₦airaland Forum

doitforyou:
Because you can doesn’t mean anything. Social anxiety disorder occurs on a spectrum, you’re lucky you can handle some social activities. She didn’t refuse to meet his family, she has met them. She isn’t comfortable socializing with them every time. It is not an ideal situation and she’s not doing it on purpose. She needs help and patience managing it.

Complete yourself before entering a relationship for marriage. Work on yourself. Don’t count on anyone helping you heal. That should be you and your parents problem before marriage. He obviously did not sign up for her disorders.

A relationship is when you try to realize what you can deal with. He obviously cannot deal with someone with her issues. That is why he is here. She is better off finding someone that has anxiety like her.

I think you are being very inconsiderate and harsh and using your personal situation to make a judgement, which is wrong. When someone is suffering from social anxiety, it is not a choice, they do not want to be that way but mentally they just cannot handle social situations. There are different levels to this and I think what the OPs gf has, is an extreme case. That you believe it’s ‘normal’ for a girl to rush and see her boyfriends family doesn’t exempt her or disqualify her to become his wife if she doesn’t behave in that way. Every single human being has their own weakness. That you behave in a certain way doesn’t mean everybody else must follow.

The only way to deal with this situation is with patience. Your family might also come across as intimidating, as you have claimed your sister is already having problems with her all because she’s the quiet type. Step by step, bring her around one friend, let her get comfortable. Then start increasing it from there. Also go out more, just the two of you since she’s comfortable with you. That can help with her with learning how to be outside more. They’re many things you can do, but do not give up on her. Good luck

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.

No you don’t have to complete yourself before entering a relationship, some relationships/partners help you become your best self.

Yes, it isn’t compulsory for OP to be that person to help her, my grouse is people acting like she is doing it on purpose, social anxiety disorder is real. That’s why I said in my first comment if the OP is not up to the task, then he should break up with her, the man should look for someone else that will fit into the idea/role he has for a wife.

baby124:
Complete yourself before entering a relationship for marriage. Work on yourself. Don’t count on anyone helping you heal. That should be you and your parents problem before marriage. He obviously did not sign up for her disorders. A relationship is when you try to realize what you can deal with. He obviously cannot deal with someone with her issues. That is why he is here. She is better off finding someone that has anxiety like her.

olabrinks:
I think you are being very inconsiderate and harsh and using your personal situation to make a judgement, which is wrong. When someone is suffering from social anxiety, it is not a choice, they do not want to be that way but mentally they just cannot handle social situations. There are different levels to this and I think what the OPs gf has, is an extreme case. That you believe it’s ‘normal’ for a wife to rush and see her boyfriends family doesn’t exempt her or disqualify her to become his wife if she doesn’t behave in that way. Every single human being has their own weakness. That you behave in a certain way doesn’t mean everybody else must follow.

The only way to deal with this situation is with patience. Your family might also come across as intimidating, as you have claimed your sister is already having problems with her. Step by step, bring her around one friend, let her get comfortable. Then start increasing it from there. Also go out more, just the two of you since she’s comfortable with you. That can help with her with learning how to be outside more. They’re many things you can do, but do not give up on her. Good luck

Your opinion. In my experience it’s a failed venture. If by now she does not want to be in the same space with family and friends even when he feels bad about her absence. It is only going to get worse. Bad behavior before marriage that is unchecked is amplified x100 after marriage.

doitforyou:
No you don’t have to complete yourself before entering a relationship, some relationships/partners help you become your best self.

Yes, it isn’t compulsory for OP to be that person to help her, my grouse is people acting like she is doing it on purpose, social anxiety disorder is real. That’s why I said in my first comment if the OP is not up to the task, then he should break up with her, the man should look for someone else that will fit into the idea/role he has for a wife.

You are in for a rude shock in marriage if you will rely on someone to help you use your brain. If you really want to be with someone, you will make an effort.

Seriously, you will marry a man that absolutely does not want to meet your family or friends? That person is not even interested in knowing who you are and you say it’s anxiety Maybe your family and friends mean nothing to you. To some of us, they mean a lot. To OP, his family means a lot.

