₦airaland Forum

my brother ,first thing first people only do to you what you allow,you go call your father in law warn am well,as in without respect.you tell him to stop or come and carry your daughter because you done tire,next you chase all her family from your house,if them no agree go,you invite your own of equal numbers,then you tell your wife say you no go divorce am but she should prepare for second wife because her rubbish done too much,once them see say your eye done change watch how things go change,if her brothers even open mouth talk invite police to arrest that one for treat to life,they call that using him for sample .you are wick that is why,i remember how my mother in law turn my life to hell,the woman even invite me come states come dey use police for he,i just relax,when she reach Nigeria within i use her eye see ,my wife talk i start to laugh ,i just tell am second wife loading before them know anything dey happen till today na the second wife matter them still dey try block all her family done run leave my matter. beg oh, bible oh even my mama them go recurrut to stop second wife,me i just dey look they laugh them never know second wife loading na final

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

Clap for yourself
You’ve made a lot of sense

Hedonisst:
That's what women and their family liability specialise in - driving men crazy.

The part of marriage in Nigeria I hate the most is the family liability abandonment (in business terms) that you as a man (investor) will be forced to inherit when you get married, as if you're acquiring a bankrupt company and must take on its liabilities. And they almost always never come with assets, only liabilities upon liabilities. It's unacceptable to me, and I have zero tolerance for that nonsense.

If I'm marrying you, I'm not having none of your family Bullshyt. They're not even allowed to come stay in my house for any length of time, except the mother is on 'omugwo' duties.

Useless people. Tomorrow they would still forget all the good you did for them and treat your children like trash if, God forbids, you've fallen on hard times or worse, you're no longer alive. I've seen these things with my korokoro eyes. It's better to buy fuel, pour it on your money and burn it up rather than spend it on these useless so-called in-laws.

OP thumbs up for leaving that fool stranded at the park. That's exactly what I'd have done, but unlike you, I wouldn't even switch my phone off. And God knows I would have insulted her father for daring to send me such stupid messages.

Bottom line, Read the riot act to that woman and stand your GROUND. It's either on your own terms or nothing. No mediation, no negotiation, and no conciliation. Simply set down your new rules like a tyrant and enforce them immediately. Failure to comply with the new order, then you must kick her out immediately. I don't like the word divorce because it even makes these yeye women feel important. Aiint gat time for that formal poo. Give her and her yeye family an ultimatum and kick her out if she refuses to have sense.

I sincerely wish we can actually hear from thr other party(ies).
However if indeed your wife is taking sides with her family then i will say your wife is yet to understand what it means to be married and what it takes to stay married.

As a wife, you must stand by your husband and fight for his interest.

The fact that a man got married to you does not make him a life long slave to your family. Stay by him and plan your family.

No matter how much my wife disagrees with my stand concerrning her family she does not rub it in my face neither does she make it obvious to them she is supporting them.

Marriage is indeed not for boys and girls, people still tied to the aprons of "my daddy" & "my mummy".

Brother, stand your ground, talk to your wife DIVORCE IS NOT THE SOLUTION.

ioreth69:
adviser

Madam, is there anything bad in giving good advice to someone who needs it. Don't be a rubber stamp individual.

So he should never have allowed his in-laws into their home at all? You realize this Home is also the wife’s home hence her family is welcome too?

Some of you just type extreme comments without thinking first. The key is moderation. Unless you mary a total orphan there’s no way her family won’t be allowed in her home

Mutemenot:
Op, you laid foundation to your problem, as a married man the leg you have your wife is what she stands with. If you never allowed your in-laws Into your family from onset, they won't have seen your brokus. Better speak like a man and free your self from them. If your wife does play a negative attitude to that, fire her but for now divorce is not the step.
Me, If not for an official purpose, I have nothing to do with my in-laws. I don't call nor even visit, I choose to be seen as a bad inlaws than bn used as a house boy.
Remember, When the black ant stings the buttocks, next time it [buttocks] learns wisdom.

I will just ignore your sauciness as highlighted ( and by the way I found her and I am a very happy husband and father now... I pray the Lord will bless your marriage too ). I also appreciate that you went on to respond as an adult. Like I said, and with utmost respect, you need a bit of growing up to do, be a bit more open minded and relax... , marriage is a really long journey and there will always be need for compromise here and there to make it work. The summary of my advice to you is that treat your wife's family exactly the way you pray your future Son-In-Law treat you.Let me give you another dimension. Your wife's siblings are the future Uncles and Aunties to your children, their children will become your children's cousin. If you plant well, you will reap it and your children too. My Uncles and Aunties ( particularly from my Mother's side) have been really good to me and my siblings, I tell you, in no small measure. These are people who have enjoyed my Father's brotherly attention, generosity and accommodating nature while we were growing up.

