₦airaland Forum

Justiceleague1:
report her to her family and warn them that if the worse happens,you will send her back.
U might also consider changing her sch

I have severally. I have become emotionally attached to her that its difficult sending her away that's why I asked here but I will. I no get choice.

LUCKIE2014:
Don't mind folks telling you to send her back. We all know how we were in our teenage days when our hormones were raging and we could poke a hole in the wall if given the chance. Her behavior is absolutely normal. What she needs is your guidance, direction and education on sex. She's probably enjoying all the attention that she is getting especially if she grew up in an environment where she wasn't constantly told how valuable she is. Probably hearing this for the first time coming from boys. Howbeit after one or two heartbreaks, she will learn that this is just "guys" game.

Your job as an adult is to help her sail this stage. We have all been there. Don't chase her away please. Treat her as if you would have wanted to be treated when you were her age, clueless and outright naive.

God bless.

I totally understand you. I call her my drama queen cos she is in drama unit. Once once, I compliment her hair, dress etc. I have advised oh. Flogging wasn't because of the boyfriend issue. That one was on my mind though then we sent her on an errand and she branched of and when my hubby's nephew asked her that they should go back home, she refused and that one came home alone. That was when I got mad. The effrontery to disobey even when talked to by the partner you were sent with pained me more at the time.

I don't know how else to handle it rather than to send her home. She would be 18 in July. Three years time 21, why don't u wait till then?

Emylyk:
pls ma don't take it too harsh and also don't be tired of giving her advice that is adolesent stage many people pass thru that don't send her away keep on praying to her and God will reward you.

Been doing that but I am getting tired. Feel like I am at my breaking point.

rickyboss333:
its simple. become her best friend

I thought we were best friends but it seems "see finish" wan enter inside.

yesloaded:
Don't wait a seconds, she's not a serious type & will put you into trouble if care is not taken. Return her to her parent before its too late, you can send whatever you have to support her education to her till she finishes her secondary school education, am not wicked but need to be factual

. Yes sir..Noted!

[quote author=Qokie post=77300746]How does this justify serial disobedience of the woman and her husband. People who clothe, feed and house her.

I am sure the OP knows the right thing to do but lack the courage to do it. Never tolerate disobedience and disrespect from people you pay for a service.

That part about being a member of the household does not hold water at all. So is that the way the OP will handle disobedience and wayward tendencies from her children?

I weak o. Parenting these days sef....[/quote. Ookie I understand. Thanks.

PaulAris:
Yh, teenagers love to explore, however stubborn will be. Their zeal and inquisitiveness takes the better of them.
From this version of the story, she hasn't known the pleasures of sex yet so I believe it'll be easier to handle the situation as it is.
The reason why most teenagers especially girls do the relationship(boyfriend) is to fill up their emotional bank, to be loved and to be cared for. So when they don't find enough of this in the home, they go out to look for it
And believe me, it costs them but they don't know until its too late
So I guess you know the decision to make by now. And lemme add, beating her cause of that boyfriend thing won't change her one bit.
Words, advice and guidance does wonders especially with love.
But do know this, a child that doesn't wanna change will never change
Cheers!
But all in all, this boyfriend thingy is not that big of a deal na. Its something that we unnecessarily sweat and pant about

. Didn't beat her cos of boyfriend thing. Na the effrontery to disobey when sent on an errand and even when she was cautioned, she stayed back. That's what earned her flogging. Boyfriend own was another issue. Posting on Facebook with stupid caption wasn't sth I could stomach.

truthsayer009:
Or just kuku impregnate the Girl fa, then turn her to second wife That would really make her happy.

liesayer010. Lol. U no well

robotix:
I only wanted to read and not comment. If you make a decision based on emotions, you will have yourself to blame. This girl will likely get pregnant under your roof. Do what you can while you still can.

Thanks. I will do the needful.

kkins25:
Beautiful, beautiful... Help me ask her if it were her own daughter, would she have taken that drastic step?

. If it were my child, nobody would blame me much but if its another person's child and something goes wrong, you would understand better. Its safe she stays with her family and I would help from far.

Goddyj:
You're even waiting until after her ss3 before sending her back. That's more than two years ahead. My candid advice for you is SEND HER BACK NOW unless you are ready to abort pregnancies. Thank me later

. Lol at the boldened. Noted.

masseratti:
A 17 YEARS OLD. as a maid? And you guys have had her since she was 12 years old? Jeez in this century? That's child labor OP, it's bad there are better ways of helping the less privileged without abuse, your folks I assume could have adopted her maybe not as a ward fully but guardians, but you all do the same chores she does without no exception schools might not be the same, but clothes, foods, sleeping conditions and chore must be the same if she is under your roof, and yes my Dad did applied this method to relatives or and non relatives under his roof, if you come at the time we are having breakfast, lunch or dinner, you can't tell who is the real child from the other.

