₦airaland Forum

HeliosHay:
hahahahahaha..this woman, take it easy lol. Fair point though

Everyone is talking prenup like they're dollar millionaires/billionaires

jaybee3:
I still read your battles as part of my daily nuggets

cococandy:
Tell me what’s paining me

JjBankys:
You should know you are the one in pains remember .

Toks2008:
And this is one big mistake many ladies make and I will take time out to explain.

I always tell these ladies abroad..." if you love him, take the risk"

If a lady is good and very wifeable I believe almost every man will love such in the shortest possible period cos I know it takes at least 2years to get papers through marriage in U.S and 5 to 11 years in U.K so if a guy lives with you for a year and he still has no interest to be with you then something is wrong somewhere.

Secondly, most guys with papers don't want ladies with papers cos they know they are better of single considering the hot girls looking for guys with papers...so this simply means most ladies with papers who font want guys without papers may remain single for a very long time.

As i wrote earlier...if you truly want a guy..paper or no paper...GO FOR HIM AND TAKE THE RISK.

cococandy:
How are you?

cococandy:
If it’s a Nigerian male, then he can’t be at fault. It’s not possible. That’s how ‘God’ made it.

But if it’s a Nigerian female, bring on the blame. We don’t really know how to do anything right. We are what’s wrong with the world.

the men however, are so perfect that even the angels are taking notes in order to keep up.

Well according to NL

jaybee3:
Not bad darling

How’s my little princess and Mr Incredible?

Will be in your time zone in a couple of days

cococandy:
This one is not even worth it

pansophist:
The kind of wife you are looking for will be hard to find in the US (and the west in general). South America, Eastern Europe, Africa and Asia are places you will find women who uphold traditional female qualities and won't expect domestic input from you. As a corollary, you will be required to fulfil traditional masculine duties, especially understanding that bringing home the bacon is solely your responsibility.

Furthermore, any country that has undergone mainstream feminism tends to withers traditional women of which you seek, as they are looked down upon as people suffering from internalized misogyny. Women in the west generally are into career building, placing it above family. I am not married (still in my 20's), albeit, my ex-employer, friends and many Dutch people I know (I live in the Netherlands) actually prefer women from the aforementioned countries, solely for the same reasons you espouse.

Boss13:
This is a good topic for young men. Marriage should be planned. Forget love. My advice on this is quite straightforward. Muslim have strong traditions and are heavily grounded. Many Muslims don’t believe or support this nonsense feminism wave. If you are indeed searching for a wife abroad, go to a Mosque predominantly Nigerian, confront the Imam and express your wishes.

Please note I’m not a Muslim but I have noticed Muslim women don’t get carried away because of their religion.

cococandy:
How that he paid off when. Lmao.

With his security job?


Make una dey yarn rubbish for people wet no sabi

Prenup my behind

Angela777:
I did no matter poor, black and no papers, he was very insisting. It didn't end well. And I will not take the same risk twice. It's what happens, many get burnt and no more dating or marrying a Nigerian man.

Toks2008:
And this is one big mistake many ladies make and I will take time out to explain.

I always tell these ladies abroad..." if you love him, take the risk" whether he has papers or not.

Shits happen and marriage crash for many reasons but if the marriage between two western citizens break up they tag it irreconcilable difference but if it is between a western citizen and a foreigner who is not a citizen they call it scam marriage or green card marriage...how weird.

If a lady is good and very wifeable I believe almost every man will love such in the shortest possible period cos I know it takes at least 2years to get papers through marriage in U.S and 5 to 11 years in U.K so if a guy lives with you for a year and he still has no interest to be with you then something is wrong somewhere.

Secondly, most guys with papers don't want ladies with papers cos they know they are better of single considering the hot girls looking for guys with papers...so this simply means most ladies with papers who font want guys without papers may remain single for a very long time.