Addressing singles now:

Please make sure you study the family you are marrying into. Do not let love blind your eyes to all these forseeable things that makes marriage a hell.

happney65:
Heeeeeeee calm down,coming from someone who is specifically looking for a Virgin as if he is looking for a commodity..

I did not threaten my wife nor tell her i will divorce her over any filmsy issue..The person that first quoted me understands better what i meant

I said i told her before we got married that she should not change from the sweet girl she is to totally something else..I like my sanity and i dont want a woman that will start putting me through stress..In as much as i do not put her through stress of whatever kind,I see no reason why she should..

Nigerian women believe the moment they marry you,they automatically owe you..I am not a Liberal and I say things the way it is..I respect her and she does too..We both respect each other but i dont take Bull-shitttt all in the name of marriage..

I made reference to the money because these days the moment you marry,The Lady and her Family believes they owe you and you will be held liable for their bills..Capital Noo,If i want to help i would and if i dont want to i wont..

As long as i take a 100% care of their daughter and she does not suffer in any form,and i respect her as much as she does,I am a good Husband.

I guess you dont know that 99.9% of Nigerian girls prefer you to take care of only their family and not yours..They believe immediately you marry a Man.The Man should leave his Family alone and focus only on theirs..No Person can do such to me

I repeat the OP is a Mumu and that is why he has been treated this way by his wife's family..I look at what most Nigerian Men go through all in the name of Marriage and i feel pretty bad.Most Men feed more than their Nuclear Family all in the name of marriage and they run helter skelter to foot bills of people from far and near..shey you wan kill person nii?

In my Family,I am the Owner while my Wife is the CEO..QED

Being an asshole is nothing to be proud of

Themandator:
Thank you. I am from Anambra state and married to an Imo beautiful woman but you see if you don't lah the ground rules this people will relocate to your home and make life unbearable. My wife knows that no mortal changes my order..... Not even my parents.


The day the father gave her instructions to be in their village, I just called him and told him she won't be there... He said he is asking her to come and I told him, air,she is my wife and I have told her she can't do such...she only cried and resumed her life.



Whenever they call her that this one is coming and she informs me, I simply ask her the month we are in.... If she says July, I says, it doesn't look holiday period here does it

cococandy:
Clap for yourself You’ve made a lot of sense

Kpa, kpa, kpaa kpaa kpaa, kpaaaaaaaaaa!

Amberon11:
It is now obvious that Nigerian me are some of the most useless on the planet. You who have been gallivanting around town fvcking married women, taking them to guest houses and meetingany women on Facebook and giving them money are now planning on divorcing your wife over a trivial issue.

You people can't take half of what you give to your wives. Mumu.

mimimile93:
Let divorce be your best friend.










It is advisible for one to marry an orphan...

As the saying goes, na the day wey you kill mad man for road na im you go know say he get people.

Some lunatics would emerge from nowhere and claim 'in laws' if you marry an orphan and you happen to have some little money. It's just best to be as brutal as you can from day 1. Don't give room for nonsense. Even if I have billions, I would never take stupid in laws as part of my responsibility. They're never worth it.

....

baldman:
I will just ignore your sauciness as highlighted ( and by the way I found her and I am a very happy husband and father now... I pray the Lord will bless your marriage too ). I also appreciate that you went on to respond as an adult. Like I said, and with utmost respect, you need a bit of growing up to do, be a bit more open minded and relax... , marriage is a really long journey and there will always be need for compromise here and there to make it work. The summary of my advice to you is that treat your wife's family exactly the way you pray your future Son-In-Law treat you.Let me give you another dimension. Your wife's siblings are the future Uncles and Aunties to your children, their children will become your children's cousin. If you plant well, you will reap it and your children too. My Uncles and Aunties ( particularly from my Mother's side) have been really good to me and my siblings, I tell you, in no small measure. These are people who have enjoyed my Father's brotherly attention, generosity and accommodating nature while we were growing up.

Addressing singles now:

Please make sure you study the family you are marrying into. Do not let love blind your eyes to all these forseeable things that makes marriage a hell.

Where have you been? You were not there to correct the negative opinions of the JAMBITES who have been prattling divorce from page 1 to page 8.

Let him continue to dig a hole for himself because he has little change in his pocket now.
When the brother in law he turned the phone off does the same to his children later, he won't remember he started it.

Just go over his posts, very useless man I must say.

cococandy:

Hedonisst:
That's what women and their family liability specialise in - driving men crazy.

The part of marriage in Nigeria I hate the most is the family liability abandonment (in business terms) that you as a man (investor) will be forced to inherit when you get married, as if you're acquiring a bankrupt company and must take on its liabilities. And they almost always never come with assets, only liabilities upon liabilities. It's unacceptable to me, and I have zero tolerance for that nonsense.

