₦airaland Forum

LordKO:
@OP

I don't agree with you. Actually, one who neither knows how to lose honorably nor hasn't conquered self (irrespective of gender), is the one that has a lot to lose in a relationship. Let's use your submission as a case study: Before I go on, I don't hold brief for the guy in the story - he's a typical small-minded man. However, the girl has herself to blame - she's a typical small-minded person too - because she'd have lose honorably had it been she left the very moment the guy betrayed her confidence on him. . . . Trust remains a justified confidence, this is while an aristocrat will neither give trust/expect faithfulness to/from someone that didn't justify confidence reposed on him/her nor reward mediocrity. She didn't leave when she ought to, not because she was literally forgiven, rather because "she'd invested a lot in the relationship" - according to you - and this means she wasn't altruistic in whatever investment she made. Her inability to act conscientiously when needed is what gave her out as a typical small-minded person. One in her stead, who has conquered self, wouldn't have waited and allowed the guy to eat his cake and have it... one who doesn't believe in something will always fall for anything.

One thing with people who operate on principle rather expediency (aristocrats) - those who believe that s/he who comes into equity must come with clean hands - is that as much as they're never detrimental to others, yet, they never use servility to sustain a relationship with a small-minded person. And when they take to volitional slavery to sustain a relationship where and when needed - because it's an ultimate price of love - they do so altruistically, to avoid bitter cry in the end. Because the last thing to expect from any beneficiary of another person(s) volitional slavery - one that accepts such with full happiness - is faithfulness.

hahah you nearly broke my skull with your articulated grammar. But I guess it is easier to speak from the male perspective than the female. The society we live in give the man room to jump from one woman to another striving to get a better woman, but same can't be done by the woman because she has alot to lose if she does that. If a woman comes to nairaland today and say I have left 5 guys in space of 3 years because they are cheat. Believe me, most people here will criticize, chastise and throw all sort of dirty languages on her. abi no be nairaland wey I know again

bdchange:
hahah you nearly broke my skull with your articulated grammar. But I guess it is easier to speak from the male perspective than the female. The society we live in give the man room to jump from one woman to another striving to get a better woman, but same can't be done by the woman because she has alot to lose if she does that. If a woman comes to nairaland today and say I have left 5 guys in space of 3 years because they are cheat. Believe me, most people here will criticize, chastise and throw all sort of dirty languages on her. abi no be nairaland wey I know again

Lol. Believe you me, an aristocratic lady (person) knows the importance of living life at the periphery of conventionalism and the joy of doing so conscientiously. . . and that nullifies a thought like this "If a woman comes to nairaland today and say I have left 5 guys in space of 3 years because they are cheat. Believe me, most people here will criticize, chastise and throw all sort of dirty languages on her. abi no be nairaland wey I know again".

LordKO:
@OP

I don't agree with you. Actually, one who neither knows how to lose honorably nor hasn't conquered self (irrespective of gender), is the one that has a lot to lose in a relationship - s/he who fails to lose honorably will always lose dishonorably in the end. Let's use your submission as a case study: Before I go on, I don't hold brief for the guy in the story - he's a typical small-minded man. However, the girl has herself to blame - she's a typical small-minded person too - because she'd have lose honorably had it been she left the very moment the guy betrayed her confidence on him. . . . Trust remains a justified confidence, this is why an aristocrat will neither give trust to someone (or expect faithfulness from someone) that didn't justify confidence reposed on him/her nor reward mediocrity. She didn't leave when she ought to, not because she was literally forgiven, rather because "she'd invested a lot in the relationship" - according to you - and this means she wasn't altruistic in whatever investment she made. Her inability to act conscientiously when needed is what gave her out as a typical small-minded person. One in her stead, who has conquered self, wouldn't have waited and allowed the guy to eat his cake and have it... one who doesn't believe in something will always fall for anything.

One thing with people who operate on principle rather expediency (aristocrats) - those who believe that s/he who comes into equity must come with clean hands - is that as much as they're never detrimental to others, yet, they never use servility to sustain a relationship with a small-minded person. And when they take to volitional slavery to sustain a relationship where and when needed - because it's an ultimate price of love - they do so altruistically, to avoid bitter cry in the end. Because the last things to expect from any beneficiary of another person(s) volitional slavery - one that accepts such with full happiness - are faithfulness and genuine gratitude.