Has anyone on this planet married a perfect partner? Has anyone married a partner who doesn’t have bad character traits in them? We are all flawed Biko, it’s about endurance and management. My thing is if the OP cant deal with it, he better leave but he should be very aware that the next woman might give him even more problems. She is not verbally abusive, she is not violent, she’s not a cheat, she doesn’t have a bad past that she’s hiding. She’s just socially shy. Ahbeg each to their own jare. Let him walk away from this girl and go and find miss Nigeria universe that will be talking too much in family gathering , maybe that will give him peace of mind at least.

baby124:
Your opinion. In my experience it’s a failed venture. If by now she does not want to be in the same space with family and friends even when he feels bad about her absence. It is only going to get worse. Bad behavior before marriage that is unchecked is amplified x100 after marriage.

olabrinks:
Has anyone on this planet married a perfect partner? Has anyone married a partner who doesn’t have bad character traits in them? We are all flawed Biko, it’s about endurance and management. My thing is if the OP can deal with it, he better leave but he should be very aware that the next woman might give him even more problems. She is not verbally abusive, she is not violent, she’s not a cheat, she doesn’t have a bad past that she’s hiding. She’s just socially shy. Ahbeg each to their own jare.

She has ISSUES! This is not shyness. A shy person will go to the event and may not mingle as much. This one behaves like she has a mental disorder. This is extreme my dear. Don’t mistake mental disorders for shyness. Shy people go out and function in the world. They work, they attend events. This one that can not be around people, Is who you want him to marry. If he was your brother trying to marry a girl that is running from all of you like she has something to hide, will you not be concerned?

She obviously has a lot to hide. She’s not a child she’s 24! She by now should have seen enough of life to know how to handle herself in a social setting. She is even Nigerian and Nigerians are very social people, that if you are shy you would have known how to blend by 24.

It’s Either that she has something to hide, she has mental issues or this is the tone she wants to set before marriage and will give him trouble for attending these functions after marriage.

Okay she has issues. Accepted. But darling, the reality is that every body has issues. Using the word ‘mental disorder’ like it’s some sort of disgusting disease is the problem I have with Nigerians. A lot of people have ‘mental disorders’ such as depression, ptsd, bipolar and so many more. In fact most people that you see roaming around the streets, going to work etc are dealing with one "mental disorder" or the other, does that make them less of a human being? You can even develop these things whilst in a marriage, do you just wake up and leave the person because of their ‘mental disorder’? Honestly I think you are just immature and you need to wake up and face reality. We don’t live in a world full of happy and perfect people. That is what your partner is there for, to help and bring out the best in you. If you’re not ready for challenges, then stay single!

baby124:
She has ISSUES! This is not shyness. A shy person will go to the event and may not mingle as much. This one behaves like she has a mental disorder. This is extreme my dear. Don’t mistake mental disorders for shyness. Shy people go out and function in the world. They work, they attend events. This one that can not be around people, Is who you want him to marry. If he was your brother trying to marry a girl that is running from all of you like she has something to hide, will you not be concerned?

She obviously has a lot to hide. She’s not a child she’s 24! Either that she has something to hide, she has mental issues or this is the tone she wants to set before marriage and will give him trouble for attending these functions after marriage.

baby124:
She has ISSUES! This is not shyness. A shy person will go to the event and may not mingle as much. This one behaves like she has a mental disorder. This is extreme my dear. Don’t mistake mental disorders for shyness. Shy people go out and function in the world. They work, they attend events. This one that can not be around people, Is who you want him to marry. If he was your brother trying to marry a girl that is running from all of you like she has something to hide, will you not be concerned?

She obviously has a lot to hide. She’s not a child she’s 24! She by now should have seen enough of life to know how to handle herself in a social setting. She is even Nigerian and Nigerians are very social people, that if you are shy you would have known how to blend by 24.

It’s Either that she has something to hide, she has mental issues or this is the tone she wants to set before marriage and will give him trouble for attending these functions after marriage.

