healthserve:



Yeap. Big time narcissist. The guy played on her emotions to get married to her. We need to let her know she married the wrong dude and its a choice now to cope or

you totally wrong .....u just hear one side of a story and just conclude.
the Op isn't saying the whole truth trust me.......d husband is reacting to something just doing it the wrong.
like me for instance if my gf reject my advancement towards sex atimes i feel totally withdrawn from her..... like i totally ignore her for months dat doesn't mean it don't love her......it just a character av been battling with since my teens and we all forget everyone has different bad characters...... like i hate people telling me No it makes me feel i did a terrible thing asking the person so i will just withdraw myself completely.

My advise is she should get her man to talk Wen such happens it will help alot.

Interesting, the first 2 years was told are the most challenging. There is something you are not telling us.

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

goodgirl2409:


We have talked severally but nothing has changed. Every month, he puts up this attitude like 3 three weeks in a month, 1 week, things maybe normal.

Was he moody when u were dating? How long did u date? I don’t believe people just change it’s either u didn’t or refused to read the signs.

Or

Smtn happened or changed after the marriage which lead to his reoccurring mood swings. This is why I say people shud date to get married bt to know each other 1st or else u might just be marrying a total stranger. Ur husband shud be ur best frnd u should be able to know what he’s thinking or know how to get him to tell u without 3rd parties coming in.

Solution based on my limited observation:
When he’s moody try to give him space and do what u can and when he’s in a good mood discuss what happened or just ask random questions like what makes him moody or what can u do to improve the communication and marriage.

Did u change in ur looks after marriage cos sm
Men get bored or pissed about such changes and many ladies are insensitive to these changes once they get married they feel that’s the end to looking great.

Do u even know what ur hubby likes and doesn’t like?

Sounds to me like you two should go for marriage counseling. Marriage no be beans. Even I, dey learn.

Oh shut the fvck up

franchasng:
if the reasons I pointed out happens to be the reasons for the husband's attitude towards her, I doubt there can by a lasting solution, especially if she cheated on the husband and he somehow found out.


This is why I advice ladies, don't try to be like guys, guys can get away with cheating their spouse because women can forgive a cheating spouse more easily than men would forgive a cheating wife. It is not men's fault, it is how nature wired men to be, so don't blame them.


As a married lady, once you have made up your mind to cheat, be prepared for divorce should your man catch you or later find out, so expect the worst whenever you decide to cheat as a woman.

I don't care what feminists would say, the world will remain as it is, men cannot be forced or coerced to change their natural form just to suit some women clamoring for equality.

If as a lady you catch your husband cheating, u are free and entitled to divorce him, it is your decision to make. So if you as a married woman decides to forgive your husband when he cheats, you must not expect him to forgive you too when you cheat nor are you supposed to coerce or force him to forgive you, it is his own decision to forgive you or not, not your right.


Men can never be like women and also women can never be like men, so we must understand our differences as people of different gender to live a happy life.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

I he's a business man or workaholic type, it's normal but you need to have patience & communicate with your man when he's in happy mood. Let him realize how you feel whenever he's moody

Also, check yourself if your personal hygiene is OK (I don't mean to disrespect ma)

It is well with your marriage, divorce is not an option because what you are going through now is not worth it at all

Duggedised12:
Moods swings, seems to me that he is emotionally unstable and there is a high probability that you are not the root cause of it. This looks more like psychological.Give it your last shot ,ask him if you have done anything wrong,let out yohr emotions,cry if you have to and if he still doesn't bulg,then its time to shield yourself from the emotional roller coastal .

are you now married?

Well the op has said her part of the story but we still need the mans side to know how to advise.

Godoverevery:

you totally wrong .....u just hear one side of a story and just conclude.
the Op isn't saying the whole truth trust me.......d husband is reacting to something just doing it the wrong.
like me for instance if my gf reject my advancement towards sex atimes i feel totally withdrawn from her..... like i totally ignore her for months dat doesn't mean it don't love her......it just a character av been battling with since my teens and we all forget everyone has different bad characters...... like i hate people telling me No it makes me feel i did a terrible thing asking the person so i will just withdraw myself completely.

My advise is she should get her man to talk Wen such happens it will help alot.

A man is the head and director. If a man has needs he should communicate and not give attitude like a teen

What happened? [/quote]

See a pastor. I dont mean all those randy gullible ones. God has a healing awaiting you

He is definately depressed pls talk him out,marriage is overrated in this part of the country when u go in and u dont get the heavens and illusions of marriage it causes depression immediately at times insomnia which can cause madness as in koko nenter

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

It's either you are not yet pregnant and he is very worried. Or he has a problem with your behaviour and responses. Communicate properly. Like if he told you A in the past, and you argued without changing. Instead of him telling A, he prefers to use his strength for malice instead of arguments and fight. It can be as simple as telling you to shower often. As soon as he enters and sees you have not showered, and he knows that if he mentions it, you will argue how justified you are for not showering and how it's not a big deal. He'll simply switch off. No strength for argument.

You sef ignore him small ...don’t cook sef and when he cooks his own dish and eat out of it and in it all be laughing and smiling as if nothing is wrong o .. thank me later... it works

MrNipplesLover:





are you now married?

why the question?

daddytime:


Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.

And to what end would that be? Why would the young man embark on such meaningless adventure?

I actually take a different standpoint on this matter though as we need to be asking the Op some serious and critical questions.

