joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

JAPA.... Decamping is allowed

Your wife brother coming down to Abuja unannounced only to call u to pick him up from the pack.. Thunder fire that ur callous brother in-law. You shouldn't have switched off ur phone, I will tell him hoha to go n sleep anywhere he was initially plan to go because u can be coming to my place without informed me b4 u decide to leave Lagos. is not dat her sister is currently wit u. Your wife n her entire families are mad.

Equal2DeTask:




Will I still marry?.

My brother, i am reconsidering seriously. The things i see and here these days are scary. No single good news about this institution of marriage niw collapsing on all sides faster than they are contracted. I won't marry abeg.

gentlesmithugo:
my bro if there is anyway u can help those your inlaw,do it.after that warn them to stay away from ur family.with that u can clear ur mind.divorce is not an option now.think twice

From personal experience, those sorts are insatiable no matter what you do!

pawesome:
what is this one saying...

He is pushing trash in front of LAWMA..

GANAYAD:
I think you are still d girl husband due to ur financial support bt my brother if you go broke na d girl go divorce you

Op, reason this comment carefully..

My brother bravo for the treatment u meted on the careless boy that came to Abj without informing you, please try n extend such treatment to other members of the family and everybody will pack well for you and plz don't divorce ur wife if that is the only problem u are encountering in ur marriage. Ordinary gf boyfriend relationship na war these days. May the Lord continue to be ur strength.

Marshalxv:
I still can't understand nairalanders and this "sit down and discuss" thing. so you think this man have not done that severally? or you think he just woke up one morning and decide to relocate to Abuja without trying to fix things first? Even after reading it from the post that he's told his wife many times to adjust some hypocrites still keep on saying he should sit her down and talk.

OP at this point in your life, your sanity and peace of mind is all that should matter.

Leave them na. What most of them don't understand is that issues like this makes a man to be psychologically unstable which may make him to do something bad.

If he hits the woman out of frustration, they will shout against him, now he's planning to stay away for his peace they are still d ones saying no.

If anything should happen to him, they will still insult him for not divorcing her ontime.
SMH.

From another angle, the script is well played and your wife is the script writer, thread softly please . All I see here is insecurity issues and extortion, your life may be at risk. Avoid them all for now, your wife and her family and think thoroughly about it before going for divorce. May God lead you through. AMEN

OP,you are on long thing.,you have less business with your in law,your main concerned is how to pull,control,sink sanity and make your knows tomorrow is no longer far,both of need to take of it now otherwise you may be force to leave her behind..or how would you describe to when someone is helping her to spend her life with you...

apeleone:
Divorce should not be your next line of action,call your wife to order. She has to choose between building a new family with you or sticking to her biological parents. For your in-law make provision for him to leave over the weekend with a standing order that visitors/family can be welcomed on invitation.

Bros, divorce will only compound the problem. Firstly, ensure your wife move with you to Abuja. Then, discuss with her. The distance will naturally push them away. And with your wife being educated by you, things will work out. And know that people have passed through worse situation and survived. Be a man, take it cool. Develop an antibody to their behavior. God be with you. And know that what ever becomes of any problem at the end is a result of how we handle it.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Weak men come to social media and rant, instead of doing what needs to be done. Your wife and her family don see you finish. Ok, bye Felicia!

[quote author=akosh005 post=69685659]
JAPA.... Decamping is allowed[/quote

Bros, divorce will only compound the problem. Firstly, ensure your wife move with you to Abuja. Then, discuss with her. The distance will naturally push them away. And with your wife being educated by you, things will work out. And know that people have passed through worse situation and survived. Be a man, take it cool. Develop an antibody to their behavior. God be with you. And know that what ever becomes of any problem at the end is a result of how we handle it.

Eketem:
Poster you sef
You are married but keep meeting different women who are also demanding money from you, maybe that is why your wife feels she may need to finish all your money so you don't spend it on these women outside


Why is everybody trying to get money from you? Do you show off? You were even judging one of the women for drinking 3 beers meanwhile you are a married man chatting with women on social media

I am surprised no one quoted this horrendous comment of urs. Presumption from the depths of LAWMA thrash! I had to go back to read the post cos wen I read ur comment, it made me wonder if i read it at all at first. Is there any part of the post that suggested he is spending money on other women? U just conveniently remixed the post to suit the modus operandi of ur saliva filled brain. Next time read well or if u cannot read at all, just keep it moving. I am sure u are a female cos no man would show so much abysmal imbecility/lunacy.

wristbangle:
I won't forget a stern warning/advice from a senior manager telling me to abstain pleasing my in laws. He shared a touching story of his life and how it has caused him personal development and marital success.

