₦airaland Forum

40secondsMan:
Why You Act The Way You Do- Tim lahaye

Pls can you share this book, been looking for it.
Whoever has it should share it with me please.
This is my email: @gmail.com

The first thing you need to work on is self consciousness,everyone is busy with their own life to be that much interested in the life of others,..
Don't be self conscious when you are with others.Believe me, its not easy the thoughts will come but don't let it deter you. If you can overcome this thing alone,you will act natural.. Shalom

I was once in your shoes , but I improved with time. Just try speaking up. Nobody bites

derrick015:
Good day.

I really need a personality change. I am always depressed when I find my mates doing what I want to do.

I struggle in a lot of things I find myself doing. At work (contrastingly a customer care agent) I am really struggling and I have been warned several times to sit up but I still struggle.

Some of my weakness are.

inarticulate speaking

Not been assertive

lack of confidence ( my voice and body shake when I talk)

I can't communicate well in my local language (this is because of my upbringing) it doesn't sound right in my month.


I don't have real friends!



I have tried alot of things. somebody recommended the usage of drugs (tramadol), alcohol or smoke. But I don't want to try them.

I have posted on this issue with more than 10 different accounts since the last 10 years of which one of it is aknopic.
And I have been reading and watching videos overcoming shyness for more that 10 years now but it seems things still get worst



Please help

pardon any blunder

Op , I'm also a core introvert and my own case was similar to your case... My reclusive upbringing added more injury to the salt... You can't pretend not to know that this is a problem but you can overcome it if you are determined...
So , how do I overcome it?
1. Identify the problem and be determined to solved them..
2. Be ambitious and set an achievable target for yourself concerning what you wish to become.
3. Be studious, persistent and responsible for sth..
4. Leave your comfort zone ... It helps to stretch your capacity and capability
5. Mirror a particular great personality who you will like to become. And use his/her character or strength as your building blocks for your own boldness and eloquence e.g Barack Obama..( )
6. Acknowledge your improvement and keep pressing on till you become a professional ....
There's a saying that there's no mountain anyway, man's ignorance is his mountain....
Meet you at your greater level!

Jewingle:
What I have come to understand as an introvert is that you have to work on yourself first. Introverts think a lot and always care what people say about them, shy most times and sometimes can’t even speak up for their right. The main factor lies in yourself. What are your insecurities. Using myself as an example. I was very tall and lanky and that affected my self esteem because most people make jest of me because of my looks. And even looking at myself in the mirrow I don’t even like how I looked

I worked out thoroughly by hitting the gym until I became muscular and that increased my self esteem. I Dressed more classier and started taking care of my skin. Took grooming of my hair and beard serious. All these boost your confidence becos you would start getting admired and not shy of urself. What causes low self esteem is when you don’t look good enough probably becos you are too fat or too skinny or don’t dress well enough. You have to work on your physical appearance and trust me your confidence will boost. And most importantly double your hussle. Without money you can’t achieve most of this things. I repeat work on your Physcial appearance and watch ur confidence boost

very true, infact this is bomb.

been an introvert can be a blessing, real introverts worry about issues, but not those the ones you listed above. maybe you're just been timid. or you're battling with unworthy attitude, which is seeing yourself below standard. is a thing of the mind,which you yourself can help yourself.

work on your mind set, start seeing yourself as the greatest, with time you will feel alright.

Blackivy29:
does it help?

big time... Many nairalanders are victims too... I'm not talking about quitting for a while but quitting totally. If only people know what damage masturbation has done to their body, especially men.

Happy Sunday to you.

glink2015:
Op , I'm also a core introvert and my own case was similar to your case... My reclusive upbringing added more injury to the salt... You can't pretend not to know that this is a problem but you can overcome it if you are determined...
So , how do I overcome it?
1. Identify the problem and be determined to solved them..
2. Be ambitious and set an achievable target for yourself concerning what you wish to become.
3. Be studious, persistent and responsible for sth..
4. Leave your comfort zone ... It helps to stretch your capacity and capability
5. Mirror a particular great personality who you will like to become. And use his/her character or strength as your building blocks for your own boldness and eloquence e.g Barack Obama..( )
6. Acknowledge your improvement and keep pressing on till you become a professional ....
There's a saying that there's no mountain anyway, man's ignorance is his mountain....
Meet you at your greater level!

Thanks so much.

derrick015:
Thank you all for the advice

Somethings have been unraveled here that I really appreciate.

Well I think I am a shy introvert.

I have seen a lot of introverted persons do things.

I work in a bank now. I need to get rid of shyness and maybe low self-esteem to be a great banker.


I can't say because I am an introvert I will drop the job. That will be foolish of me. And there are little jobs out there.

Please help me.

