₦airaland Forum

elektra:
Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

Fire proof is the movie you seek.

Octopusssy:
Everything doesn't always have to lead to an argument, unless the both of you are always wanting to get the last word. Sometimes you have to stoop to conquer.

However, making such statements as ''you have zero value to me'' and ordering you to leave at the slightest provocation is totally unacceptable and should not be condoned for any reason.

My take is both of you need to have sense talked into your heads by someone older and more experienced.

OCTO-PUSSY?
UR OWN BAD O...

Your advice is very wise Ma'am. Hopr she practices this...

Egedegbeincreas:
I read your post and I have this to say please,don't get angry at him he's your husband not everyone's husband. Acting without controlling your anger can be deadly most times.These are some of the things I do in my home.I tell myself I am 100% valuable and important because I know my opinion of myself is of utmost importance.. This keeps me going..Expect less from him.Bless him at all times. Because, it trickles down to you and his child.Anger blocks your way,his way,and scatters everything. Be understanding.. If you have a strong influence on him,whatever you want him to be,start doing it in a short while, you will see him easily doing that thing.This has greatly worked for my marriage..Be very careful of third parties you bring in.They either help or destroy your home.. Stick with third parties who wants your home to succeed..Correct him,when he is in his best mood ,he will easily take it..This has also worked for me greatly.. Remember, he's the head of the home you are to submit to him..Never forget this.. Anything with two heads is a monster..I hope this helps..

It is very simple to live happily with your husband. You don't have to respond to every insults of his.

Learn how to turn every fight situation to fun situation. E.g, whenever he says to you that you are of no value to him, jokingly ask him why then did he marry you. If he ask you to leave, jokingly say, "so that another woman will come and take over abi?, we die here". Above all, try and have bed talk with him.


Marriage is not an easy trip but with time and understanding,

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

07015369852 send me a WhatsApp message

He is stressed. Ask him what's the matter. He still loves you.

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

You need to work on your ability to empathize and be sensitive... You and everyone that liked your post.


Emotional abuse is as significant as physical abuse and her pain and experiences are valid.

Am afraid your spouse is still a boy. His circle of friends also matters in this case as their ways and talks around him has great influence on how he treats you. I wouldn't advise you to leave though but under this circumstance, giving each other time apart is often the best. Go to your moms and spend time while he feels that emptiness and watch him come around but with him begging never to use such demeaning phrase again.

mrsheddy:
It is very simple to live happily with your husband. You don't have to respond to every insults of his.

Learn how to turn every fight situation to fun situation. E.g, whenever he says to you that you are of no value to him, jokingly ask him why then did he marry you. If he ask you to leave, jokingly say, "so that another woman will come and take over abi?, we die here". Above all, try and have bed talk with him.


Marriage is not an easy trip but with time and understanding,

Would you do same?

setobaba:
You people should stop hiding under marriage is all about tolerance, for God sake she's also a human.
Madam if you feel you've made the wrong decision by marrying your husband you had better retrace your steps back now, the more days you stay in that marriage, the lower the chances of getting another man quick.
Beside how old is your husband and which tribe?

Tribe!? What does that have to do with anything?

feminist una don gather instead of looking for a solution for the couples u people are trying to destroy the home my sister be careful non of these she devil's will help u take care of ur child if u destroy ur home. Ur hubby must have someone he respects even from his own family report him to them and this whole issue will be sorted out .And don't even think about looking outside be cos I guarantee u ,u will regret it years to come

A man that won't ask you to stay put in your parent house when you moved out nor change the house key so you won't have access to the house when you decide to come back and has never touched you, that man still loves you.
Just let him have control of the house or make him feel like the man in charge, and you will be fine.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

So sorry to hear what you are facing.

Speaking from experience, I would say hang in there...it will all work out eventually.

I have come to realise that for most couples, the first 3 years is very challenging...especially for the men. It is that period of transition where the man is still trying to adjust to the fact that he is no longer single and he has to stop living selfishly.

It is also the period where the woman is all caught up in the emotional roller coaster of having a man she can call her own and doing her best to assert herself as the first lady...the only woman in his life.

I got married quite young and if anyone had told me that my marriage would survive the first three years, I would have doubted it. During that period, my house was a constant battlefield.

