Jiang:
stop pushing the man to do something he ain't interested in, assuming he indicated his interest in taking care of the girl & just needs a little push, then we can provide that push, but the op is obviously not interested in raising some1 else kid

I am not pushing the man into doing anything. I am merely stating the reality on the ground. At the end of the day, it is still his call. Both the biological father and mother have a responsibility towards the child. If the birth father abandons the child, should the mother also throw her away? Simple question!

foolbuster:
Ode!! A serious issue is being discussed here you are talking another trash. What has been financially independent got to do with a woman asking her husband to bring in another man's child to live with them. If you are frustrated by men because of your nonsense character just know there are still decent women out there.

What she said, was not trash. A decent woman would not abandon her child....

NairalandFAYOSE:
being with the mum means being with me. I don't think I want that.
have read so many comments here where people are calling me names and saying am selfish without even considering if I have the means to take care of her plus my kids. but no one is blaming the useless father who abandoned her daughter because he is married.
I know for sure my woman won't take it if its the other way round.

I only seek advice and if you want to blame me, I will say you should first put yourself in my shoes

Bro, you have every right to be careful before accepting such kind of proposition. Yes, it's not the child's fault to be in that situation but it's not your fault as well. If the father can be so heartless to abandon the innocent child then he has no right to expect you to accept it.
Now, if I should be in your position with the necessary financial leverage then it must only be on legal ground with all required documentation that will give me the confidence to accept such arrangement.
If you are not comfortable with the child staying with you then don't pretend to anyone. Say no outrightly.
Most of those lambasting you are just saying all those things because of empathy but if presented with the same situation they will behave in a worst manner.
Peace.

revolt:
men pay the bills for their kids. The highest a woman wd do is keep being rude to the child but the basics of life the dad wd provide ie achool shelter and food. For a woman she wd need the man to cater for the childs basics and the man wdnt do tht. Plua the mans family wdnt even accept the child if he doesnt and the child will truly be alone.

Wrong! You have not seen stepmothers maltreating their husband's children? Some would beat them mercilessly, or even starve them of food, because those kids are not their own, despite the fact that the father bought food for the child's upkeep. I know a stepmother who used the money her husband gave her to pay for his daughter's school fees to buy jewelry. Some stepmothers even turn their stepchildren into househelps. And the mental torture or emotional abuse they inflict on their stepchildren, can scar those kids for life!

helpee:
when you point to me where the OP said the grandmother is old then we can continue this discussion. Otherwise this is an unnecessary distraction

I love this reply ..

I bet you, his reply would be lame..

helpee:
He is telling you you are wrong. You are saying the man is trying to prove the woman is not capable that was why custody was awarded. I was saying no and that is what the guy is trying to tell you.

Collect a refund from your teachers, because you failed comprehension exercises, in school. I stand by what I said. And your response shows you did not understand what he was trying to say. This was his response to my comments:

linearity:
Yes, I wanted to support your opinions, I couldn’t find the original post as it was lost in the maize...

Anextin:

I marriage.

Beyond dis forum, how do I reach u

zolajpower:

Can you get me the op's number (s) so that we can fine tune how i can adopt her.

That's a good one if you really meant it. That's your own decision and it will be binding on you. But I still believe that it's wrong to force the OP to accept what he is not comfortable with, this is real life situation and definitely not Bollywood. I pray that the little innocent girl gets a good home where she can get all the love she deserves. Amen.

Jesusina:
Personally, I don't believe this incidence really happen to you as a person.

2* You are not matured yet to marry, who feeds you among your family "who will not take it, bkos they did not like her" Did she forced you to marry her ni! Oro jatijati.

3* I wish your so called wife can read your post here, I will ask her to divorce you and I will adopt her as wife and make her live under same roof with her first fruit. Then you go manage ur life with 3 children*

4* What concerns you with the girl's father, Did she hid her from you from onset.

Some men are still teenagers!!!!!

Op please take this option......

hahahahaha... .

this comment is the biggest joke I have seen this year.....
And he said "some men are teenagers" .
Jesusina... , how old are you?

With all sincerity, I can now see why women are the problems of themselves.


A woman's initial decision started all these.


Now the middle decision was by a woman(the father's new wife)

Y'all now expect the final to be reversed at the OP's detriment?