You have a point. Yes, it is a mental disorder

At the end of the day, he has to work out whether he wants to help her out with it or not

She needs to help herself and he needs to stop acting like he hasnt noticed it all this while. Or they should call it quits

She is not a burden and she should not constitute a burden to others or be seen as a burden by her spouse

Especially in Nigeria where people will be quick to think whats wrong with this chick?

I snapped out of a lot of this when I grew up, even though i am still reserved. It is more out of choice than fear... her own is an extreme case and hes not helping

olabrinks:
Okay she has issues. Accepted. But darling, the reality is that every body has issues. Using the word ‘mental disorder’ like it’s some sort of disgusting disease is the problem I have with Nigerians. A lot of people have ‘mental disorders’ such as depression, ptsd, bipolar and so many more. You can even develop these things whilst in a marriage, do you just wake up and leave the person because of their ‘mental disorder’? Honestly I think you are just immature and you need to wake up and face reality. We don’t live in a world full of happy and perfect people.

I am immature. That’s fine. You are obviously mentally unstable. Don’t quote me again abeg.

lol who’s using whose brain?!!

It’s obvious you don’t know what social anxiety disorder is, if you still think she is doing it on purpose.

I don’t know why you keep repeating the bolded, she has met his family, she just has anxiety socializing with them every time.

I already said it like a millionth time, if the OP is not up to task then he should leave her alone. No one has said the man should marry her by force and endure her anxiety.

Social anxiety is real.

baby124:
You are in for a rude shock in marriage if you will rely on someone to help you use your brain. If you really want to be with someone, you will make an effort.

Seriously, you will marry a man that absolutely does not want to meet your family or friends? That person is not even interested in knowing who you are and you say it’s anxiety Maybe your family and friends mean nothing to you. To some of us, they mean a lot. To OP, his family means a lot.

Lol okay, goodbye darling.

baby124:
I am immature. That’s fine. You are obviously mentally unstable. Don’t quote me again abeg.

midnighter:
You have a point. Yes, it is a mental disorder

At the end of the day, he has to work out whether he wants to help her out with it or not

She needs to help herself and he needs to stop acting like he hasnt noticed it all this while. Or they should call it quits

Exactly my point. Normal person whether shy or not will want to know who she is marrying. How do you know who you are marrying without getting to know his family and friends?

Something is not right and the OP obviously cannot see it because, he can’t understand it. Everyone presents their best selves to an extent before marriage and if this is her best self. Then LOL . I pray the real self is not worse than this.

Personally, my brothers did not marry any girl that did not like their family. All my in-laws and our spouses are like siblings. We all have our character traits but one thing that we take seriously is our family bond. That’s because family is important to us.

The family you marry into is so important. One should be very very interested in knowing them and the type of friend your husband keeps.

Introverts are naturally cautious and analytical. Always interested in reading unexpressed thoughts and understanding situations. This woman here is not introverted.

baby124:
Exactly my point. Normal person whether shy or not will want to know who she is marrying. How do you know who you are marrying without getting to know his family and friends?

Something is not right and the OP obviously cannot see it because, he can’t understand it. Everyone presents their best selves to an extent before marriage and if this is her best self. Then LOL . I pray the real self is not worse than this.

Personally, my brothers did not marry any girl that did not like their family. All my in-laws and our spouses are like siblings. We all have our character traits but one thing that we take seriously is our family bond. That’s because family is important to us.

The family you marry into is so important. One should be very very interested in knowing them and the type of friend your husband keeps.

Introverts are naturally cautious and analytical. Always interested in reading unexpressed thoughts and understanding situations. This woman here is not introverted.

