₦airaland Forum

crackhaus:
Don't join in this gross misinformation which has become an anthem on the pages of the internet. It is a lie.

In the days of our grandparents and great-grandparents, women worked. There are more housewives today than it was in those days.
Farming was the major source of livelihood and who do you think did the harvesting and selling of farm produce in the markets? Women.
Most times it was even across villages miles apart, these women did those things and still handled chores in the home front when they got back.
The men only cultivated the lands and planted, lands which were usually in their backyards.

It wasn't until the missionaries and colonial masters began introducing menial/manual jobs in the form of factories, railway building, construction, etc that men began leaving home to work for salaries.

Don't take my word for it, ask about your ancestral history and confirm this. I know things about my great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents from stories that were passed down. There was NEVER anything like a housewife in those days.

you are missing the whole picture on your history, yes women worked but they worked under men i.e either as wife or daughter either way, the wealth they produced was under man not themselves, and for them to called being wealth she had to be married. Even if the husband died she wasnt allowed to walk away with her husband's (or their) wealth, she must remarry the late husband brothers if not she would go back to her parents empty handed

remember, upkeep money is concept of making a woman believe that you got enough money to look after her, while you do the hard work, hence we hear ladies who say i want a men who can look after me, meaning she wants to be looked after like those broiler chickens

then being looked after came with its own problems yes the man can look after you financially but that doesnt stop him from being abusive as he can control you as you dont have any financial source of your own, hence we find women of today going to skol and achieving like their male counter parts, the reason being they dont want to be just a house wife who just get handed money but they want to take part in building that home financially and not taken for granted as just a wife

ZIMDRILL:
you are missing the whole picture on your history, yes women worked but they worked under men i.e either as wife or daughter either way, the wealth they produced was under man not themselves, and for them to called being wealth she had to be married. Even if the husband died she wasnt allowed to walk away with her husband's (or their) wealth, she must remarry the late husband brothers if not she would go back to her parents empty handed

remember, upkeep money is concept of making a woman believe that you got enough money to look after her, while you do the hard work, hence we hear ladies who say i want a men who can look after me, meaning she wants to be looked after like those broiler chickens

then being looked after came with its own problems yes the man can look after you financially but that doesnt stop him from being abusive as he can control you as you dont have any financial source of your own, hence we find women of today going to skol and achieving like their male counter parts, the reason being they dont want to be just a house wife who just get handed money but they want to take part in building that home financially and not taken for granted as just a wife

Right, so women worked and were not just housewives.
Thanks, that is all my post was about - dispelling the notion that somehow women working is a new concept.

Why they worked, who they worked under, or what wealth was to women, was not the discussion.

Plead:
CC crackhaus

Lol, I've seen the comment.
That other guy has given her an appropriate response already.

Besides, it's like you don't know that chic.
Take a look at her post history and topics, she's not all the way there.

crackhaus:
Right, so women worked and were not just housewives.
Thanks, that is all my post was about - dispelling the notion that somehow women working is a new concept.

Why they worked, who they worked under, or what wealth was to women, was not the discussion.

when we say working we aint talking about traditional working, we mean the present day type of working were women are both playing the traditional roles of being wive and also doing a 9-5 job or just a job that we nolonger look at the wife as a housewive

you need to look back into history to find out where did the culture of upkeep came from, colonization affected our social and economics way of life, they took our lands and we had to start to work for them, the land was nolonger free to cultivate, wives and family stayed in the villages while husbands worked for the white men in towns

with time people admired the whitemans why of life, those working for the whiteman would chat girls saying marry me and i will take you to town and will buy you all things you like, his was the begining of the upkeep money, a village girl would prefer to married to someone who worked in towns, life in towns was admired and looked easy than village where you go fetch water firewood etc no electricity

i guess you know get my drift

blank:
How about companionship, friendship, being "there" for each other, achieving goals together, etc etc? I'm glad I married my husband. I can't deal with some kind mentality.

Oh please. When the majority of Nigerian married men are always chasing after young girls, when would they provide so called companionship and friendship?

