₦airaland Forum

austyn0:
Sorry I had to book this space with a "Hmm". Something came up while I was reading..

So.... You called it quit for that reason and that was all she could respond with?? The lady in question is not serious, I am afraid.

From your explanation, you aspire building a great family with a wonderful woman and she doesn't appear like someone willing to go through the stress. There is also a possibility she has been contemplating on the breakup even before your move, probably because she felt you are too demanding, a nuisance and as well, stingy. I don't wanna add the possibility of her eyeing another dude already..

I feel you made a good decision by calling it off man, a man has gotta be a man in cases like this, make the difficult decision that has to do with your future.

djoe21:
Sorry but I do not agree with this. You seem to put all the blame for the breakup on the lady. You are focusing on her response when the op broke up with her while ignoring the flimsy cause of the breakup by the op.

You say it is possible she is 'eyeing' someone else but I can say it is same with the op. He might be comparing her with someone already.

Anyways, I do not intend to blame anyone and I don't want to type much. I just believe the op acted too harshly. So @op if she has good qualities and you truly love her please go back.

Haba, it is just 1 month na, relationship never start you don dey break up

jackals:
Lols... I understand though...with the obvious fact that some of them are still toddlers under 25yrs, who ordinarily are suposed to be breastfeeding under their girlfriends

jeff1607:
one major of the major things in relationship is tolerance


you reacted too soon, say she didn't get the job and list her current job you won't have the patience of taking care of her till she gets another job.

she is independent despite earning so little ,learn to respect that

you can't get everything in a woman , if her good out weighs the bad things she exhibits it's a good thing, you also have your shortcomings.

as someone earlier said she has a heart of gold, taking into consideration the bereaved owner of the place she works.

if you want to grow and you want her to flow within the same pace as you give her something solid to hold onto.

A month is too soon , seems you have gotten what you wanted from her already.

jackals:
The thing is You became angry over a small issue.. Don't you know you're supposed to be petting her...woman are fragile creature...At that time you were calling her, she might be going through a lot...I suggest you call her and work thungs out

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Now you've started the main reason instead of hiding behind are lack of commitment towards getting a better job. Dating a lady that cannot afford to pay church offering is quite funny, after they'll be championing a cause they don't even follow in reallity

zed7:
The problem you have is you are not patient. Leaving a partner who is unserious isn't the issue, it's a valid reason, however, you have to have tried several times to motivate her without result. You don't say a person is unserious just after one attempt and she even had a valid reason. You don't write people off at all. This same girl can become your boss tomorrow, you don't control anyone's future. Learn from your mistakes. You might just be the helper and mentor this girl needs to be the best version of herself.

ehmmy11:
Finally let me make a comment ..

Op you are not wrong for ending it the way you did.. Wat surprises me more was her response, I was like damn it.. It stinks of (too many options to choose from) you just dodged a bullet.. Nobody tells you that sugar is sweet ...just observe very well you will see that you were actually dating yourself..



*drops mic *

mrbock:
You made the right decision.
I've been down this road before. it's just a huge waste of time. only go with someone that matches your drive to grow, we don't have all day to be pampering or petting an Adult.

ecstasy357:
This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

Kwinesther:
In just a month relationship you have already concluded she isn't the type that would want to grow even when she gave genuine reasons why she couldn't attend the job invite? A month is not enough to make such conclusions. From your post you ended the relationship not because she wouldn't want to grow but because she made you look unserious to the HR which got you angry.

angelamina:
Some people actually dosent like to be drag, they want to just sit-down and cross their legs while manner falls from heaven, life is hard already as it is so we are expected to grab every opportunity that comes up...

jackals:
Lols...Obviously.

Most people on here are all angry with one thing or the other, and the best way to shed that off is on a faceless forum like this..You'd agree.

ecstasy357:
I did sit her down and discussed about her future and plans. I told her what I expected and she did the same.

Now it's time to act and she chose not to. opportunities don't always come, opportunities like this rarely comes... If she can't see it now, when will she?

Divay22:
That's harsh though. But i know you want the best for her and as your girlfriend it's good you want to see her grow and foot some lil lil bills of hers.

She's comfortable there but you have to make her understand she won't go far by being confined in one place. Tell her life doesn't give opportunities repeatedly and doesn't wait, when you're not ready it leaves.
Motivate her. She's just scared, but in life if you don't talk you won't get that thing.


I'm almost like her But mine is if i really want something or want to do something, then you can't stop me. I'm that stubborn.

ecstasy357:
This happened just over a week ago.