In spite of all of the upheavals, one thing was clear to both of us...we loved each other so we determined never to give up on the marriage.

Thankfully we made it past those turbulent days. It has been 12 years and I am grateful for how far we have come. My wife and I look back on those days now and we make jokes about them.

A few nuggets for you:

1. Don't stop communicating. If you have to quarrel, do so. But don't stop talking.

2. Always try to resolve conflicts swiftly. The longer it stays, the more it festers. My wife and I used to keep malice to the point that we wouldn't even remember what started the fight

3. Never move out of the house. Except if there is a threat of physical abuse, please stay and work things out. Running away from conflict doesn't resolve an issue.

4. Never insist on your "right". I know this runs contrary to everything the world preaches these days. But it works, trust me. When you got married, you basically handed the controls of your life to your husband and you took control of his. It doesn't necessarily take 2 heads to build a home. It only takes one good head. It is a painful and sacrificial process and everyone is going to call you foolish for seemingly bending over backwards to accommodate your husband's shortcomings. But I don't think it is too much of a sacrifice to make for a lifetime of peace in your home.

5. As much as possible, avoid outward interference in your home. The issues in your home aren't peculiar. But you and your husband are going to need to figure out the peculiar solutions to the issues. What works for one home might not work for another. If you must get advise, please look for someone older...not your parents. Most parents react emotionally and sentimentally in situations like this and end up misdirecting their children. Perhaps you can consider your religious leader (pastor, imam, etc) or an uncle or aunt who can look at the issue objectively and have the courage to counsel you right.

6. Determine and resolve within yourself that divorce isn't an option. I came to realise that the moment I struck divorce off my list of possible options, I became more pragmatic and determined to work things out with my wife. When you create an escape door, the tendency is that you will use it in the midst of a conflict.

7. Keep your marriage fresh. Create opportunities for fun. Help your husband understand that he isn't "trapped" just because he married you. Take him out; go clubbing with him now and then; dress hot and have crazy sex now and then. Invite "the boys" over once in a while and play hostess. Don't push them away, pull them in.

8. Become friends with your in-laws....especially your mother-in-law. Win over her affections with gifts and attention. Her goodwill towards you will be indispensable. If your husband sends you out of the house and you decide to leave, don't go to your parent's house...go to his parent's house. Sounds crazy, but this was one of the ways my wife won my family's support against me.

These are some of the general principles that worked (and still work) for me. Above all, be patient. It always works out in the end. Good luck!

Since he doesn't go physical on you, it might be easy to handle if you are actually ready to make it work. The thought of trying to seek attention outside speaks volume of your character. You claim he is always wrong, that's your own side though since we didn't hear from him. If you really want to make it work play the fool for sometime, don't say the last word, apologise when you notice his ego is bruised or angered, show him love and care for a period of time. Trust me, after sometime this trying phase will pass and you guys will be happy ever. Finally, avoid taking advice from your feminist friends. All these are only necessary if you want it to work but if you think otherwise the decision is yours.

Hamachi:
Am afraid your spouse is still a boy. His circle of friends also matters in this case as their ways and talks around him has great influence on how he treats you. I wouldn't advise you to leave though but under this circumstance, giving each other time apart is often the best. Go to your moms and spend time while he feels that emptiness and watch him come around but with him begging never to use such demeaning phrase again.

bad advice u met not have a home to come back to it has happened to somebody I know she left her home for three months with her kids and the man went married another woman and disowned her kids for her plsss don't try it

Khaleell001:
Thank you sir.
This is why I think too may immature people are getting married these days.
I particularly hate it when you leave your people and elders at home who know you well enough and bring your marital issues before total strangers who do not know you, your husband or who you are, to consult or comment on your marital life.

People should stop bringing their marital issue here it's really nauseating it reading issues like these everytime.

Just read through the comments you will see those who are not even normal, abnormal, crazy, bad and some who are even just totally off the rails and you think any normal human being can get something reasonable from these comments without getting confused?