About your topic, flogging her for that wasn't necessary, you done your part, you have teach sex education, what will happen will happen, and she will soon be 18,by that time under the law you don't have any right to beat her for anything she does to her body under the law,

My advice call her bring her close and try again to let her know you didn't mean to harm her or flog her, you just want her not to be deceived by guys out there, because they are just about one thing... That thing.

No.child labour here. She is free with us here. She swears I am her mum. If I don't tell you, you won't know the difference just that my kids are way younger. She travels home during some hills and that would have been a good time for her to run away if she didn't want to come back. So its not what you think. Yeah! I shouldn't have and that's why I said I lost it. I sat her down the next morning and we still spoke. She wrote a diary full of how silly she was and all what. I read it without her knowledge. We are close,so I thought. People in the area feel I am too close to her and thats why she misbehaves but I can't treat her otherwise. That I am here asking questions should say a lot na. It shows I place some form of value on her.

I talk and I have talked again. Mk the mother help me too talk small..

kkins25:
thor=MaNyEsq post=77301184]I am not one to give anyone a piece of advice because I am not a "shrink" and do not play one on TV. However, I would add my two cents to the conversation. Your maid is almost a grown woman at the age that she's is now. In a civilized society, when a child turns 18, she's an adult under the law, she can vote, can enter into a legal contract and can leave her parents home. If she decides to still stay home with her parents, she has to pay her own fair share of the household bills. I alluded to all these to say that your maid is no longer the 12-year old child (minor) that you took in and therefore, you MUST start seeing and treating her as an adult.

For a start, you need to have a serious talk with her and explain to her that any choices that she makes in life have either good or bad consequences. Let her know that if she wants something out of life, then she needs to make good choices and that you would be there to encourage and support her every step of the way. But if on the other hand, she decides to go in the opposite direction, that too has consequences that she ALONE would have to suffer. Teach her about birth control and safe sex practices and NEVER to have unprotected sex if she decides to engage in it. And please, do not whip a 17-year-old woman, you can accomplish more by having serious discussions with her and setting expectations and boundaries than humiliating her. A word is enough for the wise!


OP this are the advices you should be taking. I am now beginning to wonder about the workload you have assigned to the girl coupled with school activities.. How do we know she is not a maid you turned into a slave?

If she was a maid I turned to a slave, you think I would bother asking questions and replying on her behalf? Or would want to see her go far in life? I am showing her every single comment here. She has been reading them since the day I posted. I have a fourteen years old Hubby's nephew staying with me. I have just two kids. What workload would she possibly be doing? I am not one of those parents who wouldn't engage their kids in chores cos they have a maid(that would leave tommorow) and then I would end up having a lazy child tommorow. My children are involved as much as they can. I resorted to flogging cos I was tired of same episode. And yes, I understand the adult part. Thanks. I pray nairaland stays. Someday she may stumble on this thread and I would encourage her to say something. Hopefully by then, she would have been smarter. Point is nobody asks this questions without seeking genuine answers. Its a faceless group, nobody is impressing anybody.

Its birth control I haven't spoken to her about. Other sex education, I have been teaching her and encouraging her to abstain. I have spoken to her a million times about sex and its consequences. I will keep speaking till she goes. She doesn't even believe I am sending her home.for real cos I have in the past made such threats and nothing happened. So no, this one isn't your regular help. Intact I am being called by her name in the area not even by my ist child's name.. Just so u get the picture..

banio:
If na your pikin, U go send am back. You expect her to be a virgin. Just keep advising her.

. Yes I expect her to be. If she is not, she should not flaunt stupidity, she should mask it. Do you expect me to encourage her and say there's nothing wrong with keeping boyfriends or how is your boyfriend today?Am I helping her that way? What happened to, how was school? What's the challenge in school? No drama practice today? I can't encourage my child on such silly act . If she does, the she should not be stupid enough to post on social.media with stupid caption. Keep it away from the world cos its more stupid to flaunt stupidity. If na my pikin, where would I send her to? If it was my child with another family, they have every right to send my child back to me. Nothing wrong there.

advocate666:
You flogged a 17 year old girl? To slap you just dey hungry me.

. Even her teachers in school flog. Its not unheard of. Shift!

Ezyp:
Simple solution is be friendly with her and tell her to invite her boyfriend home and you would like to meet and formally accept him into the family. By the time the guy show your house, beat the hell out of him and warn him never to come near her even in his dream. I bet you na the guy go help discourage any boy that wants to date your maid. (This approach always work)

. This one hard oh!. If the boys parents carry fight come meet me for house nko? I will talk to the boy sha if I go by this method but not beat. Lol. Thanks all the same.

tommy589:
Don't waste your time by advising or beating her,she is not going to change.I have something similar happening here and i am only keeping her because of her good father.