It takes a conscious effort to get over this kind of anxiety, maybe she even needs some psychiatric/psychological help ... if you dont confront it, it doesnt improve

If you marry into a close or tight-knit family then you need to know whats up... at least you can find one or two people that you like there and try not to be awkward. Or join everyone when theyre cooking, gisting, washing clothes, whatever. But to totally avoid them isnt too wise

My problem was just with the guy acting like he hasnt been seeing it all this while and then suddenly complaining that his sister thinks shes a snob... he doesnt sound like he's even trying to understand her at all or to help her come out of it

Yes, this is not the same as introversion. But introverted people suffer from it more because of their personality traits

midnighter:
It takes a conscious effort to get over this kind of anxiety, maybe she even needs some psychiatric/psychological help ... if you dont confront it, it doesnt improve

If you marry into a close or tight-knit family then you need to know whats up... at least you can find one or two people that you like there and try not to be awkward. Or join everyone when theyre cooking, gisting, washing clothes, whatever. But to totally avoid them isnt too wise

My problem was just with the guy acting like he hasnt been seeing it all this while and then suddenly complaining that his sister thinks shes a snob... he doesnt sound like he's even trying to understand her at all or to help her come out of it

Yes, this is not the same as introversion. But introverted people suffer from it more because of their personality traits

Nigerians like to pretend like mental disorders do not exist. They will rather say she is possessed or needs deliverance. Then you are bullied to help out this person whose parents have the responsibility to help their child before unleashing them on unsuspecting people.

She needs time to work on herself. Anyone with mental health issues who are not willing to seek help or even try are a big burden. They can completely destroy your life, family bond and even your future children.

Growing up, I had a friend whose parents did not let them socialize. Like the parents take them to school, bring them back and lock them up in the house and go away. One of the parents I think was like this. 24/7 these kids are at home except for school. Even lesson, they teach them at home. Go to their house and you have to talk to them from the window if security will let you in. Looking back their parents were strange people.

Once they got small freedom like this, they are SO messed up today. Every thing wey get comma Dey their body... I don’t think the parent that was like this was normal. Those kids were imprisoned. I think they were even punished for making friends and for having friends visit. The time I decided to take it on myself to visit them, that was the last time they talked to me .

Introverted people are reserved, but they still socialize. Most just take their time to get to know and trust. One they feel they know you, they open up a lot. This case is not introversion, she doesn’t even have interest. I hope he’s not marrying a hermit. Those ones that won’t work, clean, bath or brush teeth but lock themselves in the house.

I am exactly like op's gf and I kind of like my life like this.

baby124:
Nigerians like to pretend like mental disorders do not exist. They will rather say she is possessed or needs deliverance. Then you are bullied to help out this person whose parents have the responsibility to help their child before unleashing them on unsuspecting people.

She needs time to work on herself. Anyone with mental health issues who are not willing to seek help or even try are a big burden. They can completely destroy your life, family bond and even your future children.

Growing up, I had a friend whose parents did not let them socialize. Like the parents take them to school, bring them back and lock them up in the house and go away. One of the parents I think was like this. 24/7 these kids are at home except for school. Even lesson, they teach them at home. Go to their house and you have to talk to them from the window if security will let you in. Looking back their parents were strange people.

Once they got small freedom like this, they are SO messed up today. Every thing wey get comma Dey their body... I don’t think the parent that was like this was normal. Those kids were imprisoned. I think they were even punished for making friends and for having friends visit. The time I decided to take it on myself to visit them, that was the last time they talked to me .

Introverted people are reserved, but they still socialize. Most just take their time to get to know and trust. One they feel they know you, they open up a lot. This case is not introversion, she doesn’t even have interest. I hope he’s not marrying a hermit. Those ones that won’t work, clean, bath or brush teeth but lock themselves in the house.

Yeah, he is not under obligation to help her but at the same time he shouldnt be treating her as a nuisance if he loves her so much

Yes, she has a responsibility to make an effort to be more open to interaction. After all she managed to snag this guy, so she's not totally incapable of making connections. She should do more or at least try to do more. I dont think meeting up with the guys friends and their other halves for a drink is too much to ask but she needs to train her mind not to be nervous and OP should help her do it

Yeah, coddling kids is just as bad as letting them roam around unsupervised...everything in moderation. And both types of kid will end up developing hatred for their parents

Yeah introversion is has a wide range of attributes... in any case not all introverts are really afraid of meeting people but they just prefer not to. I dont think this girls case is as extreme as being a total recluse or hermit because he would have complained about that too.