It's a very complicated situation and this is not the time for blame game.

Tell your wife to pick between you and her family. If she picks you, once again inform her your T&C. If she refuses to change, don't divorce her but take a break. You can best till relocate to a new location in FCT without letting her and her family know your residence.

I believe after a while, sense will sink into her head your importance and the decision to detach herself from her parasitic family.

This is exactly thought....

Some people can be funny sha…
So some people can actually be blaming the guy for relocating to Abuja, why? He is the one wearing the shoe and he alone knows where it pinches him. Please allow him. "Discuss with your wife", is it when the guy Dies Is not better he is alive first before discussing with whoever, which is what he has done. Or you all asking why he is running prefer he dies and makes headline before hailing him for taking a good decision.
My brother man, KUDOS to you for relocating, for he who runs from a fight lives to fight another day. Again, you get time for your leeches and leechard inlaws, that's why they are policing and taking advantage of you. TELL THEM TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AND FAMILY FOR GOOD OR GO TO HELL. You married their daughter and not the family. You can only choose to help, whomever, whenever and not vice versa. If your wife do not want to play along with you on this, Ma Guy issue her the RED CARD, Simple!!!
If you continue entertaining their bullshit, bro THEY WILL KILL YOU and take over your savings or resources before burying you.
STAND FIRM!! Don't be scared. Every Blessing!!

If there one thing I dislike most in men is weakness. It's turns me off like � poop.

You are a weak man and until you change your thinking you will be trampled upon every now and then.

As for the idiot that called you a cab man, don't switch off your phone but tell him to send you his account details,so he can take the next available bus back to Lagos.

Reply your wife that whoever visits without an invitation will receive a worst treatment. Concentrate on working your wife's transfer,and once it's concluded sit her down and reads your riot act to her.

donstan18:
Mr man, you are the one troubling and driving yourself crazy for not being able to know where your problem is coming from.

First; Your wife didn't do anything to warrant a divorce, she didn't cheat, disrespect or commit any abomination. We should sometime view things from different angles before taking actions, you know how difficult it is for a woman to stop her family members from coming close to her husband, she MIGHT not be happy with what they are doing, but in a bid to stop them will have it look like she's pushing them away from you and might create problems. So I ask "HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR WIFE?"

The rate of entitlement mentality from wives and their families is something else in Nigeria. Reason why we should be wise and careful before getting married.

Stop running around, discuss this issue with your wife, if she's a good woman, she'll understand you and do whatever it'll take to keep you happy and relaxed by sketching a strategy with you, but if she tries to give attitude about your complaint, then you'll have to go rude and aggressive to let her know what is as stake(Divorce, for her to marry her family members so that you'll have peace).


Discuss with her first.

You actually believe he has not discussed this with his wife?

A man relocated because of interference and you think he hasn’t discussed the issue with his wife?

What are you smoking?

I wouldn't advice u go for a divorce. Sit ur wife down and still talk things over with her. From ur story, your wife loves and cares for ur progress but the pressure from her family she cannot handle. This is the time she needs you most, let her understand that her family is bent to tear her marriage apart. let her know that marriage is between u and her and every third party (the persons involved not withstanding) is an intruder. I HAVE SEEN A MAN THAT SWITCHED HIS PHONE OFF LIKE YOU DID AND HIS WIFE'S PHONE OFF AND REFUSED TO GIVE HIS FATHER AND BROTHERS IN-LAW HIS ADDRESS (REASON: he told his wife that whenever her father,mother,sisters or brothers are coming to their house, he has to be informed and given one or two weeks notice so he can prepare and budget for their coming). AND THAT DAY, THEY ONLY CALLED HIM WHEN THEY HAVE ENTERED TOWN SO HE HAD TO OFF HIS AND WIFE'S PHONES AND THE WIFE DID NOT EVEN DISOBEY HER HUSBAND BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT.

Marriage is between husband and wife and not husband,wife and family members. Anything outside the two of u has to be discussed and decided by both of u. Not u (wife) and ur father,mother,sisters or brothers, same applies to the man (husband) also.

don't divorce her....tell her ur reasons while u wouldn't welcome any further embarrassment from her family and stick by it. But if she chooses to go with her family, let it come from her and not u.



Thanks.

When you should have told the guy you went out of Abuja for a meeting.

