Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by djoe21(m): 8:11pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
austyn0: Sorry I had to book this space with a "Hmm". Something came up while I was reading..
So.... You called it quit for that reason and that was all she could respond with?? The lady in question is not serious, I am afraid.
From your explanation, you aspire building a great family with a wonderful woman and she doesn't appear like someone willing to go through the stress. There is also a possibility she has been contemplating on the breakup even before your move, probably because she felt you are too demanding, a nuisance and as well, stingy. I don't wanna add the possibility of her eyeing another dude already..
I feel you made a good decision by calling it off man, a man has gotta be a man in cases like this, make the difficult decision that has to do with your future. Sorry but I do not agree with this. You seem to put all the blame for the breakup on the lady. You are focusing on her response when the op broke up with her while ignoring the flimsy cause of the breakup by the op. You say it is possible she is 'eyeing' someone else but I can say it is same with the op. He might be comparing her with someone already. Anyways, I do not intend to blame anyone and I don't want to type much. I just believe the op acted too harshly. So @op if she has good qualities and you truly love her please go back. Haba, it is just 1 month na, relationship never start you don dey break up |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by austyn0(m): 8:39pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
djoe21:
Sorry but I do not agree with this. You seem to put all the blame for the breakup on the lady. You are focusing on her response when the op broke up with her while ignoring the flimsy cause of the breakup by the op.
You say it is possible she is 'eyeing' someone else but I can say it is same with the op. He might be comparing her with someone already.
Anyways, I do not intend to blame anyone and I don't want to type much. I just believe the op acted too harshly. So @op if she has good qualities and you truly love her please go back.
Haba, it is just 1 month na, relationship never start you don dey break up I get your point broh. Yes, op has got ego, and it is to be expected of a man that looks at a future beyond fvcking with a lady and that ego will keep following him around until hopefully he finds that ambitious and enthusiastic lady to build with. You read all Op narrated, it is quite apparent the lady in question cares less or isn't the type that disturbs herself over work or stuffs like that. I know exactly the kinda lady Op wants and I know a popular friend on this romance section who has that kinda lady in his life. I de wish am well 4 Likes |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:41pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
jackals:
Lols... I understand though...with the obvious fact that some of them are still toddlers under 25yrs, who ordinarily are suposed to be breastfeeding under their girlfriends Age has nothing to do with wisdom |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:45pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
jeff1607:
one major of the major things in relationship is tolerance
you reacted too soon, say she didn't get the job and list her current job you won't have the patience of taking care of her till she gets another job.
she is independent despite earning so little ,learn to respect that
you can't get everything in a woman , if her good out weighs the bad things she exhibits it's a good thing, you also have your shortcomings.
as someone earlier said she has a heart of gold, taking into consideration the bereaved owner of the place she works.
if you want to grow and you want her to flow within the same pace as you give her something solid to hold onto.
A month is too soon , seems you have gotten what you wanted from her already. Ya d first person to make ref to "gotten what u want from her" Bro, not every guy has a short sight. Well, thanks for ya opinion |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:47pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
jackals:
The thing is You became angry over a small issue.. Don't you know you're supposed to be petting her...woman are fragile creature...At that time you were calling her, she might be going through a lot...I suggest you call her and work thungs out I have no idea what u talking bout 1 Like |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:50pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
NwanyiAwkaetiti: Now you've started the main reason instead of hiding behind are lack of commitment towards getting a better job. Dating a lady that cannot afford to pay church offering is quite funny, after they'll be championing a cause they don't even follow in reallity I don't get ya point. Is it wrong for me to b careful? 1 Like |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:53pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
zed7: The problem you have is you are not patient. Leaving a partner who is unserious isn't the issue, it's a valid reason, however, you have to have tried several times to motivate her without result. You don't say a person is unserious just after one attempt and she even had a valid reason. You don't write people off at all. This same girl can become your boss tomorrow, you don't control anyone's future. Learn from your mistakes. You might just be the helper and mentor this girl needs to be the best version of herself. You are correct. Lemme b d mentor |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 8:59pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ehmmy11: Finally let me make a comment ..
Op you are not wrong for ending it the way you did.. Wat surprises me more was her response, I was like damn it.. It stinks of (too many options to choose from) you just dodged a bullet.. Nobody tells you that sugar is sweet ...just observe very well you will see that you were actually dating yourself..
