₦airaland Forum

sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

trust me guy marry d girl since u already know her behavior and it can be changed by you if u ain't lazy... If u go for another girl u may end up regretting it dem dey tell u now oh wen wahala go start nobody go help u o... My one kobo

I'm the fixer you all have been waiting for.. I fix broken relationships, marriages etc.. Do not hesitate to contact me

grossintel:
IMO, where you're getting it wrong is your mind! You consider you're self first. You think she doesn't fit your class and status, do you know that some other guy can pick this girl and turn her to gold? When I met the girl I'm dating now she barely had good education, uptil this day she can't write very well because she dropped out of school when she was younger for 5 years! Infact she was a sales girl in one shop, we didn't start off by having sex, I took sometime to understand her and loved her sense of reasoning, she was 21 at that time.

I advised her to return to school, even though her parents can't afford it I promised her I'll help. I did this because I knew she's the girl I want to settle down with, I'm not struggling at all, I earn far more than my peers and considered a Big boy among them.

This girl who used to be a sales girl in one shop is completely transformed and every dick and Harry wants her and this is scary the shiit out of me but then, this is what I wanted. I'm also making plans to leave the country, but not without putting a ring on it. Last week I rented a 3 bedroom apartment, not because I want to get her pregnant and leave but because I want her very comfortable and should incase we have a child, it won't be long before I come back and take her.

You plan your life well, but you use others and fail to include them in your plans. You know you fvcked up, so I won't beat on that, I can't force you to marry her, no one can. But I want to let you know that that girl can be transformed if you invest in her education, she can learn to be the woman you want if you truly want to give her a chance. Jonathan's wife never went to school and can't speak properly, but helped him while he was in school, she took food to him and sacrificed a lot. Jonathan became the president of Nigeria but was never ashamed of his wife!

If you still don't want to marry her, please take full responsibilities of the kids but make sure they are really yours. That's all I can really say.

Real MVP.

sirdouglas:
What if I had given her money to do abortion or helped her with it and travel then few years down the line she couldn't conceive or complications from tje abortion claims her life later. Will it be better?? With the kind of condenmination that I am getting from my fellow guys, now I understand why others always choose the easy way out. I hope you know accepting this pregnancy has cost me a great deal? Financially, emotionally, socially and every f*cking part of my being?

Why I don't want to marry from Anambra? I have some personal reasons for that. I didn't just wake up one morning and made that decision.

Keep your mouth lashing to youself. I know your life is perfect but allow me to sort mine in peace. I am not begging for money remember. And don't for a minute that you are more civilized than me. Sh*t do happen and you are suppose to understand that.

If you can't. Mpa nyem efe dia.

If you did not want to marry from a particular place, why date someone from there and then take the relationship serious?
You sound responsible but very insensitive in somethings you say.

For the sake of the kids marry her. Not out of pity but for the sake of what attracted u to her in d beginning.
I had a similar case in my relationship too and trust me u are not going to regret it

I don't want to start blaming you for the things you didn't do right. Buy learn to love this girl. Sometimes self sacrificing love means we give up our preferences to accommodate others. Marry this girl and be determined to raise or make her her the kind of woman you want her to be. She is young and as a result can be retrained provided you are doing it with sincere personal interest and love. Recall the early stage of the marriage between ex super eagles captain Yobo and Adaeze. They were having crisis unitl they decided to make it work. So I will advice you to make commitment to love this girl and you will see how things will turn out between you and her. No two persons are 100% compactible. All the best.

sirdouglas:
IT IS PERSONAL BRO
You sound ridiculous. Do you think this is a movie script?? This is my life bro, my life!!

If you got a girl pregnant at 14 I guess the girl is how old ten?? And you aborted the pregnancy obviously cos you sound very inhuman and unreasonable.

I was traveling she is aware. Did you read the part were I said she was making fun of me that my sperm is not working?? She wanted to be pregnant. Youknow that kind of stupid love that makes a girl wants to carry a man's child. I know she never wanted the abortion cos if she did, she wouldn't have told her mother. She would have done it and cut ties with me at worst so don't even go there.

