₦airaland Forum

Ok

Advice kee you there

Madam, you didn't state what kind of hustle you do. You didn't state his or your educational qualifications. You didn't provide any background information about your life before marriage. You too have behavioural flaws and that flaw is naivety. How can you give your life savings to a day dreamer? Next thing is to carry another belle.
That window is the least of your concerns. You have signed up for life as the primary bread winner in your home.
Whatever legal hustle you can do, please get to work and double up. Develop yourself, learn a skill, teach children around your house private lessons. Find a rich person in your area. Pack their clothes to your house, wash and iron for them. I hope that you're not the type who is easily ashamed or shy.
Any opportunity you find don't be a mumu and give your husband. You sound like someone who will get a job slot and give your husband. You see many of these society ladies who have all their children in fancy schools, they're the bread winners. But you won't know.
I am optimistic for you, you can do this. May God bless and uplift you and your children and may God give your husband sense.

But when he was not broke, he was very sensitive.... Abi?

save some money and repair the window yourself and learn to speak out for yourself. probably he's an abusive husband.

I think you should sit him down when nobody's around and two of you should talk. Speak in gentle measured tones let it not come across like you're fighting him. Tell him he should hustle and bring back money more often or he should set up a business for you(no matter how small) that you can use in taking care of the family pending when his "big political appointment" arrives

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

Your husband is in delusion.
Believe me, it's hard to wake up from those type of illusions and by the time he's disillusioned, a lot of time might have passed .
KEEP PRAYING FOR HIM because he might be under a spell...how else can one explain a full grown man living his life as an errand boy for another ?

Most politicians started that way, it's always boy boy at the beginning. Don't give up Okay, just manage him however he is, believe me he will hammer like a yahoo guy someday ....
dont allow the situation cause wahala ok

Madam call carpenter to fix this thing na
Na your children too o

SirVintageCock:
2k can clear the bush pending when you fix your net. Or you can get the net and pressure him to put it up. No matter how crude it is, it will still serve.

Stop having kids until things turn around.

Big bush can mean forest

So, don't be so sure.

Inspire him. Stay close to him. Keep making him feel like the good old days you both started in high spirit. I bet he will always want to make you happy and make the family proud. DO NOT TALK HIM DOWN. DO NOT TALK HIM DOWN WOMAN!

Awolowo was not an idiot.

Nezero:
Sorry, please endure and continue to be tactful. You are a great woman.


Every problem has an expiry date. This too shall pass.


You can please close the window back and ask him when he is going to fix the window because of creeping things.



Many great women endured and tolerated their husbands through difficult times, lije Mama HID Awolowo.



God will reward your patience

You people should stop marrying useless men that can neither provide money nor help with repairs.

My father is in his sixties and there is nothing he cannot fix in the house. What kind of new generation men do we have?

The net that tore, can't it be sewn if you people can't afford new net? Can't the bush be cleared? He doesn't even have a proper job and common handwork he cannot do.

Even you sef, how can you be jobless and go and marry a jobless person? Did you get pregnant and have to marry him?

Everybody wants to rush into marriage without the requisite means of sustaining a family....and yes, ventilation is a necessity, so, thw window ought to be open, or else you risk meningitis. If you married a lazy slob, you sef help yourself and fix the net.

In all this, it is the unfortunate kids you both brought into your managing life that I pity. Put your house in order, Nairaland cannot help you all the time

Let me read before commenting, please...

I'm done reading.

Madam, I'm not yet married but I really do understand your plight.

Just keep praying for him, that this his political big boys will not used and dump him

Eziokwu

Broke guys are always insensitive! and inconsiderate basically brokeness can make a man really silly eg the BBQ guy without a GRILL

less i digress...tread with caution especially with a broke, lazy and wishful thinking guy who dreams up riches rather than works hard to achieve it

Unfortunately, there isnt much you can do about it except hope that your circumstances and his improves.

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.
N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

This really touched me, what I used on my abandon house project could have start reasonable business.