Only believe and come to Jesus and he will help u

dafeoroyo:
Only believe and come to Jesus and he will help u

Can I say I believed but I have been worse?

40secondsMan:
Do you read books? I'd like to recommend one fr u...

Asking an introvert to read book.....are u all right

millionboi2:
Asking an introvert to read book.....are u all right

Introverts are more likely to be book lovers than extroverts.

I think you have got SAD(social anxiety disorder)

Id recommened this book Overcoming social anxiety and shyness by gillian buttler read it.

If you are an introvert who wants to be an extrovert starting going out more. Do not watch football match alone at home visit a bar, viewing centres, eat out buka eateries joint, find a pool in your area go there every other weekend. Understand you need work on yourself so play games like snooker video game etc, with strangers. You don't have to enjoy it cos it notvan end in it self but a mean to achieving your end goal of socializing. No go library I introvert pass you but I am a lot more outgoing now.

derrick015:
Good day.

I really need a personality change. I am always depressed when I find my mates doing what I want to do.

I struggle in a lot of things I find myself doing. At work (contrastingly a customer care agent) I am really struggling and I have been warned several times to sit up but I still struggle.

Some of my weakness are.

inarticulate speaking

Not been assertive

lack of confidence ( my voice and body shake when I talk)

I can't communicate well in my local language (this is because of my upbringing) it doesn't sound right in my month.


I don't have real friends!



I have tried alot of things. somebody recommended the usage of drugs (tramadol), alcohol or smoke. But I don't want to try them.

I have posted on this issue with more than 10 different accounts since the last 10 years of which one of it is aknopic.
And I have been reading and watching videos overcoming shyness for more that 10 years now but it seems things still get worst



Please help

pardon any blunder

MiVida:
big time... Many nairalanders are victims too... I'm not talking about quitting for a while but quitting totally. If only people know what damage masturbation has done to their body, especially men.

Happy Sunday to you.

happy sunday thanks for this.

derrick015:
Good day.

I really need a personality change. I am always depressed when I find my mates doing what I want to do.

I struggle in a lot of things I find myself doing. At work (contrastingly a customer care agent) I am really struggling and I have been warned several times to sit up but I still struggle.

Some of my weakness are.

inarticulate speaking

Not been assertive

lack of confidence ( my voice and body shake when I talk)

I can't communicate well in my local language (this is because of my upbringing) it doesn't sound right in my month.


I don't have real friends!



I have tried alot of things. somebody recommended the usage of drugs (tramadol), alcohol or smoke. But I don't want to try them.

I have posted on this issue with more than 10 different accounts since the last 10 years of which one of it is aknopic.
And I have been reading and watching videos overcoming shyness for more that 10 years now but it seems things still get worst



Please help

pardon any blunder

To add to others contribution, if you are a Christian, try joining an active department like Ushers, and also join a social club and be active. I had this problem and when I was admitted to higher institution, I joined Rotaract club and also an entertainment club on campus and I was settled

Op I was once an Introvert too. As in extreme introvert with stammer join.

Lol

But what changed me?

After my degree, I wanted to float my own company and also teach, sighs how can I achieve such huge feat. My late mum mocked me without end that how can I be so quiet and expect to succeed in life and in fact before I can even say a sentence sef, all my employees and students would have been so bored to death with my presence. Lol
And she's not wasting a dime, to assist me in my business plan unless I stop to stammer and come out of my shell wit people.

And no customer will even have the patience to wait until I finish one sentence, so I have to seat up and change! Or else no money for me o.
I was in great tears when she was saying it.
That night I made up my mind, no more stammering, no more avoiding people, no more keeping to myself. I must talk and I must be bold to face people.

As long as people are not crazy to bite, when I talk to them.

So with time., I realise if I'm not social and friendly, my company will fold up and I will suffer greatly.

Mehn I buckle up o and changed.

Remember people will not kill you, if you talk to them. They will even look at you with either curious or bored eyes wondering what u want to say.
So say your mind with wisdom jare and be free!!!!!!

Freedom. Is Power!



And my next challenge now. My Pastor is organizing a convention, where other pastors from other churches home and abroad with delegates and close to 1 million viewers for 7 days are going to seated watching people chosen to dance. And sighs he has chosen me to dance Infront of so many people on a wide stage.
Initially I was angry, why can't this man just let me be jeje but he made me understand if I don't dance, he won't talk to me again.

And I admire my Pastor, I don't want to fall his hand, so I accepted , especially as he called me out infront of congregation. Sighs, I'm practicing my Micheal Jackson and moon walker skills already joined with break dance

May God help me o. I pray I won't collapse and fall flat on that day. Ewoooo!!!!

It's a challenge I must go through, so says my mind . Devil is a liar!