If I'm marrying you, I'm not having none of your family Bullshyt. They're not even allowed to come stay in my house for any length of time, except the mother is on 'omugwo' duties.

Useless people. Tomorrow they would still forget all the good you did for them and treat your children like trash if, God forbids, you've fallen on hard times or worse, you're no longer alive. I've seen these things with my korokoro eyes. It's better to buy fuel, pour it on your money and burn it up rather than spend it on these useless so-called in-laws.

OP thumbs up for leaving that fool stranded at the park. That's exactly what I'd have done, but unlike you, I wouldn't even switch my phone off. And God knows I would have insulted her father for daring to send me such stupid messages.

Bottom line, Read the riot act to that woman and stand your GROUND. It's either on your own terms or nothing. No mediation, no negotiation, and no conciliation. Simply set down your new rules like a tyrant and enforce them immediately. Failure to comply with the new order, then you must kick her out immediately. I don't like the word divorce because it even makes these yeye women feel important. Aiint gat time for that formal poo. Give her and her yeye family an ultimatum and kick her out if she refuses to have sense.

Fam you are very smart

NoToPile:


You sef see am

Hypocritical nairalanders.

Beats and insults you for them ke? That's quite bad oo.

na so I see am o.they are everywhere in our lives everywhere since they stay in our house. Wetin woman go do now,na money to expand my business me I dey think o I have learnt to ignore them totally

This is the problem Nigerians have, that mindset that marriage is everything and stuff. Op drop that piece of sh*t like a bad habit. You hear pple saying talk things thru with your wife. Smh seems some pple can't even read. Understanding a question is part of the answer. What part of the word " I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen" escapes y'all understanding?? Don't get me wrong I respect and adore my gf buh she knows her place. Gods know I can't stand such. Marriage or no marriage, the dad was funny af thou, Thise your in law done see you finish. The fact you turnoff your phone says it all. Simply tell whoever calls no you cannot pick him up, how diff can that be?? Ogbeni you need to make a decision and stand by it. I have reach a point in my life where only 3 things really matters to me that's my mom,my sanity and my peace of mind. Can't trade this for nothing. Long as you at peace that's all that matter, cos that's all we really need. So you need to decided, if you don't have kids don't see the point in Tryna fix something that can't be fixed. Peace Fam!

Glowingingrace:
Hmm my sister, a lot of dangerous hypocrites are on rampage here. Now that the table has turned against one unfortunate man they are advicing him to run for his life where as they will advice the women to keep swallowing the bitter pills being constantly given to them by some toxic in-laws.

my dear I just tire for men .let him taste what it feels like being with in-laws wet craze

Amberon11:
Just go over his posts, very useless man I must say.

I just did and kinda regret wasting my time on his thread

Unless you marry the girl from the air, then you can be brutal how you want.

If you marry someone’s child, try it first. and then come tell us about it after a few months . Some of you na mouth go kill una. Making mouth when you can’t even do anything.
Your mouth is like brutal and stupid in-laws. If they are stupid why will you marry from there?

If a woman sounds one tenth as aggressive as you do, all of you will call her bitter. Offenses are better when you’re the ones committing them .

Hedonisst:
As the saying goes, na the day wey you kill mad man for road na im you go know say he get people.

Some lunatics would emerge from nowhere and claim 'in laws' if you marry an orphan and you happen to have some little money. It's just best to be as brutal as you can from day 1. Don't give room for nonsense. Even if I have billions, I would never take stupid in laws as part of my responsibility. They're never worth it.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

you are too soft

See advice ! These same bastaerds will be the ones telling women to chop any shit their mother and family dish out ! Women have suffered !

cococandy:
So he should never have allowed his in-laws into their home at all? You realize this Home is also the wife’s home hence her family is welcome too?

Some of you just type extreme comments without thinking first. The key is moderation. Unless you mary a total orphan there’s no way her family won’t be allowed in her home

When you have in-laws that does not know their limit, you mark it for them. I have friends dying in pains as a result of a similar issue . Some people have no shame in life.

Wowzerful! BIL called you at the park to cone pick him and that was the first notice of the meeting! Chai! You don buy market!