As i wrote earlier...if you truly want a guy..paper or no paper...GO FOR HIM AND TAKE THE RISK.

destinyy23:
Eyaa..lots of wrong generalization here. I know quite a number of good Nigerian ladies that can make good wives; loyal, submissive, spiritually inclined, well educated and beautiful too but they're mostly not outgoing making it difficult for guys to meet them. Anyways, you guys deserve all the wicked ladies you've been meeting cos when you meet the ones that are loyal to a fault, you start taking advantage of them, so enjoy your karishikas and stop lamenting biko.

bezimo:
Whyve dey pain you say the guy wan secure his poperty with prenup or you have a hidden agenda to divorce him and pursue him out of the house ..Nonsense..oh your behind.. ..not only your behind..but your boohole

jaybee3:
You are still here chatting shyte as always

I hope you are giving all these advice as a married man sha?

cococandy:
Whatever

I can’t waste my time talking with someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about

cococandy:
This one is not even worth it

JjBankys:
Look at what Alezy has done to this lady

Excuzeme:
You are very true, what you wrote.
I am even worried that some people are trying to cover-up or divert attention from the truth, the reality.

A few things come to mind:

1.) the world has changed, marriage is no longer what it used to be. Everyone has their own "idea" of what their marriage should look like. It wont work out if you marry someone who deos not share that your "view" of marriage.

2.) Western colonization has gradually eroded the "African tradition/culture" and this has affected our marriages. What and how my mother views marriage is not how my wife views it. How my father sees marriage, l am afraid, l tried to see it like that but it is just not working!

3.) Environment affects marriage like nothing else, it is the most important factor! I have seen very nice, lovely and motherly wives who were the envy of everyone that knows them in Nigeria, for more than ten years (not a single quarrel with the husband, nice kids, e.t.c) but that marriage crashed completely within five years of relocating abroad. I have seen too many of these to conclude it is not just mere coincidence.
Why is it that most "feminist" dont have a husband or are divorced women? Is it because they dont take shyte from their husbands?
What went wrong?

4.) If you marry in Nigeria, l am sure both the husband and wife have expectations of each other (Things l will do, things you must not do, things l can take, boundaries that must not be crossed, how in-laws are treated, how family members are treated, e.t.c). These are the basis of any marital union.
Nigerian, legal, customary and traditional LAWS also support these expectations (e,g, you cant drive your husband's mother out of your "marital home" because she has become a part of the family).
All these flies out of the window, once you relocate abroad with your wife!
The "LAWS" in the western world has made Husbands completely impotent and to be honest, there is nothing "Husbands in the Western world" fear more, than their Wife! How can anyone say that is "marriage"?

Marriage should be all about happiness, bliss, love, caring, sharing, dedication, trust, mutual respect, mutual reliance and most importantly, COMMITMENT. There is no room for FEAR, in a real marriage! If you live in-fear of your spouse (husband or wife), then you are not married but dying slowly or planning to kill him/her in the nearest future.

5.) If you come from Abroad to marry a wife in Nigeria, chances, to as high as 90% you will realize it is the greatest mistake you ever made in your life.
Dont blame it on Nigerian ladies, blame it on Poverty, blame it on desperation and finally, blame it on the "change in environment and culture".
How do you expect a woman who was brought up in a "culture and environment" where she is raised to agree that she must cook for her husband, not order him around, not slap him if he misbehaves, respect his mother and allow them free access to their son and CANNOT, under any circumstance (even if they quarrel, which all couples do!) throw him out of his house..... now suddenly finds herself EXPORTED to a "culture and environment" that legalize and promote male-abuse, that says you can call 911 and without any question asked, the Police will order him out of his house WITHOUT ANY PROOF OR BENEFIT OF DOUBT, where his Mother cannot knock on her son's door at 9pm and you the wife is the one who can decide whether she stays that night or go sleep at the local police station as a "wanderer"?