I think its all about sieving the comments with a view to deleting those ones that fall under your last paragraph. Coming online is not always encouraging but then it's the only way out for many people to ensure total secrecy and mind you there are many people out there that don't have all these people you mentioned. You can get good and great advice from social media but like offline advice too, all you need is to pick good ones and leave the rest for LAWMA

EmmGee:
Zhuhilat

the best advice i can give you is to seek divorce. He doesn't love you and it doesn't seem like he will change.... because he is not a good man. A good man will treat you with care and respect even when he has stopped loving you. Pack your bags and go, this time around, don't come back.
I fear he might up the ante and start using violence on you when you have an argument

I think people should be atleast above 29 or 30 before they offer relationship advice that deals with marriage or divorce

EmmGee:
I'm 23 years old and you need to see me and know that there is no fncking way this dude is 21.

I am starting to go through some people urging for divorce and I am truly amazed

Are you married?

seelawd:
bad advice u met not have a home to come back to it has happened to somebody I know she left her home for three months with her kids and the man went married another woman and disowned her kids for her plsss don't try it

Reptyle:
So sorry to hear what you are facing.

Speaking from experience, I would say hang in there...it will all work out eventually.

I have come to realise that for most couples, the first 3 years is very challenging...especially for the men. It is that period of transition where the man is still trying to adjust to the fact that he is no longer single and he has to stop living selfishly.

It is also the period where the woman is all caught up in the emotional roller coaster of having a man she can call her own and doing her best to assert herself as the first lady...the only woman in his life.

I got married quite young and if anyone had told me that my marriage would survive the first three years, I would have doubted it. During that period, my house was a constant battlefield.

In spite of all of the upheavals, one thing was clear to both of us...we loved each other so we determined never to give up on the marriage.

Thankfully we made it past those turbulent days. It has been 12 years and I am grateful for how far we have come. My wife and I look back on those days now and we make jokes about them.

A few nuggets for you:

1. Don't stop communicating. If you have to quarrel, do so. But don't stop talking.

2. Always try to resolve conflicts swiftly. The longer it stays, the more it festers. My wife and I used to keep malice to the point that we wouldn't even remember what started the fight

3. Never move out of the house. Except if there is a threat of physical abuse, please stay and work things out. Running away from conflict doesn't resolve an issue.

4. Never insist on your "right". I know this runs contrary to everything the world preaches these days. But it works, trust me. When you got married, you basically handed the controls of your life to your husband and you took control of his. It doesn't necessarily take 2 heads to build a home. It only takes one good head. It is a painful and sacrificial process and everyone is going to call you foolish for seemingly bending over backwards to accommodate your husband's shortcomings. But I don't think it is too much of a sacrifice to make for a lifetime of peace in your home.

5. As much as possible, avoid outward interference in your home. The issues in your home aren't peculiar. But you and your husband are going to need to figure out the peculiar solutions to the issues. What works for one home might not work for another. If you must get advise, please look for someone older...not your parents. Most parents react emotionally and sentimentally in situations like this and end up misdirecting their children. Perhaps you can consider your religious leader (pastor, imam, etc) or an uncle or aunt who can look at the issue objectively and have the courage to counsel you right.

6. Determine and resolve within yourself that divorce isn't an option. I came to realise that the moment I struck divorce off my list of possible options, I became more pragmatic and determined to work things out with my wife. When you create an escape door, the tendency is that you will use it in the midst of a conflict.

7. Keep your marriage fresh. Create opportunities for fun. Help your husband understand that he isn't "trapped" just because he married you. Take him out; go clubbing with him now and then; dress hot and have crazy sex now and then. Invite "the boys" over once in a while and play hostess. Don't push them away, pull them in.

8. Become friends with your in-laws....especially your mother-in-law. Win over her affections with gifts and attention. Her goodwill towards you will be indispensable. If your husband sends you out of the house and you decide to leave, don't go to your parent's house...go to his parent's house. Sounds crazy, but this was one of the ways my wife won my family's support against me.

These are some of the general principles that worked (and still work) for me. Above all, be patient. It always works out in the end. Good luck!

may almighty God bless u

No perfect couple anywhere, both partner make some adjustment and made it work, if you decide to start divorcing every man because of marital issue's, madam you will really tour and warm enough men bed, because you'll be divorcing every two years.

Chapter1vs6:
I think people should be atleast above 29 or 30 before they offer relationship advice that deals with marriage or divorce
I am starting to go through some people urging for divorce and I am truly amazed

My dear kids full everywhere... That's why the place to talk about this is on married people group.