Being realistic, you have to try to up your game.

Irresponsible men start out like that...thats how you hear of market women using fries and moin-moin to single-handedly train all their kids through university when they are not divorced and the husband is hale and hearty

You have to up your hustling scale to take care of you and your childrens needs even if he doesnt have shame

I say "being realistic" because you are trying to resolve it without getting angry/nagging/fighting him. Which means that theres a chance that he will continue with that "head in the clouds" attitude

That politico stuff happens a lot. They will keep jumping from pillar to post to run errands for one Oga not realising that Oga may be on a sinking ship. At the end they still have nothing to show for it

One way you could take a stand on it without nagging him is not releasing all your money for the project like you did last time. You can tell him that you will provide half of the amount, then he should also bring half otherwise he should just forget it

Do you guys have another area you can sleep in apart from that room? You can take the kids and sleep there and tell him that the room is not safe for you guys

If you are not going to confront him directly you have to get creative.

He opened the bare window without fixing a net, he left you to pay for school fees without accounting for how he spends his days, he left the kids to you while he's busy chasing shadows; he is an inconsiderate person with some absent-minded tendencies.

Try to work around the issue while still putting some subtle pressures on him to change his behaviour. Some people are very difficult to live with, sorry about that.

faithfull18:
But it will atleast take away the burden of rent from their expenditures.

the guy you quoted is apt.

Uchechi20:
I just created a new account for this post, please i need mature advice. My husband has been so broke for years now, he never ever gets money if we have any emergency for my kids sickness, school fees, etc. He likes hallucinating about how he will be rich by getting one juicy political appointment cause he is into politics. Sometimes he hustles to just get food and it ends there(this does not come often), no basic needs like school fees etc. Before you judge me as not being supportive, i am not employed at the moment but i struggle and hustle the little way i can to assist in the house upkeep. I paid school fees, i even gave him a large some to add to our ongoing project but the money unfortunately didn't complete it.

Now our room window net spoit and there is a big bush just around the window. He is not doing anything about fixing the window net as usual, i didn't nag him. I just closed the windows permanently, but i noticed this morning that he opened the windows through out last night, same as the night before. My two children sleep on the same bed. He had to put us at risk like that just for ventilation sake without considering what could creep into our room.

Please i need serious advice on how to handle this, he collected all my savings to add to the project.
NOTE: He leaves the house everyday to come back very late, cause he still serves this political big guys yet there is nothing to show for it.

My sister, I sympathize with you, however you and hubby need to understand that politics is not a career it's a service rendered for a short time. You both will have to discuss your future. The present Nigeria will only answer to people with skills, I suggest you both get skills that can help you make a living for yourselves. The monies in the political space is shrinking progressively and the competition of getting a political position is higher than has ever been.
For the sake of your children have a concrete plan.

faithfull18:
But it will atleast take away the burden of rent from their expenditures.

Unfortunately, I'm with the poster you quoted on this. No point rushing to build a house when you find feeding difficult! Eventually, most of these buildings become abandoned projects or the 'landlords' just move in to the uncompleted shanty. I think it's wiser to reinvest some money, feed, clothe and pay school fees and rent till things get better

Hmmmmm!!!

What a title!

"Your broke husband"

He should just let you go, so you can marry
"Your rich husband"


From your title it's obvious you have no regards for him cos he's broke

That been said, I hate lazy people, that can't think out of the box.

He should hustle at least to put food on the table, pending when he gets the big break.

You can encourage him.

But calling your husband broke and insensitive is degrading.


My 2cents

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

I believe you are not married yet!

