₦airaland Forum

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

Best advice so far.

Learn early enough that whatever happens in a man's life, whether good or otherwise you should endeavor to make the best of it such that if impacts your future positively.

Your past matters less to what you make of it for your future

As has been advised, virginity is not purity.

Virginity is not a quality that determines if a girl will become a good woman, wife and mother

Also being a virgin does not guarantee that your husband will be a great husband, as much as not being a virgin cannot deprive you from getting a great man as husband.

Learn from this incident, make the best of your life and dream and be certain that you will be better off at the end

If you have no such future feeling for this man, forget the past since you didn't decide what to do early enough and pursue a life that will make him regret raping you if he actually did as you narrated

You are lumping a lot of things together. You love him. You are reluctant to marry him bcoz of future seers. Your highest value is your virginity to the extent of thinking that's all that matters.
Truth is that u have let the guy to realize u are about to dump him and he knows how much value u place on hymen. His thinking was, if he deflowers u will be hooked to him.
I think he is just a selfish person. Your only mistake is telling him pastors, soothsayer, prophets and heavens are against ur relationship (I'm pretty sure you/someone would have told him). Don't mind ppl saying you shouldn't have gone to his house alone, ain't they doing the same.
U are not even citing ABUSE as your reason for not wanting to marry him and I hope you are not pregnant.
It depends on what you want : if u love him (pls forget about those yeye pastors stuff) n u can forgive him (both for d past n future cos he will do it again) go ahead and marry him afterall abt 80% married women always claim domestic rape. But if you feel abused, he should be in custody by now.

Many "Saints" here calling the guy a beast. Give me a break!. While i dont endorse forceful sex, he may just have run out of control on this particular day but then he didnt run away from her after taking her virginity as many people condemning him here have done to a lot of girls- he wants to marry her- and if I read the story right, the girl also loves him- so my sister- try to forgive him (what he did is certainly wrong) but then there are worse guys out there trust me- dont let faceless people on Nairaland deceive you- if you love this guy enough- forget what happened and accept his proposal. You will forget all that after a while and you will be proud you married the man who took your pride - and he will certainly respect you more knowing he was your first (yes- whether we admit it or not, most men wish they were their wives' first)

Wish you the very best

Everybody has spoken well but dont forget the God factor where five people already told you is not your husband! Pls run now cos prevention is better than cure. Trust in God and he would provide your man soon.

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

Best advice so far.

victorian:
Am not demonizing men.. That's the reality.

While I was living alone, I was almost raped three times on different occasions cos I wan marry!
First rape attempt! Was in my office! Yes in my office ,some years back. I invited guy wooing me, we've been chatting for a while. And we were like let's hang out. Let meet up at my office, then we can hang out. He came when I was about to close office. I showed him round, he had this innocent smile. I never knew he was a devil. As we were about to leave, I had a pressing headache, I was like u know what let's call it a night. Am not feeling fine. He said eeyah sorry. Anyways to cut long story short, he hugged me , relaxed then he wanted to kiss I pulled back. Come and see his hard grip, I was like pls stop. He had this mad excited look in his eyes. He said cmon? Relax.. I was so pissed, I was struggling, he was laughing saying am. Making him more excited by my struggles, then he pinned me by one of my tables, his hands were just like iron. I was scared, I then remembered security guard is not far from my door.. I said if u don't leave me I will scream and security will throw u out! Leave me now! Then I screamed, he thought I was joking. Security knocked at my door. Madam are u okay? . That's when he let go off me. With shaky hands, I opened the door Security walked him out immediately that's number one

Number two, after some months, I say make I date again. At least I can't be single But I will be careful. We met at my place. Foolish me.. I easily forget. That one sef also tried raping me, but I pushed him and ran out of my house with speed of lighting.

Number three, after a year, I say make I date again. Sighs.. This one happened in his family home. He said everyone will be at home and wants to introduce me to the family, whereas it was just him and his friend. God saved me. Immediately I notice no one at home. I became nervous and ready to run. Lol

And I did ran, when opportunity came.

Ha! God!.. Some men out there are evil. Ladies beware o! Be very careful and alert. Not all. Men u see walking towards u with a smile is harmless. Some are demons! And that's the truth!

All the raping only you?

Just Let Him Be, Its Going To Be Worse If U Marry Him.

Like you said, been in a relationship with him for one year, and he was able to be with you without sex for that one year shows he values you a lot and have a good self control, you claimed you were raped by him, can I ask you this sincerely, on the day of the rape do you people not kiss and caress each other? And I can comfortably tell you that you always allowed this guy to kiss and suk small breast and immidietely he wants to reach Jerusalem you will stop him because if it was rape honestly you will have bruises from him trying to force himself on you which from you story there was non. If it was sex he wants he will not be coming back to ask for your hand in marriage , go and marry him and forget those prophet telling you his not your husband and you can turn him to a God fearing man you want BH your love and action as his wife.