Singles are not even well qualified to give marital advice cos its theory for them.... And we all know that there is nothing like x+y and x * y in real life. Na only theory we de hear am.

Chapter1vs6:
I think people should be atleast above 29 or 30 before they offer relationship advice that deals with marriage or divorce
I am starting to go through some people urging for divorce and I am truly amazed

My dear, kids full everywhere... That's why the place to talk about this is on married people's group.

Singles are not even well qualified to give marital advice cos its theory for them.... And we all know that there is nothing like x+y and x * y in real life. Na only theory we de hear am.

NoToPile:
Money is not this mans issue so why would he get upset that his mum in law brought food stuffs. A lot of mothers bring/ send foodstuffs it doesn't really matter if shes the wife or husbands mum, Its not strange for the mothers to do so.

I will find it strange if a wifes mum sends village garri, yams every every and the husband gets upset and calling it disrespectful getting to a level of leave my house.


Just try to avoid getting into arguments with him and let him be when he's ready he ll come back home

Bro I think there must have been a precedence.

You're very right at what you typed up there.
The guy has a resentment towards the parent of the lady. Maybe they offended him in the past or still doing somethings he doesn't like.

But he shouldn't take it up on the poor lady.

That's what I think.

Nwogeh:
My dear, kids full everywhere... That's why the place to talk about this is on married people's group.

Singles are not even well qualified to give marital advice cos its theory for them.... And we all know that there is nothing like x+y and x * y in real life. Na only theory we de hear am.

Where is this group?

a woman is solely responsible for d home both physically n spiritually a wise woman build her house while d f*** bring hers down . i stand to b corrected

elektra:
Somebody needs to make an equivalent of War Room for men
A movie that will provide solution for all their marital problems.
Women cannot be enjoying magical movies alone

Spot on!!!!!!!!

Reptyle:
So sorry to hear what you are facing.

Speaking from experience, I would say hang in there...it will all work out eventually.

I have come to realise that for most couples, the first 3 years is very challenging...especially for the men. It is that period of transition where the man is still trying to adjust to the fact that he is no longer single and he has to stop living selfishly.

It is also the period where the woman is all caught up in the emotional roller coaster of having a man she can call her own and doing her best to assert herself as the first lady...the only woman in his life.

I got married quite young and if anyone had told me that my marriage would survive the first three years, I would have doubted it. During that period, my house was a constant battlefield.

In spite of all of the upheavals, one thing was clear to both of us...we loved each other so we determined never to give up on the marriage.

Thankfully we made it past those turbulent days. It has been 12 years and I am grateful for how far we have come. My wife and I look back on those days now and we make jokes about them.

A few nuggets for you:

1. Don't stop communicating. If you have to quarrel, do so. But don't stop talking.

2. Always try to resolve conflicts swiftly. The longer it stays, the more it festers. My wife and I used to keep malice to the point that we wouldn't even remember what started the fight

3. Never move out of the house. Except if there is a threat of physical abuse, please stay and work things out. Running away from conflict doesn't resolve an issue.

4. Never insist on your "right". I know this runs contrary to everything the world preaches these days. But it works, trust me. When you got married, you basically handed the controls of your life to your husband and you took control of his. It doesn't necessarily take 2 heads to build a home. It only takes one good head. It is a painful and sacrificial process and everyone is going to call you foolish for seemingly bending over backwards to accommodate your husband's shortcomings. But I don't think it is too much of a sacrifice to make for a lifetime of peace in your home.

5. As much as possible, avoid outward interference in your home. The issues in your home aren't peculiar. But you and your husband are going to need to figure out the peculiar solutions to the issues. What works for one home might not work for another. If you must get advise, please look for someone older...not your parents. Most parents react emotionally and sentimentally in situations like this and end up misdirecting their children. Perhaps you can consider your religious leader (pastor, imam, etc) or an uncle or aunt who can look at the issue objectively and have the courage to counsel you right.

6. Determine and resolve within yourself that divorce isn't an option. I came to realise that the moment I struck divorce off my list of possible options, I became more pragmatic and determined to work things out with my wife. When you create an escape door, the tendency is that you will use it in the midst of a conflict.