Both of them need to compromise sha...he shouldnt overload her with too much socialising and she shouldnt shut herself off from his family and friends, because in doing so, shes shutting him out too.

midnighter:
Yeah, he is not under obligation to help her but at the same time he shouldnt be treating her as a nuisance if he loves her so much

Yes, she has a responsibility to make an effort to be more open to interaction. After all she managed to snag this guy, so she's not totally incapable of making connections. She should do more or at least try to do more. I dont think meeting up with the guys friends and their other halves for a drink is too much to ask but she needs to train her mind not to be nervous and OP should help her do it

Yeah, coddling kids is just as bad as letting them roam around unsupervised...everything in moderation. And both types of kid will end up developing hatred for their parents

Yeah introversion is has a wide range of attributes... in any case not all introverts are really afraid of meeting people but they just prefer not to. I dont think this girls case is as extreme as being a total recluse or hermit because he would have complained about that too. Both of them need to compromise sha...he shouldnt overload her with too much socialising and she shouldnt shut herself off from his family and friends, because in doing so, shes shutting him out too.

I agree. But anyone that has issues with hanging around FAMILY! Whether the intending husband or wife’s family is a big sign. Let’s even forget about the friends for now, the family part looks very bad. And may get worse after marriage. Many families around where people come in as in-laws and destroy relationships with their attitude. Destroy relationships even their children have with their own cousins and generally estrange them. Yes, introversion has spectrums but this is extreme. Any extreme behavior is grounds for serious caution! This is even in her best interest and she is not making an effort.

As an introvert sef, if you have a good family you cherish them so much because they are like all you have who truly understand you. Can you imagine now, if you meet a guy and he has no interest in the people you love?

baby124:
I agree. But anyone that has issues with hanging around FAMILY! Whether the intending husband or wife’s family is a big sign. It looks very bad. And may get worse after marriage. Many families where people come in as in-laws and destroy relationships with their attitude. Destroy relationships even their children have with their own cousins and generally estrange them. Yes, introversion has spectrums but this is extreme. Any extreme behavior is grounds for serious caution! This is even in her best interest and she is not making an effort.

Lol you just made me remember my uncle's wife...very fantastical woman. Everybody was complaining that she's destroying the man and chasing everybody away... i didnt get it until i tried staying there and her pepper just washed my whole body

Well, its either OP and her agree to take a different approach or they should just forget the whole thing. She doesnt seem like a mean woman though, just misunderstood and perhaps a bit self-absorbed

midnighter:
Lol you just made me remember my uncle's wife...very fantastical woman. Everybody was complaining that she's destroying the man and chasing everybody away... i didnt get it until i tried staying there and her pepper just washed my whole body

Well, its either OP and her agree to take a different approach or they should just forget the whole thing. She doesnt seem like mean woman though, just misunderstood and perhaps a bit self-absorbed

Lol. That’s the other extreme. Those ones who fight everybody . At least that one allowed you to enter the house to show you pepper. This one will not let you enter

baby124:
Lol. That’s the other extreme. Those ones who fight everybody . At least that one allowed you to enter the house to show you pepper. This one will not let you enter

Lol what difference does it make... once you start offending everybody thats how all those family feuds start. It's good to be with a socially-aware person sha

midnighter:
Lol what difference does it make... once you start offending everybody thats how all those family feuds start. It's good to be with a socially-aware person sha

Socially aware is correct. I am not saying she should change who she is and suddenly start to gbe body at their events. All I am saying is that she show up, greet them, meet them and slowly at her own pace get to know them. With time their relationship will improve and they will have mutual respect. The family will even understand that she is a shy person. To totally refuse to meet them is a danger sign that this guy should run away from if she keeps it up.

By the way, why is she a severely shy person with a social person? We usually go for our opposites to bring us out of our shell o. Maybe OP was one of the only guys that could chase her and notice her.

baby124:
Socially aware is correct. I am not saying she should change who she is and suddenly start to gbe body at their events. All I am saying is that she show up, greet them, meet them and slowly at her own pace get to know them. With time their relationship will improve and they will have mutual respect. The family will even understand that she is a shy person. To totally refuse to meet them is a danger sign that this guy should run away from if she keeps it up.

