₦airaland Forum

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

baldman:
Great 'advice', what if she did not see the abandonment in that light and she decides to move on making good use of the certificate that the man sponsored her to obtain? I hope you have a perfect woman that has no family arranged for the poster to marry. How can abandonment make people fall in love or reinforce love? Please make separation your very last option, the rate at which women are moving on when a man decides to move out these days will surprise you. Do not leave your marriage if you do not intend to leave for good. You will not find her where you left and if you do, you will not be meeting the woman you left, she will either be broken or hardened.

hope4nigeria:
I'm judging from the man's experience, marriage is not by force, the woman family will not let them be, then their daughter should just go back to them, or you want the man to hang himself before you will understand what he's passing through! I had the a same experience, everyday her family will enter little issue, all I did was to stay far away from both family and their daughter. After six months she came begging realising what went wrong. I accepted her back, now we're living very happily ever after, assuming she decided to move on! I already moved ON! The worst experience you can have in marriage is for family interference . I pray you don't experience such. If not divorce is not an option, living with such woman is deadliest than living in boko haram camp

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Coldfeets:
I blame you for letting it get to that stage where they think they own you.

Luckily, you can still redeem yourself.

Just man up and tell them to do their worst.

Be firm in your resolutions as from henceforth.

If they eventually see that they can't break you; they might back down or worse still, they might call for divorce so you should also start preparing for that situation too.

I don't really know how divorce thing works in Nigeria with regards to how much a man is going to lose for calling for a divorce but I hope it is not as terrible as what is obtainable in America.

Good luck.

Now to you all guys out there, listen up.

Don't ever let a woman control you in any way!!!

Learn to be firm whenever you are dealing with women... most especially when you are in a relationship.

And it is good if you start doing this at the onset.

That way, the girl can either fall in line or fall out in time!!!

baldman:
Thanks for putting your comment in context. It is good that you mentioned that you already moved on but your wife came back... My point is that Do not leave if your intention is not to leave for good, what if you only wanted to prove a point and your wife missed the point and moved on?There are other ways.

Rushmore:
You can choose to ignore her,do any other thing but not divorce. And never you switch off your phone to avoid calls from family, it's childish. Be an alpha male! Make a decree and stand on it! You're a lion and not a chicken!

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Emioga:
O boy na hypocrites full this thread o.To say na woman come here dey talk all this one na you all would have bashed her saying your mum is your world or your family has been their before your wife.smh.well poster no advice from me o cos I'm in the same situation and my husband they stand with his family also even beats and insults me for them.OYO

ABAMOWA:
Bros, divorce will only compound the problem. Firstly, ensure your wife move with you to Abuja. Then, discuss with her. The distance will naturally push them away . And with your wife being educated by you, things will work out. And know that people have passed through worse situation and survived. Be a man, take it cool. Develop an antibody to their behavior. God be with you. And know that what ever becomes of any problem at the end is a result of how we handle it.

baldman:
I had to sign in because of this comment, particularly as I noticed you said you are new in marriage.

I hope you can just read what I have to say. Your In-Laws should not be referred to in this manner. If this is who you really are, your wife, I am afraid, is married to the wrong man, she just does not know it yet.

I refer to one of your 'manly' comments: 'If tomorrow you decided to change I won't hesitate to give you a divorce' really?

'...my responsibility is to you and my kids alone' are you for real?. The truth is you may have come from a 'liberal' family ( which seems more like a family where your parents raised all of you to be independent and not feel the need to either give back to your parents or provide help when any member is in need) this may not be the case with your wife. Your wife may come from a more normal family where they do not live on allowances from their children but appreciate the occasional help and interventions. But you have made it clear to your wife that you will never be a part of such. Well, you will get as much love from your wife as you are willing to give.... you are not giving much when you are quick to threaten divorce and tell her those who brought her up to become the girl that you married will never matter in the scheme of things in your welfare provisions.

I am glad you plan to take care of your kids. I pray you have a daughter as well, can you imagine your future Son-In-Law maintaining this stance. You do not even have your Father-In-Law's number and you are proud to say that ? Besides, can I safely assume that you have only ever given him 5k because that is what is within your financial capacity or is that still a way of being an Alpha Male?

You also said "You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck.." really Bro? You really should be shaking the hands of your Son-In-Law when he comes to marry your daughter and take bills of your neck. Oga, what goes around comes around.