Hmmm

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

you don de show muscle now na your type de stay for bad relationship pass

the guy saw her to be too cheap and perhaps maybe she is not from a wealthy home...just like girls don't like needy guys, so some guys don't like needy singles..when u show a man everything without restraint to some part of ur life..it will be taken as she is not his standard for marriage..guys after dating a homemade good wife material..eventually go for classy chicks with wealthy backgrounds that would break up in next one year..but the heart broken responsible lady turns bad and hard..karmal is real..

prettysassygirl:
True talk,u sound responsible keep it up,wish there were more responsible men than irresponsible ones.

sharap deer. dere are more responsible men dan women everywhere

DukeofNZ:
sharap deer. dere are more responsible men dan women everywhere

there is no assertion for this. it is just mere speculations. Both gender are guilty of this.

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

pocohantas so na you de behind dis moniker, small girl you don de improve

I think the girl let the guy your friend get too comfortable in the relationship
As a lady you should never make it your duty to do house chores for your boyfriend, you can always help out but it should not be an everyday affair.secondly
Secondly cohabiting with a guy makes him relax in the relationship he wouldn't want to put a ring on your finger after all he is getting all the benefits of a married man.so why marry at all?

Thirdly the fact that you are dating a particular guy doesn't mean u should not have a social life
learn to live outside your relationship.
learn to be happy without him,meet new people
#my 2cents#

bdchange:
Let me make it brief..I have a room mate who is married now. Before his marriage, he dated this lady for almost 9yrs. I met them and it was like love is really a beautiful thing. The girl stays with her brother. She comes around and cook, wash and do all sort just for the relationship to keep going fine. She is not the social type, don't have many friends and always glue to her work. In fact what a man wants as wife(atleast to my own understanding). Now the guy who is my friend is a regular good guy. I won't tag him a womanizer but can't keep his di**k to his pant in some instance. So he cheated on this girl and the girl finds out. She got angry and my friend pleaded and was forgiven. He repeated same while I knew. I called him and asked why he keeps cheating on a girl like this. He said not all guys can hold themselves like me, that it is not easy. I advised him to try to stop so it won't break the relationship since he wants to marry the girl. he couldn't, so he continued flirting codedly. The truth is if the girl happens to be my sis, I would have advice her to move on, but you know the guys code na(though I feel guilty till now). Let's I forget, she caught him again and again but she couldn't let go. The one that broke the camel's back is when he tries to date one of her colleague, then all hell was let loose that the whole family had to come in between them to try to settle the issues. By now she was staying with us because she had issues with the brother she was staying with. I watched as she cried her eyes out and I felt pity for her. The truth is both have invested alot into the relationship...yet it is coming to ruin in just a few minutes. The lady finally moved out to stay with her friend. At this period my friend met a lady in his church and before you know it , they started dating and whooop!!! they are married now within a year..She is out there now, not yet married after 9 years in the relationship....Yet a guy will see her tomorrow and call her all sort of names..never minding her story...what a society for the feminine..I still chat with her once in a while. Please ladies define your relationship and set time for him..if he is not ready, please find your way before it is too late .. Thanks

i luv dis post...Op,tank uuu

austyn0:
Please ladies define your relationship and set time for him..if he is not ready, please find your way before it is too late .. Thanks

Op, this advice on your last paragraph I beg to disagree please. There are good guys out there with self control just like yourself according to how you mentioned it in your story.

Ladies, when a guy cheats on you and you find out, find the nerve to drop him like it is hot, don't ever hope or try to forgive in the name of he won't do it again or righteousness.

Men were created with this high sex urge and when you allow your sex fantasies rule you as a man, you will always remain a slave to your hormones.

So, if your man truly loves you just as you love him, he won't imagine his diddy in another lady's punnani that is not yours.. Thanchiu.

well said

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change a prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

wow!u jst spoke mi mind

bdchange:
my brother is not as easy as that. The girl stays with us for almost 5 years. I watched as they play, act and have fun together. I was wishing I could get a lady like that then..so hardworking lady..

you wished you could have a lady like her and here God has given her to you on a platter, are you waiting for God to call you from heaven and say " Peter kill and eat"?

rex444:
you wished you could have a lady like her and here God has given her to you on a platter, are you waiting for God to call you from heaven and say " Peter kill and eat"?