How do you expect her to cope when you suddenly export her to an environment and culture which says it is okay for her to slap you at the slightest provocation but you must just walk away otherwise you will suffer double jeopardy because you will land in jail so fast, you wont know what hit you?
How do you expect her to cope when she is told by Social Workers that she can own the house, the children of the marriage and everything you have, all she needs to do is just shout "domestic violence", even if it is trumped-up?

How do you expect her to remain "sane and behave like your wife" when you export her to an environment and culture which says if you both agree to have $ex as husband and wife, (which is legal and godly), she can change her mind during the intercourse and if you dont stand up immediately, she can charge you for rape (Yes, your own wife o!) and you spend the rest of your life in jail?

I can continue to list the MADNESS that marriage in the "Western world" has become, till tomorrow,
All l am saying is that, you guys should stop fooling yourselves thinking you can import a Naija lady abroad and she would still be the same "nice wife" you know in Nigeria or the nice lady she pretends to be while, in Nigeria. She would change and it is not her fault. she just cant help it (I am not justifying it or saying it is right)...but you must not expect otherwise because if you do, it is the disappointment when she changes, that will kill you first before her actions does. (Nigerian ladies, dont be annoyed, l am just trying to prepare the mind of you potential husbands for what would happen, so they dont start forming ignorance).

6.) The Devil you know, is better than the Angel you dont know! That is a big, fat lie.
The Women abroad, especially the Akatas (Black women born and raised in the Western world, Europe, Americas) .... if you live abroad, you probably know them very well. (Less than 10% of them are "wife material).
They grew up in a culture that treats men as scum, slaves and a tool for their pleasure. they are not really into marriage, as we see it over here in Nigeria or as we experienced it between our own parents.

They just wanna be proposed to with an expensive ring, do a lavish wedding and still f*ck around like they are still single. If they have a child for you, you can never be sure who is the father so a DNA test is as cheap and accessible as a malaria test over there.
"Bastard Child" as we know it in Nigeria, does not bring "shame" to any woman over there because probably eight out of ten persons you come across was raised by a` man who is not their father but was told by their mother, that he is their father, till they found out.
They just move on.
Infact, it has become so "normalized| that men are beginning to think it is a "sign of good character" to not complain when your wife brings another man's pregnancy/child into the marriage, you just raise the kid like your own once she says 'I am sorry".

So, even if you marry an Akata in your neighborhood over there in the Western world, it is still as risky and dangerous as importing a wife from Nigeria.

And that brings us to the real issue: marriage is no longer what we know it to be.
Drop all those expectations, if you dont want to be disappointed, you will be, if you still look at it from the lens of "how it used to or was supposed to be".

Let me stop here.
My advice:
Dont marry for children, there in no guarantee they wont be taken off-you by your wife, at one point in the future. There are so many men out there who cant see, relate or even be allowed to say 'hello' to their kids, by their wife or the state. Surrogacy can give you a child of your own, without a mother and the headache of marriage! Ask Linda Ikeji if still in doubt.

Dont marry for $ex, you can get it without marriage and all its wahala. The $ex doll is a low-maintenance item that wont throw you out of your house or call Police on you or cheat on you and you can remove the battery anytime you want. She is beautiful and very life-like!

Dont marry for love, it is not what keeps a marriage or brings happiness, (Trust, Commitment, Dedication, mutual respect is what does)

Dont marry because you think your wife is submissive or will obey you, she wont once she thinks she can get-away with not doing so (Abroad standard). Women of today are being told they are not women, but Men and should act like men,

Dont marry because of beauty, that one fades faster than those fake jeans they sell at Aba.

Dont marry because you think it will bring you happiness......most married men (especially in the WEST) are living in pain, fear and bondage. How can such people even pretend to be happy (Nigerian husbands living in Nigeria should than their stars but l can assure them that it wont last for long, the evil is gradually creeping-in.