This thread just weak my moral I swear

Being broke is literally not the problem here. Being unnecessary "insensitive" is! A man must has a great sense of sensitivity to be qualified as one. His case has graduated from insensitivity to irresponsibility. A responsible man should have a grab of his family before anything else. If he's not bothered or troubled about his predicament, then aint leaving the "brokeness" anytime soon. Ma, before you take action, please, re-weigh his sense of responsibility and if he has "sense". This can simply be done by waking him up in the middle of the night and asking him if he has a valid plan to escape his present predicament. If he has a life-assuring, realistic and ideal plans, then offer your support and advice as much as you can. Otherwise, if he is occupied by winning a lotto, bagging an out-of-the-moon political appointment and all sort of childish thought, you will simply understand that his mentality is hurt and you need stronger ideas to tackle that. For the now, shalom!

Woman will you shut up You that you are sensitive why not make the move to make your family float? If you are a good wife is it here you should bring this type of matter?

I know all you want to do is may be you will find one idiot who will contact you for relationship and claim he is rich bah and start flirting isn't

You really annoys me by say Your broke Husband* infact I'm sure you must be the one that made him broke I'm so sure of that because if not is it social media you should come to say such

I know your type wella.

hmmm,when we tell people to have money ,they will say live conquers all?..she didn't say he is carrying or loving...she said he is broke!!!..Poverty is bad....if you don't have money stay single till you do!!

Acidosis:
He collected all your savings to add to a project (a personal apartment??).

I don't understand why people rush to build apartments. It is absolutely needless when you still struggle to meet your basic needs.

Advise your husband to;

1) Quit daydreaming about a juicy political offer. This venture never ends well when you don't have a job/business, trade, skill, etc. After 4 or 8 years of tasting little money as a counselor or special adviser (assuming he gets the offer), the situation will get worse. I've seen too many examples.

2) Sell off the uncompleted project.

3) Use the proceeds of the sales for business (this should be your focus and priority).

A house project won't put food on your table. A lot of Nigerians make this mistake. The urge to be called a landlord push many into shanty houses that ordinarily should be left for poultry and pig farming.

There's so much ignorance in the land. Tenancy is not bondage. Stop attending churches where tenants are demonized. There's no glory in being a broke landlord. Remain where you are and divert your money to a productive venture. That's how to grow. Your personal apartment may help you save a little (assuming you pay a lot on rent) but it won't put N1 on your table.


N.B: Please ignore the above if my interpretation of "project" differs.

Everyone must aspire to own a home of his or her own because of the comfortability and the rent-free life thereafter.
Don't make owning a house seem like vanity, the house you are currently a tenant of belongs to someone who taught differently.

If one has spare money, invest it in a project

Acidosis:
It is NOT going to pay off on the short or long run. Not having a job and not being able to pay rent is more than enough reason to avoid spending all resources on a building project. Many of our aged parents made this mistake. A lot of them died poor with nothing. Only the children benefited at the end of the day by selling off the property.

Landlord harassment is not enough to provoke one into building a personal apartment. That anger should make you work harder to pay your rent, not spend what you don't have raising a shanty house.

The desire to raise one's income should supercede the desire to "lower" expenditure/expenses.

How can you even lower expenses by spending so much on a personal house?

Do a quick calculation;

Annual rent = N100k

Personal apartment/land = N2-3m (in a small town)

What's the sense in the above? 3m is rent for 30 years (assumed 0 inflation). Add 30 to your current age and tell me what you have.

That 3m in mutual funds, or a risk-free investment like TBills will yield at least 350k annually with 0 work. From that, you pay your rent easily, and increase your networth in a sporadic manner over a very short timeframe.

My brother if you explain from now till eternity who will not lister (understand) will still not understand. This issue of personal house has led to the death of a friend's child's death. He bought a cheap piece of land in a remote area and his child developed a kind of sickness overnight. Before they can get a vehicle to convey the to the nearest clinic, they poor boy had given up.

backnbeta:
Unfortunately, I'm with the poster you quoted on this. No point rushing to build a house when you find feeding difficult! Eventually, most of these buildings become abandoned projects or the 'landlords' just move in to the uncompleted shanty. I think it's wiser to reinvest some money, feed, clothe and pay school fees and rent till things get better

No