stars for having a wife that makes good use of her brain. You told her to leave the house bc u thought the house was in your name only. It serves u right. Next time u won't dare tell her such thing.

ExtraExtra:
YES i requested for transfer and i will go through with it, i cannot be away from my kids and still be in the same state, it doesnt make...
when it is sucessful, i will get a place conducive and comfortable for my kids, they will be with me

I wont divorce her because i dont believe in that, once i move with the kids she can come along if she wants but right now we are seperated. I wanted a partner, she displayed stupidity not smartness, what the future holds i dont know, she made her bed she should lay on it.

lyrose:
----COU of the house to be seen if not I don't believe

freshvine:
he had lived with the wife under the same roof for years but never enquire ownership cos he completely love and trust the wife. infact he believe in marriage.

asking the wife to change the document was a psychological response to the shock he got and if the wife was smart enough to have obliged, he could've got relaxed and reassured of her committment to marriage but rather she contested it that reinforce the fact that she's self centred.

the man tested the love with what she "prized" most and she failed!

metro10:
Mr. Man, you are very deceptive. I won’t buy your lies. I know the game you were playing on your woman. My dad did play that same game on my mother, until she wised-up.

You used your part to take care of your dad and used the rest to build a home for your parent and still expect to be treated as co equal in the real estate? Others can lie to you to inflate your ego, I won’t. You did tell her to leave the house, mistake number one. We wouldn’t be talking about this this way today, if she was dumb and stupid not to have used her name. The lady would be on the street today with no where to go. You’re here telling us it was a joke. Stop lying. I believe you have an affair. You want to push her out, bring in another lady and treat her like a fool.

She was wise and thank God for that. My dad did the same thing to my mother. He will use her cars, trash them and still push her out. She built a house, he drove her out, sold the house and messed her up. Finally, she got some common sense, built another house and gave me the documents as her first son. That he couldn’t take. My dad was like take my mums money, squandered them on the other woman and still come to trash her.

Ladies, please be wise! Imagine he saying she should change the documents to his name ONLY. Thief. Ole. Be a man, go build a house, bring them all in there. Let her rent her house for investment purposes. The true test of your love for her is to do this and prove to her, your kids and US that you truly love your FAMILY!

Don’t deceive this man to deceive the wife. God is watching you all!

sisisioge:


Your story corroborated hers sir! You guys are on exactly the same page! Summary, you wanted her to change the name on a property you just confirmed that she owns the lion share of to your name alone! Awwww...you are so smart!

Anyways, my understanding of the story as pulled from your story and hers says you were practically trying to defraud her!

1. She got the property (landed)
2. She did the paper works
3. She started building
4. You spent your own money on your parents's house
5. The remaining money, which you admitted isn't much was used to finish the house.

God is still in heaven, be fair in your dealings oga sir! Whew!

MarieSucre:
As in eh I just dey use one eye dey look them. All these men advising him to to the manly thing and abandon his marriage, very bitter single men that want him to single, desperate and die alone in old age.

ExtraExtra:
Women are the backbone of the family, they make or mar the home, since they help bring life to the world suffice it to say they sum up what we call family, 99% of successful, longlasting home or family is the ability of the woman to hold the "forte".

My attention was drawn to this forum and this topic https://www.nairaland.com/4617351/husbands-pride-wants-ruin-home#69371294 and it is sad that most people drew conclusion on a one sided story though i wouldnt blame those involved because they judged based on what was said and the individual involved needed public validation for her wrong doing, a public display i dont approve of but since external persons and relations are already involved i'd like to clear some details.

"Dee" comes from a very well to do family while i dont so when we got married, i made her feel we are in this together, not one above the other but as partners in EVERYTHING. To be fair to her she brought up the business idea we did years ago, in other to put forth money to start up, i made sure i had equal money as her for it, goal was to own a property, build et al. Unfortunately my dad's ailing health deteriorated to the extent that he had to be flown out, when the profit came, i told her and she agreed, she decided we split it into two so she use hers for the initial plan. As the first born i went with my dad, back here she got the property and started building, when i came back the remaining money with me was used to complete it, what was left was used for my parents house. Being a trust worthy person i feel she is, i didnt bother to check documents cos i felt she would do the right thing by putting both our names which she kept in a bank.

Now, i work and own other businesses so i'm always in contact with alot of people from both genders so to her she feels i may have lost guard by cheating which is not true: i dont have password on my phones, i always make and receive calls right in front of her but she still think i'm hiding something and that was the genesis of the problem weeks ago, i rebuked her to cut it out immediately but she was out for blood, she insulted me like never before, when i didnt give her face, she extended her TOXIC words to my parents, my family, my background and my personality, that was when i lost it, if not for my cousin that was there i would have hit her, out of anger i told her to get the hell out of the house which of course i didnt mean, then she shocked me saying the house is ONLY in her name, i was numb and speechless, in other for me not to react in a brutal way i left the house, told her i would never step there again if she doesnt change it to my name ONLY. My cousin who was there when it happened told my people, they called me so i had to explain things, right now her family knows what happened and none is supporting her.