7. Keep your marriage fresh. Create opportunities for fun. Help your husband understand that he isn't "trapped" just because he married you. Take him out; go clubbing with him now and then; dress hot and have crazy sex now and then. Invite "the boys" over once in a while and play hostess. Don't push them away, pull them in.

8. Become friends with your in-laws....especially your mother-in-law. Win over her affections with gifts and attention. Her goodwill towards you will be indispensable. If your husband sends you out of the house and you decide to leave, don't go to your parent's house...go to his parent's house. Sounds crazy, but this was one of the ways my wife won my family's support against me.

These are some of the general principles that worked (and still work) for me. Above all, be patient. It always works out in the end. Good luck!

KosiGee:
You got 320 + likes for the above. I’m sorry to disagree with your opinion. Any man who repeatedly asks the wife to leave the house over minor issues as stated by the op...(that’s assuming that was exactly what happened and how it happened) is immature and an a**ehole.

He has issues with himself and need to reflect on that. What kind of man fights the wife because his mother in law bought them food stuffs?!!! I mean who does that? He should be very happy and appreciate the act of generosity.

Many mother in-laws wants to take but this one was a giver but this man was grumpy and truculent over that. What kind of man is he?

The woman wants peace but the man isn’t ready for that. What makes you think that it’s the job of a woman to endure, suppress emotions and work hard to tolerate a man who isn’t mature and ready for a relationship and marriage...and what makes you think that it’s wrong for a woman to seek love and attention outside of the man is being unreasonably difficult to deal with and live with?

Lots of Nigerian men do not know and appreciate how lucky and blessed that they are. In some countries, this man would be forced by the environment and law to be cool headed. He will be the one to calm down and work to make his marriage work because such rantings and threats would result in the police or social workers intervening and asking him to leave the house.
If this woman was my sister, I’ll be meeting this man for a serious talk and if the problem continues, sorry I’ll be meeting with my family and we will be asking the woman to leave him.

What nonsense!

Until you hear the man's version on why he refused the gift...there are gifts you will reject no matter how presented. Reason is because some gifts are trap maybe not from the giver but from 5th columnists... Its possible the wife could use that to her advantage over issues later later and to forestall that, the man has to reject. What is playing out in their marriage just like most marriages at that stage is headship.... The woman should prove to the man and show him that he is in charge of the house....he is the leader.... He is her lord for God's sake unless they are not building their marriage on biblical standard. If she submits totally, the man will turn to mumu for her hand that's the love.
Even telling him to buy baby food...depends on presentation cos even though its a just course yet some women don't know how to message their boss. How you send your hubby on an errand should be totally different from how you send your friend or mate...some women can't differentiate the two because of either ego or headship tussle which many do unknowingly.

I agree with you anyway on the fact that both the man and the woman need to be talked to together by a wise fellow they respect and value his/her words.

Ur talking nonsense ! Men see their fathers behaving like dogs has that ever affected them negatively ! She should stay with someone who abuses her emotionally ? Can she be abusing d man like dat and u will come and give d senseless advice ur giving ? Because women are not human beings and constant humiliation doesn’t pain them but you will open ur mouth to talk about how men love respect more than anything ? It’s women that love humiliation - sometimes I actually think men are just beasts in human skin - apart from the advice being silly it’s also extremely heartless - go and check yourself properly- ur a cruelly human being .

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

franchasng:
lol. My mom made more money than my father when we were growing up and she was more than awesome as a wife and mother and friend and sister.


My sister makes as much money as her hubby and all is going on well.

My brothers married financially valuable ladies doing well in their own fields too.


My wifey to be is a medic, and I am going to help her so we can even own a family hospital by God's grace. She knows I don't need her dime, but I support her every dream and move.


So don't worry about me bra, worry about others and how we can make Nigerian government start working so more Nigerians can succeed financially and build a happy family

Good u said u don't need her dime... But I smell lies all over ur post tho...

blackboy:
Madam. You are a married woman! A wife ! A mother! You are talking of seeking attention outside. Which is worse? A child seeing her mother a good example of a mother n wife while her husband is not appreciating her 100% or a case she sees her mother as a slut whom her husband does not appreciate?
Madam make it work. He no beat you. No carry you hand commot from house again. Make it work. A man you can ask to buy baby food means you can talk to him. Sit him down and talk to him

Most times emotional abuse is more painful than physical abuse. It affects a person's self esteem. The children too might develop a low self esteem watching. I don't have advice for her sha cos I am not married but personally I can't stand someone belittling me.

