₦airaland Forum

I can't stain my soul thinking all for love.
Girls hate broke nigga's....it take God grace to love deeply a broke guy.

It has happened, she's getting married.
If i were you; but not me, i would attend the weeding and take a front seat were our eye can meet each other.

Don't just feel depressed of it, propably it may be your first been in relationship.

By now, learn from the past.
Everything on earth is for better for worst.
Better times come bear it.
Worst time comes bear it too.

Amhappy:
Forgiveness is all you need . Start with forgiving yourself then forgive her. You have a lot of great years ahead of you. Focus on your career bro. Love will come.

Forget that thing as love a man doesnt love with his heart, women do that. Men are wired to love with brain.
Only men raise up by their mothers love with heart

You will be alright jare, we've all been there...you are just passing through the stages of grief.
Relationships fail too and we learn from failures to make the next right move. Try get yourself some goals and start achieving them, the right woman always come, ALWAYS!
Cheers.

PS: Loosing 6kg in 3 weeks is massive mehn, you have a healthier weight compared to before sef, just looking on the brighter side o.
Since 3 months na only 3kg I don loose and my goal na to loose 15kg o...na still my goal sha.

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

Abeg the story too long Oga please you are still a young man go just get money !. So this will no be your life story

O.P

You will be fine eventually, time heals all wounds.

Never regret being in love, its a great gift.

Focus your energies on a new skill, added degree or something to occupy your mind.

You have your whole life ahead of you, in some years, you will look back to this day and smile about it. You will be fine

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Goodluck young man.

This is really a deep one. You have expressed yourself wisely...great wisdom.

This dude sounds like Frood. Toughen up boi before I come slap some sense in ya head.

DO NOT PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET...

YOU ARE THERE KILLING YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ONE HOE WITH STINKING PVSSY....SHAME ON YOU





call ubunja ,toyne2much and nwamaikpe for more advice

Lol love... Loving a woman deeply will only hurt you.. women don't think in all directions and that's why they are full of flaws.. it is always better for a lady to love more. While a man loves less. Any man who's caught in the former will always be a victim. Many men that have died because of love are crying in the grave.

I haven't loved before so my advice might not work for u. Pretend as if she didnt exist. As for your next relationship again, avoid being a victim of love. Handle women exactly how they present themselves. And who dey love without money self.... laye atijo niyen...Iree ooo

*de way 4ward is de way backward* do u really want to avoid future occurence make up ur mind and notify me as i take u on a33 cleaning journey nd ur life neva 'll remain de same! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Shadbay:
I'm just hurt, man. Cut me, I bleed after all I'm human. Lessons learnt. I'm still learning. Thanks

forget all those foolish people telling you to make money. Making money is different from falling in love.... Yur hurt?? fine, its normal... All i can tell you is that "Baba no worry, you go heal". It now depends on how fast you want it to... You will be strong Remain loyal to any lady you later meet And make sure she's beautiful too.. Some weaklo too will be advising o..many of them will be chasing and begging ladies and wee be forming Don on NL ....

pansophist:
My young bro, take heart. The sad truth is, she has found someone better, and you should accept it even if you do not feature in the picture. It's about emotional maturity and letting this just be.

Your next step is to give yourself time, as time has a way of healing things. You'll pass through it, and you'll like yourself better after this. I experienced something you passed through when I was 18, and felt even worse than you, but I was naive, innocent, and didnt understood the timeless truth of female nature, keeping attraction, and stimulating the relationship sustainably. Looking back those times, I could see clearly the mistake I made, and I've refined myself to a point that such could not happen again. And in the unlikely scenario that it does, well, a replacement is around the corner. You should do the same.

It seems to me that your relationship with her is your job, you specialized in loving her and treating her as the best thing, while ignoring your own personal growth. Listen attentively, women DO NOT want to be your goal. They want to be part/beneficiary of it, not the goal. You treated her nice and gave her everything to the best of your ability and probably didn't focus on your growth, and compete with other men in the free world.

You were too available, making you appear as someone with female scarcity, with no option and not a real catch. Also, pursuing her even after her formal declaration for relationship withdrawal is something that men with no options do. You cannot beg a woman into a relationship with you, it's an instant attraction killer. You attract and keep her with the lifestyle you've built for yourself, and the man you've developed yourself to be.

