I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes

I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old

She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.

My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.

My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. I can't look at him, I have nothing to say to him and all he wants to do is hold my hand and kiss me, and try to manipulate me into bed. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please

Ur husband sef....he went skin diving instead of using a condom.

Sorry madam...life is a bitch, shit happens. I think ur niece should mayb wash d pregnancy away since its still at d early stage

Ask to know which doctor they went to and get the truth from doc.... if she is really pregnant then it's obvious your hubby did it. EOD!

Unless it’s rape, there’s absolutely no mistake in having sex. Your husband might be innocent & it’s quite possible that he’s the one that impregnated her. It’s her word against his. But forget about how respectable your husband is, if he truly respected himself , he wouldn’t have done such & he really messed up. Seems she will have to give birth to the baby. This is quite a tackling issue. Abortion is very dangerous. What a mess smh

Madam, Why Did U Watched Goat Went Close To The Yam, And U Did Nothing Just Because U Asumed U Trained The Goat Well?,, Ok, Now That The Yam Have Been Eaten, Should I Ask U To Kill The Goat Or Bury The Yam? Me Am Not Good In Advising In This Kind Of Play. May God Hep Me Pass This Kind Tmtatn

Aye le o

EmekaBlue:
Ur husband sef....he went skin diving instead of using a condom.

Sorry madam...life is a bitch, shit happens. I think ur niece should mayb wash d pregnancy away since its still at d early stage

You are only condemning the man because he went skin diving not because he had sex with the woman's niece?

I shudder at the rubbish that some of you boy-men comment here.

Smh

.

hmmn orisirisi....konji na bastard ;Dhmmn orisirisi....konji na bastard

loveymom:


You are only condemning the man because he went skin diving not because he had sex with the woman's niece?

I shudder at the rubbish that some of you boy-men comment here.

Smh

it has happened already and nothing can change that. Other men reading this who might want to make such sweet mistake should learn to wear a condom

Agneseze:
I can’t sleep , i am so depressed right now . I am writing this with tears in my eyes

I have been married for 13 years , and my husband and I have 4 children together. Everything was going well in my family until my niece came to live with us. She is 19 years old

She became close to my husband, but I never thought they were having an affair. I didn’t see anything going on between them to make suspect them. She was respectful to him.then I observed that she was not looking right and complaining that she was ill. I asked her what the problem was, she said nothing. Then a few days later after she was not feeling well, I told her i should take her to the doctor but my husband offered to take her. I still didn’t take that to mean anything.

My husband took her to the doctor. When she came back , she told me that the doctor said nothing was wrong with her. Then a few days after when I was at work , she packed her bags and went back to her mother. She told her mother that the doctor said she is pregnant. It was my husband who got her pregnant and he wanted her to do an abortion, but she was afraid. Her mother said when she came to live with us she was a virgin, but my husband took her virginity.

My husband calls her a liar. He said that he never had sex with her. But I am worried , because my husband is respectable man and is well known. I don’t know what to believe. What should I do please

The fact your husband is denying it is nauseating

Please call a family meeting and invite both your niece and her family, your family and your husband's family. So that the both parties will face themselves and you will find out the truth.

Without the truth you won't be able to know how to handle this matter.

This issue if not properly handled can scatter your family, I am sorry you are having to deal with such a terrible thing.
I'd suggest you try and establish the truth first.

I wouldn't conclude that your husband is guilty until I have established the truth cos if you wrongly assume he is guilty and he is not, you would be doing yourself another great damage by wrongly levelling such a terrible accusation against your husband.

I'd say you should be scheming on how to establish what the truth is.

I wish you Gods direction in this trying and challenging time.

loveymom:


The fact your husband is denying it is nauseating

Please call a family meeting and invite both your niece and her family, your family and your husband's family. So that the both parties will face themselves and you will find out the truth.

Without the truth you won't be able to know how to handle this matter.

