₦airaland Forum

Goodylicious74:
Nice!! This is definitely one of the best advice I've seen on this forum.

goodgirl2409:
My husband has really changed. He is so unemotional and revengeful.
I will cook for him severally and he won’t eat. I will serve him food and he won’t eat. I will ask him what I have done and he won’t respond. Every time he gives me the silent treatment.

I feel so pained because I expected more from this marriage but barely 1 year after, he doesn’t seem to love me anymore. Sometimes 1 month will pass, no sex. He would go out and won’t bother to tell me where he is going.



He would come back very late and would just ignore me like I don’t exist.
Although he drops money for me to run the house and communicates strictly with me, it make no sense to me.
I am tired. Is this how marriage is? Is this how men are or am I just suffering?

I don’t have anyone to beg to talk to him,and I was told reporting him to any of his family members is not good. things are getting worse everyday. People who have married for many years and are succeeding please help me. What am I not doing right?

UPDATE.
I want to add that it is not sexual incompatibility.
When he is in his happy mood, I would even be tired of his endless gist. S-x will be very great. He is kind and caring. Such a wonderful man. In fact an angel. He would even wash my underwear’s and clothes.

But when his mood start which is his mood most of the time, he won’t talk to you, he won’t eat. I will finish cooking, he will go outside and buy another food and come and cook. He won’t come back on time. I will ask him what is it, he would not respond. He always feels everything I do to annoy him, i do it on purpose. I am a peace loving person. Everyone around that knows the story
always say that he has a problem.

kenesh:
Same thing I go through. But I don't care anymore. I have grown thick skin. If he likes he talks to me, if he doesn't like, he gives the silent bulshit treatment like we are quarrelling. One minute we gist, the next he is not eating my food. I dont let that get to me o. I have my kids, my business and work to keep me busy. I cannot come and fall into depression for one man that enjoys hurting me intentionally with his funny moods. OP be like me!

queenfav:
I don't even know what to say. Just try talking to him about how you feel, let him know that you are not happy.

YelloweWest:
As I was reading, i said to myself this was exactly me a few years ago. Not anymore...

Dear here's what's happening: you described your husband as a loving man right?
1. He has friends or family that are advising him to go hard on you or else you will take him for a ride. Not that you've done anything wrong o, it's just a method of creating the idea in your head that your husband has options and if u mess up you're out

2. He is cheating.... and the guys he hangs around with advices him to cheat. I'm sorry to break this to u but like 95%Of Nigerian men your husband has gone outside, therefore he is playing the best way to defend is attack! It's a mind game. All our men do it.
At the point to which he is ignoring you, if u catch him red handed with another woman, you'll be the one to beg him to return to u... I've been married 15years, I know what I'm talking about.

Solution: the good old fashion way, ignore him. Yes it's old fashion but it works!
Never let his silent treatment get to you!
Never let him see you cry or sad. You've been begging and it's not working, time to change tactics! Even if u roll on the floor crying and begging, nothing will change.
Cook but don't serve him unless he asks. If he complains just say I thought u came back with food...
Focus on yourself and make money!!!
Hangout with your friends (girls night out)
Let him see you chatting and smiling... ( This one is a killer o. Pls be careful)
Lock your phone! Don't touch his and let him not touch yours too...
Play music all the time when he is home with an ear piece.
Register at a gym! Are you in ph? I for recommend where you'll have so much fun eh! Depression will never know u.
But NEVER cheat unless you've walked out of the marriage which I don't advise.
Do all these and he'll come around begging like a dog. Trust me!
There's a saying that the one sure way to get your man back is to give him an overdose of his mistress...

Hope this helps u the way it helped me cuz my husband used to give me silent treatment like this too.

Above all Talk to God about it... the prayer changes things.

Classyuniquebae:
It's really disturbing to read 85% of the comments stating different reasons and justification to the husbands silent treatment !

I've been happily married for 7 years now and as someone rightly stated , marriage does not have a definite formular that works for every couple but one thing is always the solution to all marital problems and that is COMMUNICATION !!! You cannot really get anything done no matter how lovely , sweet , patient and understanding you are as a partner without knowing how to express what you feel,how you feel and what you are really expecting from your partner.

Communication makes everything easier ! It helps your partner to know that you are angry , that you are not being sexually satisfied , that her way of doing some certain things annoys you !!! Hell how is she going to know that she is not satisfying you sexually and seek to either learn , improve or take lessons from you ? How would she know that you are no longer interested and at least try to convince you otherwise or move on with his or her life ? It doesn't matter if your husband cheated or you cheated ! The truth remains that for both of you to understand the situation , look for a possible solution or go your separate ways , you must have to sit down like civilized human beings and talk it out simple !!! No need of claiming hard man or woman ! If you want a divorce at least communicate goddamn it !

Two people must be willing to talk at all times than to let things linger on, causing more pains and assumptions inbetween ! If you are not a talking type or one who would maturely set aside his ego ,anger and what not to discuss amicable or issue your warning or make your stand clear , then believe me , even if you marry 10 wives or 10 husbands ... Your marriage must crash !


In a nut shell Op , try once more to communicate with him and if he isn't coming forth , I'm sorry to say that you need to move on .
Life is too short to be spent on an unwilling partner . Once one dies, it's over ! No more second chances , so make it worthwhile while you still have the chance .
Good luck

MrNipplesLover:
pls, what kind of attention?


things that men want in marriage (from their wives): respect, care, honesty, sex, open mindedness, cleanliness and culinary skills [all these are the attentions expected of a wife]


it is only a stupid man that would put up an attitude towards his wife because she doesn't know, or, is not doing what he wants, WHEREAS, HE HASN'T EVER COMMUNICATED IT TO HER, OR, DISCUSSED IT.

as we (guys) find it annoying how girls expect us to know what they want without telling us in the first place, so as women.