Remember the biblical story of when God told Adam (after eating the forbidden fruit from Eve), that henceforth he would toil the ground for food and survival, and cursed Eve that she will suffer doing child birth? The true meaning of this story is that as a man, you have to be out there hustling, pursuing your goal and fulfilling your dreams, as no woman want to be for a man that is not out there toiling the ground.

She dont want to cry during child birth for man with no purpose, and be amother to his kids. Whether you believe in this story or not, you may comb any other religion, culture, science, and just observe the world around you, you would see that your value as a man is by being resourceful. You're almost depressed (that's if you're not), because you are not pursuing things in the real world that would make her wonder why you do not call her always, that even if she breaks up with you, you're too busy achieving and breaking through to even feel an inch of her jilting you.

That even if she breaks up with you, in the back of mind, she knows there are younger and far beautiful women out there waiting to take her place, and will question herself if she can get a man in the same calibre as you. Do you think Davido will be worried if Chioma decides to leave him? Davido will laugh at her because he knows that she will be dead lucky to meet a man in his status, and she knows this as well. In every relationship, many young boys are clouded with feelings and love without understanding the power dynamics that is ever present and playing in the background.

I hope you get well, but remember this, you will never loose women chasing money (interpret it as goals, achievements, purpose etc), but you'll always loose money chasing women. Goodluck young man.

10,000,000 Likes ❤️

Sorry for the pain my brother, i have been there and back several times.
Funny thing is any girl i invest in don't end well with me, unless the ones that is ready for us to have a mutual benefit in the relationship.

I have learnt how to expect disappointment from relationship from both sexes, truth is sometimes i anticipate that things will not go well as we are not perfect humans, i anticipate that she must misbehave and give me attitude no matter how long we have been in the relationship, fact is am always prepared for the worst though i never stop putting my best.

I define my relationships in a panoramic way where there is duality of every action.

Now i eat and digest pains of any sort with utmost speed because people are prone to change irrespective of my loyalty, remember you can never be satisfied with anyone unless you choose contentment and define your limits.

Remember what does not kill you makes you stronger and oathed to yourself

Remain an overcomer

chinchonglee:
Mtcheww!!! U nor well oo.

U re in ur mid twenties nd dis is wat is making u depressed

U never serious.

Lol....the guy is so funny. I'm in my late twenties and I don't have any gf...I'm not worried at all. He should be thinking of nursing a career.

dingbang:
What kind of weakness is this...

Really weak guy. He sounds like a woman.

rosy1992:
such is life, anything can happen. Get hold of yourself and move on. She isn't the best, someone better will come your way. Life is too short to hurt yourself for one person when there are others out there to put a smile to your face.

Frankly, you reason just like my ex girlfriend, full of wisdom. Funny enough her name is Rosemary. Sometimes, I wonder if she's the one behind this moniker.

Since it's your first heart break, enjoy it. Sometimes laugh about it, cry about it, push yourself to extreme for it, but keep it positive, thats how we grow.

What's life without ever experiencing heart break. And don't go about hating the girl, instead force yourself to become the best version of yourself.

Heart breaks, like death, is an experience we all must taste and I think life has a purpose for it.

It's the one experience that forces young people to ask critical questions: what's is happening to me? Why are girls rejecting me? What am I doing with life?

Some come off this a woman/man hater. Some serial cheats. Others become gays and lesbians and alcoholics and club-addicts.

But some dust themselves up, look inwards, and reach for higher objectives.

I encourage you to take the positive path

rosy1992:
such is life, anything can happen. Get hold of yourself and move on. She isn't the best, someone better will come your way. Life is too short to hurt yourself for one person when there are others out there to put a smile to your face.

See woman consoling a weak man. Lmao.. Funny!!

Sugar97:
7 years That's more like a divorce

And if you're denied heaven now you wee be asking what your sins was

All this epistle just because a woman left you? I can’t for the life of me read all that long note. You are an emotional wreck, get yourself together and go make some money. Nigeria is hell on it own, you guys should stop misusing this depression word anyhow. Young man find something positive and engage your thoughts with it. Adios

Davash222:
Frankly, you reason just like my ex girlfriend, full of wisdom. Funny enough her name is Rosemary. Sometimes, I wonder if she's the one behind this moniker.