This does not sound like a wise thing to do, how will she call the whole village on her husband based on an accusation that has not been verified.
And even if she eventually verifies it she does not have to expose her dirty laundry in the open, she has a marriage to keep nonetheless.

When tree falls on tree you remove the uppermost one first.

The first thing she needs to do is to use wisdom to establish if her husband is the one responsible or not.

Have you though about the damage your suggestion would make if her husband is been wrongly accused ?
Or do you think it is not possible that the husband may be wrongly accused ?

This is not the time to betray emotions , this is the time to use wisdom.

EmekaBlue:
Ur husband sef....he went skin diving instead of using a condom.

Sorry madam...life is a bitch, shit happens. I think ur niece should mayb wash d pregnancy away since its still at d early stage

Hmm.

loveymom:


You are only condemning the man because he went skin diving not because he had sex with the woman's niece?

I shudder at the rubbish that some of you boy-men comment here.

Smh

Real Shudder!

calgaryFriend:


This does not sound like a wise thing to do, how will she call the whole village on her husband based on an accusation that has not been verified.
And even if she eventually verifies it she does not have to expose her dirty laundry in the open, she has a marriage to keep nonetheless.

When tree falls on tree you remove the uppermost one first.

The first thing she needs to do is to use wisdom to establish if her husband is the one responsible or not.

Have you though about the damage your suggestion would make if her husband is been wrongly accused ?
Or do you think it is not possible that the husband may be wrongly accused ?

This is not the time to betray emotions , this is the time to use wisdom.

If I tow your lane, it will be a gender war.

Inviting both families is not calling the whole village, if the husband is guilty he won't be able to deny it in the presence of the girl and the rest of the families.

As painful as this will sound, I will ask the girl what she wants to do, clearly giving her the right over her own body. She is my relative not his and I will support her while watching my husband prayerfully without a quarrel.
If she does keep the pregnancy, I will request her to give us custody of the child and voila we have another child.
Whatever she decides, I will stand by it. Anything other than him and her continuing their affair.
Yes, I will also have the baby’s DNA tested when born if we have to accept the liability.
Life is not that hard, it’s betraying and hurtful but we will always take the right decisions putting emotions aside.

loveymom:


If I tow your lane, it will be a gender war.

Inviting both families is not calling the whole village, if the husband is guilty he won't be able to deny it in the presence of the girl and the rest of the families.

There is nothing you can do about it, Africa is a patriarchal continent . So yes I know what you are insinuating but face the facts, we do not have the same rules for both men and women it is just what it is.

Having said that, I insist it will be a stupid thing to call the whole family meeting on her husband, wether she eventually finds out he is guilty or not.

What she needs to do is to find out the truth, if she cannot find that out from her husband without a family meeting then she does not have a marriage to start with.

Why must you have a family meeting before you know the truth, he is a grown man and if he does not confess such a thing to his wife then there are deeper issues, and yes you may not agree with me but calling a family meeting on the issue will not solve any problem, it will make it worse.

calgaryFriend:


There is nothing you can do about it, Africa is a patriarchal continent . So yes I know what you are insinuating but face the facts, we do not have the same rules for both men and women it is just what it is.

Having said that, I insist it will be a stupid thing to call the whole family meeting on her husband, wether she eventually finds out he is guilty or not.

What she needs to do is to find out the truth, if she cannot find that out from her husband without a family meeting then she does not have a marriage to start with.

Why must you have a family meeting before you know the truth, he is a grown man and if he does not confess such a thing to his wife then there are deeper issues, and yes you may not agree with me but calling a family meeting on the issue will not solve any problem, it will make it worse.

There are men who will never admit their fault until when caught in the act. That's why I asked she invite the families to discuss the matter.

She said she already asked the husband and he denied it

loveymom:


There are men who will never admit their fault until when caught in the act. That's why I asked she invite the families to discuss the matter.