Lol.


Lemme even guess, the father was doing well with the girl for those 7years, what role the mum was playing, I dunno. Then a woman came along and changed everything.

Now, you expect the man to rechange everything when he was on his own chilling.

Lol.

It's our Home o, but no one pointed that to the selfish woman that forced the father to do the dropping.


All still women. Create the trash and expect the men to bin the trash.


The OP has no obligations whatsoever in this matter in the first place, but cos it's affecting or going to affect his home. he has to take decisions fast. Will the decision be detrimental.


If the mum played her role, I'm sure this whole ish won't be here.


Some are even beginning to doubt all this now.

NairalandFAYOSE:
pardon my blunders.
I was aware she has a baby before we met but still continued the relationship because the baby is with the father. she told me it was a mistake and the guy's family doesn't support their relationship. so they went their different ways while the guy kept the baby.

when we started, I found out she's humble, hardworking and she's everything I ever wanted in a woman. so we got married 4 years ago and have a 3 year old son and 2 beautiful twins (just 3 months old).

now the problem started when she went to church and her ex brought her 7 years old daughter unannounced. that he's married now and can't continue taking Care of the girl.
she called me from church and told me. immediately I told her not to bring a child thats not mine to me. she now took the baby to her mom and came home to meet me with my kids.
she has been begging me since to allow the baby in our home because the mother gave her 3 days to come and take her baby from her.

nairalanders pls I need your advice on this. those it make sense that I take the baby while the father is out there enjoying his life.

How i wish you are the person, i would have told you what will hurt you.

Op, my advise is this; this little angel could become a blessing to you and your family in future. Open your door and never throw that child away. It could be the way God designed everything to be and I believed from samples of such child, that they turn to become great. Consider the innocence of that little child, the pleading for mercy from your humble wife on that child, consider rendering support to the less privileged and a blessing from God that follows and take that child as your child and allow God rule your home.

She is a female child and not too long, she will be out of your life and stay with a man and raise a family.

Look into that little child's eyes and tell her ' I love you from the bottom of my heart' and allow her grow under you..

Take a proper steps by taking proper documentation from the police or get a lawyer to prepare a legal documents and have it sworn at any court of law and keep with you.

That child, I promise you, will be a blessing to you. God loves you and show that love to that Child and mother and remain blessed.

LaudableXX:

I am not pushing the man into doing anything. I am merely stating the reality on the ground. At the end of the day, it is still his call. Both the biological father and mother have a responsibility towards the child. If the birth father abandons the child, should the mother also throw her away? Simple question!

What you are basically saying is he has no choice but to accept the child so he won't loose the mom, the op feels cheated, while the grils real dad is busy enjoying his night life, the op is like working twice as hard to take care of another man's responsibilities. which at the end of the day might abandoned him for her real dad.

Like I said earlier, if it's me & the girl has no "one" to take care of her & am financially sound I will accept her, not because of some unknown future blessings, but because I CAN & won't expect anything from her in the future

Jiang:
What you are basically saying is he has no choice but to accept the child so he won't loose the mom, the op feels cheated, while the grils real dad is busy enjoying his night life, the op is like working twice as hard to take care of another man's responsibilities. which at the end of the day might abandoned him for her real dad.

Like I said earlier, if it's me & the girl has no "one" to take care of her & am financially sound I will accept her, not because of some unknown future blessings, but because I CAN & won't expect anything from her in the future

No, that is not what I am saying. All I am saying, is that he should acknowledge that the girl's biological mother also has responsibilities towards her own child, and should allow her to take care of those responsibilities.

If he does not want to pay for the child's upkeep, no problem. The mother should do so, or the girl's birth father should send money to cover her needs. All he has to do, is simply give the girl a roof over her head, and treat her with polite courtesy. This girl is just 7 years old. In another 3 years, she will be in boarding school like someone pointed out. And afterwards, she goes to university. So how long will he have to give her ordinary accommodation?

daveP:
With all sincerity, I can now see why women are the problems of themselves.


A woman's initial decision started all these.


Now the middle decision was by a woman(the father's new wife)

Y'all now expect the final to be reversed at the OP's detriment?


Lol.


Lemme even guess, the father was doing well with the girl for those 7years, what role the mum was playing, I dunno. Then a woman came along and changed everything.