Davash222:
Frankly, you reason just like my ex girlfriend, full of wisdom. Funny enough her name is Rosemary. Sometimes, I wonder if she's the one behind this moniker.

No I am not Rosemary.

Just f**k and f**k those holes ain't loyal .

Drekaz:
You will be alright jare, we've all been there...you are just passing through the stages of grief.
Relationships fail too and we learn from failures to make the next right move. Try get yourself some goals and start achieving them, the right woman always come, ALWAYS!
Cheers.

PS: Loosing 6kg in 3 weeks is massive mehn, you have a healthier weight compared to before sef, just looking on the brighter side o.
Since 3 months na only 3kg I don loose and my goal na to loose 15kg o...na still my goal sha.

The guy isn't serious jare. I'm 70kg, in my late twenties and no gf, yet I'm gallant. My career first, before any relationship.
I don't spend more than 2k on any lady girls plenty.

My man, she was never for you. There are so many beautiful souls in the body of women out there. Prayerfully look for and you would know that the best thing to have happened to you was her leaving the corridors of your precious life. And like someone advised above, be about your daily business and focus more on fulfilling your life's call and you would forget her as quickly as possibly. God bless you

Tallesty1:
I don't have much to say to you bro but always have this somewhere in your mind:

1. Investing emotionally or financially in a woman who isn't your wife is the worst kind of investment and a total waste of time.

2. Always be careful around anything that has tires, engine or boobs because they will definitely give you troubles.

Especially financially in a woman that isnt your wife is just pure madness..

Hey bro, brace up okay, I was there. This should make u stronger. Lol, my own story funny. I loved beyond comprehension. men too dey love shaa, girls dont love with their heart o.

Women are more matured in love than men. Women come out of heart break faster. lol. Brace up okay.

Ur story sounded like mine. Well, today, Im married, happy while that ma yeye ex never marry sef. lol. I dey ball with my young wifie. Im less than 30. So bro. enjoy ur self, u go dey alright. dont be harsh on ur self, becus u will surely feel pains.

Well, in ma case, many girls paid o. I broke hearts eh, i became a beast. I wouldnt say u should do same becus i later felt bad that i had to hurt so many ladies becus of the stupidity of one.

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

Sorry bro, take heart & be strong

I've been there before so I know how it feels just that am someone who has spirit of 'letgo'

Accept it that way, work hard & smart to become the best you can

What should matter to you know is how to become successful, forget about getting into any relationship at least for now

It is well with you

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

Op I was once in your shoe twice, I felt very bad and depressed when the second one happened because I also lost my dad that period. I moved on with my life and became friends with them, today I am married to an amazing woman and blessed with a beautiful daughter. The two of them self no even get boyfriend self, them don cross 30 oh

Bro I understand what you saying,my advice here is this,it is better she leaves now that you not both married than she gives you headache when you are married,marriage is sick,don’t bother about her getting married to someone else,she is not yours,what belongs to you will surely stay,work on yourself,if you no get house go and rent one package your house well,settle your mind,hustle for money,pursue your career,be nice to her and don’t bother her about the relationship again,find someone else,Take her off your mind 100%,you have lost her,no matter what you did for her in the past,accept your lost is is part of life,move on,you still plenty time,and note,before you marry date different women to be pick the one woman your spirit match her own,that word marriage,if you ever go into it with the wrong woman,you will get depressed for the rest of your life or end it.

Almost 7 years of dating ? That was a very bad idea.

Temporarily retire from any relationship now and go and huzzle. Get the money first!

You are too young to be going through this emotion baggage. This age is the age you should be using to understand females better than dating them.

If you had done that, you would have realised females mostly want, money, protection and kids from males. Can you offer that now?

Very few go for just companionship and even those who do will not sit around to wait for you for 7 seven years before deciding to take them to the alter.

This is just wrong timing.

Date when you are old enough and ready ( in all aspects)to get married.

But if you feel you have the right to date anyhow, inform who ever you like on that so they can know what to expect from the relationship.

Your ex wasn't getting what she wanted from you. That's why she left. Can you really blame her? Its not like she will still be your number 1 when things go well with you and you are old enough to have changes in preference.

