This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

This OP would be a proud human being.
out of all the issues at hand, it was your deflated ego that pained you...

Why did you start the relationship in the first place when you know fully well it ain't gonna last. Firstly, I think a relationship should be built base on complementing each other, your two are from different worlds, upbringing and orientation towards life. You needed to have thought her how life works and why one needs to keep the pace high to be successful instead you opted out and the funny part was the relationship is just a month old. My advice no such thing as a perfect man or woman out there like they saying goes you have to drag he or she from the left to the right to make them your perfect taste. Don't think you ever loved this girl sha..

Your girlfriend lost a good job & her boyfriend.

What a torrid month it must have been for her.

Damn. You ended things too soon.
Seems like you both lack patience and empathy.

You have forgotten so soon that in life, you crawl before you learn to walk. It's so unfair that barely a month into the relationship you expect her to make massive stride.

You should have sat her down and discussed things.
Ask her about the future and her plans.

Rash decision you made though.

There are people that it takes ages for them to fit it, they are comfortable with whatever peanut they get.
So, in this case, your gf needed to be scolded( if that's what it will take to draw her close to thinking higher and better).

lilzeel:
Why did you start the relationship in the first place when you know fully well it ain't gonna last. Firstly, I think a relationship should be built base on complementing each other, your two are from different worlds, upbringing and orientation towards life. You needed to have thought her how life works and why one needs to keep the pace high to be successful instead you opted out and the funny part was the relationship is just a month old. My advice no such thing as a perfect man or woman out there like they saying goes you have to drag he or she from the left to the right to make them your perfect taste. Don't think you ever loved this girl sha..

"From different worlds"... If meant from different states, then I'll say ya right. But if ya trying to say rich and average background, you are very wrong. I lived in a face me face you environment until after secondary school.

Who dragged me? I made choices.

I like her a lot, we are still friends. I'm gonno assist in anyway I can... But building a future doesn't seem feasible anymore

Xaos:
Your girlfriend lost a good job & her boyfriend.

What a torrid month it must have been for her.

Damn. You ended things too soon.
Seems like you both lack patience and empathy.

You have forgotten so soon that in life, you crawl before you learn to walk. It's so unfair that barely a month into the relationship you expect her to make massive stride.

You should have sat her down and discussed things.
Ask her about the future and her plans.

I did sit her down and discussed about her future and plans. I told her what I expected and she did the same.

Now it's time to act and she chose not to. opportunities don't always come, opportunities like this rarely comes... If she can't see it now, when will she?

I'm impressed with all the comments above mine. Untypical of Nairalanders. Lols

anochuko01:
This OP would be a proud human being.
out of all the issues at hand, it was your deflated ego that pained you...

What you called ego is what I'd call a relationship that might be ruined if I want to help another person.

Someone might come to me with a similar challenge but I might not be able to due to a severed relationship.

ecstasy357:


What you called ego is what I'd call a relationship that might be ruined if I want to help another person.

Someone might come to me with a similar challenge but I might not be able to due to a severed relationship.

and did the HR complain after you explained all these to him?

anochuko01:

and did the HR complain after you explained all these to him?

Maybe not today. From what I gathered, one of the HR is no longer receptive.

Preshy561:
Rash decision you made though.

There are people that it takes ages for them to fit it, they are comfortable with whatever peanut they get.
So, in this case, your gf needed to be scolded( if that's what it will take to draw her close to thinking higher and better).

Yea... It's rash.

I'm not good at scolding. And I don't want to waste her time

Sorry I had to book this space with a "Hmm". Something came up while I was reading..

So.... You called it quit for that reason and that was all she could respond with?? The lady in question is not serious, I am afraid.

From your explanation, you aspire building a great family with a wonderful woman and she doesn't appear like someone willing to go through the stress. There is also a possibility she has been contemplating on the breakup even before your move, probably because she felt you are too demanding, a nuisance and as well, stingy. I don't wanna add the possibility of her eyeing another dude already..

I feel you made a good decision by calling it off man, a man has gotta be a man in cases like this, make the difficult decision that has to do with your future.

That's harsh though. But i know you want the best for her and as your girlfriend it's good you want to see her grow and foot some lil lil bills of hers.

She's comfortable there but you have to make her understand she won't go far by being confined in one place. Tell her life doesn't give opportunities repeatedly and doesn't wait, when you're not ready it leaves.
Motivate her. She's just scared, but in life if you don't talk you won't get that thing.


I'm almost like her But mine is if i really want something or want to do something, then you can't stop me. I'm that stubborn.

ecstasy357:


Yea... It's rash.

I'm not good at scolding. And I don't want to waste her time

The deep inner voice within is always right most of the time.
After you ended the relationship with her in a hurry, what voice did you hear from within?
I mean what did your heart tells you?
Did you feel good about the quick action?
I guess the answer is no.

You should have given her more time.
Why didn't you see her like your sister?