Now, you expect the man to rechange everything when he was on his own chilling.

Lol.

It's our Home o, but no one pointed that to the selfish woman that forced the father to do the dropping.


All still women. Create the trash and expect the men to bin the trash.


The OP has no obligations whatsoever in this matter in the first place, but cos it's affecting or going to affect his home. he has to take decisions fast. Will the decision be detrimental.


If the mum played her role, I'm sure this whole ish won't be here.


Some are even beginning to doubt all this now.

Respect Sir, @bolded.. However, from your open statement, I don't think women are really the problem..let's see it from another angle. Most times, a man' thirst for pucci can becloud his sense of reasoning.. Both men played in the suffering and resettling of the kid..

1. Biological father allowed a selfish pucci (new wife) to kick out a daughter who was there before her.. (what evil can you compare to this? ).

2. Step dad allowed is love for pucci not to see this day. He was enjoying the baby mama's toto, thinking, the child and her biological father won't be in the picture someday.. Most people lie to themselves during fvcks.

Lastly, the child would have been a lucky child having someone like me as a father with my "no marriage" mentality.. Cos, no woman will live in my house.. So, na Papa and pikin till eternity..

LaudableXX:

Wrong! You have not seen stepmothers maltreating their husband's children? Some would beat them mercilessly, or even starve them of food, because those kids are not their own, despite the fact that the father bought food for the child's upkeep. I know a stepmother who used the money her husband gave her to pay for his daughter's school fees to buy jewelry. Some stepmothers even turn their stepchildren into househelps. And the mental torture or emotional abuse they inflict on their stepchildren, can scar those kids for life!

any father that has kids being mistreated is a terriible dad. Yes step mothers can b terrible but the man still determines wht hppns. Whht useless man gves children schooling in the hands of step mum. A dead beat. If the woman no gree mke she find another husband.

LaudableXX:


May the wisdom God deposited inside you, continue to increase! Can I get an Amen from somebody?

Lol. Amen bro. Thanks.

LaudableXX:

What she said, was not trash. A decent woman would not abandon her child....

Lolz, a child that has been abandoned for 7 years.

Donjazzy12:
Adopt the child or shut up! Hypochrite.

First, its spelt hypocrite.

Second, I'm not married to the woman. In case you find it difficult to connect the points let me help you.

1. The man knew the woman had a child before he married her.

2. Nobody forced him to marry her. He married her because of the good qualities he saw in the woman.

3. When he married her he automatically became a step-father.

4. If he didn't want to be a step-father he shouldn't have married her.

5. The child is better of with the mother where she can monitor her child rather than leave her to to mercy of another woman who will most likely trun her into a slave.

6.From the foregoing, you asking me to adopt the child is irrelevant and totally out of point.

Got it?

kushme:
Respect Sir, @bolded.. However, from your open statement, I don't think women are really the problem..let's see it from the angle. Most times, a man' thirst for pucci can becloud his sense of reasoning.. Both men played in the suffering and resettling of the kid..

1. Biological father allowed a selfish pucci (new wife) to kick out a daughter who was there before her.. (what evil can you compare to this? ).

2. Step dad allowed is love for pucci not to see this day. He enjoying the baby mama's toto, thinking, the child and her biological father won't be in the picture someday.. Most people lie to themselves during fvcks.

Lastly, the child would have been a lucky child having someone like me as a father with my "no marriage" mentality.. Cos, no woman will leave in my house.. So, na Papa and pikin till eternity..

You just brought out the comical angle of it all. lol


You're right!!

Despite this being something that seems common to society, people gats learn to avoid situos like this. We learn everyday!!

daveP:



You just brought out the comical angle of it all. lol


You're right!!

Despite this being something that seems common to society, people gats learn to avoid situos like this. We learn everyday!!

true talk..

if am correct u are aware she has a child before u married her.my question is if reserve was the case am sure your wife will allow u to bring in your child.why not just adopt the girl and see the child as your own blood after all your children has the mother blood running through her veins,stop saying no unless you dont love your wife,i will advise u bring in the child,see her as your first child and blood also adopt her.unless you want to destroy ur home cause u dnt want a child with u.better still let the child stay with but make sure her father take care of the bills.

revolt:
men pay the bills for their kids. The highest a woman wd do is keep being rude to the child but the basics of life the dad wd provide ie achool shelter and food. For a woman she wd need the man to cater for the childs basics and the man wdnt do tht. Plua the mans family wdnt even accept the child if he doesnt and the child will truly be alone.