So after all that I have witnessed you think it will be easy for me to just go to her and marry her.. Haba easy na

daisy004:
I think the girl let the guy your friend get too comfortable in the relationship
As a lady you should never make it your duty to do house chores for your boyfriend, you can always help out but it should not be an everyday affair.secondly
Secondly cohabiting with a guy makes him relax in the relationship he wouldn't want to put a ring on your finger after all he is getting all the benefits of a married man.so why marry at all?

Thirdly the fact that you are dating a particular guy doesn't mean u should not have a social life
learn to live outside your relationship.
learn to be happy without him,meet new people
#my 2cents#

She wasn't cohabiting with the guy because she wants to, but she was having accommodation problem as of then.
And I believe you know that some people are not sociable. Not because they choose to but that is how they live their life.

bdchange:
So after all that I have witnessed you think it will be easy for me to just go to her and marry her.. Haba easy na

no hard feelings but drop all that you have seen and make a move afterall whoever we end up with must have been with someone

rex444:
no hard feelings but drop all that you have seen and make a move afterall whoever we end up with must have been with someone

Op please I beg you don't take this advise. Please.

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change a prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

The keyword is "" think like a man""

It's a sad story!! I pray she gets a good guy

blissgregory:
well said

Thankyiu

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change a prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

Laughs.. Men are confused, women are confused, no particular gender is immune to confusion because we are in a confused world. However, some of those points you put up there are correct while some are wrong.

No. 2 is very wrong because you kinda generalized it. I have seen and known men that never let go of that wonderful lady.

No 4. All men cheat.. You must be kidding me.

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change a prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

Female ubunja

bdchange:
Let me make it brief..I have a room mate who is married now. Before his marriage, he dated this lady for almost 9yrs. I met them and it was like love is really a beautiful thing. The girl stays with her brother. She comes around and cook, wash and do all sort just for the relationship to keep going fine. She is not the social type, don't have many friends and always glue to her work. In fact what a man wants as wife(atleast to my own understanding). Now the guy who is my friend is a regular good guy. I won't tag him a womanizer but can't keep his di**k to his pant in some instance. So he cheated on this girl and the girl finds out. She got angry and my friend pleaded and was forgiven. He repeated same while I knew. I called him and asked why he keeps cheating on a girl like this. He said not all guys can hold themselves like me, that it is not easy. I advised him to try to stop so it won't break the relationship since he wants to marry the girl. he couldn't, so he continued flirting codedly. The truth is if the girl happens to be my sis, I would have advice her to move on, but you know the guys code na(though I feel guilty till now). Let's I forget, she caught him again and again but she couldn't let go. The one that broke the camel's back is when he tries to date one of her colleague, then all hell was let loose that the whole family had to come in between them to try to settle the issues. By now she was staying with us because she had issues with the brother she was staying with. I watched as she cried her eyes out and I felt pity for her. The truth is both have invested alot into the relationship...yet it is coming to ruin in just a few minutes. The lady finally moved out to stay with her friend. At this period my friend met a lady in his church and before you know it , they started dating and whooop!!! they are married now within a year..She is out there now, not yet married after 9 years in the relationship....Yet a guy will see her tomorrow and call her all sort of names..never minding her story...what a society for the feminine..I still chat with her once in a while. Please ladies define your relationship and set time for him..if he is not ready, please find your way before it is too late .. Thanks

Oga shift.
Nonsense.

modestbrowser:
Female ubunja

how can you compare me to this confused self-contradicting mess of a woman?
How many times can a person oppose herself in one year?

AntiBrutus:
Post like this gives credence to the useless saying that girls love "bad guys". You don't want him because you think he is boring.

I understand that you want a lively partner, but I will suggest you take a look at how he behaves around others. There are many reasons he loses confidence around you

1. He loves you too much.
2. You have this dominating aura. Some ladies and guys have it. They have a way of looking at you that makes you swallow saliva.
3. He never saw a relationship with you happening. Maybe because he thinks you are way out of his league. EPL things ehn

Give him time, when he is free enough with you or is done basking in the euphoria of his new found love, he will pickup. You sef go fear.

Hold that guy o.
Guys like this no get wahala.