If you like allow yourself to be deceived.. That is your peculiarity.. Nothing can be done to change it.. The earlier u accept that and enjoy your life that way.. The better for you

Make a practice to be talking aloud to that your best friend
Check the mirror, you will see him. Look at him in the eyes and just talk, replay everything you would have loved to say at work.
Then when talking to people imagine them to be a low version of you and talk to them as if you are talking to that man in the mirror

Each time I see introvert, I feel like somebody called my name... Yes I was introvert personified....
Straight to what I did.

I made sure I get embarrassed, as a child I hate being wrong or being disgraced... I wanted everything to be perfect but then my grandma told me that (the more embarrassed I become the less shy you tend to be) this may not work for you for two reasons.

Age may not be on your side (I was a child and being stupid was permitted)

Haven worked for ten years being stupid or getting embarased will help you but it might ruine more... (work, life, reputation and maybe a relationship or family)

But then I will still suggest you do something outside your comfort zone everyday.
Try talking to random people, girls/ boys, in bus, church market, mall just talk to somebody at any chance you get. Go to social gathering and try to fit in...

Just go beyond your norms, create new norms and break your records.

Ambivert for life.

GeniusWannabe:
Introverts are more likely to be book lovers than extroverts.

datz I'm surprised u are recommending it.

cooluzi:
books cant help you rather [b]start mingle with people and start opening up your mind and talk ,[/b]im like this when I was younger but I changed but not completely tho

what if he read this in a book and not on nairaland. besifdes how can an introvert change to an extrovert?

hayzed1090:
what if he read this in a book and not on nairaland. besifdes how can an introvert change to an extrovert?

mingle and socialize yourself with people nothing more

cooluzi:
mingle and socialize yourself with people nothing more

thats exactly my point... y shld u fancy mingling and socializing if indeed u are an introvert

Bro u are putting unnecessary pressure on yaself. Stop been who u are not. For 10 years struggling!! Haba bros.
If you must do the kind work you dey do,please just be yourself, just make sure you have enough grabs on ur organization nd the product u are marketing. Stop focusing on mistake u gonna make, just allow the information flow from you

hayzed1090:
thats exactly my point... y shld u fancy mingling and socializing if indeed u are an introvert

but thats the only solution if you dont like being an introvert which the op doesn't like

cooluzi:
but thats the only solution if you dont like being an introvert which the op doesn't like

thats where i get confused... aside from when circumstances require an introvert to portray some extrovertial traits, i dnt why any introvert will want to be an extrovert.

hayzed1090:
thats where i get confused... aside from when circumstances require an introvert to portray some extrovertial traits, i dnt why any introvert will want to be an extrovert.

but the op want to

akinade28:
The first thing is to accept who you are. Accept that you are introvert and there is nothing you can do about it, you can only try to improve on your weaknesses.
The fact is that both introverts and extroverts have their strengths and weaknesses.
Stop comparing your weaknesses as an introvert such as being timid, shy, quiet etc with an extrovert strength such being outspoken and bold, because you will always undermine and underestimate yourself. You will consider yourself to be a failure and have low esteem
If you work on your weaknesses, you will discover that you can be better at your job than those extrovert, you are comparing yourself with.
Though I understand the economic situation of the country and the high rate of unemployment but not all jobs are well suited for you, that's why you are struggling with it.
I think you should consider looking for a job that requires your intellectual skills not so much of interpersonal relationship skills because we as interverts are not as good as extroverts in this particular area, it's their strengthen, but our weakness.
But in the main time, you can try talking to people or making friends with people beneath you ( in term of age, maturity, academics) this might boost your level of confidence or social interactions before you meet people in your level or above you.
Please don't do drugs, you will only damage yourself the more

You said it all dear, most of the shortcomings he listed are not characteristics of an introvert, cause I'm an introvert, the op is suffering from low self esteem. You need to work on it.

Phew! This is so like me. I've been also struggling with this issues for a long time, like for me talking or communicating is a huge problem. I also find it hard to articulate whenever i converse with pple, especially female folks...... The thing jus tire me.

Toroso:
If you are an introvert who wants to be an extrovert starting going out more. Do not watch football match alone at home visit a bar, viewing centres, eat out buka eateries joint, find a pool in your area go there every other weekend. Understand you need work on yourself so play games like snooker video game etc, with strangers. You don't have to enjoy it cos it notvan end in it self but a mean to achieving your end goal of socializing. No go library I introvert pass you but I am a lot more outgoing now.

Watching football in viewing centres helps a lot.i was once an introvert but supporting Chelsea and insulting deadwoods like Alonso,bakayoko and the likes publicly helped me become a little bit outspoken in public

you may have hyperthyroidism, that's too much production of hormones, it causes tremor, anxiety, excessive sweating, palpitation and more, which are all symptoms of fear. Google it to know more about it, it's curable though.

Women generally have more hormones than men, that's why they easy get scared.