I know you honestly want to see me as a villian but remember she is 20 at the time of the pregnancy. She an adult even before the law. So stop this your witchhunting, is not helping matters.

This particular comment summarises how foolish of a human being you are..

Wisdom does not come with age, the person who called you a boy earlier was absolutely right.

Your damn Ego has been trying to justify and tweak everyone's comment to what suits you.

But why did u have sex with her in the first place ......

sirdouglas:
I keep saying it. For all I know she is calm and respectful. If she is wild or disrespectful I have never witnessed it. She is not a hoe. She may not be perfect but definitely not a hoe.

I didn't bring this matter up so she will be condemned or me either. I just want a win win situation. I don't hate her. I really don't. I don't know what you guys think I am talking about but she is actually better than some ladies. For all I know she hardly nags. That is what I hate most about women.

You like the girl.
But the problem is your family.

sirdouglas:
Oga she is really not a beauty if that is what you are implying. And while I was in Nigeria, I was doing really good for myself. I could afford girls for more beautiful than her. I met few, if you read through my post you will see that I said in the first few lines that I date at that time for the sole purpose of marriage. I WANTED TO MARRY HER BRO!!! .....why are you people so mean and heartless?? Even before I met her I know I will be traveling. And I told her as soon as the time is right. I told her almost a year before I travelled and you saying all this is very bad of you and tell more the kind of person you are.

If it happens to be your sister and you decides to do away with the pregnancy I wouldn't object to it. The blood will be on your head. Those kids are not a mistake despite the situation. You are telling me in other words that I should have aborted the twins?? Really?
Well, I leave you to your conscience. Like I said from the beginning. Getting married to her is not completely out of the table but I wish I could find an alternative to save the day.

I wouldn't descend to your level to trade words with you but I know that I am not a bad person and I never for once wish evil for that girl or planned anything that would hurt her.

If you don't marry her, have it in mind that you have ruined her life. No one might want to marry her again.

If you are as responsible as u sound, marry her weather you live her or not! Let it be a lesson you learnt the hard way. 'don't bite what u can't chew'

sirdouglas:
Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now. We started dating. As at the time I met her I wasn't struggling, I have my own business and apartment so I wouldn't say she met me when I had nothing. I was a big boy then if I can use that word.
She was just 19 or so then. I am this kind of guy that really really take relationship serious and always looking out to see if things can work out. I don't spend on her, I don't do much for her then. I wanted to see the kind of person she is. She doesn't care or even ask of anything. She might ask for something once in a while but I will pretend I didn't hearw her and to my amazement, she will never talk about it again.
With time I started noticing something about her that I don't like. First is she is really not smart and educated. I noticed that she doesn't have her own say. She listens to gossip and always bore me with what this person said or that person. I really hate that shit.
She is a mama's girl too. Sometimes I wonder if she gives her mom details of our sex life.
She won't sweep the house or do anything for me even while the relationship progressed. I started taking care of her and helping out with her needs. I constantly keep wondering if I can settle down with her but I am always stuck with that question.

I ended the relationship when it was clear to me that I can't live with her. I am an ambitious young man and I am not there yet. I want a woman who will be more than a sex mate. I want someone who can confidently handle my business and manage my home when I am not there. She is to naive to my liking. I am tired trying to build her into the kind of woman I want.

There is only one main reason why I wasn't really hard on her. She was one girl who accepted me from her heart and I know it and I respected that too. I suck when it comes to women and I respect women a lot. You know what they say about guys that respect women. They are mostly single �
She came back few months later. She wasn't ready to let go. Being that I am a loner. My defence wasn't strong enough. We started dating. I got hold of myself and ask her to go again because I couldn't see a future with her and I can't bring myself to be wasting her time.

She wanted to stay, I told her in plain words that I don't want to marry her and that's why I am setting her free.

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.