Your marriage is very young and you are coming in with the wrong mentality. You cannot show love to a woman while hating her family, she will not be fooled and you will not have her complete loyalty. Take charge of your home and take leadership with respect to all relationships, including your relationship with your In-Laws, agree with your wife on what should be done given the resources available and show care in other areas that may not require footing bills. Encourage your wife to work and earn a living ( if she does not have one) so that she can also be a good place to help out without losing sight of who comes first, your family first.

If you keep threatening divorce, becareful as she will over time prepare for it, and when you have done your worse, it will surprise you how well she will move on.... you will see divorce and fear.. its never easy on anyone.

godfatherx:
The fact that someone can travel from Lagos to Abuja without informing you shows how much trouble you are in. I support you o, file for divorce immediately or else your life will become miserable.

Emioga:
O boy na hypocrites full this thread o.To say na woman come here dey talk all this one na you all would have bashed her saying your mum is your world or your family has been their before your wife.smh.well poster no advice from me o cos I'm in the same situation and my husband they stand with his family also even beats and insults me for them.OYO

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

ttomexy:
But I think you should have a change of heart, all your posts on nairaland suggests you are a womaniser(I may be wrong though) but please treat your wife and family (not inlaws o)with some respect, remember what you can not leave,will leave you one day, ask David when they offered him pretty girl at his old age,he no fit touch am, and with all these STDs around,it is well with your home

ttomexy:
But I think you should have a change of heart, all your posts on nairaland suggests you are a womaniser(I may be wrong though) but please treat your wife and family (not inlaws o)with some respect, remember what you can not leave,will leave you one day, ask David when they offered him pretty girl at his old age,he no fit touch am, and with all these STDs around,it is well with your home

DonFreshmoney:
OP... I dey around Utako, if u need help, PM me.. or I fit visit give u better advice. Cheers

baldman:
I had to sign in because of this comment, particularly as I noticed you said you are new in marriage.

I hope you can just read what I have to say. Your In-Laws should not be referred to in this manner. If this is who you really are, your wife, I am afraid, is married to the wrong man, she just does not know it yet.

I refer to one of your 'manly' comments: 'If tomorrow you decided to change I won't hesitate to give you a divorce' really?

'...my responsibility is to you and my kids alone' are you for real?. The truth is you may have come from a 'liberal' family ( which seems more like a family where your parents raised all of you to be independent and not feel the need to either give back to your parents or provide help when any member is in need) this may not be the case with your wife. Your wife may come from a more normal family where they do not live on allowances from their children but appreciate the occasional help and interventions. But you have made it clear to your wife that you will never be a part of such. Well, you will get as much love from your wife as you are willing to give.... you are not giving much when you are quick to threaten divorce and tell her those who brought her up to become the girl that you married will never matter in the scheme of things in your welfare provisions.

I am glad you plan to take care of your kids. I pray you have a daughter as well, can you imagine your future Son-In-Law maintaining this stance. You do not even have your Father-In-Law's number and you are proud to say that ? Besides, can I safely assume that you have only ever given him 5k because that is what is within your financial capacity or is that still a way of being an Alpha Male?

You also said "You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck.." really Bro? You really should be shaking the hands of your Son-In-Law when he comes to marry your daughter and take bills of your neck. Oga, what goes around comes around.

Your marriage is very young and you are coming in with the wrong mentality. You cannot show love to a woman while hating her family, she will not be fooled and you will not have her complete loyalty. Take charge of your home and take leadership with respect to all relationships, including your relationship with your In-Laws, agree with your wife on what should be done given the resources available and show care in other areas that may not require footing bills. Encourage your wife to work and earn a living ( if she does not have one) so that she can also be a good place to help out without losing sight of who comes first, your family first.

If you keep threatening divorce, becareful as she will over time prepare for it, and when you have done your worse, it will surprise you how well she will move on.... you will see divorce and fear.. its never easy on anyone.

Goddyss:
Sometimes I would just laugh at how sissy some men have become. The OP is not a man for allowing his in law controls his life.

I have refused to answer a 100 missed calls on my phone in the past from my fiancee's parents after breaking up with her. I tore the marriage list I collected in pieces.

A real man is a peaceful man and doesn't talk too much but when he acts, the ground trembles

Eketem:
Poster you sef
You are married but keep meeting different women who are also demanding money from you, maybe that is why your wife feels she may need to finish all your money so you don't spend it on these women outside


Why is everybody trying to get money from you? Do you show off? You were even judging one of the women for drinking 3 beers meanwhile you are a married man chatting with women on social media