Reality check! This is the 21st century! Women make money! Just as much as their husbands or even more!

The op said she is hard working. He never mentioned that she is forcing him to be financially responsible for her child!
The woman WILL take care of the daughter pls.

FYI the United Nations conducted a survey in southern Nigeria and found out that 70% of women contribute more to their families than men.
The study showed that marriage men spend a lot of their earrings on mistresses. This is detrimental to the family.

SUPERPACK:
so its better to stay with the stepmother and become a maid or maltreated as an unwanted, what makes you think the real father will nt get sexually attracted to he?. her real mother cannot abandon her in trying times like dis.

as long as the real dad isnt mentally ill he wilk not touch his child. There r exemotion same way there r muma tht get sexually attracted to their sons.. it happens. Theres no notmal father tht hia child will live as maid in his own house. Lailai. The child is a member of the family and wont go anywhere cant say the same for a mother.

dominique:
You marry a woman with a child without the slightest consideration that the child will be with her mum someday? Oga you're being unfair. The child did not ask be born and certainly doesn't deserve to be tossed around like a frisbee. Even if you don't contribute towards her upkeep, let her be with her mum pls.

this kind of talk is the reason i dont date single mums.
Appeal to him gaddamit!

lielbree:

Reality check! This is the 21st century! Women make money! Just as much as their husbands or even more!

The op said she is hard working. He never mentioned that she is forcing him to be financially responsible for her child!
The woman WILL take care of the daughter pls.

FYI the United Nations conducted a survey in southern Nigeria and found out that 70% of women contribute more to their families than men.
The study showed that marriage men spend a lot of their earrings on mistresses. This is detrimental to the family.

yes but the problem is are these women willing to walk out of thrir marriage and divorce the men? ... Yoi know even women in abusive marriages are very inwilling to divorce their husbands or drop their marital names. Somehow naturally women derive more rest of mind knowing theyre married. Man in the other hand doesnt want to remain in a committed relationship and sacrifices a lot to go into one. Esp if he is succesful. So if the woman is willing to divorce this man they shd do so. But we know women nvr want to let go.

revolt:
yes but the problem is are these women willing to walk out of thrir marriage and divorce the men? ... Yoi know even women in abusive marriages are very inwilling to divorce their husbands or drop their marital names. Somehow naturally women derive more rest of mind knowing theyre married. Man in the other hand doesnt want to remain in a committed relationship and sacrifices a lot to go into one. Esp if he is succesful. So if the woman is willing to divorce this man they shd do so. But we know women nvr want to let go.

Lol. This woman would be foolish to choose a husband over her child! If she can cater for her kids and the man is not willing to accept her daughter knowing fully well that she had a child outside wedlock, then is divorce time!
The man is heartless.

LaudableXX:

Then if he does not marry his wife again and sends her packing, what happens to the 3 children that they had together? Who looks after them, when he is not around?

dat is d cost of not considering his wife predicament

Ioannes:


First, its spelt hypocrite.

Second, I'm not married to the woman. In case you find it difficult to connect the points let me help you.

1. The man knew the woman had a child before he married her.

2. Nobody forced him to marry her. He married her because of the good qualities he saw in the woman.

3. When he married her he automatically became a step-father.

4. If he didn't want to be a step-father he shouldn't have married her.

5. The child is better of with the mother where she can monitor her child rather than leave her to to mercy of another woman who will most likely trun her into a slave.

6.From the foregoing, you asking me to adopt the child is irrelevant and totally out of point.

Got it?

you dnt know ita more dangerous to put a child with a step dad that can do more than psycological damage to a child. Hehe. So because of one child born out of wedlock the family shd scatter? Do i even know if part of the agreement b4 marriage was tht theyd keep all kids born out of wedlock out of the house..

SUPERPACK:
do all the necessary documentation and adopt the child to be your own, you never can tell who she will be in future, don't abandon her, because it might hunt your wife and frustrate your marriage.
May God lead you towards the right path.

So much wisdom in one short advice. Kudos