I noticed that she haven't seen her period and asked her and she confirmed it. She left and came back few weeks later that she is pregnant. She insisted that she wanted to have an abortion but I wasn't interested. I told her to keep the child. Besides, she has been the one telling me that my sperm us not working. I laughed over it. I became afraid that she will try something stupid so I took her to a pharmacist friend of mine to discourage her.

Her mother got to know and ask her to call me. I went with a friend and told her mother everything. I started suspecting that the child might not be mine because I treated her of an infection she possibly contacted from another person. In fact, I was shocked when she confessed about the infection. She said it is the toilet they use at home but I never believed her.

I told her mother that I am not sure about the paternity but however, I will take care of her. I told her family that I don't want to marry her and I have told her that severely.

We had a long discussion that day and I left. I started taking care if her the more. I made sure that I made my stand clear on the matter. I don't want to be a murderer so I got to do what is necessary. She started complaining about abuse from her siblings and war started. They beat her almost all the time and I wanted to take it personal. Shit do happen at times but that is not enough reason to kill their sister.

When all this is happening, I was processing my papers. In fact, I started processing my papers before she got pregnant and she is full aware of that. I took another group of friends to their home to help beg the brothers to stop beating her so they don't kill her and the child.

My visa took time so she was almost due for delivery before I left. I sent money to her account and bought some things I felt she would need even the unnecessary ones and left.

My problem now is that she contacted me few days ago to tell me that the scan said she is having twins now not a boy. I can't explain in details because I don't know but the bottom line is that she is now having a twins. I feel for her like I always do.

I don't want to marry out of pity. I don't want to live a promiscuous life. I don't want to marry this girl honestly and having a twins for me just complicated the matter the more.

She said the doctor said she will be delivering this month. I am thinking of sending my uncle and younger brother to her family house to do the iku aka or whatever that is called so I can lay claims to my kids.

Her family is so messed up that I will never want to do anything with them on a normal day. They are from onitsha in anambra and I swore never to marry from that state. That's one of the reason I kept chasing her away. When I say messed up, I am really not that good with English to find the right word to define how disorganized it is.

I am feeling like a monster already. I need all the help that I can get. I never expected this to happen. I never wanted to complicate her life but here I am in the middle of all this.

Should I marry her out of pity and save her the embarrassment or give her money and make sure she comfortable and go ahead with my life. Honestly I don't know what to do.

Op to be honest with you, you are very funny. You said you don't want to marry from her place but you went ahead to be sleeping with her without condoms knowing fully well you wont marry her.

You said you don't want to be promiscuous but that's exactly what you are or can you explain how you contacted staphylococcus?

She came with gonnorphoea, you came with staph. They fought and gonnorrphoea won.

For advice I will say you provide money for delivery and upkeep. When the twins are born, go for paternity test.

If the kids are yours, you will be providing money to take care of them until they are of age but if they are not yours, you can pay her off, rent a 2 years selfcon for her and advice to open a business. You will do this because of old times sake. Remember that why you are not pregnant is because you are a man so you can't judge her because e dey your blood too.

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[quote author=sirdouglas post=79984407]Now before you judge me, I beg you to hear my side of the story.
I said my side of the story cos if she is here, she may not agree with everything I have to say.
This is a lengthy one but I will try to make it as short as possible.
I it is important to note that I am not writing this to be judged or ridiculed. I want matured and reasonable people to help out.

I met this girl in 2017. Can't really remember the month but it should be getting to 2years now....

Man the fvck up and wife her bro...u only hve one chance in whatever decision u take,be wise. if u tke d wrong choice,u'll live wit it 4 d rest of ur life. weigh d options & see d one dt will gve u peace of mind. as 4 u nt loving her coz she doesnt hve d qualities 2 be a wife of ur specification?...diamond is found in dirt bro. build her 2 ur taste as long as she respects u & takes good care of u. hope she can cook?<smiles> coz dt one is first & foremost. Good luck in ur endeavours. Peace!!

daddytime:
Judging from your narrative, it is safe to say the young girl is a 'beauty without brains' whatever that means, and I'm sure her beauty was what got you hooked before you tasted the pie and subsequently realized she wasn't so smart.

