ecstasy357:


She doesn't depend on me for her survival.

She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.

I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.

The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow?

You're a wise man and you're not wrong for ending the relationship. You know what you want from a woman, the desired growth mindset, personality and a burning desire for success and since you don't see her 2 miles within that vicinity you had to call it quits.
People don't know how tough the Labour Market is these days that a simple invite for a job test is highly celebrated.
Kudos to you bro. Just relax you'll definitely meet a lady that suits you best.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
And you threw it all away because of your ego

Read it again, but this time slowly

Yes u were a little bit harsh
*But u said what u said*

ecstasy357:
This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

Ccanyanwu:

Read it again, but this time slowly

That comment was based on the writeup I quoted and not the main story Mr anyanwu

U didn't enquire to know y she refused 2 go for the offer... But you're complaining dat she didn't ask for d reason you're breaking up with her... U see ur life?

Because u think she don't want to grow without knowing her reason for not going for the offer..
For u to bluntly tell her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow is an insult to her personality,, self-esteem and confidence.
U suppose dey build her sef esteem not break it ,, remove the class difference between u and her.

Na you find d teaching job for her?
Under one month you're already telling her she don't have a plan for tomorrow! Person go even think say she cheated on you or did some bizarre stuff.

Las Las na pride dey do u.. Come down from dat high horse called pride...

Cheers!!

jackals:


The thing is You became angry over a small issue.. Don't you know you're supposed to be petting her...woman are fragile creature...At that time you were calling her, she might be going through a lot...I suggest you call her and work thungs out

Dey try proofread ur comment before posting na... Wrong spelling and omission of words.

Cheers!!

jackals:


The thing is You became angry over a small issue.. Don't you know you're supposed to be petting her...woman are fragile creature...At that time you were calling her, she might be going through a lot...I suggest you call her and work thungs out

Petting kwa....
Who get time 4 dat wan abeg? I disagree with you

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Now you've started the main reason instead of hiding behind are lack of commitment towards getting a better job. Dating a lady that cannot afford to pay church offering is quite funny, after they'll be championing a cause they don't even follow in reallity

*stated*

angelamina:
Some people actually dosent like to be drag, they want to just sit-down and cross their legs while manner falls from heaven, life is hard already as it is so we are expected to grab every opportunity that comes up...

Please if u wan shoot ur shot,, be bold enough to shoot...
No dey use outdated tactics (defensive formation) 2 shoot ur shot... .

Cheers!!!

placeofallure:


Yes, she wasn't supporting the boss but the humane nature in her won't let her add insult to injury for a boss who's grieving. If you've ever been a boss, you'd know what it is if employees stay off work. In my opinion, you were too hasty and rather rash. Most career ladies that you seek are brutes, shrewd and insensitive. They're desperate. Those are not motherly instincts for a woman you hoped will raise your kids.

Just like your girl, I'm an educator, that's my 9 to 5. I earn in 6 digits, more than some bankers and I still have time to do other side businesses. If teaching is what she likes, help her grow along that line so she can fit into your dream of the quintessential woman

Her dream is not to be an educator. I love educators. According to her, she's just managing it for the main until a better offer comes.

She doesn't know what she wants to do for the long term. For now she wants to learn how to bake.

We are still talking though... I need her to just show me a little drive

OkpaNsukkaisBae:

Please if u wan shoot ur shot,, be bold enough to shoot...
No dey use outdated tactics (defensive formation) 2 shoot ur shot... .

Cheers!!!

am lost here , what are u really shooting and shoting Please make me understand

angelamina:
am lost here , what are u really shooting and shoting Please make me understand

Sorry,, I'm not a teacher.

placeofallure:


Yes, she wasn't supporting the boss but the humane nature in her won't let her add insult to injury for a boss who's grieving. If you've ever been a boss, you'd know what it is if employees stay off work. In my opinion, you were too hasty and rather rash. Most career ladies that you seek are brutes, shrewd and insensitive. They're desperate. Those are not motherly instincts for a woman you hoped will raise your kids.

Just like your girl, I'm an educator, that's my 9 to 5. I earn in 6 digits, more than some bankers and I still have time to do other side businesses. If teaching is what she likes, help her grow along that line so she can fit into your dream of the quintessential woman

She's not an educator. I love educators. She's only doing it for the main time until something better comes.

I don't believe she knows what she wants to do for the long term. For now, she wants to learn how to bake.

You can only help someone grow along a particular line when they know the line.