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

You obviously have never heard anything about the effects of abuse

appsdope:
OK. Where do you stay?

what for? The one wey you don talk, e no do you, you still want find am come house to add your own abi? A don dey suspect you o

IntrovertedK:
na you dey rush me buh make i help your career. Arsenal 2 - Man city 3. Don't mention bro. What are we nairalanders for.

This your prediction naim be one chance o.

smileing:
mum or sister is a no
they ll nail me
thanks dear

They are the people u need now

I believe this is exactly what the guy wants!!!

InMyOpinion:
Many "Saints" here calling the guy a beast. Give me a break!. While i dont endorse forceful sex, he may just have run out of control on this particular day but then he didnt run away from her after taking her virginity as many people condemning him here have done to a lot of girls- he wants to marry her- and if I read the story right, the girl also loves him- so my sister- try to forgive him (what he did is certainly wrong) but then there are worse guys out there trust me- dont let faceless people on Nairaland deceive you- if you love this guy enough- forget what happened and accept his proposal. You will forget all that after a while and you will be proud you married the man who took your pride - and he will certainly respect you more knowing he was your first (yes- whether we admit it or not, most men wish they were their wives' first)

Wish you the very best

Forgive yourself and move on.

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

See guys here forming saint; what matters is both of you love each other, if not the guy couldn't have waited for a year which may have exceed with many months while you guys were dating, hopefully he had spend many. Babe the guy really love you don't hold anything against him . . 90% of men will do the same...

Get the guy arrested ....

He never honoured ur body is gonna be worse in the marriage nd definitely make you quit ur faith
I advice find way to get him arrested or pay a good killer to kill him ....

In the first place why would go to the boys house he akready knew u fell for him ...so he took the advantage.....if a girl decides to come to my house to preach .i would preach her my own sermon atheism and we would endup in bed

victorian:
Am not demonizing men.. That's the reality.

While I was living alone, I was almost raped three times on different occasions cos I wan marry!
First rape attempt! Was in my office! Yes in my office ,some years back. I invited guy wooing me, we've been chatting for a while. And we were like let's hang out. Let meet up at my office, then we can hang out. He came when I was about to close office. I showed him round, he had this innocent smile. I never knew he was a devil. As we were about to leave, I had a pressing headache, I was like u know what let's call it a night. Am not feeling fine. He said eeyah sorry. Anyways to cut long story short, he hugged me , relaxed then he wanted to kiss I pulled back. Come and see his hard grip, I was like pls stop. He had this mad excited look in his eyes. He said cmon? Relax.. I was so pissed, I was struggling, he was laughing saying am. Making him more excited by my struggles, then he pinned me by one of my tables, his hands were just like iron. I was scared, I then remembered security guard is not far from my door.. I said if u don't leave me I will scream and security will throw u out! Leave me now! Then I screamed, he thought I was joking. Security knocked at my door. Madam are u okay? . That's when he let go off me. With shaky hands, I opened the door Security walked him out immediately that's number one

Number two, after some months, I say make I date again. At least I can't be single But I will be careful. We met at my place. Foolish me.. I easily forget. That one sef also tried raping me, but I pushed him and ran out of my house with speed of lighting.

Number three, after a year, I say make I date again. Sighs.. This one happened in his family home. He said everyone will be at home and wants to introduce me to the family, whereas it was just him and his friend. God saved me. Immediately I notice no one at home. I became nervous and ready to run. Lol

And I did ran, when opportunity came.

Ha! God!.. Some men out there are evil. Ladies beware o! Be very careful and alert. Not all. Men u see walking towards u with a smile is harmless. Some are demons! And that's the truth!

if all men are the same, how will you then get married?

Malawian:
Please epp me ask those 5 people what the correct score will be between Arsenal and ManCity tomorrow, if they cant, then you have your answer.
I still need those predictions biko.

Savage.. no chills attitude

IntrovertedK:
Please let it go for the sake of the love you have for him.. Don't bother reporting him. I know it's rape, buh please let it go. At least for your pride. And i know you don't know that's why he wants to pay your bride price now. It's really not easy to date without sex. Especially when the lady is claiming virgin, you have no idea what our Edo sisters has done to that word 'Virgin'. So please forgive him. Don't press further. As a religious person, when the right person comes your way, he can't won't pass you by or leave because you are not a virgin. My only advice is that, make sure to reveal to whosoever you think deserves to know when he comes your way, explain it all to him and make sure to stand your ground you are not doing anything till your wedding night. If he can stay, let him buh if he can't let him go. Like i said earlier, you being the religious type will help you to know the right one when the time is right. Leave your present one, he isn't your husband, you know that yourself. Let it go. Stop holding on becasue he took your virginity 'forcefully'.

Agwo taa kwa gi na amu
Eediot

Stop lying,didnt u enjoy it.

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

1. Ask him if you weren't a virgin would he have continue the relationship?

2. Tell him you dont want to continue the relationship with him because of what he did and you can't love him like before.

