blackgold2018:
I'm I the only one suspecting she wasn't raped. She simply made a mistake.

vululadilolo:
He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!

I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?

If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know.
His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?

There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.

You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do!

kneehighbootz:


And lemme guess, the truth would be for her to marry her rapist, abi?
You must think life is a nollywood movie. Why not step away from your phone screen and join real life?

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

positivethought:
You are shouting rape rape!,have you heard the from the man?.

CeeManCollins:



You see, don’t let religion or African view ruin your future.
I have just a few questions for you
1. What’s the title of your write up? Obliviously not rape now people are saying he raped you, how, and where?
2. Do you make demands from him? You said he educated and financially ok, would you rather prefer he keeps you and cheats on you even a pastor won’t do that.
3. Do you visit him, sleep over in his place and UnCloth/change your clothes in his presence? If yes then you think he’s a log of some fucking wood and water runs in his vein not blood.
4. Did u say you love him and you have been with him for one year? You must be a joke, if you and your family are that religious in have no business been in even a platonic religion for even a week.
5. Why do you want to have your first sex on your wedding night? To most men of today there is no added value in marrying a virgin, who after marriage has no love making experience then the man starts to seek sexual pleasures elsewhere then problems. Then some believe that the idea of marrying a virgin is to believe that the girl has only had sex with just one guy, then in your case since he did it forcefully and still wants you then grab him cos you were not rape.
5. Why do you still reject other suitors and still let him come closer? Sth in you tells u he is your man but pride religion family and people tell you otherwise. Leave him because of these your reasons then let other men experiment with you then you learn in hard way.
Do not let people and religion make cry by making you believe your guy is a RAPIST. Thank me later 08136967875

smileing:
@richy

this isn't a bad scripted movie as you think
true he forcefully had sex with me and I'm hurt
I need to help myself first before thinking of what to do to him and that's why I'm here

did you read were I wrote that we were courting? we were working towards marriage but I indicated some of the hurdles I see

but things turned sour the moment he displayed this act.
you are right cos I visited. I shouldn't have and I blame myself .i wish I can rewind the
hands of time

thanks

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

Richy4:
This sounds to me like a bad scripted movie...

The dude raped u..and u chose to keep it bottled up...

You said u can't leave because u love him... ok

If you don't want to marry him, and the thought of marrying him has not crossed your mind what in God's name where you doing with him for one year?

You can't have all the package at a go dear.. you said he was financially ok, educated, promising.. etc but not God fearing.. I guess you were thinking that you might change him....and he ended up changing u..
If u loved him as u claimed, accept him with all his faults.. don't let any one decide for you whom to be with..

If you don't want him, you should have ended it long time ago.end it.. don't marry him because you were no longer a virgin...that will be suicidal..
A lot of men would still want to be with you not because of your virginity...

Please next time don't go to a man's house when you know that you won't play ball even if he is an angel.. always meet at a public space.. even when you were hugging him, give some room for Jesus between the two of you..

vululadilolo:
He raped you to coerce you into marrying him? He violated your body to achieve his "goal" of "keeping" you for himself? Very sick, manipulative and pervert way of thinking!

I would not advise you to marry someone who doesn't respect your boundaries and can commit such a vile act (rape). I would however advise you to seek therapy/counselling/help for what he did to you. Did you report him to the authorities?

If he is raping you now, how do you think he is going to behave when you are going to be married to him? Marital rape exists in case you don't know.
His behaviour ( the rape) shows that he seems to be ready to do anything ( even the worst) to achieve what he wants and doesn't value his partner's opinions/beliefs or feelings. Do you really want to be married to someone like that?

There are ton of people who were not virgins when they got married and are happy in their marriage. Being a virgin (or not) does not guarantee a "good" marriage. Your husband should be interested in you as a person and not just your hymen. You should also bring more than "just" your body in your marriage.

You need to reshape your mind: Your "pride" should be in who you are as woman and not what you can "offer" in bed( Virginity). Your "value" as a person did not/should diminish because of the rape( or even if you had sex voluntarily). That's why I said seek therapy or talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel guilty for what happened or not being a "virgin" (easier said than done). Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do!

chris51:
My dear girl if you don't marry him, you are the loser
At least, he is trying to make an honest woman. Either he disvirgined you before marriage or not does not matter. He respects you.
If you don't marry him, you will end up in bed with different men.
Some wicked men would take a girl's virginity and dump her.
I am a mature grand mother and I know what I am talking about

smileing:
@richy

this isn't a bad scripted movie as you think
true he forcefully had sex with me and I'm hurt
I need to help myself first before thinking of what to do to him and that's why I'm here

did you read were I wrote that we were courting? we were working towards marriage but I indicated some of the hurdles I see

but things turned sour the moment he displayed this act.
you are right cos I visited. I shouldn't have and I blame myself .i wish I can rewind the
hands of time

thanks

showafrica:


Raw fact, she just came here to seek pity. Dude had been helping and sponsoring for over a year now you are praying to five different places to ask if he is the one. If I was the dude, I for just take walk bc, women like this turns out to be rigid and difficult.

kneehighbootz:


And lemme guess, the truth would be for her to marry her rapist, abi?
You must think life is a nollywood movie. Why not step away from your phone screen and join real life?