Zhuhilat:
How Do I Deal With This Level Of Disrespect From My Husband

Dear all

I and my husband are just 2years in marriage.

Every time we have issues concerning anything, he is always telling me to pack my things and leave his house or he will say things like you are off no importance to me and you bring me no value and stuff and stuff. But after a while he will apologize and say he doesn’t mean it.

Last month, what caused our fight was because my mum sent some food stuffs to us because she traveled and got them cheaply. He was angry because he felt that was disrespectful. And the argument degenerated to him telling me to leave his house,

i got tired, called his bluff and left the house but everyone advised me to go back and make it work., well except my dad. Mind you, this was the 5th time.

On my return, we talked about it(like we always do) and i thought it was genuine, and i said i was going to give it one more try.

Today, we had an argument because of baby food. I told hime to buy on his way back. I couldn’t go out because the whole road was terribly flooded .

But he didn't buy it, and that lead to an argument. And the next thing he told me was to fuc.k off and leave. Or he is leaving. As a matter of fact, he just left the house now 12:00am.

I am actually tired of it all. and right now, i don't think i have any love left for him or this marriage.
I think he is cheating on me and for some reason i am beginning to look outside and crave attention, love and respect from someone else.

I don't want my child to grow up seeing me treated like this but most importantly , i don't want her to think it is okay to accept being disrespected and under valued like this.

Married people is this one of the challenges in marriage or what?

Why cant we have an argument that doesn’t lead to leave my house, i dont need you, you bring me no value and all

Also we are very very comfortable, i work and he works too.

Emotionally, i am done.

My dear my advice to you is to always pretend as if u didn't hear what he said to u. Believe me men are fond of telling there wife hurtful words. I have been married for 10years now and I run a Whatsapp group for married women and when we hear words like this we just laugh over it. We take it as a normal thing that we have outgrown. Men will alwayz be men. So when u are having any argument with ur husband ever take what he tells u serious. If he mean it let him throw ur things out.
Don't worry with time u will get over it. We that have been married for years there is nothing we have not heard. At times I will remind my husband things he has told me in d past and he will be like no , never , not me. I have never said such a thing thing to u.
Don't worry with time you both will outgrow this stage and u will start laughing over it.
Marriage is not easy u should be ready to swallow a lot of shit in marriage. People who can't swallow shit and those once that jump out of marriage. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Most time u will wished that you are single.

Zhuhilat:
Thanks all. No i am not a Muslim.
Couples will always have misunderstandings, we are 2 different people with different upbringing so we will always have mis understanding even siblings do.

I just get tired of all the leave my house and stuff.
How do I commit to a marriage financially (although, i do) and emotionally when i can be kicked out any day?



Also isn't the house s ours?
Secondly, how do I protect my child from all this?

Also I believe that every time he apologizes, i tell myself that maybe it was my fault and then i just let it go and go out of my way to please him again. I do not give him space to work on it too in other words,enabling this to continue.

Either ways thanks guys.

What you need is blunt truth ... you said so many things about ur hubby buh said almost nothing about urself, it takes two to fight, when he was saying those hurtful words did you respond with his eulogy or compliments ... you didnt tell us the things u say as well, sumtin hurtful to his ego triggered "leave my house" "i don't need you" which further proves your hubby "Ego" is under threat.
You are independent n its written all over ur post, if i may guess ..i also feel ur parent are richer than his parent. all these are not wrong or sin buh its seems u are always flauntin ur status to his face, maybe u even make him feel like you did him a favour marrying him. i feel he is doing his best which might be little buh do you appreciate those things, did you make him feel you could av done it better.
i am not that regilious, buh accordin to d bible it takes majorly the woman to build a home, study ur hubby, appreciate is best & shown him contentment, stop lookin outside for comparism.
Your hubby is insecure not just becos of you, there is a 3rd party (guessin tho), you need to undo these, he is already giving up he can't impress yu or ur 3rd party. If you love him ehn ! creat a world that revolves around just you, ur baby & him alone & show willingness to support ..intentionally ask him 4 permission u don't nid.