ZIMDRILL:
when we say working we aint talking about traditional working, we mean the present day type of working were women are both playing the traditional roles of being wive and also doing a 9-5 job or just a job that we nolonger look at the wife as a housewive

you need to look back into history to find out where did the culture of upkeep came from, colonization affected our social and economics way of life, they took our lands and we had to start to work for them, the land was nolonger free to cultivate, wives and family stayed in the villages while husbands worked for the white men in towns

with time people admired the whitemans why of life, those working for the whiteman would chat girls saying marry me and i will take you to town and will buy you all things you like, his was the begining of the upkeep money, a village girl would prefer to married to someone who worked in towns, life in towns was admired and looked easy than village where you go fetch water firewood etc no electricity

i guess you know get my drift

You're too funny

Ebonygirl1:
Oh please. When the majority of Nigerian married men are always chasing after young girls, when would they provide so called companionship and friendship?

Do you have facts to backup your assertion? People go into marriage for different reasons, people with your mindset go into it as a business proposition.

Ebonygirl1:
Oh please. When the majority of Nigerian married men are always chasing after young girls, when would they provide so called companionship and friendship?

Don't these men show the girl chasing side before marriage?

blank:
Do you have facts to backup your assertion? People go into marriage for different reasons, people with your mindset go into it as a business proposition.

Facts?
Something I see every single day?
Back home, the married couples I know of, most of the men have side chicks and it is common knowledge. Here on campus, do you have any idea the number of young girls who are dating married men? Even the men living around campus but whose wives are somewhere else. What companionship and friendship are these men offering their wives?

Ebonygirl1:
Facts?
Something I see every single day?
Back home, the married couples I know of, most of the men have side chicks and it is common knowledge. Here on campus, do you have any idea the number of young girls who are dating married men? Even the men living around campus but whose wives are somewhere else. What companionship and friendship are these men offering their wives?

You're right. If they are not offering companionship, faithfulness, they should as well pay compensation. I'm just happy that I don't see these type of men around me.

ZIMDRILL:
i guess you know get my drift

How can he get your drift? He's not really a mentally stable person. Go through his posts on Nairaland.

ZIMDRILL:
let me speak as a southern african, precise zimbabwe, to me the upkeep nigerian concept is weird

why? your wife doesnt need to given the upkeep, she is supposed to run the daily finances of the house, therefore family budget is run buy her based on what husband put on the table

from there thats were she puts aside her own
money for personal needs, so she doesnt need to given but she gives herself from family income present to her by husband

this is what i grow up knowing and being practised in families

Handing the money to the women of this instagram generation is risky....though that is the best way to train her to understand that "look after this one, there is nothing else for the month" so I like that pattern.

The format of "upkeep" will just lead to greed because you are training her that "there is more in your pocket" so instead of focusing on what she has been giving, she will always be looking for how to get more. Giving her the bulk and having her sort out the bills and what not with what has been provided makes sense....in a house wife setting.

Personally, I don't think I will marry a typical house wife.
She will need to generate income. If not for because we need money, but so she remains relevant.
In the west, making any woman a house wife is super-foolish, because upon divorce, the alimony you will have to pay to her will be too much, because she was not financially relevant.

We will both have our private accounts, and a joint family account where we both dump a certain percentage of our income into to handle the bills.

crackhaus:
Now do you see the difference between basic male thinking and female thinking?

What you just called frivolities is the second biggest reason for troubled marriages. Those are not frivolities to women

Some food for thought!!!!

2buffagain:
Handing the money to the women of this instagram generation is risky....though that is the best way to train her to understand that "look after this one, there is nothing else for the month" so I like that pattern.

The format of "upkeep" will just lead to greed because you are training her that "there is more in your pocket" so instead of focusing on what she has been giving, she will always be looking for how to get more. Giving her the bulk and having her sort out the bills and what not with what has been provided makes sense....in a house wife setting.