She said she already asked the husband and he denied it

But how does inviting the whole two sides of the family make him admit.
If she wants to go a step further, she could probably talk to her mother in law or father in law if they are still alive and have them talk and ask the husband, not inviting the whole 2 sides of the family like a mob action, even when the authenticity of the accusation is yet to be established.

calgaryFriend:

But how does inviting the whole two sides of the family make him admit.
If she wants to go a step further, she could probably talk to her mother in law or father in law if they are still alive and have them talk and ask the husband, not inviting the whole 2 sides of the family like a mob action, even when the authenticity of the accusation is yet to be established.

Well your suggestion of reporting to mother in law or father in law is a good start.

OP, to find out the truth

use your own intuition
-Look back on their closeness and recall: anything you might've noticed but dismissed, anything you noticed after getting home from work or during times you were away from the house, changes in interaction w/ you, etc.

Ask him to take a lie detector test
-If he's innocent and has nothing to hide, he would accept this in order to clear himself. If he's guilty, he's going to refuse.

Get a DNA paternity test
-This is likely what you and the girl's family would have to wait for, so that would mean waiting until the baby is born. At least he cannot stop you people from doing a DNA test on the baby, so the truth will eventually come out then.

loveymom:




Well your suggestion of reporting to mother in law or father in law is a good start.

You married a stupid man and claim that people respect him. Tell your husband to take responsibility for his actions and you are still with your husband I pity you. Please start talking to your kids before DADDY start having sex with them oo.

Na wa oo

What makes you think the girl is not lying?

Assuming its true,what makes you think this was not planned from the onset by the girl's mother?

You made a mistake by bringing a full grown girl into your home,the day you did was the very day you brought in a second wife.

No matter what,you must stand by your husband,you need each other now than ever cos if its true,what has happened has happened,start making plans for the girl and her baby outside your home.

Dear Agnes, I'm sorry about what you're going through. From your story your husband is guilty of said action. Put yourself together and get him to say the truth then from there you'll know what next. Umu nwoke sef

loveymom:


There are men who will never admit their fault until when caught in the act. That's why I asked she invite the families to discuss the matter.

She said she already asked the husband and he denied it

I don't exactly consider it 'righteous' to call an extended family meeting on the hubby on account of this. It would hurt him greatly to have people who ordinarily should defer to him query/probe him for something he would be too ashamed to admit if he is the culprit.

If he is wise and can consider the wider implications of birthing that baby he would confess before it is too late to terminate the pregnancy and at least seek the forgiveness of his wife.

I laugh at those seemingly pious fellows that sat said she should be allowed to give birth so madam could just take/adopt that child as her own. How pedestrian? I can assure such union would never recover from the dislocation the birth of that child would cause /bring.

My take is: the girl should be begged /encouraged to have an abortion to forestall the dangers ahead so everyone could have a closure and look to means to mend the cracks yet.

Is abortion bad? Not at all! Not when it saves you from making your life hell. When it wasn't convenient to have a family, i aborted with my side kick in 2011, but as fate would have it side kick turned wife in 2017 and we have a cute daughter together now.

Let's not make life complicated; it's a simple something!

coldFLARES1:
I don't exactly consider it 'righteous' to call an extended family meeting on the hubby on account of this. It would hurt him greatly to have people who ordinarily should defer to him query/probe him for something he would be too ashamed to admit if he is the culprit.

If he is wise and can consider the wider implications of birthing that baby he would confess before it is too late to terminate the pregnancy and at least seek the forgiveness of his wife.

I laugh at those seemingly pious fellows that sat said she should be allowed to give birth so madam could just take/adopt that child as her own. How pedestrian? I can assure such union would never recover from the dislocation the birth of that child would cause /bring.

My take is: the girl should be begged /encouraged to have an abortion to forestall the dangers ahead so everyone could have a closure and look to means to mend the cracks yet.

Is abortion bad? Not at all! Not when it saves you from making your life hell. When it wasn't convenient to have a family, i aborted with my side kick in 2011, but as fate would have it side kick turned wife in 2017 and we have a cute daughter together now.

Let's not make life complicated; it's a simple something!