If you must marry, sign a Pre-nup (or a Post-nup if already married). have no "good expectations" from the marriage, you wont get any, anyway. It breaks when it breaks, dont hinge your happiness on it.
Marriage as of today, is all about the woman and what she selfishly wants.
The man that marries should know how much danger he is subjecting himself to. That does not stop you from marrying afterall, we know electricity kills but we still wire our houses and use it.
Those are the brutal truth that will come to pass, sooner or later, even if you dont believe it now.

PS: To some people this is trash and l agree with such people. To some it is life-saving and l still agree with them, to some. it is "wetin concern me" and those are the people l love most. Dont get worked up over this.

Toks2008:
Must you always showcase your foolishness? Please swerve and let sensible people contribute. Dumbo

Don't bother quoting me cos I won't grant you the luxury of further response.

cococandy:
Thread of learning

You mean I stood up for Nigerian women on a thread that was created to disparage and belittle us?

You’re a misogynist who gets upset when your narrative that was meant to demean womenfolk gets turned on you.

This cocoon of bee also produces honey

Go and sleep.

khiaa:
Black American women aren't checking for your controlling, insecure behinds, when we see you we run the other direction that is why you beg those big fat, old white whales to marry you. LMAO, you have money, most of you work security and janitorial jobs. There are some nice Nigerian men but it is rare. Your greed is a turn off.

tex73:
I'm blessed to marry a very good Christian lady from Kogi(yoruba) and i am Delta(ibo). Came to niaja in search of a lady after being in d US for over 5 years. Did not like d one i had being talking to over d phone for over a year, did not want to trap myself with someone i didnt love or like very much.

I had a week left for my naija stay until a childhood friend asked me to leave my hotel and spend the last week in his house. He forgot he had a sister in law that was at d age for marriage and actually was planning to introduce me to one or two female friends he had, hoping i could like them. He forgot about his wife's younger sister because she was so into her studies at IFE and she hardly came back home during holidays, she was locked down at OAU. God was good to me because it was just as i visited naija that this beautiful lady was having a breather from OAU after she had finished her last set of exams. It was when she called her sister to tell her that she had finished her last exams and was in their parent's home that my friend remembered that he had an in law that may like me. My friend told her about me immediately and told her that we would come visiting d next day.

The next day we visited n i saw her in d living room, all cleaned up of course because she was expecting us. We talked for a while and saw that we had so much in common, especially that we both had Jesus as our Lord and Saviour. I departed for the US shortly. we spoke on the phone everyday for about a year, untill i came back to niaja to propose to her. Thank God she used all that time to do her housemanship in LUTH. See how God blessed me. I came back again for the wedding proper but she didn't go back with me untill my filling (travel documents) for her came through( 6 months) . she came to the US and joined me in my one bedroom apartment. We moved to two when we were expecting baby # one.

We planned that she didnt work but focus on her 3 tough exams in order for her to practice medicine in the US. In all exams she scored a 99% percentile ( she's a brain). Shes one of the best Docs a patient can ask for and is practicing in a top hospital. We have two kids and she's getting even prettier as we age. Married for ten years now. Glory to God.

khiaa:
Alezy is a nice respectful man, it's to bad the rest of you overbearing demons don't have his qualities.

JjBankys:
I don't care, now get lost

TaminaliaCatapa:
Go back and check, you’d realize I quoted ‘thread of learning, you were probably whoring around during English classes.

To the man who chose abode in a cave of bees because of honey, all I can say is RIP

Yorubas will say, o yan eko nibi agbon ti ga

khiaa:
Black American women aren't checking for your controlling, insecure behinds, when we see you we run the other direction that is why you beg those big fat, old white whales to marry you. LMAO, you have money, most of you work security and janitorial jobs. There are some nice Nigerian men but it is rare. Your greed is a turn off.

GreenWhiteGreen:
Meeting the right lady needs the help of God. One can be a player slaying ladies as he wishes but still end up with the wrong lady.