On a Friday afternoon, I called my gf but she was sounding off. I asked her whats wrong... She told me she missed a job invite scheduled for that day. She didn't check her mail on time. She further explained that a lady from her church took her CV and submitted to the HR internally. She called the lady to explain to her and was not pleased with her actions. I told her not to worry that i have the HR's contact convering that region cause I used to work at that bank in that same region.

I called the HR on Monday morning and explained everything to him. He asked me to tell her to come in on Tuesday morning. I called my gf but her number was switched off. I dropped offline messages for her on WhatsApp. She tried calling me but I missed all her calls, I was busy at work. I called her and told her I'll call her when I'm home.

When I got home I called her but her voice wasn't bright. What's up? She said she can't take excuse for a day from her boss.

OK...she is a teacher at a private primary school, where her salary is very very very very small.

Her boss, the proprietress, lost somebody and has been very sad all day, so she couldn't tell.

I don't want to appear like an insensitive guy though I know very well no boss would care much if the case was reversed. But I was angry that she made me appear like someone that isn't serious to the HR, and also wasting the opportunity of a better job.

For two days we didn't talk... We chatted again on Thursday. I later called her, then she started complaining about money.... No money for airtime, no money to go to church and for offering after I asked her about church. She was asking for money just two days after refusing to go for a better offer.

The following morning I called it quits....I told her she doesn't have a plan for tomorrow. That I needed someone to grow with and she doesn't seem like someone who wants to grow in life. All she could say was, "I can't force you to date me. If I am not what you want then it's OK." That's how we ended it.

She couldn't even see the reason I gave and inquire to know why I said that.

Life is all about taking risks, to go higher you have to raise a leg and stand on a foot. She's too comfortable where she is and I want to grow.

Lemme also point out that the relationship was only a month old.

Somehow I feel I'm a little bit too harsh with that decision.

ecstasy357:
Thanks

Biglittlelois:
I am appalled at most of the comments on first page

Op although harsh, you've made the decision already, she is too relaxed where she is which is bad for a lady, who wouldn't want to have a boyfriend that cares about your growth and also has connections to make that happen? See her reply after you called it quits and the comments above neglected that part ooo!! She wasn't really into the relationship abeg even if its just one month, continue to be focused in what you want in a partner jare, it has nothing to do with pride.

MariaLavina:
Lol.. This is what happens when you have a business mentality while entering a relationship . 'okay let's see, If I invest for sometimes and it doesn't yield interest at a specific time, I cut it out.' Even investors give their shares and bonds lots of time.

Truth is op, you are kind of desperate. You are probably running out of time, or emotions that you cut out unfruitful relations as soon as you define them. Your time range is crazy though. . Well I can't really say you did bad, your mistake was calling or assuming a 4 weeks acquittance a relationship. The problem with relationships these days is that they happen too fast. Barely four weeks of meeting a lady( a stranger) she's already your girl? seriously? So now that you have realized you aren't compatible, she's now what? your ex oh Lord! just like that. Something you could have known through friendship.

That girl get sense pass you.How? Her response.
While you are busy forming the boss in the 'RELATIONSHIP' She was observing you.Do you know if she had her own doubts about you? Do you even know her? All you care about are 'Plans' like some Onitsha clothe seller. . Dude its best you take several steps backward, heal from your past relationship, see people differently and then you can try being in a relationship again.


See him forming Macho like say relationship nah battlefield. God saved that girl o.

ecstasy357:
Age has nothing to do with wisdom

ecstasy357:
I have no idea what u talking bout

IFEOLUWAKRIZ:
That's our own way of catching fun. Trust me,off Nairaland,They are lovely and cool

ecstasy357:
Really! Is that all you saw?

Do I have to point out the reasons why I decided to end it?

FYI the reason you pointed is actually nothing.

jackals:
Perhaps.

Including me

austyn0:
I get your point broh. Yes, op has got ego, and it is to be expected of a man that looks at a future beyond fvcking with a lady and that ego will keep following him around until hopefully he finds that ambitious and enthusiastic lady to build with.

You read all Op narrated, it is quite apparent the lady in question cares less or isn't the type that disturbs herself over work or stuffs like that.

I know exactly the kinda lady Op wants and I know a popular friend on this romance section who has that kinda lady in his life. I de wish am well

ecstasy357:
WHY ARE OTHERS NOT SEEING THIS SIDE?

THANK YOU

ecstasy357:
Ya d first person to make ref to "gotten what u want from her"

Bro, not every guy has a short sight.

Well, thanks for ya opinion

ecstasy357:
She doesn't depend on me for her survival.

She wasn't supporting the person but rather...she doesn't know how the person will take it.

I'm guessing you've never been in the labour market. You don't know the joy that comes when you get invited for a job test. This is not the point.

The question is..am I wrong for ending it because I feel she doesn't have the drive to grow?