No be all these ones wey once you enter their house, they will on gen, close door, put on loud music and start asking if you are comfortable sitting on the chair, abi you will come sit on the bed.

Then....

AntiBrutus:
The things I got from your post.

1. Men are confused.

2. The saying that men would never let go of a good woman is a fallacy. Now refer back to point 1; having that in mind, a man can let go of any woman. But then, it isn't really he is fault. Refer to point 1 again, he is confused.

3. A man knows who he wants to settle with, forget that talk of studying you. If a man wants to marry right now, he will do his studying in record time. That is why he can date you for 5yrs, keep studying you and your vagina. Date another in 3mths and he marries her. That doesn't mean she is luckier o, but he is sha married ehn.

4. Ladies should know when to move on. Do not fall for their subtle manipulation of forgiving cheats because all men cheat or the next could be worse. It is all to keep you in place.

5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit. You will never see a man trying to change a prostitute, he will just collect his turn and japa. Men are smart!! Think like a man.

6. If you see all the bad signs and chose to stay, yes---the man is a scum, but you are a greater scum for putting up with a scum. Enough of playing victim, take charge of your life.

Her truth changes with her moods. she doesnt even have a grasp of the themes she's talking about.

ubunja abeg recommend me good books.. i found the manipulated man interesting

ubunja:
how can you compare me to this confused self-contradicting mess of a woman?
How many times can a person oppose herself in one year?



Then....




Her truth changes with her moods. she doesnt even have a grasp of the themes she's talking about.

Is this one slow or something?

What is the comparison between a woman whose guy is shy around her and a serial cheat/insensitive man?

I was hoping you would bring out a post I told a woman to stay and change a cheat.

ZinolyOnlineHeIp:
ubunja abeg recommend me good books.. i found the manipulated man interesting

I don't read much books because a lot of what's out there is hogwash that will confuse you.

But the two books that have opened my eyes (besides Manipulated Man) are PîMP by iceberg Slim and How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnage.

Though if you want wisdom spend time on YouTube. So many Channels there by great guys and girls are spitting wisdom

AntiBrutus:
Is this one slow or something?

What is the comparison between a woman whose guy is shy around her and a serial cheat/insensitive man?

I was hoping you would bring out a post I told a woman to stay and change a cheat.

so you gonna ignore your contradicting messages and instead compare Original Posts??

The Posts don't matter. Your responses to the posts are what matters.

ubunja:
so you gonna ignore your contradicting messages and instead compare Original Posts??

The Posts don't matter. Your responses to the posts are what matters.

What is contradicting?

"Men say women love bad guys..."

"Women are obsessed with changing bad guys."

What is contradicting there?
The later is an explanation on why the former happens. Young man, go take your meds and stop looking for needless arguments.

bdchange:
So after all that I have witnessed you think it will be easy for me to just go to her and marry her.. Haba easy na

And what is it that you have witnessed that has not happened to many out there? Just say you are not comfortable marrying her. If you see more essential qualities in her than the aspect of sex, i believe your story would change.

As long as any other lady you will meet isn't a virgin, a lot may have happened to her because i know your very reason is because of the aspect of Sex and nothing more.

AntiBrutus:
What is contradicting?

"Men say women love bad guys..."

"Women are obsessed with changing bad guys."

What is contradicting there?
The later is an explanation on why the former happens. Young man, go take your meds and stop looking for needless arguments.

This is the contradiction:
You said:

AntiBrutus:
Post like this gives credence to the useless saying that girls love "bad guys".

getting more than 600 Likes on this response.

Then now you say:

AntiBrutus:
5. Ladies, drop that fix him mentality. I have heard men say ladies love bad guys, but as a lady... I discovered it is not always about the money/dick, but some women are genuinely obsessed with the beauty & beast story. They want to be that woman who made a bad guy, good. Stop that! Relationships are not therapy homes. You will drag yourself into shit.

So suddenly you now believe "the useless saying girls love Bad Guys? "

ZinolyOnlineHeIp:
ubunja abeg recommend me good books.. i found the manipulated man interesting

please remove that write up in your signature about pocochantas. Because you did not agree with her opinion should not change what you make of her or her personality. Most times I don't also agree on her opinion but it wont make me see her less or more. Everybody opinion should count. How it matters to our life depends on how will receive it.