I don't think you should actually divorce her because of them...just continue to refuse their overtures, with time they would all get the message.

joa2013:
My wife and her family members are driving me crazy. Their involvement in my home is becoming embarrassing. I may have to give my wife the red card asap. Her family poke noses into all my affairs. How I spent my money, who I give my money to, who I visit, and so on. All they want is to continue to expend money on them and live my life for them. I got their daughter a job, her salary isn't enough for them, how can I be taking care of able bodied men who have refused to work with their certificates, looking for jobs with good pays before they'll work, their pensioner father is not also helping matters, very difficult to please. I have made it known to my wife that our marriage contract did not include pleasing her family members but she won't listen then I worked my transfer from Lagos to Abuja, yet they're on my neck. My wife's younger brother is presently in Abuja without any clear cut mission other than to come and monitor my affairs. He called me around 7pm yesterday to tell me he's in Utako and that I should come and pick him from pack, I told him I didn't invite him to Abuja so why should I pick him up? I asked him if he didn't have a mission before coming and why he should get to Abuja before notifying me that he's coming to my place. I shunned him and switched off my phone. I switched on the phone now only to read 3 abusive text messages from my wife and one from her father threatening that if anything happens to his son, I'll be held responsible. My people, can you see my life? My pastor have been trying to broker peace between us before I left for Abuja to no avail, what I intended to do is to settle down here and get her relocated so that if she's a bit far from her family, things will work out. I'll instruct a lawyer to file divorce papers tomorrow, I can no longer take it.

You did well by putting your phone off that period, decipline have to start from somewhere.

Forget about the threats that's the beginning of being serious with them

As for your wife, let her be aware of and how you want the family to be when she comes down

Tell her if she is ready to put her family aside for both of you to raise your family she can come over

but if she is still going to put her family before your marriage she should forget it.

Also let her know that before any family members comes for a visit, it must be with your approval.
Simple

eyinjuege:
For you to transfer to Abuja becasue of the wahala of your wife and her people shows there is fire on the mountain.
I'm not sure such a thing will not continue even if you bring your family to Abuja.
My advice for you is to stand your ground and let them know enough is enough like you did when the brother came unannounced.
You shouldnt have even put off your phone, but rather told them to their faces not to disturb you with phone calls as your mind is made up not to entertain anybody.
Divorce should be an option only when you really mean it, not because you want to threaten anybody but rather if there's no hope for the union again

STRONGLY AGREE...
HE MUST STAND HIS GROUND AND TELL THEM TO THEIR FACES

donstan18:
Mr man, you are the one troubling and driving yourself crazy for not being able to know where your problem is coming from.

First; Your wife didn't do anything to warrant a divorce, she didn't cheat, disrespect or commit any abomination. We should sometime view things from different angles before taking actions, you know how difficult it is for a woman to stop her family members from coming close to her husband, she MIGHT not be happy with what they are doing, but in a bid to stop them will have it look like she's pushing them away from you and might create problems. So I ask "HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS ISSUE WITH YOUR WIFE?"

The rate of entitlement mentality from wives and their families is something else in Nigeria. Reason why we should be wise and careful before getting married.

Stop running around, discuss this issue with your wife, if she's a good woman, she'll understand you and do whatever it'll take to keep you happy and relaxed by sketching a strategy with you, but if she tries to give attitude about your complaint, then you'll have to go rude and aggressive to let her know what is as stake(Divorce, for her to marry her family members so that you'll have peace).


Discuss with her first.

EXACTLY...
WELL SAID MY DEAR

Rushmore:
You can choose to ignore her,do any other thing but not divorce. And never you switch off your phone to avoid calls from family, it's childish. Be an alpha male! Make a decree and stand on it! You're a lion and not a chicken!

thank you at YOU ARE A LION AND NOT A CHICKEN. He needs to face them and stand his grounds. I'm sure they see him as one who is gullible

sorepco:
Y should he run? He should discuss with his wife n get her opinion on things.
If the woman is siding with her family then he can now set limits and give ultimatums.
But in the other hand if its by the family's grace that he became successful...then he should cut them some slack.

Abi ooo
he should face them no need running

coleB:
am not married yet.

transfer frm lagos to abuja is still close.
u shud ve transferred to adamawa or sokoto. since u want distance to barricade u frm them

lmao

nairaland0753:
thank you at YOU ARE A LION AND NOT A CHICKEN. He needs to face them and stand his grounds. I'm sure they see him as one who is gullible

Yeah,if he doesn't fix his inner self, even filling a divorce won't be an assurance that his next marriage will work.

Rushmore:
You can choose to ignore her,do any other thing but not divorce. And never you switch off your phone to avoid calls from family, it's childish. Be an alpha male! Make a decree and stand on it! You're a lion and not a chicken!

Good advice so far, you must be wise.

OP please read
You must treat your wife family like you will treat your family
Sometime in marriages The man or woman family might have more or less
You shouldn't support your wife family or your family to create great financial problem for your family
U can help
As a man I am 100% sure that any of us will be mad if one of our sister or brother call us to pick him/her
from the motor park without informing us of his/her visit
My late father will not accept my brother calling me from the park to pick him up without notify me of his visit or
accept my brother treating any of our in law in the same manner
Give what u can and say No if u can NOT
It is not a war
Life is about balance