I blame you for letting it get to that stage where they think they own you.

Luckily, you can still redeem yourself.

Just man up and tell them to do their worst.

Be firm in your resolutions as from henceforth.

If they eventually see that they can't break you; they might back down or worse still, they might call for divorce so you should also start preparing for that situation too.

I don't really know how divorce thing works in Nigeria with regards to how much a man is going to lose for calling for a divorce but I hope it is not as terrible as what is obtainable in America.

Good luck.

Now to you all guys out there, listen up.

Don't ever let a woman control you in any way!!!

Learn to be firm whenever you are dealing with women... most especially when you are in a relationship.

And it is good if you start doing this at the onset.

That way, the girl can either fall in line or fall out in time!!!

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

You really don't need the transfer. Be firm!!! let your yes be yes and No be no. Immediately they see your stand and they sense a no going back, nobody will inform them before they look elsewhere.
you allowed it from the beginning but its time to stand your ground.

Op you obviously started what you cannot finish.

You were probably always showering them with gifts, meeting their needs and not creating boundaries.

And your wife has given them the impression that she is their saviour with you as their provider.

Cut off all assistance, make yourself scarce, avoid phone calls, don't respond to text messages. They will get the message.

And if they confront you in person, be quiet or very miserly with words but what you will do should be in your mind.

Tell your wife that it is better she goes to live with her family since she has chosen to allow them interfere and refused to leave them and build her own family.

Tell her that henceforth, any assistance for her family should come from her salary. And do not bend. I repeat...do not bend.

They are acting like you are responsible for them and that has to stop.

You have the greater work to do... putting your foot down. You need to be firm and learn how to use this word "NO"

Equal2DeTask:




Will I still marry?.

I don't think so

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

One advice that works every time,
Make yourself unavailable to anyone, no calls, no messages, no visitation.
When they call, tell them you're kinda busy they should call back then cut the call.
If they call again, repeat same excuse. Never stay more than 5 secs on the phone. Do this for a whole month or two and then see the wonderful results that follow

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Guy you need to divorce your marriage and renew with good agree ment between you And your wife they are using you like a fool..you better wise up and run for your life

I feel your pain brother. from all indication, i can see your the hope of your wife's family.
An adage says 'whatever you cant finish, don't even start'. Your the man and you should be firm with your decision and not switching your phone off. The best you would have done was to receive him that night and ask him to leave the next day that is if he has nothing serious to do in Abuja.
Below is my advice for you;
1.Whoever wants to pay you a visit must give you at least a week notice. Including your own siblings and parents
2.If your buoyant enough, see how you can set up something for your wife's siblings or if your connected, you can help them get a job.
3. Don't stay away from your wife and children. Let me join you in Abuja. Find time to have a deep conversation with your wife and pour out your grievance. Talk it over na over with her.
4. Talk to your Father in heaven about it and let him help you manage the situation.
5. Divorce is never an option. Am sure you saw all the signs before you married her but you felt you were in love and ready to face whatever comes out of it.
If you need one to counsel you, i can recommend someone. clarencedey@yahoomail.com

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Born2Breed:
If there one thing I dislike most in men is weakness. It's turns me off like � poop.

You are a weak man and until you change your thinking you will be trampled upon every now and then.

As for the idiot that called you a cab man, don't switch off your phone but tell him to send you his account details,so he can take the next available bus back to Lagos.

Reply your wife that whoever visits without an invitation will receive a worst treatment. Concentrate on working your wife's transfer,and once it's concluded sit her down and reads your riot act to her.

Correct!

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

A wise man once said; "Better to have good in-laws than a good wife'.

Am newly married and my wife cannot tell me nonsense..She just can't. .I still wonder where Nigerian Ladies get this attitude of getting married and expecting the Husband to pull you out of poverty. .urself and your family..As in are you people stupid or something?

I told my wife my responsibility is to you and my Kids alone..If tomorrow you decided to change i won't hesitate to give you a divorce..I don't care and I don't give a damm..Nobody fit kill me..

Luckily for her you are married into a liberal family where my family won't disturb you so why should urs disturb me?Why?

The OP is a mumu and has been taking responsibility for the lady and her family even before they got married..Am sure of that..I see no reason why that should be..

My Father in law Sef I don't have his number..The highest number I gave him till date is 5000naira..

You should be happy I am marrying your daughter Naa and taking bills off ur neck..Some wives will even do it to the extent whereby you won't give ur family anything again just cos you are married to them..

I wonder where you people see these girls.I just wonder where