Move on.

Shadbay:
I've been in extreme emotional pains for the past few months. I don't even know where to start to narrate my ordeal. I do not want this experience to damage me emotionally and psychologically, that's why I'm seeking help. Please pardon the length and blunders.

Earlier this year, just two weeks after my birthday, my ex-gf (gf of almost 7 years) broke up with me. I had just visited her and left two days prior to the breakup.
I went through the most challenging period of my life because I just suffered some job and graduate school rejections that period. The breakup worsened my situation and pushed me into a depression. I have never felt defeated in life till that point. She blocked me on all mediums of communication. It was too extreme. I went from 91kg to 85 kg in less than 3 weeks.

I visited her to understand the whole situation cos her behaviour was too extreme and I got a toxic dosage of embarrassments. She said she was done with me. She said a lot of hurtful things to me. The height of the embarrassments was calling her new boyfriend (barely 3 weeks after breaking up with me) right in front of me and telling him she doesn't know what I'm doing in her place. She even called some of her friends to inform them of my presence. They all sounded scared and concerned for her as if I was some kind of predator. They told her to leave her place at once and come to their place. All these calls were on speaker! This is someone I invested all these years and emotions for. I went through hell that period cos I was dealing with some other personal tribulations.

I can't imagine treating her or anybody else the way she treated me. I NEVER cheated on her, NOT ONCE or by chance! I have walked away from compromising situation countless times because I placed her so high. I had so much respect for her. She now went on to slander my name, accusing me of cheating!!! When I asked who was feeding her all those lies, she said her friends told her. How? Did I date you or your friends? It still boggles my mind to think she'll believe them and go about spreading those ugly rumours about me.

The straw that broke the camels back was when a friend of mine told me that she said she's grateful to God she didn't contract any infection/disease from me! I couldn't believe my ears. I broke down. This didn't just break my heart, it shattered my spirit. This is someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. My whole family (even extended) accepted her as one of us.

I had to accept that things were beyond salvaging because any attempt from me to fix things kept doing the opposite. The minute it involved my sisters I had to accept defeat.

I never harmed her or attempt to lay a finger on her. I might not be perfect but I gave it my all. The situation is far worse than I described it here, it's even painful remembering them. I loved her to a fault.

I got a text from her about a month ago after I refused to answer her calls because I had just lost a loved one. She said she's getting married and hopes I find peace as she has found hers. I stared at those words speechless. The worst set of people one could ever encounter are those that hurt you, know that they hurt you and still turn around to play victim accusing you of hurting them. If there's anything I'm proud of is my level of self-control. I know few of my friends who made fun of me being extremely loyal to one girl, warning me severally that I'm wasting my time and good looks, that my youth is passing me by. At least I have a clean conscience that I never betrayed her trust. I never went about telling other people our business. Now I understand why they say good guys always finish last.


Women don't deserve loyalty, forget all their cliche that men are not faithful and honest. I went the faithful, loyal path what did I get in return? Venom! I feel repulsed when I hear women say "Men are dogs", "Men always cheat".

I just don't want this experience to turn me into something I'm not or make me an embittered soul. I'm traumatized beyond words. This was my first and only relationship and I gave it everything. I'm in my mid-twenties and I don't think I can ever love genuinely again. I need mature advice on how to come out of this ordeal a better person. I don't want to transfer any aggressions or micro-aggressions on anybody because of this experience. Please mature advice needed. Thank you.

@ shadbay there’s no need to be sad, had you married the lady then it would be the worse decision you made in your life!! You
Might see it as pain now but it’s better you feel the pain now other than to feel her torment while in marriage, forget all the lies and all she probably got a rich guy else where or just that she just find you boring and all, she probably doesn’t deserve you bro you are too good for her
Don’t let the pain swallow you whole
Focus on getting back on your feet as a man
You have to erase every atom of feelings or affections you have for her, it’s not easy but with time you will be glad with your decision,
You are a man and a friend once said if you fall down and choose to stay on the ground then that’s failure so get your ass out there and make your family proud every other good thing in life follows!!
You will be fine bro!!

Lmao ... This is why I hate having emotional attachments with women . Honestly I don't think I can genuinely love any girl