By the way, why is she a severely shy person with a social person? We usually go for our opposites to bring us out of our shell o. Maybe OP was one of the only guys that could chase her and notice her.

Yeah I think i agree with you. What she did isnt too good, even if shes having some psychological issues. She needs to work on them so they wont get out of control and affect other areas of her life. But she still needs support

Well he said he met her in public on a chance encounter. Thats what I mean, even me myself, I doubt I would be able to trust somebody I met at random. So how did she do it, as shy as she is? There must be some kind of spark or something there that made this relationship possible. So they need to work on it together

midnighter:
Yeah I think i agree with you. What she did isnt too good, even if shes having some psychological issues. She needs to work on them so they wont get out of control and affect other areas of her life. But she still needs support

Well he said he met her in public on a chance encounter. Thats what I mean, even me myself, I doubt I would be able to trust somebody I met at random. So how did she do it, as shy as she is? There must be some kind of spark or something there that made this relationship possible. So they need to work on it together

Exactly. Something is not right here... she’s obviously able to be social to speak to a strange guy in public, collect his number and start a relationship. So, why is meeting his family a problem? I can’t place my hands on it, but something is not right. Not like they even met through a mutual friend or something. Or maybe her sibling toasted him for her. She met this guy in PUBLIC... something most so called severe introverts are incapable of. She either had a lucid moment or she’s setting a tone...

It could also be that she doesn’t want anyone reading her and seeing her for who she is. That is why family is so important when meeting a future spouse. They can generally see what we refuse to see and a manipulative person will avoid that.

baby124:
Exactly. Something is not right here... she’s obviously able to be social to speak to a strange guy in public, collect his number and start a relationship. So, why is meeting his family a problem? I can’t place my hands on it, but something is not right. Not like they even met through a mutual friend or something. Or maybe her sibling toasted him for her. She met this guy in PUBLIC... something most so called severe introverts are incapable of. She either had a lucid moment or she’s setting a tone...

It could also be that she doesn’t want anyone reading her and seeing her for who she is. That is why family is so important when meeting a future spouse. They can generally see what we refuse to see and a manipulative person will avoid that.

Lol we're really starting to dig deep...the more you look, the less you see...nawa

Yeah if I think of my brother and how I would feel if such happened... I would be p!ssed. it should be a basic courtesy to meet his family even if just for a short while because of your mental issues. For me I would try to calm myself down and at least meet his parents first, and just take it from there

So I guess this is why you heard alarm bells and told the man to run for his life... lol...

midnighter:
Lol we're really starting to dig deep...the more you look, the less you see...nawa

Yeah if I think of my brother and how I would feel if such happened... I would be p!ssed. it should be a basic courtesy to meet his family even if just for a short while because of your mental issues. For me I would try to calm myself down and at least meet his parents first, and just take it from there

So I guess this is why you heard alarm bells and told the man to run for his life... lol...

Yes o. I try to put myself in the person’s shoes. If my brother’s so called girlfriend is running from meeting his family, then she has something to hide. And you know what, all their girlfriends that we assessed we were damn right. Especially when it’s a close knit family and they know we are saying things out of love. I never wanted to lose any brother because of marriage so, we meet all their serious girlfriends and watch them closely.. get to know them and we all speak honestly on our opinion of them. It’s even in the woman’s best interest that they got to know us because, my brothers are very very stubborn!!!!

Their wives report them to us and we fight for their wives seriously. If a possible side chick even tries to show up, we their sisters fight the side chick . We would never do this for a wife that shut us out of their lives or even fight us. You don’t even have to be best friends, just genuinely meet them and be free. At the end of the day, if the man chooses you whether you have issues he chooses you. A Family who will accept you for who you are and, a husband who will love you will marry you.