Op, your husband is fine. There is an/some information he stumbled on that always disturb his mind. Such information is a negative one. You have to know such information. You have to wake up in d middle of the night and cry and remind how the two of you started so that he can give you the information.
Also you have to over his instructions. We men don't like our wives not respecting our instructions. As a married man of many years, I too go through this mood but I quickly resolve with my wife because the more the snubness continues, the more in the gap in the relationship.
Marriage is sweet. You are going through one of the challenges of marriage especially in the early stage. Don't give up. If you leave this one, do you know what the next one has in store for you.
Also please take your case to God. It is well. Once again don't give up. It is well!

There is no such thing as a "broken family."
Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family.

If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.

Divay22:

I'm sure the man was doing all this to the op and they did courtship before they married.
Why then is the sudden behavior from the man?

She didn’t study him well. Love supersede all. I don’t think the man love the lady . I have experience love once and I know how it’s works only seeing my ex babe sweating from work makes me cry.

Be patient young woman. This man was all alone for maybe 25 to 30 years. Now you have joined him to destabilize his privacy. He will adjust after your first or second child. Patience in endurance without complaining and marriage requires a lot of patience. Do not listen to anyone asking you to leave him. They do not mean well. Some may say he is cheating. Possible but you are his wife any outsider is a rag. A rag is never placed on the closet but in the bin area. So see any outsider as a rag. If you are a Christian, pray. Get the book ... a praying wife... cant remember the author again. Pray for him while he is still in bed and possibly pray aloud for him to hear you pour your thoughts to God. Show him love without words. Love him with all you got. He is your king and your closest friend. Do not go about complaining. Those you are complaining to are not better off.
God bless your marriage!

healthserve:


Working with what I have. Thank you Sir

That would be unfair, especially to the young man.

?[/quote]


See a pastor. I don't mean those randy gullible ones. There is healing awaiting your husband

khatea:
Sorry about this op!
What was courtship wt him like? D u just tell d whole truth here? Do u nag? Ur marriage is too young to start facing this emotional trauma, m sure sumtin is wrong somewhere. Either yes/no, U need a night preferably a midnight to deal with this issue my dear. Wake him, go on ur knees, cry if u want/can, pour out evritin bothering u and let him know how single in marriage u feel wt d way things are. I hope he speaks up

Note: U need to make ursef happy at all times no matter what pls. Remember prayer changes things too

Perfect response to the right situation. If this approach fails to work, no other will work. To relate it personal, no matter how tough i may appear to be, i can't stand the sight of my woman crying without asking her why she's crying even if she's at fault or i have something against her I'd take up the whole blame.

Well sis, its over 4yrs since I login in.... But you question relates to my kind of behavior.

The issues here MAYBE is his expectations in the marriage.
Serious I can decide not to talk to you for months simply because I don't like you attitude? This is not based on you said (harsh words don't move ...).

Secondly is you hubby a virgin (how is his sex life before marriage) ?? How was yours?? Then I recommende his spiritual father should be involve (In case of intra conflict within him... & Spirit wfy)

Money is not the issue (could me the stress.. In this case please in the name of what you worship give him space.. I know how it feels.. I once stopped calling and texting my Bae because of this.. Only on serious case I will call when she cry and ask for forgiveness, I ask for space)

He loves you... Just know that.
Just that the changes as a married man is much... can't relate it because he has few friends and non is trust worthy because we do find it difficult to relate our present issues including parents so don't even think of involving them (worse the issue or if you want to end it or test his love)

KanuSE:


That would be unfair, especially to the young man.

Read the last paragraph Sir.

Have a nice day

You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage.
It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first.
Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal.
Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.

70% of marrital problems started from the foundation,i mean the courtship days. How well did you get to know him before marriage,the symptoms were probably there but you couldn't see it.

Stop blaming yourself because you married an emotional blackmailer who doesnt want to grow up. If you dont have a kid yet i will advise you hold on to see if he changes because you may need to leave the union if the symptoms get worse. Life is too short to be miserable.

He should be accountable to someone,reach out for help if possible. Finally pray, prayer changes tough situations.

Watch the movie called "War Room" Thanks

healthserve:



I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

I tried to see if it was Nwamaikpe, but I knew, he couldn't have been here with something this reasonable.

God bless you.

Let me give you this advice, I am somewhat like Him.

He truly Loves you but always wants you to sync with Him at all times.

Firstly, He is not cheating.

Secondly, He needs Respect, and when I mean respect........REAL, not superficial respect.

Thirdly, Try to know things that offend Him, and don't take them or Him for granted.

You have a ability to make this marriage as Happy as you can,I understand he may offend you at times, but at those times, speak gently to make Him understand how he has offended you.

I know you also have some things you are not saying and I am not surprised as you are a Woman, You guys seem to see things from the current state, not the causative state(what really started the mood swing).

This your Husband, It's either he is always very Happy with you or very Unhappy.

You have to be a WIFE, Please read Proverbs 31.

A Woman owns the Home, you are the rudder, so you have to paddle the House (and paddle Him) the way you want.

Again,He Loves You.

I believe he may be an introvert with not so may Friends and people like that most times are Faithful

You are a Woman, not a MAN, Please let him feel his Manliness in your Humility, Gentle speaking and Respect,in time LOVE AND HAPPINESS flows in the Home

Divay22:
I don't think i wanna get married.
I'm scared.
Can't comma kee myself o

Really

healthserve:



A man is the head and director. If a man has needs he should communicate and not give attitude like a teen

lol...... and if he decides not to
we are all different dat the beauty of life.....he own is still better for the Op ... maybe she come take d one dat won't even come home and won't drop a kobo.
she sud just know what he is reacting to am very sure he is reacting to something and just the malice type .....am like dat too.