I agree with your last statement. yes. most women failed at knowing the kind of men they are courting because they have been blindfolded by what they are getting.


but still, I am having the feeling that the lady didnt post the real issue

Divay22:
I don't think i wanna get married.
I'm scared.
Can't comma kee myself o

GoldPencil:
listen to her. the game is the game. dont hate it. just play it well.

sapien:
He is cheating. No doubt about it.

Most cheaters are always distant and aloof to their spouse in their marriage.

daddytime:
Lol

Marriage na school wey nobody don ever graduate from.

Will touch on this topic tomorrow. I feel so sorry for op.

She's been blackmailed and having her mind/head messed with deliberately by a narcissist.

It's a mind game.

Divay22:
I don't think i wanna get married. I'm scared. Can't comma kee myself o

healthserve:
I have things to say


1. Read the book Five love languages by Gary Chapman


2. That's your husband's love language and how he will keep communicating through the marriage. The earlier you come to terms that marriage reveal and not change people the better. I'm discouraging you from hoping for a change so you can start gaining the right perspective on managing the marriage, or levelling the ground to gain some advantage to yourself. If I encourage you to tow this line, you'll lose yourself so I will keep the secrets


3. You need to honestly tell your self privately the answer to this question. If my husband doesn't change cab I cope with this for the long haul? The answer will be your guiding light


4. Start dealing with the truth perhaps you married a stranger and now true colors are been unveiled.


5. Tip one to help you. Dissociate the emotional trauma from all the instabilities. I.e. don't feel bad if he doesn't eat,stays out or don't talk.


6. Tip two, don't let his inadequacies and tantrums go unchecked. I.e Never you confront him but respectfully let him know hes hurting you. I.e Nnanyi I know you've started with the silent treatment. I just wanted you to know that I know. End the sentence there and move on,transfer the psychological baggage to him by doing this. Talk about it and move on,the pain would be transfered to him psychologically relieving you off the stress hes projecting to you


7. Tip three, happiness kills bad vibes. Be cheerful. Never show that the bad experiences are stressing you. Deflect the bad vibe and exude happy reactions.I promise you he'll start calling you a witch cause he'll notice his down tactics have no hold on you.


8. Your husband isn't a demon, neither have I said he's a bad person or you didn't do some wrongs. I'm working with the facts I have here assuming both sides have stated both their cases

vickydevoka:
Pls don't, I would advice u to remain single n hustle for ur self n adopted, (probably) child.
Me am 35 n I av small business buh I am fucking scared of marriage. So now I want my mum to hook me up with with a very decent gal, so if wahala come I can refer to her to my mum

vingeophysicist:
Marriage is a good thing when you get the right person.
Someone that understands you and cherish you. That is why courtship should be compulsory.

Bolanlevivian:
Madam you need to start ignoring him too, my husband use to be like that when we got married, I will beg and beg, especially as I like holding him before I can sleep, so when he starts he pushes me away when I hold him to sleep so I always have sleepless night when we are quarelling until I gave myself brain, and started holding pillow, I repeat stop begging him, give him the same cold treatment and watch him change.

femlake:
Please contact me on fembuk2002@gmail.com
I have tips on making this kind of marriage work.
Thank you.

DanDeeBoss:
It is well with your soul

Funkyswagzz:
It's obvious she didn't post the real issue.. she don't even know what the issue is. I think she's swimming in a deep blue sea. She's concentrating on those qualities u mentioned above forgetting that guys can easily play along if they know ur weak spot

Mrsj89:
Ignore him, look for ways to make yourself happy, ignore him completely he keeps doing that because of the effect it has on you, don't let it get to you, he will stop

degamemaster:
You have given her the right answers to her problems. Recommending The Five Love Languages is a very good thing an I hope she reads and not depend on prayers or what her pastor says. This is one point.

Another point is, what was their courtship like before they married?
Some people married out of infatuation and lust just as she pointed out that when the man's mood is normal, he can give the best sexual experience and he always drops money to run the house. You know, some ladies sees marriage as n escape route from poverty thereby entering marriage with the wrong motive and when the air clears, they begin to see well and sometimes regret. I may be wrong with my assertion in this case though but in all, both of them have the duty yo learn their primary love languages in other to communicate better.

khatea:
Reason I asked what their courtship was like but OP ddnt talk on dat. I think this shldnt just start all of a sudden after d wedding tho

KanuSE:
What rocks your boat may sink Op's boat finally.

OnPointMan:
Lol. U really don't know what to say dear

YelloweWest:
Wisdom is profitable to direct...

A scam can't scam a scammer

Daisy17:
Narcissists are people who are very loving in the beginning and then change when they become bored. When I see people talk about getting to know someone during courtship I just shake my head. Do you think narcissists show their real colours during courtship? They don't. Read up on narcissism and you will see painful stories written by the victims. When the abuse starts, most of the victims cannot reconcile the abuser to the person they thought they knew.

KanuSE:
What rocks your boat may sink Op's boat finally.

sisisioge:
Madam! You've got to speak his language too...when he starts, just totally ignore him. Don't beg, don't cook, don't take the sex, don't frown, speak when spoken to, don't carry face, act like his behaviour is normal, just dey look too. Wtf! Hian!


Una just dey make single hood sweet sotey married friends dey advise person say there is no rush, take your time. Lawd! Where are the good fair people!!!!