Bro, I'm going to be straight up with you like I always do man...Selfish and self-centered is what you are (in bold).

You never hear say meat wey person no dey chop say him no suppose use teeth share am?

Oh because she was pretty, undemanding and mgbekeish, you decided to hold on to her, leading her on, and only started being honest to her about your plans when you had started making your travel plans and thus realized she'd be too local for your new status?

My bro, if that girl were my sister, and you had the effrontery to come to my house to spill what you just did here, you wouldn't have been able to use that visa of yours, and I'd have personally aborted the pregnancy with my bare hands. What insult.

If she's not good enough for you to wife, she shouldn't have been good enough for you to dickk and of course mother your baby(s).

This is even worse than a baby mama thingy, this is a baby factory one.

All the story about you making it clear to her that you won't be marrying her are just some cunning silly afterthoughts of a chronic user who had a game plan from the get-go.

There's something I'll tell you now if you like take am if you no like leave am.

I just hope and pray you won't come back looking for and begging this lady in the future and by what time it'd have been late already because you'd pay for your bid to selfishly destroy this young girl's life and dump her. For whom I ask after one o'clock?

Look around you and you'd find examples of cases like this where the man would come begging after years when his recompense would have been served steamy hot.

You no see GEJ and PEJ? How you see dem upon say PEJ dey break bottle with English?

You had better retraced your step, my friend, learn to love that babe, marry her and start a family with her or else you go regret am o.

Forget all these your later later excuses abeg

God bless you real good. She might not be good enough now. Doesn't mean she will not be good enough tomorrow. Some Men don't know that women do change, and change is the only constant thing in Life. He met her when she was just 19, now she is 21. What does a child know?. For the sake of her kids, she might end up being the best woman for him.

He would definitely end up regretting it, if he doesn't marry her. This case Is just a similar case with a friend of mine who met her then boyfriend when she was 19. They had dated for 4years and he was her 1st love. When they Met, she didn't know how to cook or do much, but out of love for him, she was so determined to learn and be better. Along the line, the guy travelled to London and then met another lady, and after 9months, decided the babe was not good enough for him, and then dumped her, that she was a Uni drop out and his dad would not be happy with that and the fact that she was from another tribe.
Long story short, she met someone else, she became a fantastic cook, ran a successful business., and 10years after he dumped her, she moved to the United States Legally with her family,,,....is working now and getting ready to go back to the University. How Great is God? But I sure hope the Ex is regretting his actions.

Lol! This guy don buy market today

See thunder everywhere

She left and came back the third time. We had sex and all that but this time I was determined to let her go. I went to a lab for a test with to make sure I didn't infect her with anything because I treated staph before I met her and I was afraid it may still be there or something. To my utmost surprise, she was the one who infected me with gonorrhea. I treated mine and hers and ask her to go.
I understand that even after what everyone has posted above, u will still do whatever u wanna do.
I'm not here to judge you but I must tell you the truth.
That part of your statement above doesn't show any determination to let the girl go. You were determined to let her go but u kept having carnal knowledge of her? Although I don't know what you mean by "Staph" but if u treated an STD before you met her, then it might have been left behind and so, we ain't sure if the gonorrhea came from you or her. Also, you never revealed whether you have sex with other ladies too. The girl u are referring to as "not smart" now is going to be the mother of your children if they are yours and will use her "not smart" brain to take care of them.
By the way, how smart and independent did you expect a 19 year old girl to be?
I will advice you to sit down and think very deeply about the whole thing and make a decision and be ready to face whatever consequences come after.

Please, no matter whatever stupid reasoning or advice you see on the internet, never you rush into marrying her without first doing a paternity test.. if after that the kids are yours, marry her, if it turns out they aren’t yours, don’t marry her.. no matter how emotionally you will be blackmailed to marry her, don’t.. you will grow to resent those kids, your home, your wife and her family.. my advice to you.. don’t work with Nigerians advising you on the internet, majority of them are just kids typing from the comfort of their parents house

daddytime:
The stingy thing think say na small children dey here wey go dey tell am sweet words wey him wan hear.