When we begin to show understanding, then we will make better decisions.

The ground on which you ended the relationship is very wrong. Plus you never gave her the time to grow.
You quitted too soon. That's a sign of weakness of the winning character.

You know what?
You will most likely to face a greater challenge (problem) in your next relationship than this one.
Until you learn how to deal with problem and succeed no matter the situation

How old is the lady? Because she comes across like someone still pretty young who doesn't know what she wants already. It appears you wanted the best for her, but she's not ready to give it her all.

Who doesn't ask for permission to get something better than present?
Who doesn't ask questions when a partner decides to leave a relationship? I can't believe she just casually made that comment on the breakup

IMO, she's naive and inexperienced.

But OP, u sef made a rather fast decision. The purpose of relationships is to know the other person better, and to make better that part of them we feel is not right.

You should have held on a while, perhaps sit her down and tell her where u think things aren't right with her. Let her say d same of you too, then both of you can arrive at a compromise.

Relationship is a job on its own, you can't find a perfect person. It takes a lot of hard work from both parties to make things work

austyn0:
Sorry I had to book this space with a "Hmm". Something came up while I was reading..

So.... You called it quit for that reason and that was all she could respond with?? The lady in question is not serious, I am afraid.

From your explanation, you aspire building a great family with a wonderful woman and she doesn't appear like someone willing to go through the stress. There is also a possibility she has been contemplating on the breakup even before your move, probably because she felt you are too demanding, a nuisance and as well, stingy. I don't wanna add the possibility of her eyeing another dude already..

I feel you made a good decision by calling it off man, a man has gotta be a man in cases like this, make the difficult decision that has to do with your future.

I don't think I was too demanding or that she was eyeing another guy. She isn't just challenging.

I've been stagnant in past when I dated the wrong person...I don't wanna repeat it

Divay22:
That's harsh though. But i know you want the best for her and as your girlfriend it's good you want to see her grow and foot some lil lil bills of hers.

She's comfortable there but you have to make her understand she won't go far by being confined in one place. Tell her life doesn't give opportunities repeatedly and doesn't wait, when you're not ready it leaves.
Motivate her. She's just scared, but in life if you don't talk you won't get that thing.


I'm almost like her But mine is if i really want something or want to do something, then you can't stop me. I'm that stubborn.

She's hardworking. Not every girl is willing to work.

We are still friends though. She just told she's looking for a job

CosmicJames:

The deep inner voice within is always right most of the time.
After you ended the relationship with her in a hurry, what voice did you hear from within?
I mean what did your heart tells you?
Did you feel good about the quick action?
I guess the answer is no.

You should have given her more time.
Why didn't you see her like your sister?

When we begin to show understanding, then we will make better decisions.

The ground on which you ended the relationship is very wrong. Plus you never gave her the time to grow.
You quitted too soon. That's a sign of weakness of the winning character.

You know what?
You will most likely to face a greater challenge (problem) in your next relationship than this one.
Until you learn how to deal with problem and succeed no matter the situation

I reject d bolded portion.

Understanding said I shouldn't stay away from her but quench every thought of partnership

kennybelle:
How old is the lady? Because she comes across like someone still pretty young who doesn't know what she wants already. It appears you wanted the best for her, but she's not ready to give it her all.

Who doesn't ask for permission to get something better than present?
Who doesn't ask questions when a partner decides to leave a relationship? I can't believe she just casually made that comment on the breakup

IMO, she's naive and inexperienced.

But OP, u sef made a rather fast decision. The purpose of relationships is to know the other person better, and to make better that part of them we feel is not right.

You should have held on a while, perhaps sit her down and tell her where u think things aren't right with her. Let her say d same of you too, then both of you can arrive at a compromise.

Relationship is a job on its own, you can't find a perfect person. It takes a lot of hard work from both parties to make things work

4 years between us.

Maybe a rash decision. But a better reply from her isn't bad either.

Relationship is more than a job...you invest your time, money, resources, emotions, and every decision you make, you make it with the other person in mind.

I've shared my plans with for this year and next. What she told me she wanted...I added it to my plans. What else am I suppose to do? We've talked about all these

People are ending relationships based on infidelity and a bad personality while you are ending yours because your girlfriend choose to support someone in their time of pain ?are you kidding me?and just like that relationship over?smh..she deserves a better more mature and tolerant man than you.

Arnt you suppose to be the man and show her the way?you are to lead her and she will follow,to me this is not a good enough reason to end the relationship. Humans don't value what they have until it's gone. I hope the next girl you meet won't be lazy and depend totally on you for her survival while being disrespectful and a serial cheat.

Your girlfriend has a beautiful heart and is not a heartless person,she just proved she is the type to put the happiness of people she cares about before hers which is a commendable character for a woman and instead of understanding and tolerating and telling her what needs to be done,you decide to end it.smh what will you now do if she cheats or insults you?na wa o.

ecstasy357:


4 years between us.