OkpaNsukkaisBae:



Sorry,, I'm not a teacher.

you are o as Na u dey see the everything

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
That comment was based on the writeup I quoted and not the main story Mr anyanwu

Well, he actually threw nothing away. It was just 4 weeks so like someone above me earlier said it was a situation

angelamina:
you are o as Na u dey see the everything

Lol
...na y u come dey speak in tongues bahh. (PS =really used my Nigerian pidgin English prowess to decode dis ur reply )

Anyway,, If u must know,, u got to bribe me fess ;

OkpaNsukkaisBae:


Lol
...na y u come dey speak in tongues bahh. (PS =really used my Nigerian pidgin English prowess to decode dis ur reply )

Anyway,, If u must know,, u got to bribe me fess ;

Americana, Pele o... Me no hear English so u need to manage my pigin like that..

OkpaNsukkaisBae:


Lol
...na y u come dey speak in tongues bahh. (PS =really used my Nigerian pidgin English prowess to decode dis ur reply )

Anyway,, If u must know,, u got to bribe me fess ;

bribe u for Wetin mbok

angelamina:
Americana, Pele o... Me no hear English so u need to manage my pigin like that..

Me not a good student of management science.... you fit nak me carry over.

angelamina:
bribe u for Wetin mbok

Make we no too drag dis mata. I'm just trying to have fun with my gadget..
Have a nice day...

OkpaNsukkaisBae:


Dey try proofread ur comment before posting na... Wrong spelling and omission of words.

Cheers!!

You can volunteer to be my online teacher, You know?

ecstasy357:
This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

I am only going to tell you this once, that girl does not love you.

jackals:


You can volunteer to be my online teacher, You know?

Thanks dear,, but am not interested in your offer.
Good day!

OkpaNsukkaisBae:


Thanks dear,, but am not interested in your offer.
Good day!

Lols... When You've already sent a DM. I'm not replying anyyways. It hangs there

jackals:


Lols... When You've already sent a DM. I'm not replying anyyways. It hangs there

U get bad mouth ooo .
So what do you want? Tell me.. Let's talk

PS = didn't send a dm 2 u,, if I did u can screenshot and post it here as evidence.

I no dey like rough play abeg..

OkpaNsukkaisBae:


U get bad mouth ooo .
So what do you want? Tell me.. Let's talk

PS = didn't send a dm 2 u,, if I did u can screenshot and post it here as evidence.

I no dey like rough play abeg..

You're not serious.

anochuko01:
This OP would be a proud human being.
out of all the issues at hand, it was your deflated ego that pained you...

I think you are wrong. I understand his point perfectly well. He simply knows what he wants and she is not keeping up to that pace. My dear there's no time to slack..
All I believe is that he should have been patient to explained his thoughts to her at least and then watch her reaction.
But Op abet no dull yourself. She can't be complaining of money when and if she had an opportunity to change her situation.

SHE SHOULD GROW UP

austyn0:
Sorry I had to book this space with a "Hmm". Something came up while I was reading..

So.... You called it quit for that reason and that was all she could respond with?? The lady in question is not serious, I am afraid.

From your explanation, you aspire building a great family with a wonderful woman and she doesn't appear like someone willing to go through the stress. There is also a possibility she has been contemplating on the breakup even before your move, probably because she felt you are too demanding, a nuisance and as well, stingy. I don't wanna add the possibility of her eyeing another dude already..

I feel you made a good decision by calling it off man, a man has gotta be a man in cases like this, make the difficult decision that has to do with your future.

Good analysis

ecstasy357:


I reject d bolded portion.

Understanding said I shouldn't stay away from her but quench every thought of partnership

Abeg reject it. You did nothing wrong.. How do you expect one to remain in a relationship where his/her partner has got no drive, isn't challenging nor challenged?Thats just the beginning and end of deterioration and not even stagnancy

ecstasy357:


She doesn't depend on me for her survival.

She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.

I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.

The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow?

NO YOU WERE NT WRONG. BUT I LL ADVISE YOU KEEP MONITORING HER FROM A DISTANCE. GOOD ENOUGH BOTH OF YOU ARE STILL FRIENDS.. TRUST ME, SHE LL ADJUST AND THANK YOU LATER IN FUTURE FOR TAKING SUCH STEP IF TRUELY SHE IS HUMBLE.

I HAVE HAD SUCH EXPERIENCE

MissRaine69:

If there is anything that would frustrate me is going out on a limb for someone and being let down. I have no patience for people who procrastinate, who are afraid to look at the bigger picture and focus on the here and now rather than the future as well.
4 weeks is not a relationship, it’s a situation pair yourself with someone who also wants the best for themselves as well as both of you.
It has to be onwards and upwards from here on in your case. Sometimes some people need a heavy dose of a reality check.

On point

jackals:


The thing is You became angry over a small issue.. Don't you know you're supposed to be petting her...woman are fragile creature...At that time you were calling her, she might be going through a lot...I suggest you call her and work thungs out

Did you just say that what transpired was a small issue? My dear HELL NO. that is someone's future and he has decided to be SERIOUS ABOUT and WITH IT