YES i said she should put my name only cos she belittled and betrayed me which tells me if it was in both our names she will raise shoulder and feel above me.YES i requested for transfer and i will go through with it, i cannot be away from my kids and still be in the same state, it doesnt make, when it is sucessful, i will get a place conducive amd comfortable for my kids, they will be with me. I told her recently not to bother with the name change anymore, she can have the house all to herself for all i care.

I wont divorce her because i dont believe in that, once i move with the kids she can come along if she wants but right now we are seperated. I wanted a partner, she displayed stupidity not smartness, what the future holds i dont know, she made her bed she should lay on it.

chronique:
I don't know if it's that most of the people commenting on this thread have brain problem, or they are just being intentionally stupid. Women keep talking about how pride will not allow men marry a woman who is financially better off than them but it is issues like this that always causes that. The day I swore never to collect a dime from a woman, was the day an ex insulted me after we quarreled. She first told me "to hell with me and my mother" and that statement never left my head. She spent her money to come visit me after we'd argued back and forth over when she should come. I kept postponing her visit cos I didn't have enough on me but she said she didn't mind spending her cash. I eventually agreed but when we had issues, she brought up that issue to spite me and all attempts to return the money she spent failed. I swore never to collect a dime from a woman after that day. It was the first and last time it ever happened.

My point is this, women should know that things like this would always spite a man and bruise his ego and all men are wired like that. It's only a leech of a man who wouldn't see any problem with it. If the wife wasn't up to something, it would not have cost her anything to put the documents in both of them's name from the onset. That way, the man would not have been able to ever claim sole ownership of the house. More so, she didn't tell him from the onset that the land was bought in her name. If that had been done then, he would have known what to do. But to suddenly wake up one day to hear that the house you thought was meant for two of you, has only one person on the document, is unacceptable. I also won't accept it cos I'd be thinking of what would happen if my fortunes ever go bad and how I'd be treated in future. A wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman tears her home down.

BIXYBABE:
Nairalanders didn't break their home. Na his wife bring up d matter and people comment due to wat she post, though with different point of views

Elfmannisback:
He put his own money but most at times women don't and be using their mouths to sack themselves. It hurts to tell u to leave but all ur mouthing hurts the men too. You hate when being talked to but do that to men. Why?

Youngzedd:
The husband self weak me. Even me as a man won't even allow my wife to use only my name on her property. Mr and Mrs will do or probably her name shekina provided it's not the house I currently live in. That's her money and I don't do sh1t with it because I gotta have mine and hers will be change to where mine is.

I MUST fault the wife for making it only her name in the first place, common sense would have made her use Mr and Mrs because She's under someone who owns her and everything She got. All I can decode is that maybe She forgot that and it's left for someone to remind her of the tradition.

I don't know why what shouldn't be an issue in marriages is now an issue. This is just a minor issue both should solve within 15 minutes, now they allowed it to stay longer.

Mehn, trying to sending your wife out because of this issue is laughable.

E be like say their love don hang boot.

peacengine:
Correction, marriage is not 99% dependent on a woman for success especially when a man is supposed to be the head and leader of the home.

You, oga are very unfair to your wife. Imagine if it was your sister, daughter or even mother going through this crisis. If she was my sister, I won't find fault with her at all. She never acted as if the house was hers, it's clear that it's in her name for security reasons. If not, she would be a destitute today as you are capable of asking her to leave because of an ordinary argument. Oga, you have the property which you built for your parents, me and you know that it's your property not your parents. I read your wive's thread but ignored it thinking she was lying as women can be full of drama but you have confirmed the truth. You are 95% wrong.

Saff:
When you try to explain yourself but still end up sounding ridiculous anyways. Your thread proves to us that your wife is right. Drop your ego, it won’t get you far in life.

Biggest downfall of a man is his ego. It blocks so many blessings, and it’s blocking yours. You’re blessed and you don’t even know it smh.

isybeke:
Madam landlady u see ur life, u ran here nd twist d story to favour u,how foolish can u be......see how u use ur hand to destroy d home/family u build becos of greed, shey u want to carry house for head abi,,,,kontinue

Nihilstjnr:
A man can fly abroad with his father, but walk away from his kids at the drop of a hat.

He can build a home for his parents with his money, but contribute only a little towards housing his own family.

That sounds like someone who's preoccupied with being a child...Instead of being a father.

That's even beside the point. What is clear to me is that the woman saw this coming and wisely protected her investment.

when you consider that:
1. he tried to kick her out of the house and
2. he's now demanding full ownership of a house he admits to contributing very little to.

it's obvious that her move was justified.