We resorted to beating after counselling failed,when we realised we may run foul of the law we decided to give her a free rein.She leaves home for her school in the next street by 6.30 am and returns by 7-8pm.There is no fear or attempt to hide if we see her unexpectedly with boys/men

Girls like that can only bend to the rules of naturally harsh guardians not the forming we do and call it beating/punishment.The only period she behaved a bit was when my no nonsense sister-inlaw was staying with us before she relocated.For her every daring act of disobedience she had a ready punishment for her,the most efficient was not giving her the next meal after she misbehaved.

We are tolerating her due to pleading from her principal and the soft spot we have for her dad.From our observation,she is never in later life going to appreciate our efforts on her since the age of 2 when she was brought to us after the death of her mother 15 years ago.We have resolved to continue supporting her education untill she passes out of secondary.

Focus on your children and tolerate her till she completes her school cert

. You're such a strong woman. I don't deny this one food oh no matter what. If you give her Mary amaka clothes and withdraw all her fancy wears, that's when her head dey cool but I am tired of thinking up methods to use. Thanks for the advise. I appreciate.

numen:
My neighbour has a wife and kids with his junior female-cousin staying with them to help out in house chores. The cousin was a nice girl until the day she met a guy while she was pursuing university admission and she grew unimaginable wings. Started disobeying the man and wife until the man sent him packing.

She later came back begging(most likely after the guy confusing her has used and dumped her) but it was too late cos she has been replaced by another nice and hardworking cousin.

My advice: Send her back to her parents now unless you want to deal with a pregnant house maid. She might even be carrying contagious disease and be spreading it around your home like santa claus. Send her home now to her parents! Yes it will be stressful for you guys to fill in for the things she does at home but the stress of the problem brewing is worse.

. Thanks numen. Funny thing is we have a ready replacement sef who happens to be her very close friend whom I love too. I appreciate your advise

King44:
since she no one wise, you have to caution her on your stand on it, let her know if she fails to listen and it gets out of hands you are so done helping her academically etc in fact she is on her own and she would have herself to blame not you, If her school authority is a woman report her to the woman, give her close marking at home and school as well you must know the time she closes and when she is expected to get back if she fails to get home at the proper time without genuine reason give her punishment (like ika obo, sitting on the wall, okada) etc don't beat her, though you can't curb it totally (she is a girl and exposed to it already) but you can discourage her with a lil bit of sex edu (tell her it would eventually lead to s3x and she could have unwanted pregnancy or worst HIV) the sex edu thing should be meant for her university when she is no more under your wing and when necessary, in fact what is stopping you from knowing those her friends at school and boyfriends as well, know them chase them off her back before they corrupt her totally threaten to arrest them and their parents like my pman would do. I can sense she is like a daughter to u sis don't send her back, if you do you are only helping her life to get worse, what if na ur pikin would u disown her?

she is oh! She is like a daughter to me. I have posted about her here too before here. Its the close marking I gave her that made her calm down small. The principal in her junior secondary school was a Darling. She helped a lot. Handed her over to a female teacher to mentor her and one Jehovah witness teacher in the school who always gave her magazine. They did this cos I reported. I have also chased boys in the past, spoken to their parents, warned. How long can I continue chasing them? I really like her and want the best for her even though I no be millionaire. But no be force. Maybe she wants better that I can't provide.

vioment:
Am sure say if your pikin dey her position (same age and circumstance), your reaction for dey different.


Am not disregarding your help, but i bet say you go dun harden the girl since 12. I can also bet say at 12, your pikin no fit do more than half of the task as this girl, including the times wey you go dun wake am at odd hours to do some hard/easy tasks. And if you are a man, i wonder why you wan dey always verify say she dey sexually active, even as a woman.

Next time, read with an open mind, that's how understanding comes.

King44:
that girl is going tru a stage, some people have failed to realize that one day their daughter would get to that stage (17,18 plus) when they would likely misbehave as well and I wonder if they would eventually disown their own child or just let her go ahead and get pregnant then send her to their grandmother in the village but I already knew the answer NO they won't. For the fact that that little girl your house help is less privileged doesn't mean you should make her life more miserable she is also human like you, do ur best. Op help girl navigate tru that stage

king 44 how? You ended up not offering any solution. Just talk. Sir solution.

Nathayas:
Don't be hard on her, she may elope with her boyfriend. just sit down with her like your daughter and discuss and pray with her.

I do. Still did yesterday and this morning.

adanny01:
A man who was my father's campaign DG for LG chairmanship elections but the ambition ditched begged my father on his knees to take as a responsibility one if his daughter's.

My dad oblige him taking his 2nd daughter who was in primary 6 thinking we would groom that one instead of the older secondary School 1st daughter.