Maybe a rash decision. But a better reply from her isn't bad either.

Relationship is more than a job...you invest your time, money, resources, emotions, and every decision you make, you make it with the other person in mind.

I've shared my plans with for this year and next. What she told me she wanted...I added it to my plans. What else am I suppose to do? We've talked about all these

You seem like a good guy, if all you've said is true. However, if you feel you can put up with her naivety and non-chalancy, you could just make up.

Buh left to me, I'd rather you leave her be and find someone who's more matured and reasonably humble

torqque7:
People are ending relationships based on infidelity and a bad personality while you are ending yours because your girlfriend choose to support someone in their time of pain ?are you kidding me?and just like that relationship over?smh..she deserves a better more mature and tolerant man than you.

Arnt you suppose to be the man and show her the way?you are to lead her and she will follow,to me this is not a good enough reason to end the relationship. Humans don't value what they have until it's gone. I hope the next girl you meet won't be lazy and depend totally on you for her survival while being disrespectful and a serial cheat.

Your girlfriend has a beautiful heart and is not a heartless person,she just proved she is the type to put the happiness of people she cares about before hers which is a commendable character for a woman and instead of understanding and tolerating and telling her what needs to be done,you decide to end it.smh what will you now do if she cheats or insults you?na wa o.

She doesn't depend on me for her survival.

She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.

I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.

The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow?

ecstasy357:
This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

If there is anything that would frustrate me is going out on a limb for someone and being let down. I have no patience for people who procrastinate, who are afraid to look at the bigger picture and focus on the here and now rather than the future as well.
4 weeks is not a relationship, it’s a situation pair yourself with someone who also wants the best for themselves as well as both of you.
It has to be onwards and upwards from here on in your case. Sometimes some people need a heavy dose of a reality check.

Make future plans wiv ppl whom have a future,u ended it too soon anyway, don't always summarize ppl that way, life can be tricky at times.

ecstasy357:


I did sit her down and discussed about her future and plans. I told her what I expected and she did the same.

Now it's time to act and she chose not to. opportunities don't always come, opportunities like this rarely comes... If she can't see it now, when will she?

She's in her comfort zone. Calling it quits because she missed the interview no make. You should have told her no money for her until she steps up.

Anyways I hope she finds someone patient enough to pull her out of that comfort zone.

ecstasy357:


She doesn't depend on me for her survival.

She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.

I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.

The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow?

So u ended ur relationship because she has no drive? She doesn't depend on you so what's the ish? Everyone has their different time so don't impose yours on them.

ecstasy357:


4 years between us.

Maybe a rash decision. But a better reply from her isn't bad either.

Relationship is more than a job...you invest your time, money, resources, emotions, and every decision you make, you make it with the other person in mind.

I've shared my plans with for this year and next. What she told me she wanted...I added it to my plans. What else am I suppose to do? We've talked about all these

And you threw it all away because of your ego

MissRaine69:

If there is anything that would frustrate me is going out on a limb for someone and being let down. I have no patience for people who procrastinate, who are afraid to look at the bigger picture and focus on the here and now rather than the future as well.
4 weeks is not a relationship, it’s a situation pair yourself with someone who also wants the best for themselves as well as both of you.
It has to be onwards and upwards from here on in your case. Sometimes some people need a heavy dose of a reality check.

WOW! YOU ARE TOO TOUGH FOR ME

YOU CALLED WHAT I WAS IN "A SITUATION"

I GIVE UP. THANK U

ecstasy357:


WOW! YOU ARE TOO TOUGH FOR ME

YOU CALLED WHAT I WAS IN "A SITUATION"

I GIVE UP. THANK U

In 4 weeks you had analysed her character, personality traits, demeanour points of view regarding life, career and aspirations. Because if you had, you would have not been in the situation you found yourself in as you would have KNOWN the type of person you were dealing with.
4 weeks is early days of a situation that could become a relationship.

ecstasy357:


I reject d bolded portion.

Understanding said I shouldn't stay away from her but quench every thought of partnership

Unfortunately, you can't reject it directly.
You can only reject it indirectly by minding the way you treat people that come your way.

I'm not wishing you bad or saying you should stay in a wrong relationship for the sake of keeping it.
First try your best, give it some time and make sure you quit for a valid reason.

In your one of your reply, you did say you were in a relationship with the wrong person?

And now, this girl in question is also a wrong person for you.

Did you see a pattern?

What is the quarantee that your next relationship won't be worse?

Nature has a way of dealing with us based on our actions and decisions.

You will want to look back how your previous relationship ended before this one.
Look closely how this one ended.
And see if you will need to make some adjustments on your part.

I wish you all the best

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
So u ended ur relationship because she has no drive? She doesn't depend on you so what's the ish? Everyone has their different time so don't impose yours on them.

You don't get. Instead of wasting her, I chose to let her be.

According to u, we have different time and I shouldn't impose mine.

Why are you angry at me?