E carry another man pikin dey nack for ground Bleep her anyhow...no be say e dey care for the girl o according to him words, na now wey God wan super glue am with the girl e come remember say she be mgbeke...you never see life my guy. Karma

Thank God say you get sisters...just imagine a guy treating one of them exactly the same way you are confidently stating treating this naive girl.

You never see anything.
Life is bigger than you think bro...even if na Mars you go, you must collect.

Be wise and guided.

Not judging you, just stating the bitter undiluted truth you'd naturally hate to hear.

Insult me till next year, I care not.

This is what i expected to here. The op is expecting to be pampered and i won't pander to that.

This kind person wey dey blow all this grammar and form self righteousness, if someone do im sister like this, wahala go dey.

Abeg my guy, fire on and give am the bitter truth.

Shuo! U condemned person life and prospect come here dey yarn dust. Who u want make he marry wetin u destroy and abandon

Well my advise is there is still time to take decision. Don't rush over the matter, take care of her and the children. With time you will take decision, not now.

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

sirdouglas! On this matter again? Start loving her, send your parents to her. Do the needful. That is your cross.

sirdouglas:
I want to also add that if it is true that she is having twins, then the issue of whether I am the father or not is eliminated because we have twins in our family. My two sisters are twins, my uncle had twins also so it wouldn't come as a surprise if it's true.

If it can be brought to the front page I will be glad. I need all the suggestions I can get. Please

Just do a DNA test to satisfy your curiosity

sirdouglas:
I keep saying it. For all I know she is calm and respectful. If she is wild or disrespectful I have never witnessed it. She is not a hoe. She may not be perfect but definitely not a hoe.

I didn't bring this matter up so she will be condemned or me either. I just want a win win situation. I don't hate her. I really don't. I don't know what you guys think I am talking about but she is actually better than some ladies. For all I know she hardly nags. That is what I hate most about women.

when you see these characters in a lady , what are you waiting for? Just do the needful. Calm, respectful not a harlot etc as u said. It's your cross, carry it very well. Thank me later

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

You don't have the right to determine how people will address you here. You didn't act maturely and we can talk to you like a child. You should be humble enough.

For your analysis about the girl who keeps coming back. That's bull crap. Why didn't you shut the door on her then. She kept coming back because she knew you weren't a serious person. Its all words and no action to make her stop.

Let your no be no and your yes, yes. That's the qualities of a man. You acted like a woman.

well,i never wanted to comment but let me say this to u,if u r complaining of the kind of family she is coming from,we all have our family with so many differencies because we are different people with so many characters,neither yours is perfect,if you say she dosn't porses the quality u need from a woman,i will say u r not ready to settle down,because so many homes u see and u admire alot there was a foundation laid by the man,she can be that woman you want her to be,you can bring her to the top or class of woman you want to be with,everyday i want to say women in general needs updating,even the educated ones.but sir i will agree with u or say not to marry her if u r bold enough to say YOU DON'T LOVE HER ANYMORE.but for all those reasons u are giving she is not smart,u can,the ones you admire out there,a man like u worked on them,so bro one is different from two,i don't know if u understand me twins for that matter.

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

Responses like that is what you get when you bring a private issue to a public forum. I am not saying you are immature, just saying it's an immature move. I hate to give advice on issues like this because I can't wrap my head around the possibility that a grown ass man would bring his private shiit to a public forum. Nevertheless, if your story is legit, you did the right thing, marrying out of pity is hell on another level. But you have to take care of those kids. If you need to do a paternity test, to give moral latitude to taking care of them, so be it.

DAMN, may I never be these foolish in my life

sirdouglas:
In as much as you are trying to be mean. I understand your point. For the record, I am not a boy. I will appreciate if you address me with more respect.