If the answer to the first question is NO, the guy is a stupid realist, I like him for being sincere because it was like an interview you just aced at steep price. No employers allows the best employee to go.

But if he said Yes, he is bloody liar and a coward. Just go ahead and tell him number 2. Be serious about it and watch his actions for some weeks.

Finally all these my theories won't even make sense if spiritually you have been told he is not your husband. My suggestion is that you walk away, forgive him and forgive yourself, marital success is the mother of all success, don't stick to him cos he took your virginity, If you kill yourself imagine the loss, don't denied this generation of the purpose you were created. Let go and let God.

do men really value virgins this days, ? and why keep your virginity for an unknown husband u haven't even met, he might be busy f*cking other girls on a daily basis while u are here starving yourself trying to keep your virginity for him

Forget about him sis, just look for clay and mould your own man

victorian:
Am not demonizing men.. That's the reality.

While I was living alone, I was almost raped three times on different occasions cos I wan marry!
First rape attempt! Was in my office! Yes in my office ,some years back. I invited guy wooing me, we've been chatting for a while. And we were like let's hang out. Let meet up at my office, then we can hang out. He came when I was about to close office. I showed him round, he had this innocent smile. I never knew he was a devil. As we were about to leave, I had a pressing headache, I was like u know what let's call it a night. Am not feeling fine. He said eeyah sorry. Anyways to cut long story short, he hugged me , relaxed then he wanted to kiss I pulled back. Come and see his hard grip, I was like pls stop. He had this mad excited look in his eyes. He said cmon? Relax.. I was so pissed, I was struggling, he was laughing saying am. Making him more excited by my struggles, then he pinned me by one of my tables, his hands were just like iron. I was scared, I then remembered security guard is not far from my door.. I said if u don't leave me I will scream and security will throw u out! Leave me now! Then I screamed, he thought I was joking. Security knocked at my door. Madam are u okay? . That's when he let go off me. With shaky hands, I opened the door Security walked him out immediately that's number one

Number two, after some months, I say make I date again. At least I can't be single But I will be careful. We met at my place. Foolish me.. I easily forget. That one sef also tried raping me, but I pushed him and ran out of my house with speed of lighting.

Number three, after a year, I say make I date again. Sighs.. This one happened in his family home. He said everyone will be at home and wants to introduce me to the family, whereas it was just him and his friend. God saved me. Immediately I notice no one at home. I became nervous and ready to run. Lol

And I did ran, when opportunity came.

Ha! God!.. Some men out there are evil. Ladies beware o! Be very careful and alert. Not all. Men u see walking towards u with a smile is harmless. Some are demons! And that's the truth!

Thanks for the details. Are you still single?

babeosisi:
Agwo taa kwa gi na amu Eediot

ya father.. Oloriburuku omo irankiran

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

you see, madam, i wished i could say all i feel right now, but let me just drop this for you.

First of all you being religious is too dangerous.
Secondly; you can't possibly keep loving someone who 'claimed' raped you.
Thirdly; you have gone to different places and more than 5 people confirmed he's not your husband.
Fourthly; you wanted to loose your pride to your husband.
I am not just understanding,

if virginity is the pride you are talking about, the, that can't be recover again.

You said you want to leave him, and you are asking us for matured advice when you have already known what to do...

My advice.
Move on and live your life as though nothing happened.
Its simple.

I wonder why you think you are more spiritual than he is. He might not be a saint but girl, the guy sure has reputations to protect as you too.

Stop playing this victim card you women always play. Disvigin this, disvigin that. Disvirgin is now only the women thing. You people don't disvigin a man.

Just advice yourself, pack the remaining vg and move on,

darasky93:
Stop lying,didnt u enjoy it.

So many sick people on NL

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

lol..... oboi men no get joy oooh

insperyadyou:
if all men are the same, how will you then get married?

Well am in a lovely relationship as I type.
Thank God my man didn't rape or attempt to rape me during our dating level.
He's patient and disciplined. That's why i said not all men but considerable number of men these days are not in their right senses.

Although it took me 5years before now to trust, with help of God and foresight choose wisely, start a relationship and maintain a stable relationship with a man.

Later, I Met my only one and only Chef, Mr Romantic, Easy going , works hard, balls hard, but with a sense of peace around him. Am fine but I will never forget the past. It pops up sometimes. Am human.

victorian:
Well am in a lovely relationship as I type.
Thank God my man didn't rape or attempt to rape me during our dating level.
He's patient and disciplined. That's why i said not all men but considerable number of men these days are not in their right senses.

Although it took me 5years before now to trust, with help of God and foresight choose wisely, start a relationship and maintain a stable relationship with a man.

Later, I Met my only one and only Chef, Mr Romantic, Easy going , works hard, balls hard, but with a sense of peace around him. Am fine but I will never forget the past. It pops up sometimes. Am human.

Wish you well. Everyone deserves security..

weyreypey:
Thanks for the details. Are you still single?

Am not single.