*drops mic *
WHY ARE OTHERS NOT SEEING THIS SIDE ? THANK YOU |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 9:00pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
mrbock: You made the right decision. I've been down this road before. it's just a huge waste of time. only go with someone that matches your drive to grow, we don't have all day to be pampering or petting an Adult. GOD BLESS YOU I'd love to hear your story |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by Apination(m): 9:03pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357: This happened just over a week ago.
On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.
I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.
When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.
OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.
Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.
I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.
For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.
The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.
She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.
Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.
Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.
Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision. She's a certified idiot no offense. She really has no plans for herself and her lackadaisical attitude is just a pinch of how bad she's in managing anything 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 9:03pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
Kwinesther: In just a month relationship you have already concluded she isn't the type that would want to grow even when she gave genuine reasons why she couldn't attend the job invite? A month is not enough to make such conclusions. From your post you ended the relationship not because she wouldn't want to grow but because she made you look unserious to the HR which got you angry. Really! Is that all you saw? Do I have to point out the reasons why I decided to end it? FYI the reason you pointed is actually nothing. |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 9:04pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
angelamina: Some people actually dosent like to be drag, they want to just sit-down and cross their legs while manner falls from heaven, life is hard already as it is so we are expected to grab every opportunity that comes up... Thanks |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by IFEOLUWAKRIZ: 9:05pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
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Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by Starpro87(m): 9:10pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
I did sit her down and discussed about her future and plans. I told her what I expected and she did the same.
Now it's time to act and she chose not to. opportunities don't always come, opportunities like this rarely comes... If she can't see it now, when will she? Damn!!!!! you don't sit a woman down to tell her all you want of her. Before you think of settling with a girl, you must have seen something in her that you would want to be part of. You start building on the little she already has, and with time you'd get the woman of your dream out of her. You are impatient bruh, and somehow not masculine enough. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 9:11pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
Divay22: That's harsh though. But i know you want the best for her and as your girlfriend it's good you want to see her grow and foot some lil lil bills of hers.
She's comfortable there but you have to make her understand she won't go far by being confined in one place. Tell her life doesn't give opportunities repeatedly and doesn't wait, when you're not ready it leaves. Motivate her. She's just scared, but in life if you don't talk you won't get that thing.
I'm almost like her But mine is if i really want something or want to do something, then you can't stop me. I'm that stubborn.
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Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by emkz: 9:14pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
Relationship and contact is not only physical. It is spiritual-->astral-->physical (animalistic). Most times, people do the reverse and they get hurt, i.e., physical-->astral-->spiritual. In most cases, it doesnt go beyond physical, where we speak about ego, pride, sex, etc. By astral, I mean you begin to see a part of you in her and vice versa.
When you 'feel', it is astral; when you 'vibe', it is physical. When you just know and you cant explain the how or the what, it is getting closer to the spiritual. From what you wrote, you are still vibing in the physical. That you have come here to ask us if you made the right call tells me you are second-guessing yourself. Which means that you probably 'feel' something for her.
Go back to her and have a heart to heart. Some girls are amenable. Which means you can build with them. They only need you to communicate gently and they'd let you lead. Some girls are dried like crayfish, which means they are unfixable because their ugly mindset can never be broken. Find out which one she is and even though you dont end up with her, leave something positive with her that she'd never forget you by. |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by TonyeBarcanista(m): 9:14pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357: This happened just over a week ago.
On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.
I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.
When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.
OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.
Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.
I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.
For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.
The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.
She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.
Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.
Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.
Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision. This thread is unnecessary. You've already made your decision. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by angelamina(f): 9:19pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
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Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by Starpro87(m): 9:23pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
[quote author=ecstasy357 post=77231063]
That wrong relationship lasted for a year, separated me from friends and family, kept me alone to myself and I lived a stagnant life. All because I was trying to make things work
What I was driving at earlier was....should i stick to this relationship to try and prove a point?[/quote
It was all your fault. The man should be 90% in control of his relationship. No matter how intelligent a woman appears to be, she is very prone to making mistakes in decisions. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 9:59pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
Biglittlelois:
I am appalled at most of the comments on first page
Op although harsh, you've made the decision already, she is too relaxed where she is which is bad for a lady, who wouldn't want to have a boyfriend that cares about your growth and also has connections to make that happen? See her reply after you called it quits and the comments above neglected that part ooo!! She wasn't really into the relationship abeg even if its just one month, continue to be focused in what you want in a partner jare, it has nothing to do with pride. I PROMISE NEVER TO FIGHT WITH YOU ON ANY OTHER THREAD. Yes, I was harsh. That's why I came here. I also want to build a future. Her reply after I ended things was just off... Which means it didn't mean that much to her. What they called pride, you called being decisive. Thanks |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 10:20pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
1 Like |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by jackals(f): 10:26pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
Age has nothing to do with wisdom Most guys around 25 - 27 are immature and lack the idea of what they want. Don't waste your 10MB data arguing this |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by jackals(f): 10:27pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
I have no idea what u talking bout Well, I cant help you... |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by jackals(f): 10:28pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
IFEOLUWAKRIZ:
That's our own way of catching fun. Trust me,off Nairaland,They are lovely and cool Perhaps. Including me |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by Kwinesther: 10:49pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
Really! Is that all you saw?
Do I have to point out the reasons why I decided to end it?
FYI the reason you pointed is actually nothing. well it's your choice, your choice your problem...since you already felt justified for ending the relationship, I see no reason why you should disturb us by asking if you made the right decision by ending things with her. Take care! 1 Like |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by Divay22(f): 10:52pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
[quote author=TonyeBarcanista post=77241412][/quote] I don't like that smile Spill it |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by IFEOLUWAKRIZ: 10:59pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
jackals:
Perhaps.
Including me I trust you |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by ecstasy357(m): 11:38pm On Apr 03, 2019 |
austyn0:
I get your point broh. Yes, op has got ego, and it is to be expected of a man that looks at a future beyond fvcking with a lady and that ego will keep following him around until hopefully he finds that ambitious and enthusiastic lady to build with.
You read all Op narrated, it is quite apparent the lady in question cares less or isn't the type that disturbs herself over work or stuffs like that.
I know exactly the kinda lady Op wants and I know a popular friend on this romance section who has that kinda lady in his life. I de wish am well Lucky girl I guess 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by CosmicJames(m): 12:13am On Apr 04, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
WHY ARE OTHERS NOT SEEING THIS SIDE?
THANK YOU He actually tell you what you want to hear. That the girl is wrong and you are right. .....Continue |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by femmoy(m): 3:44am On Apr 04, 2019 |
why didn't u come here to ask before calling it quit with her? u are applying a 'medicine after death' approach. seems u are a bad tempered man and ur girl has ego also.
well I'll say u have to be very patient wen dealing with girls and to ur girl,her ego wouldn't take her far in life. regardless,a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage but its way too soon.
wish u luck in your endeavors but there's something fishy with u still keeping in touch with her after the break up,if you really cared about her,then u wouldn't have broken up with her that soon so u have 2 choices:
1) swallow ur ego and make up wit her. 2) stop communicating with her. peace out. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by jeff1607(m): 4:42am On Apr 04, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
Ya d first person to make ref to "gotten what u want from her"
Bro, not every guy has a short sight.
Well, thanks for ya opinion same reason you call off a relationship that just started in just a MONTH ask married couples who have been in the game for long, there are times when they wanted to call it quits but decided to let some issues slide and make peace ,no be every misunderstanding de lead to break up unless the other party has refused keeping the peace a man that seeks the opinion of a forum before making a decision ,what type of man is he? |
Re: Am I Right To End Things With Her? by placeofallure(f): 5:11am On Apr 04, 2019 |
ecstasy357:
She doesn't depend on me for her survival.
She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.
I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.
The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow? Yes, she wasn't supporting the boss but the humane nature in her won't let her add insult to injury for a boss who's grieving. If you've ever been a boss, you'd know what it is if employees stay off work. In my opinion, you were too hasty and rather rash. Most career ladies that you seek are brutes, shrewd and insensitive. They're desperate. Those are not motherly instincts for a woman you hoped will raise your kids. Just like your girl, I'm an educator, that's my 9 to 5. I earn in 6 digits, more than some bankers and I still have time to do other side businesses. If teaching is what she likes, help her grow along that line so she can fit into your dream of the quintessential woman 1 Like |