The girl we took was demoted 2 classes to get her to read properly, by JSS 2, her breast were just forming but have not reached full size, had her 1st period the previous month, she was pregnant for an SS1 boy.

The end.

lol. I get the message

lekonso:
From your explanation i think you have done your best to manage this maid. If she is not ready to take correction send her back to her parents before she becomes pregnant.

Noted. Thanks.

King44:
what if she is your female child and she starts developing this attitude and ur flogging and advice doesn't matter to her lol... you would loose hope? or at least she is ur child? lol

. Please read again. I asked a question. If it was my child and I have done all these and no solution, I probably would ask question on social media or platforms like this.. Nothing wrong with it. You ended up not saying anything.

1Sharon:
Is there anything wrong in a teenager having a boyfriend? What were you doing at 18? Her behaviour is perfectly normal. Girls like boys and vice versa.
Hypocrite

girls liking boys and boys liking girls is different from parental approval of stupidity from this likeness. Not everybody dated at 18. Some began dating at 21 or more or less depending on a lot of factors. Calling one hypocrite is baseless. You don't know him. Advise and leave. Normal so she should be allowed to just live her life freely with boys? At 17 and in ss1. I pray you do so with your kids.

1Sharon:
If she is 25 would you beat ur child? Kids needs respect too.

who beats a 25 year old? People raise kids differently. You can say you don't subscribe to flogging a 17 years old child and then give your advise and waka pass.

jaxxy:
She’s just carried away with boys and I think it’s a developmental stage for most teens who have such liberty /freedom. It’s also a risky period where sm begin to acquire and practicalize all they learnt. She says she not sexually active then can she do a Virginity test to confirm that?

In anycase the best u can do here is arm her with enough knowledge and skills about boys and how to interact with them, what they majorly want and what she must be careful of. If she knows the truth about the situation she is in she will have sense and know how to choose what’s right.

Aslong and she wants to stay and does her duty well, training her with good morals isn’t that difficult if u know how to understand her and continue to give her the necessary wisdom to deal with guys and show her the importance and advantage of a decent and focused life. Interacting with guys is not a problem bt the type of guys matters and knowing what’s more important now.

Beating has its place bt good advice is what she needs more. If u send her away she may still go wayward over there so if u care about her teach her the skills she needs like u would ur own daughter on how to deal with guys and be a respectable gal.

. Where do they do virginity test? In hospitals or labs? Won't that be invasion of privacy? I have been talking to her too. I agree good advice is what she needs more. I have tried oh. I have talking with her and her girls about toasting skills of boys, how they should form and all that. How they should size a boy up(not pocket wise) but if he is worth having an intelligent conversation with. At least as much as I know, I have taught.

lacapine:
girls liking boys and boys liking girls is different from parental approval of stupidity from this likeness. Not everybody dated at 18. Some began dating at 21 or more or less depending on a lot of factors. Calling one hypocrite is baseless. You don't know him. Advise and leave. Normal so she should be allowed to just live her life freely with boys? At 17 and in ss1. I pray you do so with your kids.

Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

OmenkaIA:
You will need to restrain her from seeing those guys further. Additionally, sit her down and discuss with her the effect of what she is doing and where it will lead her to. It's peer group influence which is usually common to her age

. I agree its peer group influence. I have been advising for years and I still did today. Would keep doing. Thanks

inspire22great:
I please beg you with God that you serve that you do not send her away to her parent,likewise do a Google search about girls that got pregnant or NGO that supports young girls that got pregnant and are in a state of regret to counsel her about the part she wants to take,another suggestion is to ask her to make you know her boyfriend since she does not want to stop having a boyfriend,and talk to the both of them by counseling them both about the possible outcome of their decision,ask the boy that if you get her pregnant,is he ready to face the responsibilities of taking care of her and the baby,likewise make a written agreement with her that if she gets pregnant,that she will be sent back to her parents also in the written agreement let her parents and her boyfriend with her sign it and if possible with other witnesses,infact even a police officer.

Please ma, always ask yourself,if she is your biological daughter,you will never think about sending her away and you will never give up on her, finally don't listen to the send her away thought in your mind and the send her away advise from people who don't care,above all pray for her and make her understand you care enough about her life and the choices she will be making about her life

She knows I care about her a lot and atimes I feel that's why she misbahaves. We pray too. I have said all these to her. The agreement part is what I have never done because my mind didn't cross it. About not sending her back, if she gets pregnant what happens or tries to unsuccessfully abort it and something goes wrong? I have been talking since she was in jss1. Its not like its a one off thing and I ran to nairaland. I am becoming tired so I have to ask questions.

1Sharon:
Kindly fućk off. If you had given that girl sex education you shouldn't worry too much. But I'm sure you didnt and are here wanting to reap where you didn't sow. If you don't let her live her life with boys, that doesn't mean she won't. If you tell her not to fvck boys, that doesn't mean she won't.

please speak English