Personally, I don't think I will marry a typical house wife.
She will need to generate income. If not for because we need money, but so she remains relevant.
In the west, making any woman a house wife is super-foolish, because upon divorce, the alimony you will have to pay to her will be too much, because she was not financially relevant.

We will both have our private accounts, and a joint family account where we both dump a certain percentage of our income into to handle the bills.

i get your point, but you can always try first, if she fails to be responsible then you takeover, from other people's mind set is they dont even gave her a chance to try her

we are all gifted differently, one can be a hard worker and earning good but not good financial managers, the reason you find most mean being in debt and wife would be surprised, meaning hubby is not good finance manager

blank:
You're right. If they are not offering companionship, faithfulness, they should as well pay compensation. I'm just happy that I don't see these type of men around me.

The problem with women of these generation is that they try so hard to illogically justify their disloyalty to the marriage by using external examples of other peoples disloyalty...having nothing to do with her specifically.

That is as stupid as a man saying because he sees some woman cheating on her husband that when he marries, he will will automatically expect that his wife will cheat and so should start treating her accordingly. These women are too foolish to understand the meaning behind the term "self-fulfilling prophesy". So they play games and end up messing up their own marriage.

Anyhow sha, they can do what they want in naija. At least men have rights there.
In the western countries, if she no bring her money come out, her Fada!
No be only if e reach time for family court na when we go know say marriage assets na 50/50 matter.

ogawisdom:
Lol when we should be talking about how much she will bring to the table to settle family bills

She will take care of her, you, your kids and the home and still come and be sharing payment of bills with you?

Plead:


Personally I’ve never fancied the idea. Myself and my brothers live with this ideology even in marriage and we ain’t sad about that.

Now ...general question

Does it make sense to give a working class woman monthly upkeep or whatever that stuff is called ? Upkeep should only come into the equation if your partner is a housewife or so....and doesn’t work

So what do u give 4 all the fucking u get

This should depend largely on the agreement and good relationship between the individuals involved. What applies to family A may not be applicable to family B.

.

dollytino4real:
yes because she belongs to somebody, her money is just 4 her to show off as a working class

Na dem

YOUNGELDER1:
I can’t even imagine not giving my wife upkeep money.
Working or not maybe because of my pride as the man of the house lol.

Then again can’t trust this women they be needing the slightest reason to cheat on you & i don’t want a “stingy husband” to be one.

so you think giving your woman upkeep money will stop her from cheating? Kontinue

Classless question...

Capital YES!!!!!!

bukatyne:
Well, I am sure you would rarely find a working wife opening a tread on how to handle all the chores alone on reddit.

We have different cultures.

Most other cultures realize that for a wife to really keep the house, she can't work outside it so they frown at working wives.

Nigerians expect a wife doing 9 - 5 bar commute time to keep the house alone while the husband wants to 'rest' and hangout on weekends working same schedule.

We would continue to see comments like these.

stop all this lies on house chores jor

bukatyne:
Ok

Do you have percentages in mind?

How would you handle house chores?

so the upkeep is the payment for chores right? You be house help?

ogawisdom:
Jeez they have arrived, ur money our money n my money my money crew

A good wife should even submit her entire salary to her husband and the man will give her sth for upkeeps from there n save the rest for the family

see as your mouth sweet

Whether housewife or not, d should learn to fen for themselves

Plead:


Personally I’ve never fancied the idea. Myself and my brothers live with this ideology even in marriage and we ain’t sad about that.

Now ...general question

Does it make sense to give a working class woman monthly upkeep or whatever that stuff is called ? Upkeep should only come into the equation if your partner is a housewife or so....and doesn’t work

Not upkeep per say,

Women want gifts, thoughtful presents, surprises and acts of kindness.

Even if there is explicitly no upkeep, I think any working class woman will still be content if you do the above for her constantly. Just dedicate a part of your income to it if you may

dollytino4real:
yes because she belongs to somebody, her money is just 4 her to show off as a working class

just look at what this woman is saying.

tommorow same them would frown when we tag them "his money our money, my money our money crew"

It is only when you marry a stingy wife, such questions will begin to crystallize.