Sparro:


I love people that see beyond the curtain. I don't just take sides.

Even if it were to be my biological daughter, I won't just slip into this hole of a story without properly analysing all the angular projections.

People are just shouting 'rape', 'rape', 'rape!!! Asin, are people this stupid?

Let's analyse some part of the story..
Have it in mind that the narrator carefully omitted the good part of the guy..

1: If the guy is not good to some extent, what were you doing with him for a whole year?

2: Of all your potential suitors, you claim to give only him the permissive beckon to come closer. Reasons you claim not to know. ( Please, let's be sincere to ourselves) he may have impressed you with some good deeds

3: A guy waited for a whole year before attempting to make love to you and before now, you guys have been on a good playing level. On his first attempt, he succeeded (you never indicated if there are other failed attempts before now) and you have the nerve to shout ' he 'forcefully' deflowered me. If you are sincere, why not bluntly call it RAPE? You can't call it RAPE because you know you were not raped.

4. Tell us in bold terms that this guy has never made any sacrifice for you. Either financially or otherwise? Babe, you spent a year+ with a guy you are sure you won't marry. A guy your parents won't approve. You want to eat your cake and have it back. The guy is not good enough to marry you because according to you 'he is not God fearing enough' Asin, WTH is wrong with you? His money and time is God fearing enough' for you Abi?

5: I dare you to report him to anyone or even the authority. You are such a child. C'mon, grow up. Who ever tamed you did a very bad job. Sex education is important. Educational relationship on sex is a must for every child irrespective of gender. Understanding how our sexual network works matters a lot.

6. Your whole world came crashing the moment you started fantasizing having a blissful marriage life because you are a virgin. Most ladies that got married as virgins turned out to be bad companions. They will want their partners to be everything even an angel cannot be. To me, you are stiff, rigid, inconsiderate and gullible.

If you cannot tolerate his sexual appetite towards you or his 'not God-fearing' attitudes, why then do you expect him to tolerate your own flaws/excesses? Or are you saying you are perfect?


Pastors/prophets my ass

chris51:
My dear girl if you don't marry him, you are the loser
At least, he is trying to make an honest woman. Either he disvirgined you before marriage or not does not matter. He respects you.
If you don't marry him, you will end up in bed with different men.
Some wicked men would take a girl's virginity and dump her.
I am a mature grand mother and I know what I am talking about

appsdope:


OK. Get a counsellor. A female preferably. Where do you stay?

smileing:
@vululadilolo

thank you so much. I have not reported to anyone yet
hurt, pains and disdain on myself have left me discouraged.

all these while, I have been offering him all I could (companionship, encouragement, emotional support, friendship, spiritual assistance ,inspiration ) except for my body. and he made me love him so much little did I know he would come for my body .

my worth is not based on the hymen but yet I value my chasity.
I'm broken cos I encouraged people to be chaste. who do I talk to. the therapist I tried talking to tried molesting me too

I'm deformed now as I am feeling suicidal
what I built in years just crashed within a twinkling of an eye

smileing:
Please I need responsible advice

Many were coming as suitors but I don't know why I let him come closer.

He forcefully took away my pride and I was hurt. He said he did that cos he doesn't want to lose me

I wanted to leave but I couldn't cos I love him.
I don't offer sex cos I'm religious and I believe it's a sin. Told him to wait till marriage but he wouldn't.
for almost a year we ve been courting I didn't allow him touch me.

Till this day he forcefully had sex with me .
He wants to come pay my dowry but I'm not sure that my people will let me marry him. I too went and prayed about him and they told me that he is not my husband (about 5 different people said it)

He is OK, financially, is educated and promising.
But not God-fearing as I wanted.

Now I'm pained for what he did to me .I'm grieved cos I wanted to lose my pride on my wedding night.
and I'm thinking of leaving him cos I'm hurting so much now.

I feel less of myself and sinful too


Please what should I do?


those that married non Virgin how did your spouse take it. I need to know cos it ll help reshaping my mindset

HypocriticalMod:
Is he not the same man that will eventually marry you and Bleep your pussy? What's the difference if he bleeped before marriage? Your pride my black ass
Better jump on him and say yes you ready to marry him, forget those fake prophets or you will be led astray.

By the way i think you just making this story up to get to the front page and also to get some attention. Smh

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Sometimes people in love do crazy things. Rape isn't a small crime, if u want to report him, do so.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

showafrica:


I only pity the dude, imagine 5 different prayer houses, her life depends on virginity, she wants to commit suicide because, she lost the only thing she could offer. The guy is OK in everything but not God fearing... Just imagine.