@OP, what she really need is cognitive behavioural therapy which a psychotherapist would help her through as she would be helped to explore her irrational thoughts that is exhibiting in her being socially anxious and with systematic desensitization she will begin to feel relaxed in settings she had hitherto been phobic.

baby124:
Complete yourself before entering a relationship for marriage. Work on yourself. Don’t count on anyone helping you heal. That should be you and your parents problem before marriage. He obviously did not sign up for her disorders.

A relationship is when you try to realize what you can deal with. He obviously cannot deal with someone with her issues. That is why he is here. She is better off finding someone that has anxiety like her.

She is not married yet. He has the choice to take his leave or accept her as she is. Anxiety is a life long disorder for most people with it. There are good days and bad days. Their life doesn't have to stop because they have anxiety, and they shouldn't be discriminated against.
How can you advice someone with a mental health disorder to purposely go and seek out another person with mental health disorder? It's a shame that in 2019, we still try to discriminate against others with medical challenges

baby124:
Yes o. I try to put myself in the person’s shoes. If my brother’s so called girlfriend is running from meeting his family, then she has something to hide. And you know what, all their girlfriends that we assessed we were damn right. Especially when it’s a close knit family and they know we are saying things out of love. I never wanted to lose any brother because of marriage so, we meet all their serious girlfriends and watch them closely.. get to know them and we all speak honestly on our opinion of them. It’s even in the woman’s best interest that they got to know us because, my brothers are very very stubborn!!!!

Their wives report them to us and we fight for their wives seriously. If a possible side chick even tries to show up, we their sisters fight the side chick . We would never do this for a wife that shut us out of their lives or even fight us. You don’t even have to be best friends, just genuinely meet them and be free. At the end of the day, if the man chooses you whether you have issues he chooses you. A Family who will accept you for who you are and, a husband who will love you will marry you.

Yeah in general its in the womans interest to wriggle her way into the family, unless they are the ones trying to drive/kill her. Thats what my mum always says...if youre marrying you have to really go for it when it comes to his family, even if its just to be visiting them and greeting, its better

Yes I agree with you... well we have more girls in our own so they will even side with the husbands when auntie starts messing up . I hope he shows her what youve said, maybe it will change her mind. He has the right to be offended sha.

At least in so many threads one sad soul will be lamenting that her boyfriend wont allow her to meet his family..this one is being handed to her free and she doesnt want

na wa ooo, na dis kin babe I dey find, truly one man's meat is another man's poison abeg OP give me ur babe numba

baby124:
Op,
Please just leave her alone. Compatibility is very important. If she’s not willing to meet your family and friends then that is a big warning sign. Just let her go her own way. Every normal girl will be fighting their man to introduce them to family and friends because it shows that they are interested in commitment with the man. And that the man takes them seriously or wants to marry them. It also shows that they are willing to be part of his life and vice versa.

Please and please don’t marry anybody that will isolate you from your family and friends, except there is a good reason for it. Let her go and find a guy like her, who wants to be isolated. I am a family person, not so much friends. Anyone that did not make an effort to be comfortable around and even love my family was immediately cancelled. I had no interest in marrying anyone that will cause trouble with me and my family.

Now that you are unmarried, is the time to look well and figure out what you can live with. Don’t use sentiments and pity to marry. Once you are in it, we can only advice you how to make it work.

I agree.

If she can't attend family functions, it is a no no.

Does she attend her own family's functions? If yes, then there is a serious problem.

baby124:
By the way, I am not someone that goes to party everyday. In fact hubby is more social. But I don’t joke when it comes to family and mutual friends function. I show up, decked up and come out of my shell.

She can make the effort if she wants to, there are no extremes in life. If something is important to who you love as long as it does not compromise your health and safety, you will try to make them happy. Any extremist is a no-no in any situation. Run from extremists, they will destroy you.

How can someone be reluctant to meet your family and friends before marriage, is she mad? It’s even for her own good to see if she can belong to such a family or even marry you.

How will she feel if you refuse to meet her family members at all? If you act like her you won’t even meet them for introduction and you will never attend her family functions. Women can’t take that you know? Please and please flee from this woman. This one will not want to see anybody in your house. Trust me.