Marrying her will not be such a bad idea but we may not enjoy the marriage. Especially her. She has said it over time that she knows that I don't love her. In as much as that is not entirely true, it is not far from it. She doesn't fit my profile for a wife and that is why I have been trying to end the relationship.

If this is coming from a woman I will understand but coming from a guy makes me want to ask you how old you are. Sorry but that's so insensitive of you and immature.

I never meant ill for her and I have been as reasonable and honest I can be with the situation. Judging me won't solve the problem.
What about a girl that a guy rejected for good three times and told her that he doesn't like her for marriage and she is still insisting and keep coming back? It's a two way thingb ro and I am expecting you to be more reasonable with your replies.

One word for you, ' karma is a bitch' it will surely visit one day...just imagine your ego, stop lies on her saying she can't marry you, even if she don't curse you later in life, her TEARS later in life will speak for her, be careful, don't plough on your future downfall.

If you are the one who deflowered her, marry her
.


I am prophet Moses.

sirdouglas:
I keep saying it. For all I know she is calm and respectful. If she is wild or disrespectful I have never witnessed it. She is not a hoe. She may not be perfect but definitely not a hoe.

I didn't bring this matter up so she will be condemned or me either. I just want a win win situation. I don't hate her. I really don't. I don't know what you guys think I am talking about but she is actually better than some ladies. For all I know she hardly nags. That is what I hate most about women.

Then what else are.you.looking for in a woman? Go and marry her, she is your wife already.

Don't follow family and friends opinions here. This is your life. It is obvious you are into this lady. I had a similar experience. I took a decision to stand by her, mould her, sponsored her higher education and now she is my wife. I can tell you now I couldn't have asked for more...I am currently rejoicing with the wife of my youth. This is my personal experience.

I feel if you marry this lady, you will never regret it. Don't make a mistake of your life. I have not seen any area where this lady has done anything wrong. Even from your one sided post? So why are you dilly dally here?

Listen to words of wisdom. There are many broken home now because most.men are looking for women that are over ambitious. The grass is not always green on the other side. My one 1 cent

Dere is no point marrying her if u don't lov her, don't allow any unnecessary emotions like pity push u into making a mistake u will regret after....... Just takia of ur kids lobatan

sirdouglas:
You can see how people with perfect lives are condemning me already. I doubt if some of them read all that I said.

The thing is this, I will be spending at least 5 years abroad. I am sure I am spending five years there because I decided it and I am not living illegally so I will only leave when I want to. She knows that too. I said at least because I don't know what tomorrow holds and I really don't want to be in Nigeria anytime soon and I just left. Barely three months now.

I can't keep her waiting and the two kids is going to make it really difficult. It would have been easier if it is one.

What I am asking is, I don't know anambra traditions very well but there are parts that won't let you go with the child if you didn't pay the bride price or iku aka I really don't know how the whole thing is done and whoever that marries the girl goes with the child. I really want her to get married and I am really sorry this is happening but I wouldn't want to lose my claim on my kids if finally they are mine to anyone or situation.

Where in Anambra?

Olanireti:
First you were wrong to be sleeping with her without protection when you knew you wouldn't want to marry her, and you didn't even know her health status. What if she had infected you with HIV?

On the other hand, you did the right thing for taking the responsibility of the pregnancy even though you have doubt if the pregnancy is yours. Nevertheless, I will suggest you wait till after delivery and do paternity test so you be so certain you are the father of the kids.


You are lucky the parents are not forcing you to marry their daughter after you impregnated(if you are indeed responsible) her. Biblically, you are expected to marry her once you have impregnated her, but I will leave you to make your own decision concerning that as you will solely be responsible for your action. Nevertheless, one of the biggest mistakes anybody can make concerning marriage is marrying out of pity. It hardly work as the relationship is not based on the right foundations.

Finally, if the paternity is confirmed to be you and you decided not to marry her, make sure you take 100% responsibility of the kids. I wish you all the best

BRAVO!!!!....with this ur advice, I don't need to go through other comments.

OP, I'd sincerely advice u seek to this suggestions.

I rest my case. Thank You!!