Sensible people will be asking how she was capable of such foresight... I'm sure in her heart of hearts, she knew since day 1 that she was married to a monster.

freshvine:
houses built with a man name alone are willed to either the wife or her children. a win win situation for the women

Nihilstjnr:
If you think abuse is the reason for this mess, you're clearly in denial or deluded.

The alleged abuse is a symptom of the a much deeper malaise in the marriage - the wife had clearly recognised her husband's capability for greed and cruelty.

If you're able to analyse properly, you can see that at every stage, this woman took steps to protect her investment because she knows who she married.

They made money together, but hubby decides he wants to use joint profits to fly his dad out of the country for medical treatment, as well as build a house for his parents. The woman realises that this man is ready to take full control of, and squander their joint funds, so she demands a split.

A sensible man with kids would know that his first priority is to his kids and would have first focused on putting a roof over his children's head. Instead he left his kids under rain and went to build a house for his parents. No surprise he walked away from those kids in the end.

Next, the woman builds the house in her name, again because she knows who she married. If you genuinely think that it's a mere coincidence that the man tried to order her out of the house, then I have a bridge to sell you.

Think about it, the man is claiming to be annoyed that the deeds weren't in both their names, yet he stold her to get out of a house, where as far as he knew at the time, she was listed as a co-owner anyway.

This is a guy who wasn't concerned about her rights in the first place, and the woman clearly recognised these tendencies and took steps to protect her neck.

Steps that have been justified in the end.

I believe there's a lot that hasn't been said yet, but if you think that her insulting his parents is what triggered this wahala, then mehn...you're inexperienced in life.

abike12:
I'm sure you're referring to the idiots that refused to train you and not me

ExtraExtra:
Women are the backbone of the family, they make or mar the home, since they help bring life to the world suffice it to say they sum up what we call family, 99% of successful, longlasting home or family is the ability of the woman to hold the "forte".

My attention was drawn to this forum and this topic https://www.nairaland.com/4617351/husbands-pride-wants-ruin-home#69371294 and it is sad that most people drew conclusion on a one sided story though i wouldnt blame those involved because they judged based on what was said and the individual involved needed public validation for her wrong doing, a public display i dont approve of but since external persons and relations are already involved i'd like to clear some details.

"Dee" comes from a very well to do family while i dont so when we got married, i made her feel we are in this together, not one above the other but as partners in EVERYTHING. To be fair to her she brought up the business idea we did years ago, in other to put forth money to start up, i made sure i had equal money as her for it, goal was to own a property, build et al. Unfortunately my dad's ailing health deteriorated to the extent that he had to be flown out, when the profit came, i told her and she agreed, she decided we split it into two so she use hers for the initial plan. As the first born i went with my dad, back here she got the property and started building, when i came back the remaining money with me was used to complete it, what was left was used for my parents house. Being a trust worthy person i feel she is, i didnt bother to check documents cos i felt she would do the right thing by putting both our names which she kept in a bank.

Now, i work and own other businesses so i'm always in contact with alot of people from both genders so to her she feels i may have lost guard by cheating which is not true: i dont have password on my phones, i always make and receive calls right in front of her but she still think i'm hiding something and that was the genesis of the problem weeks ago, i rebuked her to cut it out immediately but she was out for blood, she insulted me like never before, when i didnt give her face, she extended her TOXIC words to my parents, my family, my background and my personality, that was when i lost it, if not for my cousin that was there i would have hit her, out of anger i told her to get the hell out of the house which of course i didnt mean, then she shocked me saying the house is ONLY in her name, i was numb and speechless, in other for me not to react in a brutal way i left the house, told her i would never step there again if she doesnt change it to my name ONLY. My cousin who was there when it happened told my people, they called me so i had to explain things, right now her family knows what happened and none is supporting her.

YES i said she should put my name only cos she belittled and betrayed me which tells me if it was in both our names she will raise shoulder and feel above me.YES i requested for transfer and i will go through with it, i cannot be away from my kids and still be in the same state, it doesnt make, when it is sucessful, i will get a place conducive amd comfortable for my kids, they will be with me. I told her recently not to bother with the name change anymore, she can have the house all to herself for all i care.

I wont divorce her because i dont believe in that, once i move with the kids she can come along if she wants but right now we are seperated. I wanted a partner, she displayed stupidity not smartness, what the future holds i dont know, she made her bed she should lay on it.

Acidosis:
Nairalanders have eventually destroyed your home. They failed to look at the bigger picture even though a few contributions warned against the mindless and shallow thoughts. They took side and warned your wife against shifting grounds. I hope they're now ready to accommodate her and the kids.

The same people will come around later to preach how 1+1 = 1, how marriage means the coming together of a man and a woman to become one. Lol

What is more shocking is how they advised a married woman to use a mere property to spite a hard working man (not a jobless man o). People were more concerned about the property, not the issues that provoked the statement "get out of the house"? So a responsible married man will just wake up and tell the wife "get out of the house"? From page 1 to about 4, no one care to ask what transpired between her and her husband, na so so property we carry for head.

It is well.